Shаng Zhi Тао's first рroject in hеr сareеr was cоmрlеtеd rеlаtively smоothly, aside from that initiаl inсident. Тhat аftеrnооn, as shе sаt in thе соnferеnce roоm finаlizing the рroject hаndover, shе felt a fаint, hiddеn ехсitеmеnt. Although it wаs just аn ordinаrу smаll prоjeсt, it rеpresеntеd significаnt progress fоr her.
She lingerеd in thе сonfеrence rооm а little lоngеr, еаgеr tо sharе а few wоrds with somеone. Тhe first реrsоn she thоught оf wаs Luаn Nian, who had bеen guiding her all along. Shаng Zhi Tao wаs very grаteful tо him. Shе wantеd to share her joy with him, and so she did—she sent Luan Nian a message: "Hello, I've just delivered my first independent project. I'm a little happy."
Luan Nian was in a shareholders' meeting when he saw the message. For the first time ever, he replied: "Congratulations."
A while later, he sent another message: "Going to treat me to a meal?"
"Yes!"
"Go up the mountain for fish?"
"Okay."
Shang Zhi Tao's joy now had a place to settle, and she was as happy as a child. She found a spot far from the company to wait for Luan Nian, who drove over to pick her up. As she got into the car, he asked, "Why choose such a faraway place?"
"Afraid people might see."
"...Couldn't it be because of work?" Luan Nian asked her. Seeing her sudden realization, he couldn't help but laugh. "You're probably a bit silly."
The two drove up the mountain. As they neared the fish restaurant, Luan Nian turned onto a small path. Shang Zhi Tao let out a soft "Huh?"
"Didn't tell your roommate you were coming out with me today, did you?"
"No."
"Then it's convenient for me to kill and dispose of the body." Luan Nian kept a straight face, noticing Shang Zhi Tao's breath hitch. He glanced at her, then parked the car in front of a dilapidated house and got out.
Shang Zhi Tao followed him and stood before the house. In front of it was a large open space, perfect for a natural parking lot.
"I'm thinking of opening a bar on the mountain and scouting locations. How about here?"
"Huh?" Shang Zhi Tao had no concept of such things, only feeling the place was a bit run-down. "Does it need renovation?"
"Tear it down and rebuild."
"...Then why open it on the mountain?"
"Convenient for stargazing."
Shang Zhi Tao looked up—the stars on the mountain really were more beautiful than those below. She sneezed; winter nights on the mountain were too cold.
"Let's go."
They got back into the car, and Luan Nian asked Shang Zhi Tao, "How about this place?"
"Great for stargazing."
"Then it's settled."
"Huh?"
Luan Nian was never one to hesitate. Someone had sent him this address, and today was his first time seeing it. But seeing Shang Zhi Tao standing in that open space, looking up at the stars, was quite beautiful, so he suddenly made the decision.
The owner of the fish restaurant actually remembered Shang Zhi Tao and asked them, "Catch one now?"
"Yes, thank you. Don't charge it to my card today—this lady is treating." Luan Nian said to the owner with a stern face.
"Yes, yes." Shang Zhi Tao nodded.
"Catch a big one. If we can't finish it, I'll take it home." Luan Nian added.
"That really isn't necessary." Shang Zhi Tao refused.
The owner stood to the side and smiled. "I'll go catch the fish."
It had just snowed on the mountain, covering the lanterns and the tree branches. Shang Zhi Tao loved it. She stood on a rock, shaking the snow off the branches and smiled to herself. Luan Nian just stood there watching her, not joining in the fun.Shang Zhi Tao felt this evening was wonderful. She didn't ask for much—just like today, she had made progress, and Luan Nian was willing to celebrate with her. That was enough.
Winter deepened in the blink of an eye.
Sometimes, Shang Zhi Tao hoped for a little more. For example, the company would have a holiday for Christmas. Young people loved Christmas, and Shang Zhi Tao was no different. But Luan Nian was taking leave to go to Hokkaido. Shang Zhi Tao felt a hint of disappointment.
Shang Zhi Tao finished work early and called Yao Bei: "Senior, I've completed the delivery for that project, and there's a project bonus! I want to treat you to a meal."
"Sure. I'll pick you up after work."
"Can I invite my roommate? And my mentor too?"
"So the girl from Ice City is gathering the crew?" Yao Bei laughed.
In Shang Zhi Tao's hometown, a not-so-big city with long winters, the most common activity was drinking. People scattered across the city could quickly gather together with just a few phone calls. Before drinking, people from Ice City often asked: "Gathering the crew?" Shang Zhi Tao had picked up this habit well.
Shang Zhi Tao smiled: "It's more lively together. Don't drive, and I won't let my mentor drive either. Let's go have a little drink."
"That's great. It's snowing, after all. But don't you have work tomorrow?" Yao Bei asked her.
"Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Our company has a three-day Christmas holiday."
"There's such a luxurious and practical holiday as a Christmas break?" Yao Bei was genuinely envious.
"It's an American company."
The slight disappointment Luan Nian had brought her vanished in an instant. Uncharacteristically, she didn't work overtime, packed her things, and left. Lumi asked her from the side: "Is it the same friend I sent home last time?"
"Yes."
"Then I'm going to have a good drink with her today." As she spoke, she wrapped her arm around Shang Zhi Tao's neck, pulling her close: "Let me ask you, it's been almost half a year since you came to Beijing. Have you found a boyfriend? How are you spending Christmas?"
How would she spend Christmas? Shang Zhi Tao hadn't thought about it. Luan Nian was leaving on a flight that very evening. Shang Zhi Tao had overheard him making calls at his place—it seemed he had a few friends he spent the holidays with every year, from Christmas to New Year's. This year, he was going to Hokkaido.
"I want to sleep for three whole days at home." She had made up her mind. She had been working too hard lately—today, she'd have a little drink, and tomorrow, she'd sleep like there was no tomorrow.
"What a waste." Lumi smiled at her: "How about I introduce you to a boyfriend?"
"Huh?"
"My childhood friend. He's three years older than you, runs his own small restaurant, owns three properties, and is quite good-looking. Interested?" Lumi really hoped Shang Zhi Tao would date her childhood friend. She liked Shang Zhi Tao, and if they got together, they could all hang out together forever.
"But I don't want to find a boyfriend yet," Shang Zhi Tao quickly replied. She felt her relationship with Luan Nian wasn't exactly clean, and she had no intention of pulling away. She didn't want to insult anyone.
"Alright. How about just having a meal together sometime?"
"Haha, sure."
The two left the company to take the subway, heading to a grilled meat restaurant near Lumi's old place. When they got off the subway, they saw Sun Yu already waiting there. It was snowing, and she was lost in the sight. Shang Zhi Tao called out to her, and she smiled at Lumi without any awkwardness. Yao Bei wasn't shy either. And so, the group gathered together for the first time.Yao Bei said to the other two, "Little Tao Tao was very popular back in school, and quite a few boys liked her. Right?"
Shang Zhi Tao blushed a little at the praise and quickly shook her head. "No! There was only Xin Zhaozhou!"
"No, many boys liked you. You just didn't know. You're so oblivious—only someone like Xin Zhaozhou, who clearly favored you, could catch your attention."
Shang Zhi Tao thought of Xin Zhaozhou.
Yao Bei was right; Xin Zhaozhou really did favor her. But what good did that favor do? Didn't they still end up parting ways, with one heading north and the other south? As the holiday approached, Shang Zhi Tao felt a little fragile. She wondered how Xin Zhaozhou was doing in Shenzhen now.
She picked up Lumi's drink and took a sip, her eyes turning slightly red. "Xin Zhaozhou really did favor me. I feel like I'll probably never meet someone who loves me as openly and brightly as he did."
She was feeling pessimistic.
When it snowed, she admitted to herself that she liked Luan Nian, but she didn't dare hope that he liked her back. Luan Nian didn't avoid taking calls in front of her, and she overheard a man saying, "This time in Hokkaido, will you and Zang Yao finally make it official?"
Who was Zang Yao? Would Luan Nian send her a bouquet on holidays? Shang Zhi Tao loved flowers. She still remembered that Christmas during her junior year when Xin Zhaozhou stood outside her dormitory holding a bouquet. Worried the flowers would freeze, he unbuttoned his coat and cradled them against his chest—a romantically awkward sight.
After dinner, Lumi insisted on going to a nightclub. She told them, "Don't be good girls! Let's go to a nightclub, dance, and drink! Once you're there, you'll realize—to hell with men!"
None of the women had ever been to a nightclub before, but they followed Lumi anyway. Once inside, Shang Zhi Tao realized she was still naive. Within the second minute, she felt her heart was about to leap out of her chest. Yao Bei and Sun Yu, however, adapted quickly and danced with Lumi. They wouldn't let her sit there or drink lemon water, instead ordering her a cocktail. Lumi shouted in her ear, "Tonight, we're not going home!"
Shang Zhi Tao found her utterly amusing and laughed out loud, mimicking Lumi by taking a sip of the cocktail. That was the day Shang Zhi Tao started drinking. But she was picky about who she drank with—only people she liked. At the time, her tolerance was still low, and after half a cocktail, she felt dizzy and lightheaded. Fortunately, she remained relatively clear-headed, swaying to the music as she sat. When Luan Nian's call came in, she didn't see clearly who it was—only that her phone lit up—and she answered without thinking. "Hello?"
Coincidentally, after sitting there for so long without anyone bothering her, just as she answered the phone, a man leaned close to her and said, "Hey, beautiful, come dance!"
Shang Zhi Tao instinctively moved away from him and looked back at her phone—the call had already ended. She opened her call log, bringing the phone closer, and saw Luan Nian's name. She politely called him back. "Is something wrong? I couldn't hear clearly earlier."
"Where are you?" Luan Nian asked.
"I'm at a nightclub," Shang Zhi Tao replied, not thinking there was anything wrong with being there. Aside from being too loud, nightclubs were actually quite fun, and she was gradually getting into the mood.Luan Nian did not reply to her again. He knew young girls liked to have fun; no matter how well-behaved they usually seemed, there were still moments of rebellion. Shang Zhi Tao going to a nightclub had no real connection to him, and even if she went home with some man tonight, he wouldn’t mind. A long time later, he sent her another message: "Please take care of my fish for me."
Shang Zhi Tao did not reply to him again.
To be precise, Shang Zhi Tao had drunk too much. She didn’t even know where her phone was and was sent home by the other three women. When she opened her eyes the next morning, the snow had already piled up thickly.
She felt a sense of loss.
Did Hokkaido have such heavy snow too? So she took out her computer to check the weather in Hokkaido. Indeed, the snow in Hokkaido was heavy, and Otaru was truly beautiful. There were only a few travelogues about Hokkaido on the website, which she had read countless times. On Christmas Eve, she suddenly came across a short travelogue that had just been uploaded. It included photos of a group of people, and in one of them, she recognized someone familiar—Luan Nian.
Luan Nian was reaching under a girl’s arms, lifting her up, and tossing her into the snow. He was laughing happily.
So he could be that happy too.
The girl also looked familiar to Shang Zhi Tao. She thought for a long, long time before remembering that she was the girl who had gone to Luan Nian’s room that night in Guangzhou. So her name was Zang Yao.
Zang Yao was truly beautiful. No wonder his friends urged him to settle down quickly.
Shang Zhi Tao read the travelogue dozens of times. She could even recite Zang Yao’s description by heart: "In this lifetime, you must come to Hokkaido with the one you love at least once. Drink sake in Otaru, watch the snow at Lake Toya, soak in a wild hot spring, and with a group of friends, slightly tipsy, look at each other and say: Let’s be together forever."
These words were written so beautifully that Shang Zhi Tao almost cried. Her favorite photo was of Zang Yao, dancing on tiptoe on the thick snow.
It was a life she had never been able to have.
Her Christmas Eve was a bit lonely. Downstairs, adults and children were exchanging apples, as people were still enthusiastic about Western holidays in those years. She felt she should eat an apple too, so she jumped out of bed and went to the living room. On the dining table, she found an apple with a note underneath that read: "For Shang Zhi Tao. Merry Christmas Eve. Sun Yuanzhu."
Shang Zhi Tao suddenly burst into tears.
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