The wilderness was silent.
A cold, almost whispered "yes" quickly dissipated into the air, vanishing without a trace.
Like a wisp of breeze, a scroll of drifting clouds.
Leaving not a single mark behind.
Yet this single "yes" surged like tidal waves and crocodile-infested currents, stirring fierce winds between heaven and earth, with sea waves blotting out the sky. Tanmoroqie stood amidst it all like a lone leaf boat, drifting through the storm, watching the ferocious waves crash toward him one after another.
Like a thousand troops and ten thousand horses galloping and roaring, intent on tearing all things in the world to dust.
Tanmoroqie stood firm at the prow of the boat, unmoving.
The waves swept over, crashing against his shoulders, threatening to swallow him whole.
Suddenly, a bright beam of light pierced through the layers of dark clouds, enveloping him. In an instant, the wind ceased, the rain stopped, the sky cleared, and the raging waves transformed into gentle spring waters, flowing softly by.
Yes.
He heard his own voice, a faint "yes," vibrating and echoing in his heart for a long time.
So long it felt as if it had been deeply engraved there. No matter how calmly he restrained himself or how rationally he suppressed it, this word had still been uttered so lightly.
Do you like me?
Yes.
Knowing full well that all is emptiness, he still sank into it.
Beauty is but decaying bones; rouge and powder, mere skeletons.
People become entangled in love and desire, their hearts clouded, thus unable to see the Way. You, Sramana, should abandon love and desire. When the defilements of love and desire are exhausted, the Way can be seen.
One should contemplate thoughts of detachment from greed and meditate on the impurity of the body.
She should have been a confidant he encountered on his path of cultivation, a karmic opportunity bestowed upon him by the Buddha. Meeting by chance across thousands of miles, they should have parted as lightly as they met.
But he had developed greed, given rise to attachment, wanting to seize this beam of light, to monopolize this gleam of moonlight.
Watching her laugh and talk with others, greed and resentment arose in his heart.
The pain of parting from loved ones, the suffering of encountering those one dislikes, the agony of unfulfilled desires.
All arise from love and desire.
Thus, he must turn and leave.
Well-versed in the Scriptures and perceptive of worldly affairs, he had cultivated the habit of planning before acting since childhood. No matter the situation, he had always considered the final outcome from the very beginning, and the moment his heart stirred with emotion was no exception.
Before it even began, it had already ended.
He knew the outcome, made his choice, watched her leave, yet could not stand by and see her in danger. He arranged everything, just to catch a glimpse of her, to ensure she was safe. In the end, she discovered him...
Yet with just a few pressing questions from her, he had involuntarily answered with a "yes," without concealment.
He wished for her to stay by his side. He would not deny it, for he never felt that loving her was something to be ashamed of...
But he did not want her to know. This was his path of cultivation. He was the Buddha Prince of the Royal Court, afflicted with illness, his life nearing its end. Dragging her into this would only hurt her.
Yet she found out, asked the question, and he answered.
But it was as Su Dan Gu.
She cared for Su Dan Gu, grew close to Su Dan Gu, and the one she asked was Su Dan Gu.
Su Dan Gu was only a part of him.
Whichever version of him it was, he could not make her any promises.
If she knew the truth... what would she think?
Disgust? Hatred?
He was a monastic, yet he wanted to trap her, a worldly being, within his cultivation.
Tanmoroqie lowered his head, a bitter smile touching his lips.
There were things in this world he was not skilled at.
He did not know what to do with her.
She had suddenly appeared by his side, suddenly left, coming and going as she pleased.
He appeared calm and composed, but in truth, ripples stirred gently within him, like a banner swaying in the breeze.A soft dawn rose from the weathered, majestic mountains on the horizon. The wilderness was silent, all sounds hushed, with only the crackling of the fire breaking the stillness.
After a night of heavy rain, the chilly morning breeze swept through, causing the figure in his arms to shiver slightly.
Tanmoroqie snapped back to attention, pulling over the woolen blanket dried by the fire and wrapping Yaoying entirely in it. His fingers brushed against the side of her neck. He picked up a cloth to wipe the wound on her forehead, then parted the blanket to examine her body, his brows slightly furrowed.
Her cheeks and the side of her neck were covered in fine scratches, with tiny beads of blood seeping from the broken skin.
As his fingers lightly traced the injuries, she trembled in his embrace, frowning and whimpering softly.
Tanmoroqie withdrew his hand and gazed at her intently for a long moment.
Her features were exquisitely beautiful—her nose elegantly arched, her charm radiant and vivid. Even with minimal makeup, her glances sparkled with a brilliance that made it hard to look directly at her, like a lotus blooming slowly in a pool of seven treasures, adorned with gold, silver, and lapis lazuli, dazzling in its splendor.
He closed his eyes for a while, remaining silent.
"Look at me."
Yaoying heard the sound and struggled free from the blanket, coughing once before speaking in a commanding tone. She clutched his collar tightly, her knuckles turning white, and stared at him with wide eyes, as if the morning light had fallen into them, sharp glimmers dancing within.
"I heard it just now... you like me... don’t even think of denying it..."
Tanmoroqie carried too many responsibilities and concerns. Asking him directly would yield no answer, so she had to press him this way.
"I heard it."
She spoke haltingly, her expression fierce, her eyes slightly reddened—whether from the fever or something else, it was unclear.
Tanmoroqie watched her quietly.
She lay in the crook of his arm, her cheeks flushed, her eyes shimmering as if with tears, her lips pale as paper.
Their gazes locked.
A moment passed, or perhaps it felt like an eternity—as if the seas had turned to fields and all things turned to dust—and all he could feel was the warmth and softness in his arms.
"Yes, Princess heard it."
Tanmoroqie sighed softly, his expression grave and solemn. He tightened his arms slightly, his hand resting on Yaoying’s neck as he leaned down, slowly drawing closer to her.
In an instant, the scent of him filled her nostrils. His arms around her tightened even more, the warmth seeping through their clothes and washing over her in waves.
The nape of her neck, where his hand pressed, grew burning hot. A current traveled across her chilled skin, sending shivers of tingling numbness through her.
His embrace was firm, broad, and carried a sense of finality, all emotions buried deep within.
Yaoying recalled the last time he had held her—just as restrained, yet his arms had clasped her just as tightly. Her heart raced uncontrollably, her entire body trembling as she looked up at him, her throat too tight to utter a sound.
He drew nearer, the fierce scars on his face becoming clearer. His jade-green eyes were as calm as the sea, his warm breath brushing against her face.
Amid the scent of blood and dampness lingered a faint trace of aloeswood.
Their breaths intertwined, merging closely.
For a moment, Yaoying thought Tanmoroqie was going to kiss her.
He watched her, his full lips nearly touching her cold ones, but then he suddenly stopped. Gazing at her for a moment, he closed his eyes, his lashes trembling violently. His lips brushed past her cheek, her ear, and the side of her temple before he slowly, firmly pressed her into his embrace.
Even Su Dan Gu could not afford to be careless with her out of indulgence.Yao Ying was held tightly in his embrace, her chin resting on his shoulder, unable to move. Then, something lightly brushed against the top of her head.
A cool, soft kiss, gentle as wisps of cloud, landed on her crown and vanished in an instant.
The kiss was so faint, almost illusory, like a dream.
Yao Ying’s mind buzzed, blood rushing to her head. A slight tremble ran through her body, a surge of bittersweet emotion welling in her heart. Her nose tingled faintly as she sighed, raised her hands, and pushed Tanmoroqie away.
He jolted abruptly, snapping back to reality. Dark currents swirled in his eyes as he swiftly withdrew his hands and made to stand up.
"Don’t move."
Yao Ying cupped his scar-covered face in her hands, gazed at his disfigured features, relaxed her brows, smiled, and leaned in.
Her lips brushed softly against his cheek—a tender, fleeting peck.
Tanmoroqie stiffened, stunned, unable to utter a single word.
For a moment, he even forgot to breathe.
His gaze remained fixed intently on Yao Ying’s face.
Her eyes curved with laughter, her peach-blossom cheeks and apricot-like complexion radiant, her gaze shimmering with charm and allure.
"You kissed me first."
She stated matter-of-factly.
Tanmoroqie remained silent, his hands—which longed to pull her tightly into his embrace—stayed motionless.
In over twenty years of life, he had endured countless trials and calamities of life and death, yet never had he felt as flustered and helpless as he did now.
Even so, his heartbeat remained slow, steady and composed—he was acutely aware that her affection was meant for Su Dan Gu.
In her eyes, the monk and the Regent were not the same.
Instinctively, Tanmoroqie reached for his Buddhist beads and stood up.
"I do indeed harbor feelings of admiration for the princess…"
The morning breeze whispered softly as Tanmoroqie heard his own deep voice speak, its tone cold and detached.
"However, I have long sworn an oath—I will never marry in this lifetime."
Yao Ying’s smile faded. Her scrutinizing gaze swept over his face before she lay back on the felt blanket, covering her mouth as she coughed.
A slight warmth touched her shoulder. Tanmoroqie immediately bent down, pulled the blanket over her, and tied a firm knot, confining her within its folds.
"I will have your guards come to attend to you."
He spoke softly, stood up, and turned to leave.
Yao Ying’s lips twitched, gritting her teeth in frustration. Coughing, she sat up and tried to undo the knot he had tied.
"Princess…"
Tanmoroqie’s footsteps halted. He lifted his head, gazing up at the vast sky overhead.
After last night’s heavy rain, the clear sky had been washed clean, a pure, vivid blue. The morning glow had not yet faded, and a crimson sun climbed halfway up the horizon, its golden rays spilling into every corner of the canyon. The gorge was barren, with yellow sand swirling wildly in the air. He stood with his back to her, his silhouette stark and solitary.
He sighed softly, reached up, and unwound his turban layer by layer, then tore off the scarred mask.
Morning light cast a golden glow across the canyon, while the towering cliffs on either side cast deep, shadowy outlines. He stood at the junction of shadow and sunlight at the canyon’s edge, his head—covered only with a faint fuzz of light hair—exposed before her. The wind whipped his robes, and his entire aura abruptly transformed: no longer fierce and formidable, but cool, aloof, and ethereal, as if poised to take flight.
There he stood, bathed in the morning radiance, his back appearing immensely tall, majestic, and sacred under the sun’s golden light.
Yao Ying unconsciously held her breath.
She knew that as the Buddha Prince, he would not confess to her, which was why she had pressed Su Dan Gu—only in such moments would he let his guard down slightly and reveal his true feelings.
Now, he had removed his turban himself.
"I am not Su Dan Gu."He remained with his back to her. "I am Tanmoroqie, the Buddha Prince of the Royal Court. My feelings for the Princess were merely a moment of forgetfulness... The cultivation method I practice is a secret of Wang Temple, which is why I kept it from you. I never imagined it would lead to this misunderstanding. Please forgive me."
If he didn't tell her the truth, given her temperament, she wouldn't easily give up. She had come specifically to ask whether Su Dan Gu liked her—clearly, she had feelings for Su Dan Gu. If he rejected her as Su Dan Gu, she would feel disappointed and heartbroken.
Only by letting her discover that Su Dan Gu was him would she be disillusioned, forget about Su Dan Gu, and not grieve for too long.
He could no longer keep it from her.
Nor did he want to.
The only reason he had concealed it all along was to spare her any pain or distress.
Behind him, there was no sound for a long time.
Tanmoroqie closed his eyes.
As expected, the one she had feelings for was Su Dan Gu—a worldly man.
He clenched his fists and stepped away.
"Luojia!"
A clear, slightly angry cry echoed through the canyon.
Then, the sound of long boots scrambling over scattered stones erupted abruptly.
Tanmoroqie acted as if he hadn't heard and continued walking. The footsteps grew closer, and suddenly, his arm was seized tightly by a pair of cold hands.
He snapped back to reality.
Yaoying was panting, her cheeks flushed with exertion as she pulled on his arm, a faint anger on her face.
"Luojia, do you think I didn't know that you and the Regent are the same person?"
"Do you think the person I wanted to ask was the Regent?"
"No, that question was for you!"
"I came all the way from Gaochang to see you, Luojia."
As she spoke, she coughed, her voice hoarse.
Tanmoroqie was stunned.
Yaoying laughed in exasperation. "Venerable One, do you think I could be equally intimate and trusting with two different men?"
"I've known all along that you are one and the same!"
"You didn't want to tell me, so I pretended not to know. In my eyes, whether you are the Venerable One or the Regent, you are the same person. I have never misunderstood."
She had always known that Tanmoroqie and Su Dan Gu were one person—a monk of noble character and unwavering faith.
He made her feel at ease. Being by his side, she felt relaxed and would unconsciously forget the boundaries between men and women.
That's why she never imagined he would develop romantic feelings. No matter which identity he assumed, she trusted and revered him deeply, never dwelling on the unique ways he treated her under each guise.
If Bi Suo or Mobi Duo had treated her so well, she would have noticed their intentions long ago. But he was Tanmoroqie, always using his impassive expression to tell her that his care for her was merely out of compassion.
She dared not overthink it, afraid that doing so would profane him.
All the melancholy, conflict, sorrow, worry, anger, and concern she had buried deep in her heart surged to the surface. Yaoying opened her mouth, recalling how she had found him the night before, and the scene before her gradually blurred.
Tears welled up.
"You lied to me, Luojia."
She didn't want to cry, but her voice trembled with tears.
"I've become your inner demon. Bi Suo said you've been depressed and your illness has worsened because of me, haven't you?"
In the end, she had caused him trouble.
Tanmoroqie stared blankly at the glistening tears on her eyelashes, lost in thought for a long time. He raised his hand, then withdrew it, averting his gaze.
"It is due to my lack of Pure Conduct and unsettled heart... The Princess is not my inner demon."
He paused for a moment."Meeting the princess is my fortune."
Had he never encountered her, it would have been one thing.
But having met her, leaving an imprint, made it difficult for him to let go.
Yaoying's throat tightened as a gentle warmth surged from all directions, enveloping her completely.
He had never regarded her as a burden, even when tormented by his affections.
She smiled faintly, the glistening tears between her lashes crushed: "For me, it is the same, Dharma Master."
"Meeting the Dharma Master is my fortune."
Yaoying exhaled deeply, chuckling softly as the worry between her brows completely faded.
"So, when I first discovered the Dharma Master's feelings for me... I was stunned, astonished... but felt no aversion whatsoever. On the contrary, there was an inexplicable joy in my heart."
Tanmoroqie gazed at her distractedly, not moving a muscle.
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