The topic of children came up again.
Mu Wan Yao sat in Yan Shang's embrace, listening to him speak about his conversation with his father. The hand he was holding trembled, and she wanted to rise and leave.
But Yan Shang gently yet firmly held her wrist, preventing her from leaving as he finished speaking.
Mu Wan Yao stared at him in a daze. She had long told him that if he didn't mind, she wouldn't either. She acted as if it didn't matter, but it was still painful.
Every time she remembered, it felt like a tiny needle pricking her heart.
In life, one must balance pain and joy.
When in pain, don't lose hope; when joyful, don't constantly dwell on past suffering. In short, don't be greedy.
But she was raised on grains, she was flesh and blood, she was human.
Being human means having greed and delusions. She never truly defied worldly conventions—the more she loved someone, the more she hated the past, hated herself for not being able to have a child with him...
Mu Wan Yao's eyelashes grew damp.
Yan Shang looked down at the lady sitting in his lap. He had been observing her and, seeing her eyes moist with what seemed like resentment and pain, he lowered his head to caress her face.
His fingers rested on her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her eyelashes, smiling: "What's this? Didn't we agree not to mind?"
Mu Wan Yao pressed her lips together.
Suddenly she said: "Actually, it's all my fault. I didn't know I would meet you, didn't know I would love you so much. If I had known earlier, I would never have treated myself so poorly. Have I ever told you... I actually had a child once..."
Mu Wan Yao lowered her eyes, whispering: "I gave it up myself. I killed my own child with my own hands. Chunhua told me it was stillborn, but I never looked."
Yan Shang froze.
She continued vacantly: "I couldn't look. To leave the Black Barbarians, I couldn't leave any attachments behind. If that child had grown up, it would have become a threat to me, and I would never have been able to leave the Black Barbarians. Just like Chunhua—she had a child and couldn't leave the palace. I wanted to take her away, but she couldn't go.
"That's what I was afraid of.
"But my heart is particularly cruel, isn't it?"
As if feeling her pain, his grip on her wrist tightened, his shoulders tensing.
Yan Shang pulled her tightly into his embrace, pressing her face against his neck. His voice was low, filled with restraint: "It's my fault. I shouldn't have brought this up, making you sad. I thought... we could talk about it.
"But I didn't mean to make you remember unpleasant things. Yaoyao, I'm sorry, let's not speak of this again."
Tears shimmered in Mu Wan Yao's eyes, yet she couldn't help smiling. She said softly: "Why are you like this?"
She lifted her face, gazing at his features.
Mu Wan Yao murmured absently: "I wasn't well before. After returning from the Black Barbarians, I didn't take good care of myself. I was self-destructive for years because I never wanted to have children again. But after marrying you, brother, I've increasingly thought... if only I could bear you a child."
She caressed his brows and eyes, lost in thought: "Boy or girl doesn't matter, as long as it's our child. They would have brows and eyes like yours, long hair like mine. Best if their temperament is like Second Brother's—if a boy, gentle as jade; if a girl, soft and graceful.""He would have my talents. Second Brother Yan would teach him reading and writing, while I would instruct him in music, chess, poetry, and painting. I would often lose my temper and scold him. Second Brother Yan would then comfort him, explaining that I love him dearly—it’s just that my temper is poor.
"Second Brother Yan would teach him to love me in return.
"I just want a child. Our family... just the three of us would be enough."
Her voice choked with emotion: "So many scoundrels and brutes in this world have children. I am not a terrible person, and you, Second Brother Yan, are such a good man. I sacrificed for Great Wei by agreeing to the Peace Marriage, and now, like you, I care deeply for the people’s welfare—I have contributed to the world. With all the good we’ve done, can we not even earn the right to have a child?"
Yan Shang held her tightly, murmuring, "Yao Yao..."
Mu Wan Yao rubbed her eyes, lifting her gaze. Her eyes were tinged with red, yet her expression was as cold as snow.
She was both sorrowful and defiant: "Actually, after marrying Second Brother Yan, I wondered—if I couldn’t bear a child myself, should I let another woman have one with him? I thought, how could someone as good as Second Brother Yan go through life without an heir and face criticism?
"No matter how much you contribute to the world, no matter how much you accomplish, if you have no child... it will affect your standing in official circles and draw public scorn."
Yan Shang gripped her hand even tighter, staring at her in shock, never imagining she had entertained such thoughts.
Having just wept, Mu Wan Yao curved her eyes into a smile under his stunned gaze. His sheer astonishment struck her as endearing.
She grumbled, "Why so shocked? I am that kind of wicked princess, after all. A wicked princess loves you by wanting you, protecting you, and refusing to let you be mocked by the world. If your political rivals use this against you, I would be furious to death."
Yan Shang frowned. "What nonsense are you thinking? I would never... be with another woman... like that."
Mu Wan Yao lifted her chin proudly.
"Of course you wouldn’t. Having slept with a great beauty like me, how could you possibly fancy other common powders and paints?"
Yan Shang: "..."
He couldn’t help but laugh. Even the saddest of topics would inevitably yield to her charm.
She made him both embarrassed and fond, and he couldn’t resist reaching out to pinch her cheek.
His clear, spring-like eyes swept over her chattering crimson lips as he chuckled, "Let me see how Your Highness has started spouting nonsense again. How is it our little princess only picks up the bad habits and none of the good?"
Mu Wan Yao wrapped her arms around his neck, cooing, "Because Second Brother Yan spoils me."
As soon as he pinched her cheek, she cried out, "You don’t spoil me anymore!"
Yan Shang whispered, "I certainly won’t indulge you in spewing such vulgarities."
Mu Wan Yao buried her face in his neck and rolled her eyes.
Yan Shang chided, "A lady does not roll her eyes."
Mu Wan Yao feigned innocence, "I didn’t."
Their banter quickly dispelled the earlier melancholy.
Such is the nature of a close relationship—it often veers off-topic, and there’s little one can do about it.
After nuzzling in Yan Shang’s embrace for a while and being patted a few times, Mu Wan Yao, blushing, nibbled at his chin and teased him for a long time before finally recalling their original conversation with difficulty.
Mu Wan Yao: "I know you would never sleep with another woman. You are the man with the strongest moral compass I’ve ever met. You restrain yourself so much—sometimes I resent how strictly you hold yourself, and other times I love that almost self-tormenting discipline of yours.""After marrying you, I consulted the imperial physicians about my health—whether I could recuperate for a few years and whether I could bear children. The physicians were evasive, saying 'perhaps, possibly.' I knew then that those old men were cunning foxes, unwilling to give me a definite answer. Their vagueness meant the likelihood was extremely low.
"But something is better than nothing."
Yan Shang immediately lowered his head: "You've been recuperating?"
Mu Wan Yao nodded.
Yan Shang fell silent for a moment, his hand massaging her inner wrist, his voice slightly hoarse: "How did I not know..."
Seeing the look in his eyes, Mu Wan Yao knew he was blaming himself again. He must have thought it was because of him that she was recuperating. And he would assume the process was difficult, that she was under pressure, that she was suffering...
Mu Wan Yao quickly reassured him: "With how clever you are, how could I hide anything from you? You didn’t know precisely because I haven’t been making a big fuss or obsessively recuperating. I’ve just been taking a little medicine and some supplements normally, not seeking out famous physicians everywhere.
"Don’t be upset. My mindset is quite good, and I’m not suffering. Second Brother, think about the years since our marriage—how many times have you seen me sickly and frail? I truly haven’t been tormenting myself; I still have a go-with-the-flow attitude... You can rest assured."
Yan Shang began recalling various clues in his mind.
In his memory, whenever she saw him, she was always happy, bouncing around, kissing and hugging him. There were no signs of her being haggard or nauseous from taking too much medicine.
After a long pause, he collected himself and nodded slowly, believing her words.
Yan Shang asked softly: "And then?"
Mu Wan Yao: "Then I continued recuperating. Though I felt it wasn’t very useful, I still held onto a little hope. But given how inseparable we were, and how frequently we shared a bed, my belly never showed any signs... I grew disheartened and began to give up.
"At that time, I started thinking about getting you a child. I considered drugging you and forcing you to sleep with a woman I’d chosen, just to produce a child. But I was selfish—I only wanted to give you one chance. If you still didn’t have a child, I would’ve given up entirely."
Yan Shang scolded her: "Nonsense!"
He grew restless, his face darkening, never expecting Mu Wan Yao to have entertained such thoughts.
He was genuinely angry, flicking his sleeve as he stood up to leave. Mu Wan Yao stopped him, pressing him back down, and leaned in to kiss him.
Their lips and tongues intertwined, intense and unrestrained.
Yan Shang resisted, but she cupped his chin, holding him in place.
Nestled in his arms, he couldn’t bring himself to push her away, so he simply refused to open his mouth.
But Mu Wan Yao knew him all too well. Her fingers stroked his slightly stubbled jaw while her other hand slipped into his elegant robe, gently kneading his waist.
His waist was sensitive, and he jerked sideways. Frowning and panting, his hand tightened over hers, fingers curling and trembling, until he finally surrendered, letting her take advantage of the moment.
Once his emotions had settled, Mu Wan Yao released him.
Yan Shang grumbled: "Using that trick again! Is that all you know?"
He scolded her, but Mu Wan Yao didn’t respond. Her bright, clear eyes gazed at his flushed lips, and the sight of him panting and murmuring stirred something within her.
When she offered no remorseful reply, he looked down at her.
Yan Shang’s dark, glistening eyes met hers—so pure and innocent—while Mu Wan Yao’s mind instantly flooded with indecent thoughts.
Restrain, restrain.
Business first.Though Mu Wan Yao was rubbing his waist, her mind had already begun to wander from serious matters.
Mu Wan Yao said absently, "Why the rush? I was only thinking about it in my head—I didn’t actually succeed, did I? Because I don’t want you to sleep with other women either. Haven’t I always refrained from taking action?"
Yan Shang gritted his teeth, "Thank goodness you didn’t."
Afraid she might entertain such thoughts again, he grabbed her wrist and emphasized, "I really don’t need that. If you ever mess around like that, I’ll ignore you."
He felt his threat sounded hollow and unconvincing.
He stressed again with more force, "I mean it—I’ll ignore you. For years! Absolutely ignore you!"
Mu Wan Yao burst into laughter.
Yan Shang was annoyed, "I’m talking to you, what are you laughing at now?"
Mu Wan Yao thought to herself, I’m laughing because you’re adorable.
Beaming and coquettish, she warmly wrapped her arms around his neck, cupped his face, and planted kisses all over. He struggled and leaned back, but Mu Wan Yao straightened her expression and chided, "What’s with all the empty threats? Didn’t the Emperor feed you that infertility drug? After that, I gave up completely.
"If you hadn’t been babbling nonsense to your father recently, I wouldn’t have even remembered it."
Yan Shang felt relieved.
He studied her for a moment, then lowered his shoulders and gently embraced her.
He kissed her cheek and noticed her eyes narrowing as if she were particularly pleased, which made him feel shy and flustered. Mu Wan Yao was always so honest in her reactions to his touch—her responses told him clearly that she liked it.
For someone as reserved as him, there was no better encouragement.
Yan Shang said softly, "So you see, it’s really nothing. Life rarely offers perfection, and I’m content with nine-tenths of it. It doesn’t matter if we don’t have children—having you is enough for me. Having you by my side brings me joy; anything more would just be a bonus, and it’s fine if we don’t have it."
Worried she might still feel resentful about it, he blushed and mustered the courage to say things he would never normally utter—
"Besides, not having children is quite nice too. You… you won’t get pregnant, so I… I can be with you whenever we want, however we want. I… I can go inside without worrying about harming you.
"You don’t have to drink Child Aversion Soup. I’ve heard it’s bad for women’s health, and I don’t want you to take it. But I can’t always control myself… so not having children is… is actually good.
"I’ve heard… heard that many men, to avoid getting their wives pregnant repeatedly, have to… have to pull out at the last moment. I… I don’t have to…"
He mumbled, stammered, and stumbled over his words, whispering a great deal into her ear.
At first, Mu Wan Yao was confused, unsure what he meant by his repeated "whenever we want," but as he avoided her gaze and stammered midway, she finally understood.
She leisurely enjoyed his embarrassment, watching as his face flushed red but he bravely persevered under her teasing gaze to express his meaning fully.
By the time Yan Shang finished speaking, sweat had beaded on his forehead.
He turned his face away and let out a soft sigh.
Mu Wan Yao pinched his chin and turned his face back toward her, teasing him, "I don’t understand what you’re saying. Say it again, won’t you?"
Feigning innocence, she asked, "What do you mean by ‘whenever we want’? What’s this about pulling out? What’s the ‘last moment’? Are you practicing some kind of martial art? Is it a powerful technique? Do I know about it?"
Yan Shang: "…"
He grumbled in frustration, "There you go again."He lowered his head, strands of hair falling over his flushed earlobes, and said, "You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. You just enjoy watching me make a fool of myself. Why do you always find amusement in my embarrassment? I never mock you, yet you constantly laugh at me."
Seeing that he seemed genuinely upset, Mu Wan Yao finally reined in her teasing nature.
She chuckled and hopped off his lap first, clapping her hands lightly. "Alright, alright, I'll stop teasing you. It's just that you've been so composed for so long, I wanted to see you blush again. You rarely get flustered these days, but you're at your most amusing when you're embarrassed.
"Anyway... regarding the matter of children, Second Brother Yan and I have reached an understanding, haven't we? Let's let things happen naturally and not overthink it."
Yan Shang nodded.
His intention in discussing his father's words with her today was precisely to express this sentiment of letting nature take its course. He just hadn't expected those four simple words to lead to such a lengthy conversation.
Thinking they had finally reached an agreement, a faint smile appeared on his face. Yan Shang stood up. The moment he rose, Mu Wan Yao excitedly grabbed his sleeve and pulled him toward her.
Yan Shang looked bewildered.
Mu Wan Yao's eyes sparkled brightly: "Where are you going?"
Yan Shang replied softly: "To the government office to check on things."
Mu Wan Yao: "Is there urgent official business?"
Yan Shang said sheepishly: "Not really. I just want to take a look."
Mu Wan Yao: "If it's not important, then don't go. Second Brother Yan, let's go to bed."
Yan Shang froze.
He stared at her in surprise, the corners of his eyes instantly tinged with red.
Mu Wan Yao was baffled by his innocence: "After all that talk about going to bed, don't tell me you didn't feel anything? I thought you wanted to have some passionate time with me in the bedroom. You were so strongly tempting me, I understood."
Yan Shang was both confused by her righteous indignation and couldn't help but laugh: "...I wasn't."
Mu Wan Yao: "You're always 'I wasn't' when we're out of bed."
She tilted her cheek playfully and began counting his reservations on her fingers: "It wasn't you who blushed, it wasn't you who looked at me with anticipation, it wasn't you who played hard to get. You were always innocently led to bed by me, but you remain the purest and cleanest, completely without thoughts. It's always me who drags you into worldly desires, who makes you experience passion and love.
"The one consumed by desire isn't you, the one holding me and stammering isn't you. The one who pushes me down isn't you, the one who prefers certain positions isn't you... Every single time it's me forcing you, while you remain innocent."
Yan Shang immediately reached out to cover her mouth.
He was grateful they were in their room, where he could silence her by covering her mouth. He glared at her helplessly while her eyelashes fluttered against his palm, her eyes clear but with a mischievous upward tilt that captivated him.
Yan Shang's skin burned hot. After a long moment, he said: "...Let's draw the bed curtains."
Thus the married couple took their afternoon nap.
Spring drowsiness and summer fatigue—there was simply no helping it—
At the borderlands of Jiannan, Yan Xiaozhou had been practicing medicine with an elderly physician for over a year.
She followed her teacher in and out of the military camp. With her gentle nature and beautiful appearance, coupled with her compassionate care for the wounded, the young men in the camp had developed strong affection for her. Many quietly approached the old physician to inquire if they could court Sister Xiaozhou.
Later, everyone discovered to their disappointment that while Sister Xiaozhou was kind to everyone, she showed particular care toward one person.
That was Yang Sanlang, who had once held a noble status but now performed hard labor at the border. The one she had followed all this way—that was Yan Xiaozhou's person.In the first half of last year, Zhao Lingfei also came here looking for Yang Si and later stayed for his sake. Unlike Yan Xiaozhou who practiced medicine, Lady Zhao upheld justice with a chivalrous spirit, carrying herself like a wandering knight.
The laborers and soldiers envied Yang Si's romantic fortune—two young women had come for him one after another, and they seemed to get along well, often spending time together.
With both Ehuang and Nüying following him harmoniously without complaint, what exceptional luck Yang Si possessed!
Yet Yang Si, the object of their envy, remained taciturn, keeping to himself except for work. Yesterday, overhearing jokes about him, Yan Xiaozhou, and Zhao Lingfei, he flew into a rage for the first time in nearly two years, severely beating the offender.
His ability to take on a hundred single-handedly thus spread throughout the military camp.
That afternoon, Yan Xiaozhou accompanied her master to the camp to check on previously injured soldiers. After redressing all the wounded, she didn’t find Yang Si. Pausing outside the tent in thought, she was approached by a passing soldier who informed her, "Yang San has taken over someone’s watch; he’ll be back soon."
Yan Xiaozhou’s face flushed instantly.
She softly explained, "Yesterday, I noticed Third Brother had an arm injury, but I had no medicine then. Today, I brought some."
Having been beaten by Yang Si, the soldier dared not tease further and replied earnestly, "You’re very kind, Miss Xiaozhou."
Her cheeks burning hotter, Yan Xiaozhou lowered her head and stammered thanks, feeling her explanations only made things worse.
Biting her lip in frustration, she wished she could be as expressionless as Third Brother. Yet thinking of Yang Si, a pang of sorrow stirred in her heart... His current silence and stoicism were born of immense suffering. How could she envy traits forged by others’ pain?
After some self-reflection, though embarrassed, she still wanted to see Yang Si. She told herself that caring for him as a friend was nothing to avoid—Sister Lingfei had encouraged her, saying Third Brother needed them both.
Half an hour later, Yan Xiaozhou climbed a hillock. Catching her breath with hands on her knees, she looked up to see the young man’s tall, steadfast back.
He sat cross-legged under an ancient tree, gaze fixed on the distance, his features sharply stern. Alert to the slightest movement, his eyes swept over like lightning, lingering on Yan Xiaozhou before their sharpness softened.
He coldly averted his gaze.
Yan Xiaozhou stood behind him, both shaded by the towering tree. She smiled brightly, "So this is why it’s so cool here—no wonder Third Brother lingers after his watch."
Yang Si remained silent, statue-like.
Kneeling beside him, she gently cradled his arm. Yang Si stiffened, turning to look at her.
Head bowed, cheeks flushed with a mix of shyness and resolve, she murmured, "You injured your arm in that fight yesterday. Let me check it."
She felt his intense stare.
Yan Xiaozhou waited silently but firmly for his response.
After a long pause, Yang Si’s voice, tinged with complexity, finally came, "You... why are you so stubborn? Your brother doesn’t seem like this."
A glimmer of amusement lit her eyes.
Meeting his gaze, she keenly detected his softening. A smile playing on her lips, she replied, "My brother is stubborn too. You just don’t know it."She turned her face away, biting her lower lip. "...Take off your clothes."
Yang Si clicked his tongue and laughed.
Her eyelids felt feverish with embarrassment. Yan Xiaozhou snapped, "What?"
Yang Si chuckled, "I acknowledged you not to have you tend my wounds. I wished to ask a favor—to pass a message to your second brother. Currently, I have no allies at court, and the only influential figure I know is Yan Er. Though your brother has left Chang'an, I believe if he wishes to send word back, it would be effortless for him."
Yan Xiaozhou looked up and noticed a touch of seriousness within his lazy smile.
Yang Si leaned closer, while Yan Xiaozhou remained motionless.
As he inwardly admired her resilient character and immense courage, he pressed close to her ear and whispered, "After covering shifts for others over several months, I've noticed changes in the Black Barbarians' situation. Or rather, the internal conflicts among the entire Southern Barbarians differ from past patterns... It feels as though they've been meticulously rehearsed to lull us into complacency.
"I thought I might be mistaken, but after further observation, I'm now certain—there's something happening among the Southern Barbarians that we're unaware of."
Yan Xiaozhou gazed into his eyes.
Their breaths mingled.
Below, the soldiers monitoring them occasionally cast glances their way, spitting in disdain, thinking, "These shameless lovers dare commit such intimate acts yet fear others' gossip and even dare to beat people."
The mountain ridge was windy. Yang Si held Yan Xiaozhou's hand. Such behavior was entirely for guarding against potential spies within the army.
The handsome yet aloof young man pressed his face close to the maiden's as if confessing affection, while in reality recounting his days of observations for her to record and relay in a letter to her second brother, warning Chang'an.
Yan Xiaozhou stared at him: "No wonder you've frequently been covering shifts for others lately—it was for this matter."
Yang Si gave a wry smile.
Yan Xiaozhou: "Why haven't you informed the general here?"
Yang Si replied self-mockingly: "I did. No one believes me. They think I'm plotting rebellion, harboring hatred toward Great Wei, that I eagerly await its chaos. No one listens to me."
Yan Xiaozhou: "You don't wish for Great Wei to fall into chaos?"
Yang Si looked into her eyes.
He lowered his gaze and said, "This is where Eldest Brother Lang is buried, where you live, where my parents lived. Why would I want Great Wei in chaos? Xiaozhou... You must relay this message to Yan Er. He has the ability to prevent this."
Yan Xiaozhou nodded.
Recognizing the gravity of the matter, she pondered briefly before ceasing pleasantries with Yang Si. She stood, shouldered her medicine chest, and descended the mountain, eager to write the letter quickly so her second brother would receive it sooner.
Yang Si remained seated cross-legged, watching her slender waist and the dark lock of hair swaying by her cheek. She appeared delicate and soft, flesh and blood like any other, yet so distinctly different.
He was drawn to her spring-sunshine radiance, warmed by her companionship.
Suddenly, Yang Si called out to her retreating figure: "Little Sister Xiaozhou!"
Yan Xiaozhou turned back, the wind tousling her hair and sleeves.
Yang Si smiled and said, "It's nothing. Go on."
Yan Xiaozhou paused briefly. His gaze was cold, yet when their eyes met, a clear warmth sparked deep within. In that moment, she glimpsed his unspoken thoughts.
Yan Xiaozhou chided: "What are you laughing at!"
Yet he continued smiling at her, and she couldn't help but smile back.
The mountain winds whistled, and countless unspoken words dissolved into their foolish grins.
She waved at him, lifted her skirts, and ran down the mountain. Yang Si watched her go, his thoughts drifting to the bell she had given him two years earlier.
He decided he would retrieve that bell and hang it from his waist.
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