The mountains stood desolate, the waters stretched far and wide, as they sought to glimpse the solitary city amidst the verdant wormwood.
Two carriages carried five people northward to Mount Song. After leaving Kui Town, they traversed a series of rolling hills. During spring and summer, the mountains were sometimes damp and cold, other times stiflingly hot and humid. Tang Lici avoided the main roads, choosing instead to climb over mountains and ridges. Though this route wasn’t particularly circuitous, traveling with several women slowed their pace considerably. At this time, Princess Langya was leading her forces to attack Piaoling Mei Yuan, with martial banners crisscrossing the rivers and lakes, morale soaring high as they advanced. Meanwhile, Tang Lici, as the mastermind behind the poison pill incident, had not yet been explicitly marked for execution by the princess, but his crimes were glaringly evident. His sinister and malicious deeds warranted death ten thousand times over, and anyone even remotely connected to the name "Tang Lici" was now living in fear. The Ten Thousand Apertures House bore the brunt of the backlash, with many of its shops already vandalized, incurring incalculable losses.
Under such circumstances, it was best for Tang Lici to stick to secluded paths to avoid unnecessary complications and delays.
Inside one of the carriages, a hand emerged from behind the curtain, pushing it aside. The wrist bore a silver bracelet intricately carved with elaborate patterns, though a segment was conspicuously missing, as if forcibly severed. Yet the wearer seemed oblivious to its imperfection. The richly colored sleeve and the fair, delicate arm lent the flawed bracelet a peculiar charm. A voice from within the carriage spoke, "A Shui, bring some hot water. Yesterday’s clothes are in the basket."
From the other carriage came a response, "Miss Lin, we haven’t found a place to stay tonight yet. Once we locate a water source, A Shui will bring it to you immediately."
The bracelet-wearer gave a soft acknowledgment and fell silent.
In the other carriage sat two young women—one in a plain purple dress, her face weary, the other in a long pink skirt, her hair tied in twin buns. Hearing the woman in the neighboring carriage issue her command, the pink-clad girl grew visibly displeased. She tugged at the purple-clad woman’s sleeve and whispered indignantly, "A Shui-jie, she’s gone too far! She treats you like a maid, and your injuries haven’t even healed yet."
The purple-clad woman gently embraced her, unperturbed. "I am a maid. Since Miss Lin is an old acquaintance of Young Master Tang, serving her is no different from serving him."
"What kind of 'old acquaintance' is she?" The pink-clad girl—none other than Yu Tuan'er—pouted in frustration. "If they’re all 'old acquaintances,' does that make you a stranger? That 'Miss Lin' may be beautiful, but ever since she sat in Young Master Tang’s carriage, we haven’t even had a chance to speak to him."
A Shui smiled faintly. "Are you upset that he’s sitting with them?"
Yu Tuan'er blushed and lowered her head. "He was always with them anyway. It’s not like I—"
"Silly girl." A Shui patted her back. "Even though he’s sitting with them, doesn’t he come back to check on you several times a day?" Yu Tuan'er brightened at once. "If he doesn’t come back, I’ll drag him back myself!"
A Shui chuckled, but Yu Tuan'er sighed again. "But after all these days traveling together, Young Master Tang has never once come to see you." She glared. "He can’t actually think of you as just a maid, can he? Young Master Tang has always been terribly wicked—he’d better not be treating you like one!"A Shui shook her head, gently patting the sleeping Feng Feng with her right hand. She gazed at the child for a long moment before speaking slowly, "I have received so many kindnesses from Young Master Tang, yet I have nothing to repay him with. Apart from serving as a maid or slave, I possess no other skills." She continued softly, "Even the meals and this silk dress I wear—I feel undeserving of them."
Yu Tuan'er let out a small "oh," her voice growing quieter. "Then I owe Young Master Tang a lot of money too..." A Shui smiled faintly. "Silly child, don't think like that." Yu Tuan'er lowered her voice even further. "He really dislikes me too." A Shui still shook her head, her smile gentle. "Young Master Tang looks down on many people, but he has never looked down on you, has he?" Yu Tuan'er paused—this was true. Tang Lici was unpredictable and eccentric, yet he always spoke to her calmly, never belittling her. She murmured, "I don't know how to do anything."
"You are wonderful," A Shui said tenderly. "Everyone envies you." Yu Tuan'er laughed, pointing at her own nose. "Envy me? What is there to envy? I'm not as pretty as any of you." She gestured toward the nearby carriage. "Them, and you—you're all much prettier than me. I'm the one who envies you."
A Shui smiled along but sighed quietly.
In this world, how much does envy truly have to do with being pretty or not?
Being prettier... does it necessarily mean living a better life than others?
She held Feng Feng's hand. The baby was fast asleep, her tiny fingers warm from being tucked under the blankets, feeling like a small heater in her palm.
She focused on holding that little hand, letting no other thoughts distract her.
In this world, whether one envies or not, whether life is good or bad, whether there is love or not, whether one can survive or not, whether there is suffering or not—none of it changes based on what she thinks.
So no matter what she thinks, it is all in vain.
The carriage moved steadily through the mountains, not too fast nor too slow. They were already close to Mount Song, and the roadsides were lined with jujube trees in full bloom, their snow-white flowers covering the hills like a beautiful tapestry. Before long, the crisp chirping of birds could be heard in the distance. Yu Tuan'er perked up. "There's water nearby!"
A Shui knew that, having grown up in the wilderness, Yu Tuan'er had a unique understanding of the sounds of insects and birds. She didn't ask how she knew there was a water source, simply nodding in acknowledgment. Yu Tuan'er climbed out of the carriage and tapped the driver's shoulder, directing him toward a path in the woods. Seeing this, the driver of Tang Lici's carriage followed out of habit.
Throughout their journey over mountains and valleys, finding water sources and resting spots had largely depended on Yu Tuan'er's wilderness instincts.
Not far ahead, at the foot of a slope, stood a large rock with a clear spring trickling down its surface. Below the rock was a small pool, its water crystal clear, overflowing and winding through scattered stones before disappearing into the forest. Yu Tuan'er leaped down from the carriage, carrying two water skins to fill at the stream. A Shui stepped down slowly, holding the makeshift iron pot they had bought for cooking. Feng Feng had woken up and was now peering out the carriage window, her dark eyes fixed curiously on the neighboring carriage.Liu Yan stepped down from Tang Lici's carriage and helped A Shui place the heavy iron pot, weighing over ten pounds, onto the ground. Yu Tuan'er returned with water and gathered several large stones to prop up the pot. A Shui retrieved charcoal from the carriage and slowly began to light the fire. Though Tang Lici's carriage no longer boasted gold inlays, jade embellishments, fox-fur blankets, or warming stoves, it was always stocked with high-quality charcoal—far better than the raw wood from the forest, which would have produced thick smoke and excessive flames when lit.
The three of them bustled around the iron pot, while the two coachmen unhitched the horses and led them to the stream to drink. Yet Tang Lici's carriage remained eerily silent.
The person inside hadn’t so much as touched the curtain, let alone stepped out to greet anyone or lend a hand.
Such aloofness was something only Tang Lici could pull off. And this was his daily routine—he hardly ever left the carriage. At first, Yu Tuan'er had been furious, repeatedly wanting to confront him about his cold indifference. But A Shui stopped her, and so did Liu Yan. After a few days of fuming, even Yu Tuan'er felt her heart grow cold when she saw Tang Lici’s demeanor—unchanged from before he had callously cast A Shui aside. Eventually, even her anger and desire to argue withered away.
The charcoal beneath the pot gradually caught fire, and the water inside began to warm. Yu Tuan'er wandered through the woods and returned with a wild rabbit. Liu Yan skinned and cleaned it, while A Shui finely chopped seasonings, mixed a marinade for the rabbit meat, and then kneaded dough to make pan-fried buns.
Her injuries hadn’t fully healed yet—her chest still ached when she moved her hands—but she was used to enduring pain and never complained along the journey. Liu Yan and Yu Tuan'er, seeing how efficiently she worked, assumed she had recovered. Meanwhile, Tang Lici and Selin didn’t so much as glance her way.
Since their reunion in Kuizhen, Tang Lici hadn’t spoken a single word to her, and she had no intention of saying anything to Young Master Tang either.
In Tang Lici’s heart, she was ultimately nothing.
After fulfilling his arrogant declaration that she would "willingly die for him," she seemed to lose all value in his eyes—discarded like a toy he had grown tired of, as if all the tenderness of the past had been nothing but an illusion.
Inside the carriage, Selin nestled lazily in Tang Lici’s arms, watching the faint glow of the campfire outside with a coy, amused smile, her full red lips curled in contentment.
Tang Lici gently patted Selin’s back, his touch tender, as if cradling an innocent, endearing child—just as he had once soothed Feng Feng.
But he wasn’t looking at Selin.
He sat quietly, his gaze neither on Selin nor on the firelight outside the window.
Everything beyond the carriage, the beauty in his arms—the cold, the warmth, the living, the vibrant—all seemed to exist in a world apart from him.
A Shui heated the pot, poured in hot water, then boiled another potful to wash clothes. Yu Tuan'er poured oil into the pot and pressed pieces of dough against its sides to fry. Liu Yan clumsily roasted the rabbit nearby. By the time the meat was done, A Shui had finished washing the clothes and returned with a basin, hanging the garments on branches she had broken off for drying.Crossing mountains and traveling was nothing like ordinary days. Even though Tang Lici usually indulged in fine silks and luxurious garments, one outfit more exquisite than the last, clothes still needed to be washed and changed. Originally traveling alone, he couldn’t possibly bring a cartload of outfits to wear and discard, and encountering Selin had been unexpected. Her clothes had been hastily tailored in Kui Town, so there weren’t many to begin with. Naturally, the tasks of laundry and cooking all fell upon A Shui.
Cooking was manageable—Tang Lici wasn’t particularly particular about food, and Selin ate only vegetables, refusing all meat. But keeping washed clothes looking fresh and pristine was a painstaking art. On rainy days, when clothes wouldn’t dry, A Shui had no choice but to clean the iron pot, invert it over the charcoal fire, and press the clothes against the bottom to dry them. Sometimes, when embroidery threads came loose or colors bled, she would stay up all night, pondering how to fix them. Once, Yu Tuan’er hid one of Selin’s skirts to prevent A Shui from staying up to mend it. The next morning, when Selin saw the crumpled skirt, she wordlessly tossed it into the embers of the fire—she hadn’t even noticed the loose threads. Yu Tuan’er watched wide-eyed, concluding that this "Miss Lin" was a strange woman and never dared hide clothes again.
After washing, the clothes were hung up, and A Shui carefully trimmed away the surrounding branches to prevent them from dirtying the fabric. The scent of slightly charred potstickers wafted from the pan. Yu Tuan’er distributed some to the two cart drivers and brought a few pieces to those inside the carriage. The curtain lifted and fell shut instantly, as if unwilling to spare even a glance outside.
She circled Tang Lici’s carriage, itching to kick it and send it crashing into a tree just to see how "Miss Lin" would react. But since Tang Lici was also inside, she didn’t dare. After completing her round, she suddenly spotted several pearls nestled in the weeds beneath the carriage.
Bending down, she picked one up and stared at it blankly. Pearls couldn’t possibly grow in these mountains. Noticing she had picked something up and forgotten to return for the meal, A Shui called out to her. Yu Tuan’er held the pearl in her palm, puzzled. "Does this belong to Young Master Tang?"
A Shui and Liu Yan both stiffened slightly. Liu Yan took the pearl and examined it—it had a hole in the center, likely from a dismantled strand. "It should be. Why?" Yu Tuan’er asked, bewildered, "Why would Young Master Tang throw pearls on the ground?" A Shui and Liu Yan trembled again. A Shui whispered, "This thing… since you’ve picked it up, don’t let Young Master Tang see it." Yu Tuan’er grew even more confused but obediently gathered the remaining pearls from the ground. Suddenly, she spotted a fluffy kitten peeking out from behind a rock—utterly adorable. Delighted, she chased after it.
A Shui and Liu Yan sat in silence. Liu Yan turned the roasted rabbit meat over the fire. After a long while, A Shui murmured, "His injuries… haven’t healed yet?" Liu Yan avoided her gaze, staring blankly at the meat. "They have. Or… they’re almost healed." She didn’t press further, sitting quietly beside him.
After another pause, Liu Yan spoke again, "He’s just a little…" He hesitated, uncertain. "A little…"
She waited for him to continue, yet also seemed to simply listen in silence, as if she didn’t truly want to know."Sometimes it seems a little..." Liu Yan murmured, "His gaze is a bit..." He couldn't quite articulate that feeling, the reason why he always remained in Tang Lici's carriage was because of unease. Even when everything appeared normal, when everything proceeded step by step, he still felt deeply unsettled.
"Chaotic..." she softly uttered a single word before falling silent again.
Liu Yan smiled bitterly. Facing A Shui, he had thousands of words in his heart, yet looking at her, it seemed she already understood everything before he could speak, leaving him unable to voice a single sentence.
"It's my fault," she said quietly. "That was my fault..."
Liu Yan was rendered speechless. He watched as she stood up, tore a plateful of roasted rabbit meat, and took it to the carriage nearby.
The carriage accepted it as usual, without making a sound. She withdrew, ate a few bites herself, then began tearing pieces of potsticker to feed Feng Feng bit by bit. Liu Yan stared blankly at her—her posture remained so submissive, her gaze at Feng Feng still so tender, so tranquil as if completely untroubled.
She said it was her fault.
Was her fault in not accepting Tang Lici's courtship and torment earlier? Or in failing to turn into a stool the night Tang Lici cast her aside? Or in not declaring from the very beginning that she would willingly die for him?
She said it was her fault.
That his transformation into what he was now—a seemingly flawless but internally shattered piece of exquisite porcelain—was all her fault.
"Perhaps... it is my fault," Liu Yan murmured.
But no one was listening to him.
He felt utterly lost. Why was it that simply wanting to live their own lives, simply wanting to choose what they could, had driven them to such a state?
The vast forest stretched endlessly as dusk gradually fell, the light slowly dimming. The campfire flickered amidst the dense black shadows of trees, struggling to provide feeble light and warmth. There was still plenty of potsticker left in the iron pan, but neither Liu Yan nor A Shui had the heart to eat.
Because Yu Tuan'er had chased after that fluffy little kitten into the woods, and she had been gone for far too long.
She would never miss a meal, yet she hadn't returned.
As if swallowed by the forest the moment she turned away.
Time passed minute by minute, and A Shui's expression grew increasingly worried. Liu Yan stood up. "I'll go look for her." A Shui shook her head. "Your leg makes walking difficult, and it's even harder in these mountains. I'll go." She handed Feng Feng to Liu Yan. "Don't worry, I won't go far. If I can't find her nearby, I'll come right back." With that, she stood up, called over two carriage drivers, took a half-burned short log from under the pot, and the three of them ventured into the woods.
Liu Yan watched her retreating figure, his heart heavy with sorrow. She was always alone.
Whether in places he couldn't see or amidst crowds, she always faced everything alone, as if never needing to ask for help from anyone.
Tang Lici's carriage was right beside them, yet neither of them had thought to turn to him for help.
The sounds of the three pushing through thorns and branches gradually faded, the faint glow of their torch slowly disappearing. Tang Lici must have heard the commotion, yet he never asked what had happened.After a while, the forest grew quiet again. Liu Yan held Feng Feng in his arms, listening intently to the sounds around them. The quieter it became, the more uneasy he felt. Feng Feng, now well-fed and rested, was full of energy, staring at Liu Yan with wide eyes before suddenly bursting into loud cries. "Waaah waaah! Mama mama... yaa yaa yaa yaa..."
The little baby struggled desperately in his arms. Liu Yan grew increasingly flustered and overwhelmed as Feng Feng cried even louder, tiny hands flailing. "Mama mama... yaa yaa yaa yaa..."
"What's wrong?" A soft, melodious voice finally came from Tang Lici's carriage. "Is the child hungry?"
OpenNovel