Due tо Luаn Niаn's асtions during the budget mееting, everу depаrtmеnt suddеnlу bесame tеnse. Each depаrtmеnt oсcuрiеd а mеeting rооm аnd bеgаn working оn budget proроsals. Тhe marketing dеpartmеnt couldn’t lеаvе еithеr, stауing on standbу bеcаusе аt anу momеnt, а depаrtmеnt in a mеeting might call thеm over: "Cаn уоu helр check if this is rеаsоnablе?" Еvеn Shаng Zhi Таo fеlt thаt her stаtus within the mаrketing deрartmеnt hаd risеn a littlе. Тhis fееling was truly not bаd.
She followed them thrоugh over thirty hоurs of intensе ovеrtimе, onlу catching a few hours of sleep at her desk. During those thirty-plus hours, she thoroughly grasped the logic behind marketing budgets. It wasn’t simply a matter of stating how much you wanted to spend, getting the money, and reporting what was recovered. Instead, every step had its intricacies, and every step could be tracked and traced. This made it quite interesting.
Learning new knowledge brought her joy. By the time the meeting resumed on Wednesday, Shang Zhi Tao saw a first-class proposal in the market. The people at Lumi were all elite talents, outstanding in any setting. This version of the proposal was so good that it made Shang Zhi Tao feel like the previous version was just them slacking off.
The goals were clear, the action plans solid, and every penny was accounted for. Lumi said to Shang Zhi Tao, "See? This is the damn charm of a stubborn mule. I think I understand why the board insisted on him taking charge. Who else could it be if not him?" Lumi had grown particularly fond of Luan Nian lately, even forgiving his usual arrogance, feeling that it would be abnormal if he weren’t arrogant.
When Lumi called Luan Nian a stubborn mule, Shang Zhi Tao couldn’t help but chuckle softly.
"What are you laughing at? Isn’t he?"
"Yes, yes. He really is quite mule-like," Shang Zhi Tao quickly agreed.
Luan Nian’s feedback on this version of the budget proposal wasn’t as sharp as last time, but he still pointed out areas for improvement, scheduling another review for Friday. At the end, he suddenly asked, "Am I being too strict?"
Everyone was momentarily stunned and didn’t respond.
He smiled to himself and said, "See you on Friday," then ended the meeting.
When Shang Zhi Tao returned home, she saw Sun Yuanzhu and Zhang Lei discussing a technical issue—they were talking about autonomous driving technology. In 2010, autonomous driving was just a concept. But Sun Yuanzhu’s company had allocated a budget for it, and as a high-precision technical talent, he was transferred to the project team.
"Mainly because it’s hard to conduct tests in Beijing. Our models have nowhere to run. We can only go to remote areas outside the city."
"The technology isn’t mature yet, so there are risks. Going out of town is a good idea."
Seeing Shang Zhi Tao’s dark circles, they paused and asked, "Did you pull an all-nighter?"
Shang Zhi Tao nodded. "The company was working on the budget. Where are you going?" she asked Sun Yuanzhu.
"The northwest."
"Will it take long?" Shang Zhi Tao felt a bit reluctant to see Sun Yuanzhu go. She had grown accustomed to him sharing all kinds of knowledge with her and Sun Yu on weekends or evenings. His mind seemed to hold an entire universe, and sometimes Shang Zhi Tao would look at him and think, "He must have read every book in the world, right?"
Sun Yuanzhu and Luan Nian were two completely different people. Luan Nian was sharp, rigid, cold, and dazzlingly brilliant, while Sun Yuanzhu was gentle, reserved, and carried an air of scholarly refinement. Shang Zhi Tao feared Luan Nian but never Sun Yuanzhu.
"Yes," Sun Yuanzhu smiled at her. "I’ll send you some delicious treats."
"Only for Shang Zhi Tao?" Zhang Lei chimed in from the side."Send them all." Sun Yuanzhu's face flushed slightly as he said to Shang Zhi Tao, "Go get some rest, you look exhausted."
"Okay." Shang Zhi Tao headed toward her room but turned back to tell Sun Yuanzhu, "Be careful out there!"
"Don't worry."
That's how life drifted along in Beijing—even sharing the same roof, it was hard to meet. Everyone was busy with overtime, business trips, and social gatherings, each day packed to the brim. Shang Zhi Tao truly felt worn out. After a shower, she lay down on the bed and caught up on sleep.
By Friday, she followed her colleagues into the conference room, carrying her laptop. As soon as she pushed the door open, she saw Luan Nian sitting there flipping through a magazine. On its pages was a print advertisement their company had designed for a major daily chemical brand.
Seeing them enter, he stopped, set the magazine aside, and said to his secretary, "Pass these out to everyone." He had brought back pastries from Lin Heung Lau in Hong Kong—exquisitely delicate, one small portion for each person. Shang Zhi Tao sat in the second row, accepted the pastry, and placed it on the small table attached to her chair. When she looked up, she met Luan Nian's gaze. He glanced at her indifferently, no differently than he looked at anyone else. Shang Zhi Tao recalled the composure she had summarized for herself a few days earlier: sit up straight, act as if nothing had happened. It was as if she were telling Luan Nian, "Don't worry, luke, I won't say anything." So she straightened her posture, appearing fearless and unafraid. I didn't do anything wrong anyway, she encouraged herself.
The habit of comforting herself, cultivated since childhood, had made Shang Zhi Tao someone who didn’t easily dwell on things. People like her didn’t feel sharp pains, but she didn’t realize that dull aches could hurt just as much.
The meeting ended quickly. Once the project was approved, it was filed with the marketing department for project entry. Since it was Friday and many colleagues had other commitments, the task was assigned to Shang Zhi Tao. The entry system was complex, requiring extensive information for each project. Shang Zhi Tao immersed herself in the work, not even taking a sip of water, afraid she might fill in the wrong key details. After several hours, she finally finished. Turning off her computer and standing up, she noticed the light was still on in Luan Nian's office—he was still working.
He really is diligent. I should learn from him, to be someone who works hard even with talent.
She slung her backpack over her shoulders and left the office.
The trees had shed all their leaves, and the air had grown colder. Drunkards still lingered on the streets, along with a few others like her who couldn’t hail a cab. She didn’t understand why people liked to drink late into the night and wander the streets. This city truly had too many people drunk in the deep hours. She thought, If only I could have a place of my own in this city before I turn thirty. Then, no matter how late it is, even standing on the street like this, I wouldn’t be afraid. Because I’d have my own home!
Putting on her headphones and listening to music, she pondered where to go when a car pulled up in front of her.
It wasn’t the one she had damaged—that one would probably take a long time to repair.
Shang Zhi Tao didn’t know how to face him but remembered her four-word mantra: act as if nothing happened. So she got into the car and said to him, "Thank you, luke, sorry to trouble you again."
Luan Nian glanced at her, leaned over to the back seat, grabbed a gift bag, and placed it on Shang Zhi Tao’s lap. "For you," he said casually. She recognized the logo—an expensive gift. Shang Zhi Tao felt as if her hands had been scalded, losing all her earlier composure. She handed the gift box back to Luan Nian. "No, I don’t need it.""If you don't want this, are you trying to talk about feelings with me?" Luan Nian started the car, speaking without letting it affect his driving.
...
Shang Zhi Tao felt as if she were selling herself. Only her price was a bit higher. The higher price wasn't because she performed exceptionally well, but simply because she had encountered a wealthy man.
She pressed her lips tightly together and didn't speak, holding the gift box in her hands. She looked out the window, wondering how others would handle such a gift. She had no answer. So she asked Sun Yu, "My boss gave me a bag. What should I do with it?"
"Keep it." Sun Yu only replied with these two words.
In this city, almost all goods have their prices clearly marked, and so do people. Sun Yu had experienced a heart-wrenching breakup and suddenly understood the meaning of money. To hell with love—without money, you'd starve to death, and what's the point of pursuing love then? It was this Sun Yu who later went into the business of love. And it was this Sun Yu who later threw caution to the wind for love. Every woman has spoken insincerely at some point; they all grow in their own ways. Years later, when they look back on this time, they'll realize that many things weren't about right or wrong—they were just choices.
Not everyone is born strong.
You should know that the strong people you see today have all, at some point in their lives, been ground down and reshaped themselves.
Sun Yu was like this, and so was Shang Zhi Tao.
Luan Nian was like this too.
"If I don't accept this gift, are you worried I'll talk about what happened between us?" Shang Zhi Tao finally spoke.
Luan Nian frowned, pulled the car over to the side of the road, and, unusually, lit a cigarette. He smoked one, then another. Shang Zhi Tao didn't know what he was thinking, and the silence was unbearable. But she still sat there without speaking, looking out the window, keeping Luan Nian company as he smoked.
Luan Nian wasn't actually addicted to smoking. That day, he smoked one cigarette after another, mesmerized by the ethereal smoke rings before him.
"Do you think you're selling yourself?" After a long time, Luan Nian asked her.
Shang Zhi Tao hummed in agreement. She felt low, though she couldn't quite explain why.
"Then I should give you money." Luan Nian stubbed out his cigarette. "Keep it." He refused to say another word. He dropped Shang Zhi Tao off at the entrance of her neighborhood. She got out of the car carrying the expensive gift, not even thanked by Luan Nian, and walked away without looking back.
She felt as if something inside her had collapsed that night.
Because she had taken Luan Nian's gift.
The gift was too hot to handle—it felt wrong to refuse it, but it also felt wrong to accept it. She wasn't like Lumi, who would tell someone she disliked to go to hell without hesitation. She wasn't like Sun Yu either, who would accept things straightforwardly and unapologetically. She was stuck in the middle, neither here nor there.
Carrying the bag, she entered her home. Sun Yu was washing her face. Seeing Shang Zhi Tao's troubled expression, she dried her face and walked over to her.
Shang Zhi Tao shrugged at Sun Yu, pursed her lips, and walked into the bedroom. Sun Yu followed her. "Why are you unhappy?"
"I can't explain it."
"What did he say?"
"He didn't say anything.""I know what he wanted to say." Sun Yu sat on the edge of her bed. "Shang Zhi Tao, you know I work in sales, right? Back then, we had to manage client relationships every day. When we gave gifts to clients and they refused, we’d conclude that this client was probably beyond our reach, and we’d be extra cautious around them from then on. If they accepted, we’d feel at ease. That client was on our side."
"Mhm, I accepted it. I’ll keep his secret for him."
"Then why are you upset?"
"I don’t know."
"I do." Sun Yu pulled Shang Zhi Tao to sit beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Even though you’re not sure right now, and maybe you won’t admit it, the truth is, you like him."
Shang Zhi Tao bit her lip, and suddenly, without warning, a tear fell.
"See, you’re even crying." Sun Yu wiped her tears. "I’ve known you for a few months now. You’re not the kind of person who has one-night stands. Even though you joked with me that you just liked his body. But Shang Zhi Tao, you’re not the type to sleep with someone you don’t like."
"I don’t like him at all. I just feel awkward." Shang Zhi Tao wiped away her tears. "If only I were rich, I’d leave a stack of money on his bedside after sleeping with him. Instead of giving him the chance to give me a bag first." This was what upset Shang Zhi Tao the most.
"Alright, alright!" Sun Yu clapped. "You really do have backbone! But don’t you want to open it and see?"
Shang Zhi Tao shook her head. "No, I don’t want to. I don’t like it."
"Then just leave it there!"
"Mhm!"
Shang Zhi Tao now owned her first piece of luxury goods, but she didn’t open it to look. She wasn’t even curious about which style Luan Nian had given her. In her heart, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that she knew: she could never do something like that again. She must never let anything happen with Luan Nian again.
That night, she couldn’t sleep. She watched a movie on her computer and browsed forums. She came across a group post: "Going to Labagoumen to see the red leaves." This was perfect. She sent the link to Sun Yu: "Want to go see the red leaves? Autumn is almost over!"
"Sure!"
She quickly signed up online. The next day, she got up early and hurried to the bus station, where she saw a group of men and women wearing windbreakers and hiking boots. Many were carrying cameras. Shang Zhi Tao didn’t have a camera—she only had a compact one, a gift from Xin Zhaozhou. Suddenly, she felt that her weekends shouldn’t be just about work and studying. There should be many other fun things to do.
Just as Sun Yu had said: "We need to live, not just survive."
Back then, Shang Zhi Tao was young, and in her mind, surviving was the same as living. Later, she gradually understood the difference between the two. Surviving is about making ends meet; living is about ideals. She eventually became someone who truly understood how to live, because living brings joy, while merely surviving brings endless suffering.
In the midst of surviving, carving out a little time to truly live is a reward to oneself.
As she walked along the mountain path, she looked down. The red leaves spread across the forest, the last glimpse of autumn in this world.
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