Be Passionately In Love

Xu Zhi did have something to say to Tan Xu. That night ended on a sour note—before she could finish speaking, Tan Xu had already lost his temper and thrown her necklace away. She was so preoccupied with finding it that she only realized later at home that she hadn’t made herself clear to him. After that, whenever she tried to reach out, Tan Xu wouldn’t answer her calls or reply to her messages.

Truth be told, Tan Xu had been acting strange ever since the third mock exam. He became withdrawn and unsociable. Qu Yihua said it was due to anxiety and overwhelming pressure. To help him relax, Xu Zhi saved up two weeks’ worth of breakfast money—two hundred yuan—and took him ice skating over the weekend. But she hadn’t expected Tan Xu to have zero athletic ability and abysmal balance. After face-planting on the ice countless times, he finally snapped. In a fit of rage, he tore off his skates and hurled them to the ground. His usually pale, lifeless face flushed with fury as he shouted at her, “Are you happy now? Do you ever consider how others feel? Fine, I admit I’m useless at everything! Happy?!”

Xu Zhi was stunned. He had always been the type to show off, striving to be first in everything—even during minor gym class tests. She had no idea his balance was this bad. When she invited him to go skating, he’d agreed without hesitation, only to embarrass himself and then blame her for it. It was then that Xu Zhi decided boys in their late teens were utterly insufferable.

Yet, she couldn’t deny that without Tan Xu, she wouldn’t have achieved her current grades—she might not even have made it through the toughest times. Tan Xu had transferred to Rui Jun High in their second year. Back then, it had only been three years since Xu Zhi’s mother passed away. Old Xu was battling severe depression and anxiety, relying on medication. But long-term use of antidepressants and anti-anxiety drugs took a toll on his health. Xu Guangji’s condition deteriorated rapidly, his hair falling out in clumps—worse than a chemotherapy patient.

Xu Zhi had been deeply affected by Old Xu’s state, and her grades plummeted. She might have had a shot at getting into the top high school, but in the end, she barely scraped into an average one. After Tan Xu transferred and became her deskmate, Xu Zhi learned he had his own struggles—he’d been bullied at his previous school and developed depression, which led to his transfer. Feeling sorry for him, and given his quiet, isolated nature, Xu Zhi became his bridge to the outside world. Over time, they talked more and more, and surprisingly, it was Tan Xu who often comforted her. It was around the time he told her something that Xu Zhi realized she couldn’t keep drifting aimlessly:

“There’s no true despair in this world—only prisoners trapped by their own thoughts.”

**

“You were the one who told me that. I’ve always found it enlightening. Someone who can say something like that must have a broader perspective than me. If I can’t figure something out, you probably can. So I thought if I just gave you time, you’d come around on your own. But now I see you’re stuck in a dead end. Avoiding the issue every day isn’t helping. You didn’t do well—that’s just how it is. Do you really need everyone else to fail alongside you to feel better?”

They stood by the escalator as people streamed out of the mall. Oblivious to the fact that he was blocking the way, Tan Xu remained rooted in place like a lamppost. Xu Zhi tugged him aside, but Tan Xu instinctively glanced over at Chen Luzhou.He recognized him at first glance—this was Chen Luzhou from Zongshan Campus. Tan Xu's former chemistry teacher at No. 1 High School had been the homeroom teacher of Chen Luzhou's class. Every time exams rolled around, the atmosphere in their classroom was so tense it felt like it was about to explode. A quick glance across the room showed nothing but heads buried in books, everyone scribbling furiously, not a word spoken. The teacher would use Chen Luzhou as an example: "Your mindset is all wrong. You're pushing yourselves this hard in your first year—how are you going to survive senior year? I’m afraid you’ll all crack before the college entrance exams even start. There’s a kid in our class who’s got the right attitude. He won a national chemistry competition in middle school, works hard normally, but when exams come around, he barely cracks a book. He’s either out playing basketball or watching movies. Honestly, Zongshan’s only decent classroom atmosphere is in their class."

No. 1 High School was fiercely competitive, but Zongshan was even worse. Tan Xu didn’t believe for a second that any class at No. 1 High had a "decent" atmosphere—every classroom there was a pressure cooker. And every year, a few students would drop out or transfer, unable to handle the stress. Back then, he thought the teacher was just bitter that another class worked harder than theirs, spouting nonsense to demoralize them. Tan Xu also refused to believe that one person could influence an entire class’s vibe.

Then one time, he went to the Zongshan faculty office to pick up past competition papers for his teacher. Chen Luzhou happened to be there too, getting scolded by the math teacher. Tan Xu felt a smug satisfaction—so much for the chemistry teacher’s bragging. Goof off all you want, but look where it got you. Just as he was collecting the papers, he accidentally knocked over the math teacher’s glass. But Chen Luzhou, still mid-scolding, swiftly caught it before it fell. He glanced at Tan Xu and quipped to the teacher, "See? Almost lost another one. Otherwise, we’d have to pool money for a new one next Teacher’s Day." The math teacher glared at him, feigning annoyance but clearly pleased. "As if I care."

Tan Xu muttered an apology and turned to leave, but the math teacher called out, "Hey, wait! Take this answer key too—no peeking! Only check after you’ve finished." After searching fruitlessly for a while, the teacher sighed and said, "Chen Luzhou, just give him your paper."

Chen Luzhou pulled a test from his stack to check which one it was, then froze for a long moment before sighing.

"Well? Hurry up, he’s waiting, and class is about to start."

"Uh… I haven’t done it yet," he admitted.

"— This is why you shouldn’t spend all day watching movies!" the math teacher snapped. "Cut it out! What, you wanna be an actor? Might as well apply to Beijing Film Academy."

"Let me ask my mom first," he joked, sliding the paper back.

In that moment, Tan Xu had to admit—the atmosphere was different. But he still refused to concede. Chen Luzhou’s nothing special. Just a little sunnier than the rest of us.

……

Chen Luzhou was pretty busy himself. After just directing someone to the restroom, he’d somehow made the kid waiting next to him burst into tears. He was baffled—why did children always seek him out? He was starting to suspect he was on some kid blacklist. Leaning exhaustedly against a pillar, he surrendered, bending down to the child. "Fine, fine, you can have the balloon. But stop pointing that gun at your sister—those pellets hurt. Look, you’ve already bruised my hand."The people in line around them were all laughing at the two of them, the atmosphere a stark contrast to the one around Tan Xu.

Tan Xu thought the reason Chen Luzhou always had a good atmosphere wherever he went was simply because people were willing to focus their attention on him. He withdrew his gaze and said gloomily to Xu Zhi, "I'm the one who failed the college entrance exam, not you. You have low empathy—if you can't understand, then you can't understand. Stop telling me it's no big deal and I can just retake the exam. Do you think retaking is that simple? I worked hard for so many years just to take it again? I've never failed at anything since I was a kid, do you get that?"

Besides, those words weren’t even his. He had seen them in a collection of perfect-scoring essays from his old high school. At the time, he hadn’t paid attention to the name, and later when he went back to look for the book, he couldn’t find it.

Xu Zhi looked at him for a moment and asked, "Have you seen a psychologist?"

Tan Xu: "I don’t need to see a psychologist. Did you come to me just to say this? Or to tell me that now that you’ve done well, you can just dump me?"

Xu Zhi: "Between us, it was never really—"

"Xu Zhi, I thought we had an unspoken understanding," Tan Xu interrupted her mockingly. "That was just an excuse to deal with the teachers, wasn’t it? Or have you found someone better now and want to throw me away?"

"I don’t have the heart for a relationship right now, Tan Xu. To be honest with you, during senior year, I realized I didn’t like you. But during my most confused time, you kept giving me hints, and I thought I did like you. If you insist on making things this clear, then I don’t mind laying it all out—"

Tan Xu watched Xu Zhi warily. Her clear, bright eyes were sharp and direct, filled with a courage that seemed to defy the sun and moon.

"Tan Xu, do you dare admit it? What you did to me was PUA."

**

The bullfrog restaurant was packed with customers. At the table next to Chen Luzhou’s was the little boy who had shot him with a toy gun earlier. By now, they had almost become friends. The little girl especially liked Chen Luzhou, shyly bringing over plates of self-serve fruit from time to time and placing them on his table without even daring to look at him. The moment she set them down, she would turn and scamper away in embarrassment, leaving Chen Luzhou helpless but to lean back in his chair and laugh. When the little girl brought over a third plate of fruit, Chen Luzhou finally stopped her. "Why don’t you eat with us?"

And so, Xu Zhi watched as the waiter brought over an extra pair of children’s chopsticks. She wanted to scold the girl with a stern face, but the little one was sharp-eyed. Seeing Xu Zhi’s fierce expression, she asked timidly, "Sister, can’t I eat here?"

"No," Xu Zhi said bluntly. "Where are your parents? Do they allow you to just join strangers’ tables? This brother here isn’t a bad person today, but what if you meet a bad person next time?"

The little girl burst into tears and obediently climbed down from the chair, mumbling tearfully, "Brother, I’m leaving."

Chen Luzhou couldn’t just let her go back crying, so he pulled her over and coaxed her for a bit, giving her all the balloons the staff had given him earlier. The little brat immediately brightened up and happily returned to her parents’ table.After she had happily climbed onto the chair at her parents' table and exchanged glances with them, Chen Luzhou finally turned back. Leaning against his chair, he turned down the alcohol flame beneath the bullfrog hotpot and gave Xu Zhi a meaningful look. "Why be so harsh with the kid? Did you argue with him?"

Xu Zhi picked up her chopsticks and calmly picked up a piece of bullfrog. "Not really an argument," she said leisurely, blowing on the steaming hot piece. "At most, I just scared him a little."

"Cough—" Chen Luzhou, who had been drinking lemon water, suddenly choked. His voice turned oddly hoarse as he coughed again. "What did you scare him with?"

"Nothing much. I just told him to stop bothering me," Xu Zhi replied, fanning her face as the spiciness of the bullfrog made her sweat. She took a sip of water and added, as if remembering something, "Oh, by the way, I’ll add you on WeChat later."

Chen Luzhou: "..."

Your ability to pivot seamlessly is practically welded in place.

For the first time, Chen Luzhou felt uneasy—so uneasy that he wanted to shake out every bone in his body to loosen up. He took a sip of lemon water and averted his gaze. "Isn’t that a bit too fast?"

Xu Zhi set down her glass and thought for a moment. "There’s something I need to tell you. It’s better over WeChat—hard to say in person."

"I know," he said, looking at her.

Xu Zhi froze. "You know?"

Chen Luzhou: "Well... I have some idea?"

Xu Zhi was utterly stunned. She raised the piece of bullfrog in her chopsticks as if in salute. "Damn, you really are the bullfrog incarnate. We’ll talk later then."

Chen Luzhou lounged in his chair, legs sprawled casually. The kid from earlier had given him a few candies, and he was now chewing one slowly, all while giving Xu Zhi a knowing look.

His imposing presence made it seem like his gaze alone was daring enough to challenge the heavens.

But what was really going through his mind was:

Am I the fucking side piece now?