In the courtyard, children were playing and roughhousing, but beneath the shed, a young man and woman sat in mutual silence.
—Have you really never kissed anyone?
Yan Shang’s question left Mu Wan Yao speechless.
Their relationship was the strangest of all.
Not quite friends, not quite lovers; closer than friends, yet not as intimate as lovers. When they were together, they often fell into long stretches of silence, prolonged awkwardness, and extended moments of averting their gazes...
Mu Wan Yao’s fingers curled slightly, tapping the wooden surface of the desk as she regretted her earlier loss of composure in front of the children. She couldn’t help but recall the few times she had kissed him:
Once, moved by his sincerity, she couldn’t restrain herself;
Another time, touched by his thoughtfulness, she couldn’t restrain herself;
And not long ago, there was one last time—moved by his understanding, she still couldn’t restrain herself.
It was as if she were always losing control of her emotions.
Mu Wan Yao tilted her head back, staring blankly at the space above the shed. Dust motes danced in the air, and after watching for a long while, she remarked in a peculiar tone, "...How could any of those be considered kisses?"
How could kissing someone be like that?
Yan Shang sat beside her, his dark lashes trembling slightly as he pressed his lips together and remained silent.
Mu Wan Yao’s sparkling eyes glanced sideways at this silent man, studying his stiff, upright posture for a long moment.
Mu Wan Yao: "That Yan... whatever."
Yan Shang murmured softly: "Hmm?"
Mu Wan Yao: "Say something."
After a brief silence, Yan Shang replied, "If those don’t count as kisses, do they count as... coercion?"
Mu Wan Yao had no response.
And so, they fell back into silence.
The prolonged discomfort made the air in the shed feel increasingly warm and stifling.
Mu Wan Yao felt both agitated and suffocated. She could hardly bear this lingering, peculiar tension and was on the verge of snapping when a servant standing outside the shed broke the spell, rescuing them both: "Erlang, should all your books be loaded onto the carriage?"
Mu Wan Yao and Yan Shang both breathed a sigh of relief.
Then they glanced at each other again.
A polite, courteous smile touched Yan Shang’s lips: "Shall I go check on my books?"
Mu Wan Yao rose calmly, her mind elsewhere as she said distractedly, "I’ll come along to take a look too."
Yan Shang: "..."
He gave her a complicated look, and Mu Wan Yao instantly realized what she had said. She felt a wave of shame and frustration, cursing herself for being so absentminded.
Clearly, Yan Shang had been making an excuse to part ways, but her careless remark had her following him again... making it seem as though she had done it on purpose.
Yet, once the words were spoken by Danyang Princess, how could they be taken back?
Mu Wan Yao looked at him: "What, is that not allowed? I’m only going to look at your books. Perhaps one of them could be given to the children at the Convalescence Center."
Yan Shang sighed: "Your Highness is most benevolent."
Mu Wan Yao brushed off the compliment: "Using your books to show your generosity—what benevolence is there in that?"
Yan Shang fell silent once more—
Once they stepped out of the shed, though they still walked one behind the other, the distance between them finally eased the tension that had filled the shed.
Outside, with the princess’s maids waiting, Mu Wan Yao moved ahead to join her attendants, putting more space between herself and Yan Shang.
When they reached Yan Shang’s humble dwelling, Mu Wan Yao saw that the room was indeed nearly emptied. Her mind still adrift, she simply wanted to find any excuse to brush things off and leave the place quickly.
So she brushed past Yan Shang, putting on a show of goodwill as she pretended to help him tidy the books on the shelves.
Yan Shang: "Your Highness, there’s no need..."Mu Wan Yao: "So naggy."
She was organizing books with her back to him. Yan Shang watched her silhouette for a moment before saying nothing more and heading into the inner room with the servants to pack other items.
Mu Wan Yao casually flipped through the books while Chunhua helped tidy them beside her. As volumes were removed one by one, Mu Wan Yao noticed a small wooden box tucked deep inside the antique shelf. She picked it up and tried handing it to Chunhua, but Chunhua was turned away organizing other books and didn’t catch the box the princess extended.
Thud.
The box fell to the floor, its contents scattering everywhere, startling Mu Wan Yao.
Guiltily, she glanced at the inner room’s curtain. Seeing that Yan Shang hadn’t emerged—perhaps he hadn’t heard the noise—she sighed in relief and quickly knelt to gather the box’s contents.
The box contained casually written, fragmented phrases, resembling correspondence, though they seemed to be discarded drafts Yan Shang had written. As Mu Wan Yao collected the papers, her eyes skimmed a few lines unintentionally, and she found herself captivated.
She picked up the drafts, scanning them rapidly:
These appeared to be letters Yan Shang had written. Some had errors or crossed-out sections he’d edited, making them unsuitable to send.
Flipping through, she saw he’d written numerous letters—to this friend, that friend; to his father in the Yan family, and to his younger sister. One day, he’d inquire after a friend’s illness mentioned earlier, checking if they’d improved; the next, he’d enclose money in a letter to aid another friend on the brink of poverty.
In his letters to his younger sister Yan Xiaozhou, he expressed earnest concern for her daily life. Initially, he wrote about sending two bolts of cloth but then crossed it out and changed it to four… He admitted his ignorance of girls’ preferences, deciding to let his sister choose for herself.
He instructed his Eldest Brother and sister-in-law to look after the family, advising them to prevent their father from drinking too much;
He urged his third brother to focus and study hard, suggesting that even if he didn’t wish to become an official, passing the imperial exams would be beneficial;
He thanked one friend for a previous gift of food, noting he’d tried it and found it delightful;
He confirmed with another friend that their wedding date remained unchanged, promising to attend punctually if so…
In short, the letters covered a myriad of Yan Shang’s daily communications.
Though the matters were trivial, Mu Wan Yao imagined each recipient would find him considerate. He remembered every word from his friends, worried over every ailment… As she turned the pages, Mu Wan Yao grew lost in thought.
She felt a twinge of envy toward Yan Shang’s friends.
"Your Highness?" Yan Shang’s call pulled Mu Wan Yao from her somber mood.
Still kneeling on the floor, clutching his discarded drafts, she looked up to see Yan Shang emerging from the inner room, gazing at her with concern.
He noticed her uplifted face and the faint desolation in her eyes.
Yan Shang extended his hand, speaking gently, "Did you drop the wooden box? It’s all right, I’ll take care of it. Your Highness need not worry."
Mu Wan Yao stared at his slender, pale fingers.
She thought of how many others he might have reached out to like this.
Avoiding his hand, she stood up on her own and tossed the letters she held toward him, her tone dismissive: "Not a single one is missing. Check them yourself."Before Yan Shang could express his gratitude, she turned and left the room. Chunhua, somewhat bewildered, apologized to Yan Erlang before rushing out to follow the princess.
Yan Shang, meanwhile, furrowed his brow in thoughtful contemplation—
Mu Wan Yao left Yan Shang’s quarters and went directly to find Princess Consort Jin, who was still paying respects at the temple. With a detached tone, Mu Wan Yao claimed she felt unwell and would return to her residence first. The confused Princess Consort Jin, afraid of being left behind, had no choice but to join the princess in the carriage.
That day, when Mu Wan Yao returned to the Princess Residence and stepped out of the carriage, she noticed construction still underway across from her estate... She did not spare it a single glance.
However, after dinner that evening, Mu Wan Yao sat in the three-story pavilion of her inner residence, fanning herself in the breeze. Her maid Chunhua brought some snacks for Your Highness and noticed that the mansion opposite their Princess Residence had lit up, with activity bustling inside.
Another maid came to report: “Your Highness, Yan Erlang has just returned to his residence. He said he wishes to thank you for your assistance at the temple today and has come to pay his respects.”
Leaning on the armrest, Mu Wan Yao replied indifferently, “No need for respects. I didn’t help him. Send him away.”
The maid said, “Yan Erlang has brought some tea as a gift…”
Mu Wan Yao waved lazily, “Return it. My Princess Residence is not short of tea.”
The maid withdrew.
Chunhua remained standing behind Mu Wan Yao, observing the princess’s expression for a while before hesitantly speaking up: “Your Highness, I would like to request some time off.”
Mu Wan Yao glanced over, “What is it?”
Chunhua explained, “My elder brother and sister-in-law have settled in Chang’an, and my elderly mother has come as well. I’d like to go help them.”
Mu Wan Yao nodded, “I understand.”
Chunhua thanked the princess. Noticing that Mu Wan Yao remained seated in the same spot, staring absently at the brightly lit mansion across from them, Chunhua hesitated for a long moment before mustering the courage to show concern: “Your Highness, is something the matter?”
Mu Wan Yao looked surprised, “What do you mean, ‘something the matter’?”
Chunhua said, “Since returning this afternoon, Your Highness hasn’t been yourself. Usually, when Yan Erlang comes to pay respects, you would receive him if you had time. But today, you refused. Not only that, but you’ve been sitting here watching the mansion opposite… This servant is quite puzzled.”
Mu Wan Yao remained silent.
In the evening breeze, her profile was as flawless as jade, breathtakingly beautiful. Yet beneath that stunning exterior lay a heart frozen in ice.
Kneeling beside Mu Wan Yao, Chunhua felt a pang of pity for her princess.
She vividly remembered when she first began serving Danyang Princess—she had been somewhat fearful, having heard that powerful nobles often treated their servants as less than human. But Chunhua soon relaxed, for her mistress, Mu Wan Yao, was truly a gentle young princess.
She never struck or scolded her servants, instead conversing with them as friends. Even when she was sent away for the Peace Marriage, she dismissed most of her attendants, unable to bear the thought of them suffering alongside her among the Black Barbarians…
But that was all in the past.
Now, everyone believed Danyang Princess had an explosive temper, her moods shifting unpredictably. Who in Chang’an knew of the brutality Mu Wan Yao endured leading them out of the Black Barbarians that night? Who knew about the fire Mu Wan Yao herself set among the Black Barbarians?
Danyang Princess was not a cunning, calculating princess, but her care for those around her was something Chunhua had never witnessed in anyone else. Her Highness’s heart was so tender, yet no one knew.
Kneeling at the hem of Mu Wan Yao’s skirt, Chunhua said softly, “Your Highness, I have served you for so many years. Whatever is on your mind, you can share it with me. Even if this servant cannot help, it would be good for Your Highness to vent your feelings.”
Mu Wan Yao lowered her gaze and looked at Chunhua.She was somewhat surprised and somewhat amused: "What, do you think I'm sad?"
Chunhua watched her quietly.
Mu Wan Yao withdrew the faint smile from her lips, narrowed her eyes, and her expression became blank.
Just as Chunhua thought Mu Wan Yao wouldn't say anything, her low, hoarse voice slowly rose in the night breeze: "Actually, it's nothing major. I'm just a bit envious of the people around Yan Shang."
Chunhua only half understood.
Mu Wan Yao continued self-mockingly: "And then I suddenly realized that in his eyes, I'm not special, not unique."
Chunhua: "What does Your Highness mean by this?"
Mu Wan Yao said: "He never writes me letters, never asks if I'm hurt or in pain. He doesn't care whether I sleep well at night, doesn't ask what I've been busy with lately. He's like a block of wood - I poke him, he moves. If I don't poke him, he's as still as death."
"When we were in Lingnan, he would still reluctantly care about me, occasionally sending me things, occasionally making me laugh."
"But now that we're in Chang'an, since he arrived in February this year until now, almost May - three months, I've actually barely met him. I complained that he didn't come to pay respects, so he came; I complained that he didn't speak, so he spoke. I thought this was just how he was, but this afternoon I discovered that he's only this cold toward me. Toward others, he's exceptionally good."
Chunhua remained silent for a long moment before whispering: "Does Your Highness not know of Yan Erlang's difficulties?"
Mu Wan Yao's lips curved upward in self-mockery.
She said: "I know - he's avoiding suspicion. Afraid that if he cares too much about me, I'll develop feelings for him; afraid that if he treats me too well, our relationship will become unclear; afraid that if he visits the Princess Residence too frequently, people will misunderstand that he wants to marry the princess. He really does have it hard - needing to neither offend me nor let me misunderstand."
"He wants to show me he cares, yet also tell me this is just the concern between friends, between ruler and subject, nothing more. With such social grace, maintaining this difficult situation - even I can't help but sympathize with him and praise his skillful methods."
Chunhua fell silent again.
Then she said softly: "Isn't this good?"
Mu Wan Yao said: "Actually, it is good. I have no interest in him either, and I hope he doesn't have other intentions. It's just... I just..."
Gazing at the quiet night, at the opposite mansion shrouded in evening mist, she gently covered her face with her fan, leaving only her eyes visible.
Mu Wan Yao murmured softly: "I'm just very jealous of those people he can treat well without any reservations."
"I envy Yan Xiaozhou - how is she so lucky to have an elder brother like Yan Shang? An elder brother who writes her letters every day, asking if she's eating well, living well, what she wants, what she likes. An elder brother who thinks of her constantly, sending her fabric today, mailing her snacks tomorrow. If Yan Xiaozhou says she doesn't like something, her brother never sends it again."
"He writes letters back and forth with Yan Xiaozhou all night long, about meaningless things, yet they write so happily. He tells stories to his younger sister, talks about Chang'an customs, says he'll bring her to live with him once he's settled here... Why is he so good to Yan Xiaozhou?"
Chunhua answered softly: "Because she's his sister."
Mu Wan Yao: "Why can't I be his sister? I, a Great Wei princess, why don't I have an elder brother who treats me so well?"
Chunhua had no words.When the Second Prince was still alive, he treated Your Highness very well... but after his death, everything changed.
The Empress changed, the Emperor changed... Everyone around Danyang Princess was either using her or waiting to use her. There was no longer any pure affection around Danyang Princess, which was probably why Mu Wan Yao envied those around Yan Erlang.
To comfort the princess, Chunhua said against her conscience: "...Perhaps Yan Erlang is merely fishing for fame."
Mu Wan Yao: "Yet he doesn't fish for fame with me."
She mocked herself: "Am I being too demanding? Too unreasonable?"
Chunhua fought back tears: "Wanting someone to treat you well - how is that unreasonable?"
The maid knelt beside the princess, weeping sorrowfully, her heart aching with pity for her mistress.
They always say the Emperor is a solitary figure.
But what difference was there between Mu Wan Yao and a solitary figure now?
No friends, no family. Looking around, all she saw were enemies. In the vast city of Chang'an, Mu Wan Yao trusted no one.
After grieving for the princess for a long while, Chunhua dried her tears and made a resolution. Her heart pounding, she grasped the princess's hand and asked: "What does Your Highness truly want from Yan Erlang?"
Mu Wan Yao didn't understand her maid's meaning, looking down at her: "What do you mean?"
Chunhua gathered her courage for the first time to encourage the princess: "If Your Highness only wants to... to sleep with Yan Erlang, that's actually easy - we just need to drug him. After all, he's right next door to us right now."
Mu Wan Yao was taken aback. She lifted her eyelids and actually considered it seriously.
Then she shook her head: "It's not just about sleeping. I want him to always treat me well. His temperament is too good - I wish I had someone like that by my side. I'm greedy for how he treats me."
Chunhua's heart sank.
This isn't a good sign, she thought.
What Your Highness wants seems to be growing...
Chunhua said: "But Your Highness won't marry him."
Mu Wan Yao hummed in agreement: "Indeed."
In the quiet night, Chunhua whispered: "This is rather difficult to handle."
Mu Wan Yao repeated listlessly: "Indeed."
After a long silence, Mu Wan Yao heard Chunhua's extremely soft voice: "Your Highness... this isn't a good sign. Better a brief pain than a prolonged one. Your Highness should try to break it off. To avoid getting hurt later."
Mu Wan Yao, with her eyes closed, felt her eyelashes tremble slightly. Her breath brushed against the feather fan covering her face. For a long time, Chunhua heard no response from her.
Chunhua sighed softly. As she stood up, she finally heard Mu Wan Yao's quiet voice after the long silence: "I'll try."
Chunhua's eyes grew warm as she looked down at the princess curled up like an infant in its mother's embrace. Mu Wan Yao kept her eyes closed, turning her back, her silhouette slender and fragile.
Having glimpsed the face of love, she retreated and abandoned it out of fear.
Chunhua knew this was difficult... but a princess who had been through political marriages truly didn't have much room for capriciousness.
Emotions that could be controlled at will would be best for Mu Wan Yao—
Mu Wan Yao was indeed a princess cold enough in heart and soul.
Having said she would try, she truly didn't ask about Yan Erlang again in the following days, nor did she sit in the pavilion watching his residence across the way.
While Yan Shang went to the Institute for the Advancement of Literature every day, Mu Wan Yao attended banquets daily, met with ministers daily, saw the Crown Prince daily. Though they lived on the same lane, the two managed not to meet at all.Mu Wan Yao had reverted to her former self—the aloof princess devoid of any emotion.
At dusk, rain began to fall. Yan Shang stepped out of the Institute for the Advancement of Literature and stood beneath the corridor, sighing as he watched the downpour.
Though Chang’an was often rainy, the sky had been clear when he left home that morning. Yan Shang had forgotten his umbrella, never expecting the rain to start by evening.
Now, he was the only one left in the Institute, making it difficult even to borrow an umbrella. So he lingered under the eaves, observing the rain and waiting for it to lighten.
As he waited for the rain to cease, his gaze fixed on the deluge between heaven and earth, his mind drifted, recalling fragments of the past.
He remembered that every significant encounter with Mu Wan Yao had unfolded beneath heavy rain.
The first time he saw her on the Plum Pass Ancient Road in the pouring rain—who would have guessed that the haughty young woman sitting and fanning herself was the renowned Danyang Princess?
As they grew more acquainted, their connections always seemed intertwined with rain, as if veiled in a layer of misty haze…
At this thought, a faint smile touched Yan Shang’s lips. But he soon snapped back to reality, his thoughts wandering again.
He realized he hadn’t seen Mu Wan Yao since the beginning of May.
Sometimes, when he went to pay his respects, the staff at the Princess Residence would say she was not in. He wondered why she was avoiding him… Had he done something wrong?
Yan Shang carefully reviewed their last meeting but found nothing unusual about that day.
Could it have been his question, "Have you really never kissed anyone?" But she wasn’t the type to hold a grudge over a single remark for so long… She was, after all, a young princess who accumulated grievances easily but forgot them just as quickly.
Amidst the rain, as Yan Shang’s thoughts drifted aimlessly, he suddenly heard the rhythmic sound of carriage wheels.
Squinting, he looked toward the dusk-shrouded rain and saw an ornate canopy carriage approaching leisurely. The sight of such a lavishly decorated vehicle made his heart skip a beat, stirring peculiar thoughts.
Could it be… Mu Wan Yao?
Did she know he was stranded at the Institute and come to fetch him?
This unwarranted anticipation set his heart racing, filling him with a sense of fluster. Yan Shang stood frozen, trying to convince himself he was overthinking—how could it possibly be her?
Yet another voice in his mind argued, why not? She was exactly the kind of person who acted tough but was soft-hearted. She was precisely the type to inexplicably do such a thing.
The carriage stopped in front of the Institute.
Yan Shang grew even more rigid, watching as it halted, uncertain whether he should approach or how to face Mu Wan Yao after such a long time… until a woman’s voice called out from inside the carriage, "Why is Young Master Yan still here?"
It was not Mu Wan Yao’s voice.
Yan Shang instantly sobered.
He looked closely, recognizing the carriage. The driver was unfamiliar to him. As the curtain lifted, a beautiful face with the charm of a young matron appeared.
It was not Mu Wan Yao.
Suppressing an indescribable sense of disappointment, Yan Shang bowed with clasped hands. "So it is Your Highness, the Eldest Princess."
Leaning against the carriage window, Luling Grand Princess observed the young man standing in the rain, his tall, bamboo-like figure drenched, his wide sleeves soaked. Her eyes dimmed slightly as she smiled and said, "Young Master Yan, why be so formal? Are you trapped by the rain? Why not get in? I can give you a ride."
Yan Shang replied gently, "I dare not trouble Your Highness. I shall wait here at the Institute a while longer…"The Eldest Princess: "Yan Lang, the rain is so heavy. How long do you intend to wait? Come into the carriage. I happen to have some questions for you."
Yan Shang paused slightly.
Recalling Feng Xianyu’s warning to be cautious of Luling Grand Princess, Yan Shang reflected that if there were any reason for conflict between him and the Eldest Princess, it would likely stem from the incident where the Tanhua laureate’s ranking had been replaced… Yan Shang had no desire to offend the Eldest Princess; if an opportunity arose to clarify the matter, it would be for the best.
With that, Yan Shang lifted his robe and stepped into the carriage, speaking gently, “Your humble servant can only defer to Your Highness’s command.”
The Eldest Princess chuckled softly, “Yan Lang, it is precisely your gentle and considerate nature that I adore.”
Languidly, she lit a stick of incense in the carriage brazier, waving her hand lightly to let the fragrance permeate the entire compartment—
That evening, rain fell relentlessly over the city. Just as Yan Shang entered the Eldest Princess’s carriage, Mu Wan Yao’s carriage drifted leisurely into the lane, heading toward the Princess Residence.
She had just returned from the Crown Prince’s quarters and now sat in the carriage, lost in thought over recent court affairs. Mu Wan Yao had just learned that the Ministry of Revenue, under the Crown Prince’s purview, was short of funds once again… The situation had brought everyone to a standstill.
Yet what was the Crown Prince doing? Where could so much money possibly be needed?
If she could help the Crown Prince resolve this matter, would her own standing rise?
As these thoughts crossed her mind, a guard tapped lightly on the carriage window from outside: “Your Highness, there is another carriage stopped ahead.”
Mu Wan Yao instinctively assumed it was Yan Shang.
After all, aside from the Princess Residence, the only other residence in this lane was his.
But Yan Shang was a pauper—since when could he afford a carriage?
Unwilling to see him, Mu Wan Yao was about to order her carriage to retreat and yield the way when a young man’s cool voice came from outside: “Your Highness.”
It was Wei Shu’s voice.
Mu Wan Yao lifted the curtain and saw attendants holding umbrellas over Wei Shu, who stood in the rain as pristine and cold as snow, bowing to her with clasped hands.
The carriage ahead clearly belonged to Wei Shu, not Yan Shang.
Annoyed at her mistaken assumption, and having not seen Wei Shu for some time, Mu Wan Yao’s eyes brightened involuntarily. Who wouldn’t appreciate such an elegant and graceful young man?
She smiled warmly, “Has Ju Yuan come to see me? Stay and join me for dinner at the residence.”
Wei Shu paused in surprise.
Then he replied, “I came to see Second Brother Yan. It’s my first visit since he moved to his new home, and I hadn’t realized it was opposite Your Highness’s Princess Residence.”
Mu Wan Yao: “…Oh.”
Wei Shu, standing in the rain, and Mu Wan Yao, seated in her carriage, stared at each other in silence.
Wei Shu looked up at the princess, puzzled.
He was not one to stir trouble, nor did he grasp the princess’s current embarrassment. As the princess fell silent, he simply watched quietly, unable to ease her discomfort as Yan Shang might have…
With no one to rescue the situation, Mu Wan Yao grew intensely flustered and irritated. In a huff, she dropped the curtain and ignored Wei Shu entirely.
Second Brother Yan.
How intimate… far too intimate, indeed.
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