Chapter 17: Wanting to See the Children
The night gradually deepened.
After finishing the last account book, Yun Chu looked up toward the doorway and, as expected, saw Xie Jingyu walking in.
He was still in his official robes, clearly having been summoned by the Old Madam immediately after returning home from his busy duties outside, without even having time to change clothes, before coming directly to her.
"Husband, you've come about He Shi's matter, haven't you?" Yun Chu stood up. "He Shi nearly cost someone their life. Not sending her to the authorities is already the Xie family's mercy. I hope you won't disappoint Concubine Tao."
Xie Jingyu's face was full of exhaustion. He took a sip of the light tea Ting Shuang had served, his voice hoarse as he said, "An Ge'er, Ping Jie'er, and Wei Ge'er grew up under her care. If we sell her off, I'm worried it will leave a thorn in the hearts of these three children..."
Yun Chu scoffed. "Aren't you afraid there will be a thorn in the heart of the child in Concubine Tao's womb?"
Xie Jingyu fell silent.
How could an unborn child compare to An Ge'er?
An Ge'er was his eldest son, just like him in his childhood, exceptionally talented in studies—one could say he surpassed his master.
How far the Xie family could go in the future depended entirely on An Ge'er.
"How about this," Yun Chu said with a smile. "Since the children are so protective of He Shi, and you trust her so much, let her become He Yiniang."
Xie Jingyu's expression changed. "I have no such intentions toward her. Don't joke about this, wife."
Yun Chu's eyes darkened.
Given that things had reached this point, the best solution would be for Xie Jingyu to admit to having an illicit relationship with He Shi in order to protect her.
Yet, Xie Jingyu firmly refused to make He Shi a concubine?
Could it be that he was waiting for her to die so He Shi could directly become the mistress of the household?
But would someone aspiring to be the mistress willingly serve as a maid before that?
"There's a small temple in the southeast corner of the Xie residence. Let He Shi practice asceticism there," Xie Jingyu said, rubbing his temples. "I'll place her under house arrest—she won't be allowed to step out of the temple for three years."
Yun Chu pretended to hesitate, nodding only after a long while. "Then let it be as you say, husband."
From the very beginning, she had never intended to drive He Shi out of the Xie family.
Only by keeping He Shi under close watch and forcing her into a corner could she uncover what she wanted to know.
"Thank you, wife." Xie Jingyu's gaze rested on her. "I'm immensely grateful for all you've done for the Xie family."
He stepped forward, closing the distance between them, and was about to reach out and place his hands on her shoulders.
Yun Chu suddenly stepped back, avoiding his touch.
The scene of her desperately washing her hands that day flashed through his mind, and he once again realized—she found him repulsive.
That was why she could so easily suggest he take He Shi as a concubine.
This realization left Xie Jingyu with an indescribable emotion lingering in his heart.
He withdrew his hand and spoke gently, "I heard the Empress is ill and is searching everywhere for a divine physician for treatment. If there's an opportunity, I'll invite the physician to examine you and see if your infertility can be cured."
Yun Chu lowered her eyes. "I suppose I'm simply fated to be childless. Don't trouble yourself with this, husband."
Perhaps because Xie Jingyu had mentioned children, that night she dreamed of two children.
A boy and a girl, both four years old, with jade-like features, circling around her constantly calling "Mother." The happiness overflowed from the dream.
But this happiness didn't last long before the two children suddenly disappeared.The surrounding white mist turned into a crimson blood mist.
"Mother, why did you abandon us?"
"Mother, I miss you so much. Please come get us, won't you?"
"Mother, it's so cold here..."
The cries echoed in her ears.
Yun Chu felt her heart breaking: "Children, where are you? Tell Mother where you are..."
The cries of the two children gradually faded away.
Yun Chu's eyes snapped open as she sat up straight.
Looking outside, everything was pitch black - it was just past midnight.
In the four years since, she had never dreamed of her two deceased children, yet this was the second time recently.
Having lived past thirty in her previous life, what couldn't she let go of? She should move on, learn to face reality, she should go meet her children...
Leaning against the headboard, Yun Chu sat in stillness until dawn.
When Ting Shuang entered quietly, she was startled to find her mistress fully dressed and sitting by the bed: "Madam, when did you get up? Why didn't you call me to attend to you?"
She hurried to comb Yun Chu's hair.
Sitting before the mirror, Yun Chu asked softly: "Where were my two children buried back then?"
Ting Shuang's hand trembled, dropping the comb.
She quickly picked it up and whispered: "Madam, what's past is past. Please don't dwell on it anymore. Too much sorrow harms your health..."
"The Qingming Festival is approaching." A faint smile touched Yun Chu's lips. "I want to visit the children, let them see what their mother looks like, and I want to talk with them..."
Ting Shuang lowered her head: "After the young master and young lady passed away, it was His Lordship who arranged the burial. I don't know the exact location."
Yun Chu's heart ached.
After the children's deaths, she couldn't bear to face reality and didn't dare ask about the funeral arrangements. Now she didn't even know where to find them.
She had been such an irresponsible mother.
No wonder the children came to her in dreams...
After the morning greetings from the concubines concluded, Yun Chu went directly to the Madame's courtyard.
Yuan Shi thought she had come about last night's incident and sighed: "That He Shi has been with Jingyu for some years. Jingyu keeps her in the residence out of sentimentality. From now on she'll be a nun in our Xie family temple and won't cause any trouble. Don't take it to heart."
Yun Chu said: "Mother, I came about another matter. Four years ago, when I gave premature birth to two children, where were they buried?"
"Why are you asking about things from four years ago?" Seeing her red-rimmed eyes, Yuan Shi's voice softened. "I heard from Jingyu that Her Majesty the Empress is searching everywhere for a miracle doctor who treats women's ailments. When that doctor arrives in the capital, Jingyu will try to arrange a meeting. Perhaps they can cure your condition..."
Yun Chu's voice was strained: "Mother, I just want to see my deceased children."
Yuan Shi sighed: "According to custom, children who don't reach adulthood cannot be buried in the ancestral graves nor have tombstones erected. Paying too much attention would make it difficult for their souls to reincarnate. So Jingyu had He Shi take the children's remains back to the Xie family ancestral home to bury them somewhere. If you wish to see the children, I can arrange for two servants to make the trip."
Yun Chu clenched her sleeves.
Her children... actually buried by He Shi's own hands.
The children said they were cold in her dreams - what kind of burial place would make them feel cold?
Her heart felt as if being shredded by knives, the pain excruciating.
Self-blame, regret, remorse... various emotions surged within her.After leaving Yuan Shi's courtyard, Yun Chu went directly to the front yard and had someone prepare a carriage, as she needed to return to the Yun residence.
The Xie residence was located in the southern part of the capital, while the Yun residence was situated in a prime area near the imperial palace. Because they were separated by more than half the capital city, Yun Chu rarely returned home.
In her previous life, she had caused the deaths of over a hundred people in the Yun residence. After being reborn, she felt too ashamed to face her family and had never considered returning...
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