The night grew deeper, the dim light inside the car barely illuminating the space.
Yun Li turned to Fu Shize, placing her left hand over his as well.
For so long, she had known Fu Shize carried something heavy in his heart. Yet she never imagined it would torment him like this, following him like a shadow.
The campus broadcast began its evening announcements, and Yun Li realized they were still within West Science and Technology University—it was hard to fathom what emotions he must feel every time he returned to the laboratory building.
When they reunited, she had thought he had returned to the Altar, unaware of all the burdens he carried behind the scenes.
Nor had she ever considered how he had managed to return to campus after witnessing such a scene.
Yun Li recalled his earlier words: "I want to become my old self again before coming back to you." Suddenly, a terrifying thought surfaced in her mind—one that would drown her in endless guilt.
He only looked like his old self. Inside, he was still riddled with scars.
Her grip loosened slightly, her voice trembling as she asked, "You've been pretending all this time, haven't you?"
The moment the words left her lips, she felt Fu Shize stiffen for a second.
A brief silence followed.
"Yeah." Fu Shize admitted, "I thought you'd prefer it that way."
Her heart clenched as if suddenly squeezed by an invisible hand.
He had been pretending—for her sake.
Yun Li took a few deep breaths. Fu Shize opened his mouth to say something more, but when he lifted his gaze, he saw her head bowed, tears welling at the edges of her eyes before falling in heavy drops onto the console.
Her lips pressed tightly together, not uttering a word.
Fu Shize hesitated for a moment before silently wiping her tears away with his knuckles.
Yun Li kept her head lowered, struggling to steady her voice. "I really do want you to be happy." She couldn’t continue, her voice breaking uncontrollably. "Really, I want you to be so happy."
In this relationship, Yun Li had been the one to take the first step. Yet throughout their time together, he had given everything he possibly could.
Even if they had separated, the one who should have suffered more was her—not Fu Shize.
He was already in enough pain.
"Yeah." Fu Shize cupped her face with his right hand, his thumb gently brushing beneath her eye, wiping away fresh tears as they fell. His voice was hoarse. "Lili, don’t cry."
Yun Li wiped her face with the back of her hand, her words stumbling out in a mess. "When I said before that I wanted you to come back to school, I didn’t mean it like this. I just wanted your life to be better." She cried wretchedly. "Don’t force yourself to do these things. If you don’t want to talk to people, then don’t. Don’t force yourself to act cheerful and driven..."
Don’t force yourself for my sake, making yourself even more miserable.
"After getting back together with you," Fu Shize murmured, gently stroking her hair, "it hasn’t been an act. I like being able to be with you like this."
It had been so long since he had truly felt the warmth of sunlight.
Turns out, he had missed it more than he realized.
Staring into his eyes, Yun Li wiped the corners of her own, dazed as she asked, "But you still have nightmares and insomnia."
Fu Shize considered this seriously. "It’ll stop once we live together."
Yun Li choked on his words, momentarily pulled out of her sorrow. After a pause, she muttered, "Then you’ll still have to endure this state for a long time."
Fu Shize smiled. "Then let’s hope that day comes soon."Back in Nanwu, the two of them had lived together for a while. After returning to West Fuling, circumstances had changed, and moving out would have met with significant resistance. Yun Li said earnestly, "This time, let's make sure we're in a proper relationship before living together."
Fu Shize went along with her words, "That's what I meant too."
"..."
What did he mean?
Yun Li paused, looking at him as if to confirm. His expression was calm, but his eyes conveyed a clear message.
Yes, it was exactly what she thought.
Yun Li's face instantly flushed red, all previous conversation and worries forgotten as she blurted out, "No."
"?"
"That's way too informal," Yun Li said, feeling aggrieved.
Fu Shize recalled his own words and reminded her, "What I just said was, I hope that day comes soon."
He meant that he wasn't suggesting they define their relationship and move in together today.
Yun Li suddenly felt she had been too presumptuous and awkwardly said, "Let's go eat."
Fu Shize hadn't finished speaking. Remembering how she had nearly bolted while saying "no," he casually added, "On that formal day, I won't give you the chance to refuse."
...
After the meal, Fu Shize held Yun Li's hand as they wandered to the sports field. They found seats on the spectator stands, watching the students on the rubber track in the distance.
Fu Shize pointed in a direction where many students were exercising, "It was roughly this area back then."
Nine years had passed since that robot soccer competition.
So, nine years ago, he had already seen her.
Yun Li asked, "Why were you at the field back then?"
Fu Shize replied, "I was bored and passing by when I saw your robot standing completely still. The first time you operated it, you probably forgot to turn it on. You tried for about half an hour."
"Oh, was that it...?" Yun Li couldn't believe she had made such a basic mistake.
"Then I watched for a while. When it finally moved, you must have pressed the wrong button. Chen Luo didn't tell you—that controller was homemade, and the buttons were different from standard ones."
Chen Luo was the name of her team leader at the time. Yun Li was stunned, "Did you know him?"
Fu Shize said lightly, "Yeah, I helped him make that controller."
Yun Li: "..."
Yun Li asked in disbelief, "How is that possible?"
Fu Shize: "?"
Yun Li: "And we still managed to place in the competition."
He went on to recount the events of that day, mentioning many details Yun Li had completely forgotten. His recollection was remarkably smooth, as if he had gone over it many times before.
"Later, you used the robot to push a rock. Your team's robot didn't have code for kicking the ball, so it could only push. But the motor on the robot you were using wasn't powerful enough to move it."
Yun Li listened in a daze, puzzled, "How did you even know about my robot's code and motor specs?"
"Jiang Yuan recognized your robot was assembled by Chen Luo, so I asked him about it later." Fu Shize's tone didn't change much when mentioning Jiang Yuan.
"I went to watch your match that day too."
It felt as though he had noticed her long ago. Yun Li smiled, teasing, "You were only 15 back then, yet you spent so long watching me." She reconsidered her wording, "No, I mean, watching a girl for so long.""Then I was looking at you." Not wanting to be wrongfully accused, Fu Shize chuckled helplessly, "But I regret it now."
Yun Li: "Huh?"
Fu Shize hooked his fingers with hers: "I should have gone to find you directly back then."
Yun Li immediately dismissed that possibility: "Then I wouldn't have had a puppy love. I was famously known as a good student in class."
Fu Shize raised his brows slightly: "Puppy love doesn't equal being a bad student."
"The me back then would have thought puppy love means being a bad student." Yun Li said these words slowly.
Seeing her stubborn expression, Fu Shize felt like he might be talking to a stone. Unbothered, he leaned closer to her ear and continued, "Then accompany me in being a bad student for two years."
"...Until you graduate from high school, then it won't be puppy love anymore."
Yun Li realized belatedly, warmth rushing to her cheeks. After a moment, Fu Shize asked further, "Then for these missed years, should I make it up to you?"
Those deep eyes held a meaningful gaze. Yun Li could clearly feel his arm pressed between her back and the plastic stool, gradually tightening around her waist.
She licked her lips and asked, "How would you make it up?"
"Make up for things we would have done?" Fu Shize asked composedly.
Yun Li didn't pretend not to understand either, leaning closer to him cooperatively. She asked first, "Are there surveillance cameras here?"
Fu Shize laughed softly: "No."
"Okay." Yun Li moved closer to the corner of his lips: "Then make it up."
...
Nearly 9 PM, Yun Li only remembered she needed to send Yun Ye back to school after receiving his message.
Love affairs delayed matters—she couldn't remember how many times she'd forgotten now. After hurriedly bidding Fu Shize farewell, she went home to take Yun Ye to school.
After returning home, she dug out that small soccer ball from the pile of miscellaneous items, the smiley face he'd drawn still on it.
Remembering Fu Shize's pale expression when mentioning this today, she knew he had suffered torment over it day and night these past few years.
Her nose stung.
It wasn't even his fault to begin with.
Wiping the tears at the corners of her eyes, Yun Li desperately wanted to see Fu Shize again. She lay on the bed and video called him.
"Lili."
His voice came through the phone immediately upon answering, the volume just right, tender enough to make one weak.
Yun Li quickly glanced at her bedroom door, then got up to put on earphones.
Fu Shize was already in his dorm. He had just showered, a towel draped over his hair, a few strands covering his eyes, with droplets still trailing down his wet locks.
"..."
Yun Li's gaze lowered—he wasn't wearing anything on his upper half. The camera only captured his distinct collarbones, but the shoulders half-hidden by the towel were still suggestive.
Yun Li: "I'm hanging up."
Fu Shize had been lowering his head to dry himself, but he looked up at the camera upon hearing this.
He hadn't turned on the main lights. The bright white light from the desk lamp focused on the corners of his eyes, his damp dark pupils tinged with confusion.
"..."
Fu Shize: "No more video call?"
The sight made Yun Li blush. She forced out a few words: "You're improperly dressed."
Fu Shize looked down at himself. The white towel occupied most of the frame, showing his chin and swaying hair strands.
Amused inwardly, Fu Shize said, "Then wait a moment." Mimicking her tone, he said solemnly, "Let me dress properly."
He didn't hang up but stood up, causing the phone pressed beneath the towel to topple over.Yun Li had initially only seen his collarbone area, but when he adjusted his phone, his pale face filled the screen. At this moment, his entire upper body was bare, with only loose black sleep pants covering his lower half.
"......"
Fu Shize slowly turned around, grabbed a white T-shirt from the wardrobe, pulled it on, and sat back in front of the camera. Wiping his hair, he said, "All fixed."
"......"
An inexplicable competitive urge surged within her. Yun Li feigned composure and asked, "Isn’t there no bathroom in your dorm? Did you go to the communal shower on your floor?"
Fu Shize seemed to ponder the intent behind her words before lazily responding with an "Mhm."
Yun Li pressed on, "So you just walked back through the hallway bare-chested?"
"......"
Frowning, Yun Li said, "Last time you took me there, the Doctoral Building had mixed-gender dorms, and some people even brought their girlfriends over." Displeasure seeped into her tone. "Do you think it’s fine if they see you like that?"
"No," Fu Shize paused, as if realizing his answer wasn’t precise enough, then added, "I didn’t."
Yun Li let out an "Oh" before slowly asking, "So you came back to your dorm first, then deliberately took off your shirt to video call me?"
"......"
Her eyes locked onto the camera. "And then..." She deliberately drew out her words. "...pretended to put it back on?"
Fu Shize found himself cornered. He chuckled softly, ignoring Yun Li as he continued drying his hair.
Unexpectedly, she had seen right through his little trick this time. A giddy sense of triumph bubbled up, and she grinned. "You can’t out-argue me this time."
Fu Shize conceded with a quiet "Mhm." After a few seconds, he lifted his gaze to meet hers.
Once done with his hair, he hung the towel on the rack. Placing the phone near his pillow, he buried half his face into it, his damp hair still clinging to his skin. His eyes drifted toward a book beside him, languid as a lazy cat.
Staring at the pupils on the screen, Yun Li truly felt that nothing was left unshared between them anymore.
After a long silence, the words slipped out uncontrollably. "Love you."
Fu Shize shifted slightly, propping himself up a little to face the camera before murmuring lazily, "Love you."
Then, he flopped back down, his attention returning to the book.
Unable to resist, Yun Li repeated, "Love you."
Without glancing at the camera, Fu Shize asked, "How many times do you want to say it?"
Yun Li countered, "How many times can I say it?"
The corner of his lips curled. "As many as you want." True to his word, he responded just as before.
—"Love you."
You can say "love you" as many times as you wish.
And I’ll say it back just as many times.
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