"Dо wе rеаllу hаve to tаlk аbоut this оn Сhristmas Eve?" Zаng Yаo loоked at Luаn Niаn. "Yоu knоw this might ruin еvеry Christmаs for the rest of my life."
"Whаt did уou mеan еаrliеr whеn yоu sаid wе nеvеr wantеd to be friends in thе first рlaсe? I don’t remеmber eхpressing аnу sресiаl fеelings towаrd уou." Luаn Niаn suddеnly rеcаllеd what Zhang Хin hаd said: Yоu’re so cоld-blooded, уоu’rе not humаn.
Zang Yao nоddеd. "Тhen I misundеrstооd." Shе fеlt а little sаd. Shе had аlwaуs thought Luan Niаn treаtеd hеr differеntlу—nо mаtter where shе moved, he would alwаys visit her. Luan Niаn was onе of hеr fеw old friеnds who knew all her stories.
"If I hurt you, I’m sorry."
Zang Yao smiled and shook her head. "Don’t. You’re Luan Nian. Luan Nian never apologizes. Besides, it’s not your fault."
"I’m sorry."
Zang Yao shrugged. "Cheer up~ I still have to move when I get back. I really plan to stay in Beijing for a while, and then… I want to go to Yinchuan."
"Did I ruin every Christmas for the rest of your life?" Luan Nian asked her.
"Not that bad." Zang Yao smiled at him, but her heart ached deeply. Luan Nian was her last bit of hope for men. She had always known she truly loved him—she just didn’t dare.
Shang Zhi Tao felt the torment.
She was still young, inexperienced in hiding her feelings for someone, and unable to conceal her longing. She stared at her phone all day, hoping for even a few words from Luan Nian. She held onto the faint, humble hope that he might occasionally think of her as a "bed partner" amid the joyful holiday.
Even asking about her work like before would have been enough. But Luan Nian didn’t.
It wasn’t until Christmas evening that she remembered Luan Nian had asked her to help take care of his fish—the red arowana. On her first two visits, Shang Zhi Tao had secretly named it: Little Red Flag.
"But I don’t have the key," she messaged Luan Nian.
"In the Christmas decoration tied to the tree in the garden."
"Okay."
Shang Zhi Tao put on her down jacket and went out, walking through the Christmas evening. The world was truly lively, making her heart feel even more alive, eager to join in the festivities. But Yao Bei was on a business trip, Sun Yu had a Christmas social event, and Lumi was surely at a nightclub. She didn’t know who to hang out with.
When she arrived at Luan Nian’s house, she found his courtyard gate unlocked. Luan Nian was truly confident in his neighborhood’s security. Pushing the door open, she saw a red ball tied to the tree in his yard—Luan Nian’s half-hearted attempt at decorating.
Shang Zhi Tao took down the red ball, retrieved the key from inside, and unlocked the door. Turning on the lights, she saw Little Red swimming in the massive fish tank. Shang Zhi Tao didn’t know how to care for fish—she could barely take care of herself, let alone a fish.
"Luke, how should I take care of your fish?"
Luan Nian’s call came quickly. Shang Zhi Tao hurriedly answered, hearing him say, "Help me change the filter cotton in the fish tank. It’s in the kitchen storage cabinet. Then check the water temperature and feed it a little fish food."
"Oh."
Shang Zhi Tao ran to the kitchen to find the filter cotton, setting the phone aside as she clattered around. Luan Nian didn’t rush her. Once she retrieved the filter cotton, he taught her how to change it, check the water temperature, and feed the fish. After a long struggle, Shang Zhi Tao finally finished taking care of Little Red. "Everything’s done. Should I leave now? Should I hang the key back on the tree?"
…"Take the key with you, and give it back to me when I return. Also, there's a shopping bag on the sofa—it's a gift for you. Merry Christmas." Luan Nian hung up the phone.
Shang Zhi Tao was taken aback. She had a Christmas gift too?
On the sofa lay a square shopping bag with a logo she recognized—another expensive bag, her Christmas present.
Shang Zhi Tao felt a bit dazed. This was the second bag she had received from Luan Nian in a short time. She thought the reward for sleeping with him was far too generous. Receiving a Christmas gift should have brought joy, but it didn’t. She would have preferred Luan Nian to give her an apple or a flower, like Sun Yuanzhu did, rather than a bag.
"Luke gave me another bag, said it’s a Christmas gift," she messaged Sun Yu.
Sun Yu saw it and replied, "Keep it."
Sun Yu was pragmatic. Sexual partners weren’t forever, but money could solve big problems. It wasn’t like she was stealing or robbing—why not take a bag a man gave her?
"Keep it, then come hang out at my place."
"Okay."
Shang Zhi Tao’s lingering fantasies about love kept nagging at her. She expected more from Luan Nian, yet felt she was overthinking it. Barely in her twenties, her thoughts were still immature, wavering back and forth. Sometimes she felt love wasn’t important, but her mind kept circling through these tangled emotions.
"Thank you for the Christmas gift. It’s too expensive. I didn’t get you anything."
"I don’t need anything."
"Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas."
Suddenly, Shang Zhi Tao wondered: Did the girl who went to Hokkaido with Luan Nian know about her existence? Did she know the man she liked had a regular sexual partner in Beijing? Would she care if she found out? Or was she like her, fully aware but unable to mind? Shang Zhi Tao felt she was too weak-willed, lost in these chaotic thoughts all the way home until morality finally prevailed.
"That day, you said either of us could end the relationship if we found someone new."
Luan Nian was drinking with a group of friends when he saw Shang Zhi Tao’s message. He frowned. "What? Found someone new?"
"...I haven’t."
"Then what do you mean? Be direct." Luan Nian hated beating around the bush and wasting time. He had no patience for guessing others’ thoughts.
"I mean, if you have someone else, please let me know. I don’t want to feel morally condemned." After typing this, Shang Zhi Tao let out a long sigh of relief, but her heart sank halfway when she saw Luan Nian’s reply.
He said, "Since when do fuck buddies have moral constraints?"
"There’s the risk of disease."
"Use protection." Luan Nian was pushing back. He didn’t like discussing this pointless topic with Shang Zhi Tao, who was clearly implying he was promiscuous.
"So, do you have other partners?" It was Christmas, but Shang Zhi Tao was having a terrible day. Luan Nian had ruined her holiday. Even though he wasn’t with her, his attitude easily swayed her emotions. Her stubbornness, however rare, surfaced again, making her want to clarify things with Luan Nian. Even as fuck buddies, it should be one-on-one—she wouldn’t accept promiscuity. Had she really fallen this low?
"Yes, so what?" Luan Nian put down his glass and said to the others, "Go ahead without me, I have something to take care of." He found a quiet spot to lean against and focused on chatting with Shang Zhi Tao. But it didn’t take long for Shang Zhi Tao to show her resolve and courage.
"Then I want to end our relationship."
"Fine."Luan Nian replied curtly, then slipped his phone into his pocket and went inside to drink. His mood suddenly soured. He sat drinking sake with his friends, but with a simmering anger. To him, Shang Zhi Tao was merely a bed partner, dispensable, and he didn’t need to force anything. Moreover, he was well aware of Shang Zhi Tao’s feelings for him and knew how to handle it—it wasn’t difficult. Yet he was still angry.
Seeing that single word “Fine,” Shang Zhi Tao fully understood Luan Nian’s attitude toward her. In his heart, she was insignificant, just a casual distraction for him, whether she was there or not made no difference.
She felt like crying but couldn’t shed a tear. She took the bag home and placed it alongside the previous one, both still in their original packaging, untouched. She didn’t even know what the bag looked like, just left them piled there. It was from that moment she decided she didn’t like luxury goods—they made her sad, a reminder of the distance between her and Luan Nian.
She rarely wore makeup, but that day she put some on to attend Sun Yu’s event. Christmas was bustling, with singles gathering for eight-minute speed dates. By the time Shang Zhi Tao arrived, Sun Yu had already explained the rules, and everyone was preparing their self-introductions.
Sun Yu leaned in and whispered in her ear, “See the man in the blue shirt? He’s back from Silicon Valley, works in testing, has published a few books, owns a house and a car.”
“I’m just here to make up the numbers for you,” Shang Zhi Tao told Sun Yu.
“No,” Sun Yu shook her head. “Shang Zhi Tao, you’re here to find your other half.”
“Alright,” Shang Zhi Tao replied, feeling no psychological pressure now. She had ended things with Luan Nian and was completely single. “That one? Who else has good qualifications?”
“The one in the gray sweater is also good.”
“Okay. I’ll go then.”
Shang Zhi Tao had never participated in such an event before, and the experience felt fresh. Strangers sat face-to-face, engaging in eight minutes of conversation before moving on to the next. She sat upright, answering the questions from the man across from her seriously. The questions were all over the place—one bespectacled man asked if she accepted being DINK (Double Income No Kids). Shang Zhi Tao didn’t even know what DINK meant and casually replied, “Yes, yes.”
Another man with a side-parted hairstyle asked her, “What’s your understanding of a soulmate?”
“Huh?” Shang Zhi Tao had never thought about it, her face clearly showing her confusion. The man frowned in disappointment.
Finally, it was the Silicon Valley elite’s turn. Shang Zhi Tao sat across from him and smiled politely. “Hello.”
The elite didn’t even look up. “Introduce yourself: name, age, hometown, alma mater, current profession, and financial status.”
It felt like a job interview. But Shang Zhi Tao answered earnestly, wanting to support Sun Yu. Her demeanor was extremely proper, and the man finally looked at her. “What’s your number?”
“What?”
“Your number? For the voting later. I’ll vote for you. I’m number six.”
“Oh, oh, I’m number five.”
Shang Zhi Tao carefully noted the man’s number and, during the voting, indeed wrote down number six. Number six was the undisputed charm king, while Shang Zhi Tao received only one vote.
Sun Yu said, “We’ll introduce those who voted for each other after the event ends.”
When the event was over, Shang Zhi Tao asked Sun Yu, “Can you give me the Silicon Valley elite’s number? We agreed to vote for each other.”Sun Yu laughed so hard she couldn't straighten up. "Only a big fool like you would believe someone who says they'll vote for you in return! He voted for that woman in the off-shoulder dress."
"Damn. So insincere." Shang Zhi Tao also burst out laughing, helping Sun Yu pack up while asking, "Did that off-shoulder woman vote for him then?"
"That off-shoulder woman voted for another girl."
"What?" Shang Zhi Tao's mouth fell open. "Huh?"
"Don't get it, do you?" Sun Yu pinched her cheek. "You, do you even realize society is far more complicated than you think?"
"It really is complicated." Shang Zhi Tao was somewhat convinced. After finishing packing, both of them collapsed from exhaustion. A long while later, they helped each other up. "Let's go, good friend. Merry Christmas."
Merry Christmas.
Gazing at the snow on the street, Shang Zhi Tao inexplicably said.
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