Every night before sleep, Yan Shang routinely engaged in self-reflection, examining his actions throughout the day to see if any had crossed the line.
As his thoughts wandered, he involuntarily recalled Mu Wan Yao’s request the previous night for him not to visit her again. While studying today, fragments of their conversation from last night had surfaced in his mind several times, distracting him.
Thus, it was only natural that Yan Shang thought of Mu Wan Yao again tonight.
She was hesitating—wanting to reject him, yet unable to bring herself to do so.
This was the conclusion Yan Shang reached after careful consideration.
When he arrived at this conclusion, a chill ran through him for a moment. However, he had already grown accustomed to such disappointments with Mu Wan Yao, and he could withstand this blow.
Sitting at his desk, Yan Shang remained deep in thought, betraying no outward emotion.
He pondered whether the issue lay with him or with Mu Wan Yao. Had he displayed an overly eager attitude that frightened her? But why should she be afraid?
Could it be that she feared the emotions between a man and a woman?
Closing his eyes, Yan Shang revisited the instances when Mu Wan Yao had behaved unusually around him.
The first time she showed fear was when she was pressed onto the bed, and he nearly lost control and kissed her. She had stiffened in terror, trembling uncontrollably. The second time… was when Mu Wan Yao gifted him the water lily.
Yan Shang opened his eyes and glanced at the pot of water lilies placed by the window in the corner of his room. Water lilies bloom by day and close at night, and it was not the flowering season. Yet, just looking at the plant reminded him of Mu Wan Yao, who had taken the initiative to bring the water lily to him that night.
At first, she had acted nonchalant. Even when they were on the bed, she had laughed and teased him as usual.
But when he accidentally pinned her down, she resisted once more… and when Mu Wan Yao kissed him, it gave Yan Shang a feeling… hmm.
Yan Shang hesitated slightly, wondering if he was overthinking it. He simply felt that although Mu Wan Yao had kissed him many times, it seemed she had never once… lost herself in the moment.
Not like how he had felt his heart race.
He was certain Mu Wan Yao must like him… but he couldn’t shake the feeling that she was too composed. Every time she kissed him, she seemed like an observer, coldly watching his reactions, as if only his responses brought her pleasure.
What she enjoyed was his reaction.
Not the acts of kissing, embracing, or sharing a bed themselves.
Yan Shang’s heart sank for a long while before he slowly rose and walked over to the water lily. Crouching down, he gazed at the lotus leaves cradling the buds, the faint fragrance filling the room. Yet, he wondered when this flower would truly bloom.
He reached out and gently touched a leaf, murmuring softly to himself, “…Is it because her previous Peace Marriage was such a failure? Because she disliked her former husband so much that she treats me this way?”
All of a person’s actions inevitably bear traces of their past.
Yan Shang remained lost in thought for a long time, inexplicably resenting her former husband for inflicting such deep wounds on her.
Though he hadn’t guessed the true reason for Mu Wan Yao’s wavering, the mere thought that she might be too scarred to accept him filled him with pity, making him reluctant to pressure her.
Let it be.
Even though she had disappointed him so, he couldn’t blame her for it.Yan Shang silently endured this setback, deciding he still needed to give Mu Wan Yao more time to accept him. Given enough time, she would surely realize he was different from her former husband. Regardless of how her previous marriage had been, he was simply not the kind of person who would hurt her.
Two months... he hoped Mu Wan Yao would come around.
But given Mu Wan Yao’s terrible memory, if he left no trace in her life during these two months, wouldn’t she treat him like a stranger when they met again? All the affection he’d painstakingly built would have to start from scratch.
Naturally, Yan Shang didn’t want Mu Wan Yao to forget him once more. After much thought, he decided to write her a letter every three days.
At least this way she would remember his existence—
The three-day interval was perfectly calculated.
It kept Mu Wan Yao oscillating between "Forget about him" and "Just when I stopped thinking about him, his letter arrives."
The political struggles at court were relentless. Mu Wan Yao, aligned with the Crown Prince, engaged in daily life-and-death battles with Prince Qin, both sides constantly devising and countering strategies. Meanwhile, Mu Wan Yao was negotiating with the Crown Prince to entrust her with organizing the inner court banquet for the year-end grand ceremony.
The year-end ceremony was a major event attended by envoys from various nations, occurring only once every few years. Mu Wan Yao was determined to seize this opportunity to shine. Successfully managing this event would not only elevate her prestige in Great Wei but also make her memorable among the smaller states.
This was absolutely imperative.
If she could have the highest-ranking Noble Consort placed under house arrest, leaving no senior palace woman to oversee the event, it would naturally fall to the princesses. Since Mu Wan Yao was already confronting Prince Qin’s birth mother, the Noble Consort, sidelining his younger sister Princess Yuyang to host the grand banquet herself was hardly worth mentioning.
Princess Yuyang was meek, the Noble Consort was domineering—Mu Wan Yao yielded to neither, undoubtedly earning Prince Qin’s intense hatred.
Amid these daily scheming battles, when Mu Wan Yao returned to her Princess Residence each evening and drank alone to relieve stress, Yan Shang’s letters became her "drinking accompaniment."
Usually, she would sit in the third-floor pavilion of her residence’s inner quarters, quietly observing the lights from the opposite mansion, speculating whether Yan Shang had returned home or was away, whether he had retired for the night or was still studying.
She could now identify which lights belonged to his chambers.
So when idle, she would fix her gaze on the two lanterns hanging under the eaves outside his room. If the lanterns remained unlit one day, she’d wonder if he hadn’t returned all night; if they stayed lit through the night the next day, she’d fret over whether he hadn’t slept at all.
Such wild conjectures were both stress-relieving and tormenting.
After her maid Chunhua departed, the nightly task of standing behind the princess and reading Yan Shang’s letters aloud fell to the maid Xiarong.
In her clear, melodious voice, Xiarong read Yan Erlang’s letter: "Last night I stayed at my teacher’s home and met his wife. Though my teacher is over fifty, seeing his wife heavily pregnant, I couldn’t help but marvel at his vigor in old age."
Hearing this, Mu Wan Yao burst into laughter.
Xiarong glanced at the princess, who was gazing at the lights of the opposite mansion while swirling a crystal glass in her hand. After drinking for some time, the princess’s cheeks were flushed and her eyes seductively languid—yet this was the first time she had laughed since returning to the residence with a gloomy expression.Xiarong breathed a sigh of relief, thinking it was fortunate that Yan Erlang's letter could make the princess smile. Otherwise, with the princess losing her temper all day, they were all quite frightened.
Hearing Mu Wan Yao resting her cheek on her hand with a smile: "He's truly mischievous. He must appear composed on the surface, but when he returns home, he says his teacher's wife is heavily pregnant and his teacher remains vigorous in old age..."
Xiarong laughed: "Indeed. Erlang speaks more with Your Highness now than before. In the past, he would never have said such things no matter what."
Mu Wan Yao chuckled: "Yes, with his temperament, he never speaks ill of others..."
So now when Yan Shang wrote to her, he would secretly share anecdotes about his teacher, which made Mu Wan Yao both touched and emotionally conflicted.
...Why trust her so much?
Was he so certain she wouldn't exploit his vulnerabilities to harm him later?
Someone like him shouldn't be so unreserved with others.
Mu Wan Yao pressed her hand to her forehead: "Ah, my head hurts. It hurts even more now."
If she continued reading his letters daily like this, even after two months, she might not forget a certain someone. Even now, Mu Wan Yao somewhat missed Yan Shang and wished to see him appear before her.
Yan Shang truly had many layers to his thoughts—
In the blink of an eye, summer passed and autumn leaves turned red.
Soon autumn leaves fell, and winter's chill arrived.
As Chang'an entered October, early winter began.
Over two months, the servant Mu Wan Yao had sent to monitor and care for Liu Wenji reported that Liu Wenji only went to the Pleasure Quarter daily to drown his sorrows in drink, getting thoroughly intoxicated. During the day, he either slept or read books, avoiding social interactions. Seeing he wasn't causing trouble, Mu Wan Yao left him alone.
During this period, while fiercely contending with Prince Qin, Mu Wan Yao found time to visit Prince Jin's residence to check on Chunhua. Chunhua was already showing, her figure slightly fuller, with a gentle maternal glow on her face. Though a trace of melancholy often lingered between Chunhua's brows, since Prince Jin's household wasn't mistreating her and she was living comfortably, Mu Wan Yao felt reassured.
However, when Chunhua asked Mu Wan Yao to touch her belly and feel the fetus, Mu Wan Yao refused without hesitation.
Mu Wan Yao said distractedly: "I don't like children. I never will."
Chunhua could only sigh and accept that the princess would likely visit her infrequently at Prince Jin's residence. After all, to avoid suspicion, the princess wouldn't come often.
In mid-October, on the day of the Imperial Examination, Yan Shang went out as usual, preparing to take the Erudite and Eloquent Examination at the Ministry of Personnel.
If he performed well, he would immediately receive an official post; if not selected, he would wait until next year.
Many in Chang'an were watching to see how Yan Shang would fare after rejecting Lord Liu. Yan Shang remained composed, showing no outward signs of anxiety.
As he left, a servant brought his horse. When Yan Shang turned toward the alley, he paused in surprise.
For there stood the Princess Residence's carriage in the alley, with maids and guards mounting their horses. Clearly, Mu Wan Yao had left early today and happened to encounter him here.
Yan Shang saw the maids and guards greeting him. He returned the salute with folded hands, his gaze shifting to the carriage.
He knew Mu Wan Yao was inside.
His heart stirred, and a faint, gentle smile touched his eyes: After never encountering her daily before, today they met so easily. Could she have been waiting for him on purpose?
Yan Shang approached and bowed toward the carriage: "Your Highness, are you well?"
Mu Wan Yao's languid voice came from within: "Imperial Examination today?"Yan Shang: "Yes."
Then the carriage curtain was abruptly drawn aside, and Mu Wan Yao looked outside, just as Yan Shang happened to glance up.
The young man stood outside the carriage, his azure wide sleeves sweeping the ground. His slender frame lent him an air of spirited elegance, accentuating his ink-dark brows and eyes, with a demeanor as pure as jade and as resilient as bamboo—translucent and exquisite.
Mu Wan Yao saw him with absolute clarity, noticing every single eyelash framing his uplifted eyes, every drop of early winter dew clinging to his temples.
Such was his grace.
And Yan Shang gazed at her as well, seeing a brilliantly vivid red leap into his vision. She leaned against the carriage window, her eyes slightly curved and round like a cat's—carrying a hint of allure and a touch of clarity. Watching him from the window like this, he felt as though he had been plunged into a dream of blazing crimson.
Her striking beauty rendered everything around her dull and uninteresting.
The two quietly observed one another.
It was the first time they had seen each other in two months.
Mu Wan Yao lounged casually against the window, yet she felt her palms were already drenched in sweat; Yan Shang stood below, looking up at her, his heart racing faster than it ever had during the Imperial Examination, beating so rapidly it seemed no longer his own.
After a long moment, he was the first to regain his composure, lowering his gaze, not daring to look at her further for fear of revealing his awkwardness to those around him.
Yan Shang said softly, "I am very glad to have seen Your Highness when leaving today."
Mu Wan Yao said nothing, swiftly dropping the curtain with a swish, separating their two worlds.
The maids and guards around the carriage cast sympathetic glances at Yan Erlang, silently conveying with their eyes that the princess was simply someone with such a temper, and that her ignoring him was nothing unusual.
Yan Shang remained silent, watching as the carriage slowly exited the alley and passed him by.
Just as the carriage was about to move past him, a lazy voice, audible only to the two of them, came from within: "You are permitted to be glad."
Yan Shang abruptly looked up at the carriage driving past him, his eyes bright, feeling a surge of motivation—
Mu Wan Yao was restless.
Yan Shang had gone to the Ministry of Personnel to take the Imperial Examination, and Wei Shu had gone along as well. She had been preoccupied with this matter all day, unable to focus properly on what the ministers were saying in the Eastern Palace.
She ultimately couldn't sit still any longer and, in the afternoon, excused herself on the pretext of feeling unwell, returning to the Princess Residence.
Mu Wan Yao then waited in the Princess Residence for news, drinking cup after cup of water. She felt she was probably even more nervous than he was.
She couldn't help but let her thoughts run wild.
Because the Imperial Examination was indeed more difficult than the regular exams. With so many talented young men like Wei Shu taking the exam alongside Yan Shang, was Yan Shang's level really up to it? Had his half-year of studying truly been useful? He had struggled even with the previous provincial exams... Would the current Imperial Examination not overwhelm him?
Mu Wan Yao bit her lip, resentful that Yan Shang was not a prodigious talent.
If he were brilliantly gifted, she wouldn't have to worry like this.
Mu Wan Yao sat in the main hall, drinking water and waiting for the results, while dull winter thunder rumbled in the distance, making her feel truly ominous—
Yan Shang, on the other hand, was doing alright.
This exam was actually easier for him than the last one. The previous exam's poetry and prose had been his weaknesses; this time, with more subjects tested, he felt less uncertain.
Moreover, this exam began to include questions on political strategy.
With such questions on strategy, it became much easier for Yan Shang.
The Minister of Personnel, the Vice Ministers, and others had personally come to observe their examination. The entire hall was silent, with only the occasional sound of distant thunder.
The Imperial Examination would last two days.This was the first day. They would stay overnight in the imperial city tonight, take another examination tomorrow, and the results would be announced the day after. The speed was much faster than previous imperial examinations—
Liu Wenji had slept the entire day in the Pleasure Quarter. By evening, the rouge-scented wine aromas in the establishment roused him from his splitting headache.
Staggering to his feet, he changed his clothes before returning to his seat to continue drinking alone in melancholy.
Having spent the whole day there, the courtesans of this flower house had grown accustomed to him, knowing he only wanted to drink and required no attendants. This young master was exceptionally handsome, yet he drowned himself in drink all day—clearly tormented by matters of the heart. Women in these romantic quarters naturally held affection for such devoted gentlemen, so they secretly instructed others not to drive him away.
Dancing mats adorned with a thousand floral courtesans,
Song-filled boats beneath colorful towers.
On this brightly lit night, famed courtesans began taking the stage to dance, while the ladies upstairs nestled against their respective gentlemen, embarking on another night of drunken oblivion.
Sitting among them, Liu Wenji seemed deaf to the salacious tunes and suggestive lyrics around him, focusing solely on his wine.
A boisterous group of over ten young men jostled past, their loud voices accompanied by the clatter of beaded curtains and the courtesans’ cooing calls—
“It’s Young Master Zhang! Why has it been so long since your last visit?”
“Has the Ministry of Revenue been keeping you busy?”
“Ah, your superiors are too cruel, not allowing you even two days of rest. Don’t be upset, young master—tonight will surely help you unwind.”
The young man addressed as Young Master Zhang laughed heartily, trailed by a dozen sycophants crowding around him. With utter disdain, he glanced briefly at Liu Wenji as he passed, then casually embraced a beautiful courtesan and kissed her.
A courtesan gently knelt beside Liu Wenji, refilling his cup as she whispered, “Young master, that is the eleventh son of the Director of the Ministry of Revenue’s household—a man of high status. Please do not offend him.”
Through his drunken haze, Liu Wenji glanced at her. Her soft, delicate voice reminded him of his own Chunhua’s tenderness. Forcing a faint smile, he murmured, “Who could I possibly afford to offend now? Don’t worry, I won’t cause trouble.”
Sighing with pity, the courtesan remained seated beside him, pouring wine and tending to him.
Liu Wenji asked, “…Why are you staying with me? I don’t need a courtesan’s service. You may leave.”
The courtesan pleaded, “I’ve only recently arrived here and wish not to serve those vulgar men. I beg for your compassion—allow me to stay and attend to you.”
Reflecting that no one in this world had it easy, Liu Wenji offered no further objection.
Giggles and raucous laughter were the norm in this place.
After downing several extra cups, Young Master Zhang grew heavily intoxicated. Before even entering a private chamber upstairs, he began groping the courtesan attending him. She feigned resistance—all part of the game between men and women. In his wanton state, Zhang’s gaze suddenly fell upon a courtesan seated diagonally across the room. A casual glance revealed a stunning beauty whose charm captivated him.
Shoving aside the woman beside him, Zhang pointed at the courtesan and commanded, “Bring her to me!”
All of Zhang’s companions followed his gaze toward the corner.
The delicate courtesan was kneeling beside Liu Wenji, pouring his wine, when several young men approached. They flanked her, seized her arms, and hauled her upright. Startled into a scream, she heard their chuckling remarks: “Hush now! Young Master Zhang demands your service!”
Terror filling her eyes, the courtesan cried, “I don’t want to! I don’t want to… Young Master Liu! Young Master Liu, save me!”She reached out to Liu Wenji, who was in the midst of a drunken stupor. The woman's long nails scraped across the back of his hand, the sharp pain jolting him back to reality as he heard her desperate plea for help.
Liu Wenji turned his head and saw the courtesan who had been sitting with him moments earlier being dragged away by several young men. Their faces bore knowing, lecherous grins as they hauled her across the floor, her hair disheveled and robes tearing with a sharp ripping sound.
The courtesan screamed: "Save me! Save me!"
Her pleading, tear-filled, beautiful eyes gazed imploringly at Liu Wenji.
Liu Wenji's mind went blank with a sudden roar.
He seemed to see Chunhua's tearful gaze—always silent—staring back at him.
Did she feel this helpless when she was dragged onto Prince Jin's bed that night? When her beautiful eyes filled with tears as she looked at those around Prince Jin, did she also beg someone to save her?
When cruel fate descended upon her, was she utterly hopeless? Was there... no one who extended a helping hand to her?
Letting her fall into the abyss, making her gasp for breath bit by bit, trapping her in the malicious snare of destiny until she could struggle no more...
Liu Wenji's mind conjured Mu Wan Yao's icy eyes.
She had said: "It will pass. You will forget."
Liu Wenji heard his own voice from that time overlapping with his current murmurs—"It won't pass. I can't forget."
At least now—
"Crash—"
Someone overturned a table on the second floor of the brothel, and a young man staggered toward the group of laughing noblemen. The youth shouted sharply: "Let her go, let her go—"
Release the shackles fate has bound upon her!
Free her weak and innocent soul!—
Liu Wenji charged forward, knocking aside the chuckling young men. He knelt and gathered the disheveled, unfamiliar courtesan in his arms. Young Master Zhang, who had been about to steal a kiss from the woman, was suddenly shoved away. He cried out in pain, falling hard as cold sweat beaded on his forehead.
Young Master Zhang roared in fury: "How dare you snatch someone from me? Cripple him—"
"Boom—"
Muffled thunder rumbled overhead, drowned out by the rouge and singing in the pleasure quarters. Chaos erupted in the building as a group of young men lunged at Liu Wenji. Shielding the unfamiliar courtesan beneath him, Liu Wenji closed his eyes—
Thunder echoed in the sky.
Late at night, the gates of Danyang Princess Residence were knocked upon.
Mu Wan Yao was awakened by the midnight knocking, initially fearing something had happened to Yan Shang. She hurriedly rose and went out.
Pushing the door open, she saw two servants she had assigned to care for Liu Wenji kneeling in the corridor, covered in blood and mud. Weeping, they lifted their faces: "Your Highness, it's terrible—we failed to protect Young Master Liu.
"Young Master Liu has been... been castrated."
Mu Wan Yao listened blankly as the servants repeated their tearful account twice before comprehending what had occurred. She staggered back two steps, her face instantly pale, drained of all color.
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