When I Meet the Moon

The sound of the door closing echoed through the hallway.

Yun Li shuddered and looked at Fu Shize.

He lowered his gaze, quietly staring at the staircase. After a moment, he turned his head and met her eyes. Seeing her eyes reddened, his expression softened, and he gently stroked her cheek with a comforting smile. "Don't cry."

Yun Li had been holding back her tears, but at his words, a sob caught in her throat. "I think I messed up."

She had made him feel even worse.

Fu Shize took her hand and led her downstairs. Only when they both stepped into the sunlight did Yun Li notice he was wearing that gray scarf.

The temperature in Nanwu was in the single digits.

Fu Shize unwrapped the scarf and, holding one end, looped it around her neck several times, lightly pinching her reddened nose in the process.

"You didn't mess up," he said, bending slightly to meet her gaze. His voice was calm. "Actually, seeing his parents doesn’t stir much emotion in me."

"But," Fu Shize pressed a firm kiss to her forehead, "thank you, Lili."

He looked at the person before him—her lashes still trembling, damp with tears, her face half-buried in the scarf.

Assured that his demeanor wasn’t forced, Yun Li relaxed slightly. But within seconds, she asked gloomily, "Do you still feel guilty about Brother Jiang Yuan? Do you still think he blames you?"

Fu Shize was silent for a moment before nodding.

"Have you read his diaries from the later years?" Yun Li’s voice was still thick with emotion.

"Only up to his freshman year. I thought he stopped writing after that."

Most people assumed the same, especially since Jiang Yuan’s entries had grown increasingly sporadic.

Yun Li had backed up Jiang Yuan’s diaries on her phone. She sent the file to Fu Shize, and they returned to the car. Fu Shize sat in the driver’s seat, silently scrolling through the pages.

"I believe Uncle and Auntie will come to understand too. They won’t blame you anymore," Yun Li said, placing her hand over his.

When Yun Li had first called Fu Shize, his focus hadn’t been on Jiang Yuan at all—he was only worried that Yun Li might feel hurt or disheartened after facing rejection.

After finishing the diaries, he said nothing, just turned off the screen and sat there, lost in thought.

For over six years, no one had heard Jiang Yuan’s true feelings.

Everyone had misunderstood. Jiang Yuan had never blamed Fu Shize.

Back then, most people had little understanding or consensus about depression. Jiang Yuan had stopped taking his medication in the hope of getting better—he truly believed he would.

His decision to quit his medication wasn’t meant to be his way out of this world.

He still loved the people in it.

The last diary entry, filled with anguish and resentment toward Fu Shize, was merely the uncontrollable outburst of his illness.

Logically, Fu Shize no longer needed to see himself as a sinner. Jiang Yuan had never resented his presence, and the tragedy wasn’t solely due to his negligence. Jiang Yuan had planned to stop his medication—there would have been ways to carry it out regardless.

He didn’t have to feel guilty for living a normal life anymore.

Yet now, the bitterness embedded in those words surged through him, as if the emotions of the past had suddenly risen to drown him.

So, he had wanted to live after all.

He suppressed his emotions, giving Yun Li a quiet hum in response, then started the car and drove straight to South River Garden.

Throughout the ride, Yun Li stole glances at his expression. He seemed distracted, his reactions slower than usual when changing lanes or signaling.

"How long have you been planning this?" Fu Shize asked her on the drive back."No plans..." Yun Li hesitated. "Before meeting his parents, I hadn't really thought through what to say. I just hoped they'd stop blaming you. I also wanted to find evidence so you wouldn't blame yourself anymore."

"Actually, when you told me about that diary Jiang Yuan wrote before he passed, I did feel some resentment toward him."

She always felt it was because of that diary's existence that Fu Shize had been tormented by accusations and guilt for so many years.

Fu Shize kept his eyes on the road as he drove, responding, "Don't blame him."

The car ahead braked, its red taillights glowing. Yun Li murmured, "Yes, we shouldn't blame him."

Yun Li remembered that day—the canvas shoes on the red track, his gentle smile melting into the sunlight.

We shouldn't let the final moments make us forget the kindness and warmth he showed in his first twenty years.

That gentle young man had never done anything wrong.

After a long pause, Yun Li turned to Fu Shize. "What about you? Do you still blame yourself?"

The sky darkened, obscuring the expression in Fu Shize's eyes. As the car wove through traffic, he finally smiled faintly, his tone unreadable. "I don't blame myself as much anymore."

...

After parking in the neighborhood, they bought some ready-made dishes from a nearby market for dinner. Just as they sat down at the table, Yun Li unexpectedly received a call from Jiang Yuan's parents.

They wanted to speak with Fu Shize.

She handed him the phone, and he stood up, pulling a chair onto the balcony.

"Uncle Jiang, Auntie Jiang."

It had been years since Fu Shize last used those terms.

Only the whistling wind filled the air.

"Child, let us apologize to you. All these years, we couldn't accept it—how could our beloved Yuan Yuan bear to leave us? We blamed you instead." Jiang's father's voice trembled. "We watched you grow up. How could we have wronged you for so long?"

It only now occurred to them—they had seen Fu Shize grow from age three to twenty.

He had never had his parents by his side. Every time he came to Grain Garden, he would ask to eat their home-cooked meals.

Their hearts ached for this child. His parents gave him material comforts but never companionship or love.

Every Children's Day, it was they who took him and Jiang Yuan out to amusement parks.

In their grief and resentment over the years, they had shifted all the blame onto someone who had considered them family.

What happened to Jiang Yuan was something no one had wanted.

Tears welled in his eyes as he continued, "We failed you—we didn't take good care of Yuan Yuan, and we didn't take good care of you either."

"Today, Li Li told us so much about you. And listen to us—Yuan Yuan was a good boy. He would have wanted you to live well, not suffer because of him. If he knew, it would break his heart."

Jiang Yuan truly would have thought that way.

He would have wanted him to live well.

That was the Jiang Yuan Fu Shize had known for seventeen years.

The painful memories that haunted everyone didn't vanish in an instant today. Countless images flashed through Fu Shize's mind before dissolving into blankness.

He too wished Jiang Yuan could have lived well—only now, it was no longer such an overwhelming obsession.

He gave a quiet hum of acknowledgment.

Hearing his response, the people on the other end of the line finally let go of their lingering worries.Fu Shize recalled many nights spent sitting here, watching as the households across the building changed over time. The despair, pain, and guilt he had felt after losing his closest friend seemed to have gradually faded from his life over the years, just like everything else that had happened.

Some hurdles he once thought insurmountable had eventually become just another stroke in the countless memories of the past.

Yun Li pulled up a chair and sat beside him just as he ended the call.

In the cold wind, she simply held him tightly.

Feeling the warmth of her body, Fu Shize snapped out of his thoughts. He lowered his head, catching the faint floral scent of her hair. His stiff body shifted slightly as he returned her embrace.

"What did they say?"

Fu Shize summarized in a few simple words: "They said they don’t blame me anymore and told me to live well."

Hearing this, Yun Li felt an indescribable emotion. It seemed like everything had been resolved, yet she didn’t feel the expected happiness. "And how do you feel about that?"

"I want to live well," Fu Shize murmured softly, holding her closer. "With you."

He wanted to live well—to finally let go of the most guilt-ridden part of his heart.

Yun Li hugged him with all her strength. When she looked up, his eyes were hollow, fixed on the opposite building.

She pursed her lips and asked, "How do you feel now when you think of Brother Jiang Yuan?"

Truthfully, Fu Shize didn’t know.

Most of the time, he didn’t think about Jiang Yuan at all.

Years had passed, and Fu Shize could no longer recall the endless rain that night or the blood washed away by it.

His memory seemed to have frozen before the incident—Jiang Yuan walking into his office with milk tea, chatting with him.

As if his mind had sealed away that painful memory in self-preservation.

With a dim expression, Fu Shize said, "I wish he were still alive."

He could stop blaming himself so much.

He wouldn’t be eroded by guilt at night, like decaying bones rotting away over time.

Yet, even after all this time, the pain of Jiang Yuan’s death had not disappeared.

It was just that he was no longer so sensitive to it—just that the pain had become so familiar it had numbed him.

"For a long time, I couldn’t accept what happened. Maybe even now, I still haven’t. I wish he had taken his medicine back then."

The loss of the closest family or friend—those left behind might spend a lifetime trying to heal from it.

Fu Shize spoke these words calmly, yet lifelessly. He lowered his head, no longer hiding his true emotions, fragile like a porcelain doll.

"Lili, you’re the closest person to me now."

So, no matter what happens, don’t leave like the others did.

He was a very fragile person.

If she hadn’t appeared in his life, he would have long been crushed by these losses.

"Then the only wish of the person closest to you," Yun Li cupped his face, "is your happiness. And she’s willing to spend her whole life making that happen. Will you help her?"

Fu Shize paused, his thoughts snapping back. He tilted his head slightly and asked out of nowhere, "Is this… a proposal?"

Yun Li: "..."

"You’re so shameless." Yun Li, who had been speaking earnestly, instantly lost her composure. "When did I propose?"

"Oh." His tone carried a hint of disappointment, but he acted as if nothing had happened after testing the waters. "Just verifying, in case there was an underlying meaning."

"..."

Yun Li asked awkwardly, "So… will you or not?"She couldn't help but feel there was a deeper meaning behind his words at this moment.

With a faint smile at the corners of his eyes, his tone inexplicably turned solemn: "Then I'm willing."

...

After clearing the dishes, Yun Li nestled in Fu Shize's arms to watch a movie.

"Were those two people earlier a couple?" Yun Li lifted her head to ask him. Fu Shize froze for a moment, unable to answer.

Seeing that he wasn't paying attention to the movie at all, Yun Li knew he was preoccupied. She went back to the room to fetch her iPad and opened a pre-downloaded two-player game.

Fu Shize's attention was quickly diverted by this brain-teasing game.

The rules were simple—both players used their fingers to move blocks on the map to their designated positions.

With the iPad placed flat on the sofa, Fu Shize and Yun Li sat facing each other. As the game's difficulty increased, more blocks appeared or moved, causing their fingers on the screen to occasionally overlap.

In the later levels, the challenge grew, but Fu Shize quickly grasped the patterns.

Unwilling to admit she could be outmatched even in such a game, Yun Li preemptively warned him: "You can't give me hints."

Fu Shize raised a brow slightly and patiently replied, "Understood."

Each time, he would position his blocks first, then Yun Li would use her fingers to maneuver the remaining ones.

During the idle moments, Fu Shize would lower his gaze to watch her. She was close, her body swaying slightly as she moved her fingers. The living room was lit only by a small amber lamp, its glow falling precisely on her.

Staring at her, he lost awareness of everything else—as if the world consisted solely of the figure before him.

Yun Li silently cursed her clumsy fingers. When her missteps caused another game over, she looked up indignantly, only to meet Fu Shize's deep eyes directly.

Both were close to the tablet's screen, mere centimeters apart from each other.

Flustered, Yun Li lowered her head and immediately started a new round.

Fu Shize's hand remained on the tablet, but instead of moving to the blocks, it slid forward to clasp her fingers.

Yun Li, still intent on continuing, asked, "Not playing anymore?"

Fu Shize: "Want to play something else."

"..."

With just a slight forward movement, his lips covered hers. Tracing up from her fingers, past her wrist, he then cradled the back of her head.

His other hand braced beside her leg, cornering her against the sofa, pinning one of her hands against the cushions.

Feeling the sofa's edge against her neck, Yun Li responded passively to his kiss. Remembering his earlier words, she pressed a hand against his chest: "I'm not a toy."

"I'm the toy," Fu Shize said abruptly, pulling her hand onto himself. "Do you want to play?"

"..."

Yun Li was momentarily speechless.

Fu Shize pressed, "Don't want to?"

His eyes lowered, his expression serene, yet his words carried unmistakable suggestion. Staring at his glossy lower lip, Yun Li swallowed hard. Remembering she hadn't showered yet, she calmly pushed him away.

"Don't want to. I'm going to shower."

Seeing Fu Shize didn't stop her, Yun Li tried to slide her legs off the sofa. Accidentally brushing against him, Fu Shize chuckled, "On purpose?"

"..."

Yun Li immediately dashed back to her room and opened her suitcase.

Fu Shize retrieved two sets of bedding from the closet, placing them in their respective rooms.

Feigning composure, she asked, "Are you going to make the beds?"The bed was covered in dust and needed to be wiped down before the sheets could be laid. Fu Shize acknowledged with a hum and grabbed a cleaning towel.

Yun Li quickly took out her makeup bag and removed her makeup at the vanity. Picking up her pajamas, she headed to the bathroom, where Fu Shize handed her a fresh towel.

After undressing, Yun Li stepped into the shower. Glancing at the array of bottles on the wall, she suddenly realized she’d forgotten her facial cleanser.

Cracking the door open slightly, she peeked out with half her face. "Could you grab my facial cleanser for me?"

Fu Shize’s voice came from the room. "Where is it?"

"It’s in the makeup bag—"

Yun Li abruptly stopped speaking as she remembered the small packets tucked away in the inner compartment.

Flustered, she hastily said, "Never mind," just as Fu Shize emerged from the room, holding her facial cleanser.

His expression was perfectly natural.

He probably hadn’t noticed anything.

"Don’t catch a cold," Fu Shize said, passing it through the door crack and urging her to continue showering.

Relieved, Yun Li picked up the showerhead. As the hot water cascaded over her, the rising steam seemed to conjure unspoken images in her mind.

After her shower, Yun Li sat at the vanity applying skincare. The vanity had been specially bought for her by Fu Shize the last time. She remembered muttering back then, "It feels like there’s no trace of a woman in this house."

The next day, Fu Shize had taken her to pick out an elegant vanity with an oversized round mirror.

Glancing back, Yun Li saw Fu Shize making the bed.

She slowly dried her hair with the blower. The noise was loud—her short hair used to take only a minute or two to dry halfway, but now her long, thick locks required over ten minutes.

She thought back to their first meeting—so much time had passed since then.

Some people simply remain by your side, even as time slips away unnoticed.

Looking up, she caught Fu Shize’s reflection in the mirror.

His fingers brushed through her hair as he took the hairdryer from her, gently drying it for her. The air was thick with warmth and humidity. She watched his fingers in the mirror as they combed through her strands, occasionally grazing her shoulders with deliberate or accidental touches.

The usual annoying drone of the hairdryer now drowned out all other sounds, making the sensations on her skin even more pronounced.

The next moment, as Yun Li lifted her head, he turned off the dryer.

Silence filled the air.

Fu Shize swept her hair back over her shoulders. Yun Li stared at her reflection—and at him behind her. His hand lingered on her hair before sliding down to her neck, caressing lightly.

Yun Li froze momentarily. Fu Shize glanced down. She was wearing a white, low-cut pajama top, the collar revealing collarbones with skin so delicate it looked almost translucent, still slightly damp.

His cool palm slid lower, a stark contrast to her warm skin, leaving a trail of heat wherever he touched.

At one point, Yun Li stiffened.

She tried to stand, but Fu Shize’s left hand pressed down on her shoulder. Leaning in, he nipped lightly at her earlobe before trailing scorching, relentless kisses down her neck.

A minute or two later, Fu Shize withdrew his right hand, dropping to one knee. With a firm tug, he pulled the chair around, forcing Yun Li to face him directly.

Yun Li looked down into his eyes—dark, intense, filled with nothing but raw emotion.

Her breathing quickened. Softly, she asked, "You saw them?""Mhm." Fu Shize responded vaguely. At the same time, he cupped the back of her neck, guiding her head down as his tongue boldly slipped between her lips.

Yun Li was lost in the moment but still stubbornly clung to her pride, stammering, "I—I was just being prepared."

Fu Shize chuckled softly, nipping lightly at her neck. "I couldn't help myself."

"I—I'm not ready yet," Yun Li flustered, shrinking back. Fu Shize tilted his head slightly and asked, "When did you buy it?"

"......"

Yun Li just wanted to dig a hole and bury herself. "Two months ago..."

"Sorry," Fu Shize said, though his tone held no trace of remorse. "Made you wait so long."

"......"

His breath fanned over her neck and shoulders, and Yun Li blinked dazedly, feeling as if every place his lips touched sent electric currents through her.

She bit her lower lip, the sensation at her earlobe making her instinctively turn her head away.

When his movements slowed slightly, she opened her eyes and froze, instinctively tugging at her clothes—only for Fu Shize to seize her wrist. He nipped at her neck again, murmuring against her skin, "Don’t fuss."

As if sensing her unease, Fu Shize paused, simply watching her, his gaze trailing downward.

Yun Li averted her face and whispered, "Stop looking."

He laughed softly, saying, "Fine, I won’t look," yet his kisses continued to explore every inch of her.

Yun Li felt feverish all over, an indescribable longing rising from deep within. Glancing down at her tightly restrained wrist, she used her other hand to undo the buttons of his shirt.

Then everything became a whirlwind—he lifted her effortlessly and laid her on the neatly made bed.

"Know what?" Fu Shize murmured against her ear. "I made the bed while hard."

Without restraint, he continued in a low voice, "And after making the bed, I still had to undress you."

Yun Li flushed at his teasing words, but she met his gaze without fear, her eyes filled with affection. "Then let me undress you?" She stared openly at his white dress shirt, adding shamelessly, "Every time I see you in a white shirt, I want to take it off."

When he wore white, he always seemed untouchable—aloof and distant—yet it only fueled her desire to see the other side of him.

"Mhm." Fu Shize leaned back obediently against the headboard, letting Yun Li straddle him as she worked on each button.

He waited patiently, though his hands wandered restlessly, fingers circling her ankles, his thumb stroking lightly.

Yun Li’s legs trembled, and she pressed down on his hand.

"Don’t," she protested against his earlier actions.

But Fu Shize ignored her words. As Yun Li continued unbuttoning his shirt, his fingers curled around her ankle again.

Blushing, Yun Li said, "Didn’t you say last time that if I said no, you’d stop?"

Fu Shize looked at her and smiled. "Never said that."

"......"

To Yun Li, that smile was downright shameless. She glared down at him in dissatisfaction.

He lay beneath her as if yielding, giving her the illusion of control. Without thinking, she declared, "You have to listen to me."

The teasing strokes at her ankle only made her crave more. Abandoning restraint, she leaned down to press a kiss to his Adam’s apple. Fu Shize’s breathing grew heavier, and he urged, "Just undressing this time too?"Yun Li recalled what had happened in the dormitory last time. Following her heart, she raised her hand, her eyes never leaving his.

His dark, ink-like eyes brimmed with desire, nearly swallowing her whole.

With a gentle pull, he shifted their positions.

Yun Li gazed at the face before her, recalling the video she had seen years ago—it must have been nine years now. Back then, he had been a tender youth with a gentle aura, but the man before her now had sharp jawlines, his piercing eyes softened by emotion, rationality shattered.

Soon, he would belong to her completely.

An overwhelming sense of possessiveness and satisfaction surged within her.

Yun Li stepped forward, looping her arms around his neck. Fu Shize held her shoulders, his grip gradually tightening. She felt countless unrestrained kisses trailing over her skin.

Fu Shize reached beneath the pillow, retrieving a small packet, followed by the sound of plastic tearing and his voice, laced with temptation.

"Yun Lili..."

The three syllables drifted into her ears, sending a shiver down her spine. Unprepared, Yun Li clutched the sheets, wincing in pain. Seeing her furrowed brows, Fu Shize pressed a patient kiss to her forehead.

"Lili..."

With each murmur, he drew them closer inch by inch, restrained yet tender. When her expression finally relaxed, Fu Shize asked in a hoarse voice, "Better now?"

Blushing, Yun Li gave a slight nod, then pressed a hand against his shoulder, stammering, "C-Can we play some music?"

Detecting the plea in her voice, Fu Shize chuckled softly and reached for his phone on the right, handing it to her.

Her fingers trembling, Yun Li opened the music app. The nostalgic, soothing melody began to play, and she tried to turn the volume up to the maximum, but her fingers kept missing the button.

She shot a glare at the culprit, but he only smiled faintly, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead.

Pushing the phone aside, Fu Shize grabbed a pillow from the headboard.

The music seemed to take on a life of its own—whether slow and lingering or rising and falling, every beat resonated clearly. She bit down hard on her lower lip, only for him to gently pry it loose with his fingertips.

Fu Shize’s lips brushed against her right ear as he murmured two indistinct words.

"Love you."