She suddenly realized that, just like constantly questioning why her father suppressed her, obsessively seeking paternal love was also a form of spiritual destruction.
Before joining the crew, Diao Zhiyu needed to attend script meetings and training. Carrying his suitcase, he went to the suburban film base, spending every day immersed with the crew and honing his acting skills under the director's guidance.
All the trivial matters left behind from the Escape Room were handed over to Li Ai. Zhao Xiaorou's advertising schedule was fully booked during the New Year period, and her March event schedule had also been finalized. Before the New Year, she needed to produce a major closet organization vlog, which came with the largest advertising fee she had ever received from a collaboration.
To protect her family's privacy, she rented another apartment with Italian-style decor and moved her furniture, cosmetics, and clothes there in a grand procession. Even the largest truck from the moving company was packed to the brim. Tasks like inventory management, unpacking deliveries, moving goods, and organizing luggage—all these trivial chores—were unexpectedly handled by Ma Liang.
He took care of all the idle and miscellaneous tasks without a single complaint, even promptly buying milk tea for over a dozen staff members. His diligence was truly remarkable.
Back in the Escape Room, she had criticized him for not being sharp enough, but now she had to admire his sincerity and earnestness.
What moved Zhao Xiaorou the most was that Ma Liang unexpectedly had a keenly alert side.
The carousel gift box sent by the brand would not be sold to the general public. The official website would still feature the videos and photos Zhao Xiaorou had shot, but when officially sold, there would be no exquisite carousel—only a cardboard box costing 8 yuan.
The assistant warned that such deceptive sales tactics would damage the blogger's reputation, but the brand remained indifferent.
Ma Liang overheard a phone call from the brand in the emergency exit, where they expressed indifference to whether Zhao Xiaorou lived or died, stating that if an Internet celebrity's persona collapsed, they could simply find another, as their KOL pool had dozens to choose from.
Ma Liang recorded the call and gave it to Zhao Xiaorou, advising her to use the audio if any disputes arose.
When he rushed back, the moving boxes hadn't been fully transported yet, and while dodging, he accidentally got his head painfully squeezed by the elevator.
He didn’t feel embarrassed, only grinning foolishly and saying, "I'm poor and have nothing. I just want to learn something. If Sister Xiaorou is willing to give me a chance, what’s a little bump or bruise?"
In the script she was filming at the time, there was a line: "In our era, everything is quantified. Busyness is a form of success; 996 challenges the eight-hour workday. Success is all supported by data, and every occurrence is expected to yield a perfect outcome.
What about love? Setting aside money and status, can we still encounter a pure love that only considers the flutter of the heart?"
As Zhao Xiaorou delivered her lines, she happened to see Ma Liang, his head swollen with a large bump, grinning foolishly as he applied an ice pack.
The female director who discovered Diao Zhiyu was a guest at a Mercedes event. She was from Taiwan and immediately took a liking to Diao Zhiyu's aura, wanting him to play this Role.
In a late-night phone call, he said he felt like he was back in his sophomore year, participating in someone else's graduation project—being drilled by the director on his shortcomings and trained in acting, afraid that even if he fit the Role, his performance wouldn't be sufficient.
Diao Zhiyu sounded excited on the phone, as it was rare for someone to point out his flaws and train him.
"Although I still feel it’s not as direct as stage plays, having a talented counterpart is already satisfying. A good counterpart is far more important than a good teammate."
Hu Xiu felt both disappointed and happy: "If you join the crew, will it be after the New Year?"
"Yes. The pre-production reportedly took a year, and they couldn’t find the right person for my Role. Now that they have, filming will start after the New Year.""Staying in Shanghai for the New Year too?"
"Mm, probably. I've already called my mom. How about you?"
Ever since her father drove her mother away, the New Year's Eve dinner shared between father and daughter had become even more tasteless amidst their mutual silence.
Her father couldn't even operate the television, let alone watch the Spring Festival Gala. After a few drinks, she'd have to listen to him talk about his unfulfilled Youth in the quiet room. She thought for a moment but didn't mention: "I might go back to Nanjing."
Though secretly making other plans, she didn't want to show her worse side to Diao Zhiyu.
She always felt that adult relationships were too easily shattered by unpleasant pasts. He said, this seems to be the first time we've been apart for so long.
Including training time, it had only been about ten days. Hu Xiu was accustomed to his occasional sweet talk and would actively tease him: "Then do you miss me a little..."
"Why would I call you if I didn't miss you? It's just a pity..."
"What?"
"To get into character, to experience unrequited love, I need to suffer mentally, exhaust physically, and abstain for thirty days."
After saying this, the line went quiet for a second before immediately changing topics. Young boys also enjoy spouting meaningless sweet talk, using risqué jokes to show off verbally, then shyly avoiding further discussion - after all, there's no physical contact through the receiver, leaving everyone feeling anxious.
He said he probably wouldn't return to his normal self until after filming wrapped up. Recently he'd been becoming melancholic, gloomy, locking himself in his room to cultivate the right mood.
"You saying this makes me worry about you."
"I'll adjust on my own - I am a man, after all."
"And - don't get too deeply involved with others anymore."
"Don't worry, this time I'll maintain better control between the first self and second self. Before, life was boring and empty, so emotions inevitably transferred. Now my heart is full enough."
She'd long heard Teacher Diao explain in acting class - the first self is Diao Zhiyu himself, the second self is the Role. Insufficient control can lead to mutual influence.
"Teacher Diao, you're so talkative." After saying this, Hu Xiu found it strange how Diao Zhiyu's habits from their time on Snowpiercer had now transferred to her - when embarrassed, she'd retreat.
"I'll check my phone tonight. If you have troubles, tell me - don't quietly digest them alone. I always feel like you have something on your mind."
My biggest concern is wanting you to come back sooner...
Before hanging up, Diao Zhiyu showered her with sticky-sweet affectionate words. The call lasted three hours, neither wanting to hang up even when falling asleep.
Hu Xiu hid under the covers, as if the blanket had absorbed Diao Zhiyu's scent -
The mixture of shower gel and sweat made her feel inexplicably lonely and unbearable. The deadliest part of love was getting used to the other's intimacy, then being unable to adapt to sudden solitude.
She was no longer the woman who only wanted to live alone, undisturbed by others.
She was staying up later and later too. Seeing 4:05 on the screen, she couldn't sleep anyway, so she opened Bilibili to check messages.
Every video had over a thousand views. Though dry knowledge sharing was dull, it filled a real need. Diao Zhiyu's frame adjustments were sophisticated, with Hu Xiu sitting centered-right, speaking clearly, subtitles painstakingly added by him character by character.
She received many questioning comments and private messages, including MTI exam candidates urging her to update faster.
This actually made her quite happy.
Arriving at the hospital, her senior colleague passed by her office door carrying a lunch box, coming in to greet her."My main tasks now are raising Xiao Ning and taking care of the family. Of course, work should be handled more by you young, energetic people."
"But this is also thanks to Xiao Pei. Without his help, you wouldn’t have been promoted so quickly."
"Of course..." Hu Xiu sat in front of her computer, her hands still typing into the spreadsheet. The complex medical procurement forms and internal meeting schedules from the administrative department were enough to keep her busy all day.
She was skilled at coordination, but the monotony was hard to bear. Her senior colleague’s chatter distracted her, but she could only go along with it.
Before the vice president arrived, her senior colleague came in to gossip, and the first sentence revealed news that displeased Hu Xiu: this year, the hospital’s two official positions had already been internally assigned. One was taken by a former employee who had left the hospital, completed a Ph.D. at Dan University, and returned indirectly to claim a spot. The other was a family member of a hospital employee—a Shanghainese, stable, with both spouses working at the hospital, making it unlikely for them to resign easily.
Having been at the hospital for nearly a year, Hu Xiu had already figured out the recruitment patterns: two positions were advertised, but over a hundred people applied.
As long as the two internally assigned candidates passed the written exam, the rest would be eliminated during the interviews.
The entire process didn’t involve any behind-the-scenes role—everyone was competing fairly. It was just that when choosing a workplace, people were unaware of the internal referral rules.
It was quite a spectacle in its own way.
Her senior colleague quietly asked Hu Xiu, "Xiao Hu, are you dating that handsome young man from last time?"
"Yes..."
"Oh, so you’re really letting go of Xiao Pei just like that?"
"Perhaps we just lacked fate." Hu Xiu didn’t elaborate further.
"He went to the U.S. to work on a project with his ex-girlfriend. There was no need to hide that from you, though it’s not exactly a case of rekindling old flames since his ex is already married."
"Xiao Pei is good-looking and has quite the aura—wherever he goes, he’s surrounded by people."
"But he’s not the type with questionable character. You two were really well-matched. Working together at the hospital would’ve made life so much easier."
"My words might be a bit blunt, but when it comes to life, you should think more about yourself. At your age, it’s best not to make irrational decisions."
The vice president arrived, and her senior colleague greeted him before leaving. A new week of work began.
The hospital was as busy as ever, but with the year-end approaching, there was more laughter in the administrative building than usual.
Sitting at her desk, Hu Xiu suddenly felt a bit bored. Working as a translator in the hospital, contributing to healing and saving lives, filled her with pride. Yet, her day-to-day tasks were mundane and repetitive, her main duties offering little sense of achievement. Forcing herself to see it as serving the hospital felt somewhat unfair.
Thinking about this made her somewhat ashamed. In an era that celebrated individuality, staying in a screw role and occasionally shining felt insufficiently fulfilling.
She used to want to hide herself, to remain as inconspicuous as possible. But after being appreciated by juniors and praised by superiors, she began to develop... ambitions for herself.
Her father called, inviting her to lunch. Soft-hearted, Hu Xiu agreed, planning to discuss her future plans with him.
If her father was willing, she might consider staying on duty at the hospital. Their home in Nanjing was probably covered in a layer of dust with no one to clean it. Since he was at the hospital taking care of his teacher, they could stay in Shanghai together for the New Year.On the condition that he wouldn't go crazy again, constantly putting her down with every third sentence.
Dad ordered very simply—two set meals plus a small pot of beef offal, probably wanting to finish quickly.
Seeing Hu Xiu, it was clear he hadn't gotten over last time's anger, his displeasure still evident. After handing Hu Xiu chopsticks and a towel, Dad spoke up: "This year I'll spend New Year's at your rented place. Since my teacher is here, I can't go back to Nanjing. We father and daughter should have a drink together.
And for the sake of your future marriage, that night we'll call Xiao Pei together. You're usually too shy—you need your dad to help smooth things over."
"I have a boyfriend."
"Still that young guy? The actor, right? What's he acting in lately?"
"Filming a movie..."
"Oh..." Dad seemed surprised, then quickly changed targets: "When he becomes a big star he won't care about you anymore. After all, you're just a small hospital administrator who occasionally does some Simultaneous Interpretation—completely different worlds.
And that industry is filthy. Who knows what kind of shady deals might come his way? You should be careful."
All clichés and stereotypes. She couldn't even eat the food in front of her anymore. He continued: "About your mom's address from before—I suggest you don't go. You've finally established yourself in Shanghai. Rather than wasting time, you should contact Xiao Pei more."
It seemed Dad hadn't been upset for long after their last conversation, already back to effortlessly ruining her appetite with precision—fatherly love, solid as a mountain.
Hu Xiu suddenly remembered Diao Zhiyu's acting classes. Even if she couldn't become another person entirely, using some techniques might help.
After much hesitation, watching Dad calmly eating, she finally hardened her heart: "Don't come to my place for New Year's. I'm very busy preparing for the translation conference. After New Year's I have new plans too—no time for New Year's Eve dinner with you."
"Plans? Let's hear them..."
"You wouldn't understand anyway. You're just a teacher coaching art students for entrance exams—outdated and old-fashioned. What qualifications do you have to listen?"
"How dare you speak like that?" Dad was clearly displeased.
"Is the teacher you're taking care of now the same one who supported you when you were young to take the Central Conservatory of Music exams?
Their judgment really isn't great—you couldn't get in, your daughter couldn't get in either. Just not talented enough.
I used to think I didn't work hard enough, but now I realize it might be genetic.
When I do translation work at the hospital, I've never made a single mistake. In my online translation courses, everyone calls me Teacher Hu."
"He did me a great kindness."
"Greater than what me and Mom gave you?"
"Hmm..."
Now it was Hu Xiu's turn to be speechless.
"When I retired from the cultural troop and became a factory worker, I wanted to take a part-time piano class—two hundred yuan a month, but I couldn't afford it.
The teacher appreciated me, genuinely believed I had talent, and supported me for three years.
Without those three years, I wouldn't have been capable of taking the exams. The age restrictions were so strict, and I wouldn't have met your mother later either.
When I got too old and failed in my final eligible year, he told me: if you have talent, cultivating your descendants is also worthwhile. After all, I had talent and dedication—my daughter would surely turn out well."
Dad held his water glass, speaking calmly: "He was the only person who wanted nothing from me yet gave me appreciation and praise. You and your mother both hate me, I know. You think I'm useless and stubborn, trying to control your lives.""Being strict with you is the only quality I can offer. I can't bring myself to say insincere words—when I see your mediocrity, I can't help but point it out, because 99% of people are mediocre. Confidence is often self-deception; it's society that teaches you the harsh truth.
Look at my students, raised on encouragement since childhood. Regardless of their innate talents, they all seem so detestable—
Flamboyant personalities without sufficient ability are just attention-seeking. Dingding, you can hate me or look down on me. We don't have to have New Year's Eve dinner together if you have other plans.
The teacher's cancer is very serious, probably only has a few days left. I'll take care of her at the hospital these last few days before going home."
Sure enough, the teacher passed away a few days later—she learned the news because on the second-to-last workday, she noticed the bed assignment changes in the nurse's system.
Her father, who had been caring for the patient from admission to discharge, could finally return to his hometown in Nanjing for the New Year.
When she went upstairs to the inpatient department to find her father, he had just finished packing—two bags, one large and one small, along with a washbasin—and was exchanging pleasantries with returning family members.
The bed had been remade with freshly laundered sheets. Her father stood beside it, uncertain whether to keep his hands in his pockets or pick up the bags. Hesitating to leave, he reached out and smoothed the sheets, a habitual gesture from the past three months.
When he turned around, the grief in his father's eyes was something she'd never seen before, making her heart sink.
She easily forgave her father. The tangled emotions of sorrow, reluctance, and loneliness were understood by her equally solitary self—their shared bloodline indeed carried the same desolation.
She finally realized that just as she had always questioned why her father suppressed her and avoided affection, emphasizing paternal love could also be a form of psychological destruction.
She might not see her father frequently from now on, or... perhaps wouldn't visit home often either. Her confusion about him wouldn't disappear, but from this moment on, Hu Xiu no longer wanted to hold grudges against him.
There was another half of her sorrow that needed mending.
On the first day of her vacation, she bought a full-price ticket to Harbin, then transferred via a regular train to a small town.
Stepping out of the station, she was instantly frozen stiff. Following the Spring Festival travel rush crowd, she left the station, secretly borrowing warmth from others' homecoming joy.
Heilongjiang was truly cold. Snow quieted the city's backdrop, but the sudden fireworks startled her—it was her first time experiencing such continuous sulfur smells.
Her suitcase cut through the freshly snow-covered path like a knife through cake. After circling the residential complex a few times, she pulled open the broken unit door, climbed to the third floor, and rang the doorbell.
The woman who opened the door stared in wide-eyed surprise: "What are you doing here?"
"Mom..."
The apartment's floor heating was intense, warming her cheeks even before she entered. Her mother seemed flustered, hurriedly cooking while canceling evening plans over the phone. Hu Xiu could tell her mother had established connections here too.
As dishes were served, Hu Xiu thought her mother's cooking skills had rusted—these were clearly dishes catering to six-year-old preferences. But it didn't matter.
"Did your father give you the address?"
"Mhm..."
"Thought so. Must've been freezing coming here suddenly?"
"It's fine. The house is warm, and seeing you made the trip worthwhile."
It had been so long that even saying these words felt awkward—she'd never been one for easy expressions since childhood.
Her mother avoided looking at her, focusing instead on arranging food on plates: "I'm happy too, although—I wasn't exactly eager to see you."
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