Shаng Zhi Тао first mеt Luаn Nian’s friends in Zаng Yао’s trаvеlogue, but Song Qiu Наn and Chеn Kuan Niаn wеrеn’t thеrе аt the time. Lоoking back now, that was аlrеadу ten уеаrs аgo.
Yоung Shаng Zhi Тао saw thеm in the travelоguе, soаking in hot springs and drinking in thе snowy Нokkaidо, wаtсhing Luаn Niаn lаugh аs he tossеd Zаng Yaо intо thе snow. Аt that timе, shе had just gonе thrоugh an еxplosiоn, a collарsе.
Bаck then, she knеw Luаn Niаn lovеd frееdоm, аnd shе hersеlf hаd no сleаr status, so shе would аlwауs delibеrаtеlу—yet seеmingly coincidentаlly—avoid his сalls and nеver аsk аbout his whеreabouts. Even after they started dating, she never asked to meet his friends or family.
Back then, she was as calm as an outsider.
She had imagined gatherings like today’s before. But only when she was actually part of it did she realize how wonderful it felt. Not just because they were Luan Nian’s friends, but because they were all genuinely good people. Shang Zhi Tao had always thought that if someone as picky and sharp as Luan Nian made friends, they must be incredibly tolerant of him.
She sat upright, listening to their conversations, which covered a wide range of topics from all corners of the world.
Lin Chun’er and Xiao Mei grew tired of sitting and asked Shang Zhi Tao together, “Want to go buy milk tea?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Shang Zhi Tao and Luan Nian spoke at the same time. She turned to him, “Why not?”
Luan Nian didn’t want her to leave—he hadn’t yet had enough of the satisfaction of having his girlfriend sitting beside him. But Shang Zhi Tao ignored him, imitating his raised eyebrow, and went with the girls to buy milk tea.
Once outside the restaurant, Lin Chun’er immediately mimicked Luan Nian, putting on a stern face:
“Tan Mian’s choice of restaurant today isn’t great.”
“Just eat, talk less.”
“Lin Chun’er, Song Qiu Han, you two sit farther apart.”
“Xiao Mei, how do you put up with Chen Kuan Nian?”
Her imitation was spot-on, and Shang Zhi Tao was dying of laughter. Xiao Mei added from the side:
“It’s not like I don’t have a girlfriend, it’s just that she’s busy today.”
The group burst into laughter, and Shang Zhi Tao nodded, “So accurate, so accurate. That’s exactly how he is.”
“I used to think someone like him wouldn’t have friends,” Shang Zhi Tao said.
“I thought he’d never find a girlfriend in his life!” Lin Chun’er added, then asked her, “How’s the business going?”
“Just getting started, it’s okay. There’s a lot I don’t understand, but I’m learning slowly.”
“Luan Nian says you’re the fastest learner. When has he ever praised anyone? So I think you’ll have no problems at all,” said Xiao Mei, who was also a quick learner.
“He praised me?”
“Yes, in ways you don’t see.”
The three girls were each beautiful in their own way, and they drew glances as soon as they stood in the milk tea shop. Each ordered a hot milk tea, sipping as they walked and chatted around the restaurant.
Cultural relic restoration, public welfare projects, internet advertising—they talked about whatever came to mind, with endless things to say. Slowly, they began to feel as though they had met too late in life.
It was exhilarating.
When Shang Zhi Tao returned to Luan Nian’s home and went dog-walking with him, she was still chattering nonstop: “Why is Lin Chun’er so adorable? She and Song Qiu Han are such a perfect match.”
“Xiao Mei is so knowledgeable. I’ve seen her talk about cultural relics, but in person, she’s even more erudite.”
“Song Qiu Han and Chen Kuan Nian were actually high school classmates, but they’re nothing alike.”
Luan Nian listened to her ramble as he walked the dog, occasionally glancing at her and thinking she was genuinely happy. Then he asked her, “Did you like it?”
“Yes!”"Then I won't bring you next time either if you like it." Luan Nian held grudges, giving her a fake smile: "Go shopping."
"Cheapskate." Shang Zhi Tao called him a cheapskate, then said to Luke: "Your dad is a cheapskate."
Luke barked: "My dad is not!" Firmly defending his father's image.
"Shang Zhi Tao."
"Hmm?"
"I'll still bring you along next time."
"Okay."
Shang Zhi Tao thought for a moment: "Then when you come to Ice City next time, I'll take you to our Ice City drinking gatherings, okay? It might just be a group of people sitting together happily drinking, the conversations might not necessarily be meaningful."
"Will He Yun come?" Luan Nian had an impression of the name He Yun; he had called her when they were together.
"Yes."
"Alright then."
They seemed fine, openly inviting each other into their social circles. Luan Nian went to Ice City to see her every weekend, they would make love passionately when they met, then sleep holding each other.
Just like an ordinary young couple.
But Luan Nian always felt that Shang Zhi Tao's heart wasn't truly ignited. Just as Shang Zhi Tao thought, the rope between them was still taut, just more elastic, not as easily broken as before.
On the last weekend before the New Year, Shang Zhi Tao had urgent business at the company. Luan Nian sat in Shang Zhi Tao's living room, looking at that wall of books. He knew the distance had always been there, not disappearing just because they started over.
He sat in her living room until evening, suddenly unable to bear this sense of distance. He got up and went straight to the airport. When he arrived at the airport, he messaged Shang Zhi Tao: "I have something to attend to back in Beijing."
"Okay."
Shang Zhi Tao replied, not asking what it was or when he would come again.
She was working overtime at the company with her employees on a major account, only realizing it was already midnight when she came out of the meeting room. She messaged Luan Nian: "Did you arrive?"
"Arrived."
"Will I only see you after the New Year?"
"Hmm."
"Sleep early, good night."
"Good night."
Shang Zhi Tao returned home and saw the lamb spine stew Luan Nian had made on the stove. He said the weather was cold, they should eat something warm in the evening. She turned on the heat, warmed it up, served a piece and couldn't help messaging Luan Nian: "The lamb spine is really delicious."
"Weren't you sleeping?"
"I just got home, I'm a little hungry." She sent him a selfie wearing black-framed glasses.
"Really ugly."
"Hehe."
Shang Zhi Tao ate the lamb spine and went to shower. When she came back, she felt such good lamb spine really should be paired with a hot pot. Thinking about lamb spine with hot pot, the next day after getting up at noon, she called Old Shang to say she wouldn't be coming home, then set up the electric hot pot herself. The fridge had everything; the vegetables Luan Nian had washed and prepared for yesterday's hot pot were neatly arranged there—winter melon, white radish, green bamboo shoots, fresh tofu skin, cabbage, all her favorites.
Eating alone, she suddenly felt a bit bored. She said to Luan Nian: "You prepared so much food, I can't finish it all by myself."
"Take your time eating."
"I kind of want to eat the fish from that fish restaurant. Is it still open?"
"Open."
"Then when I go to Beijing next time, you'll take me to eat there, okay?"
"Okay."
Luan Nian's replies were all brief. Although he had never liked unnecessary talk before, after their reunion, his responses to messages were a bit warmer.Luan Nian had nothing to do back in Beijing, so he drove to the mountain bar that day. The car he liked had been left for Shang Zhi Tao to drive after dropping her and Luke off in Ice City. She had sold her own car, and with frequent work engagements and daily errands, life was inconvenient without one. Shang Zhi Tao refused to keep it, but he left the keys and walked away.
Luan Nian couldn’t quite explain what was wrong with him—he was just in a bad mood. Someone was taking photos of the large picture on the left wall of the bar with a camera. Seeing Luan Nian enter, they put the camera down and smiled at him.
It was Zang Yao, whom he hadn’t seen in years.
She had cut her hair short, looking sharp and capable, but a wrinkle had appeared at the corner of her eye. Putting down the camera, she stretched out her arms toward him. “Aren’t you going to hug me, friend?”
Luan Nian stepped forward and politely shook her hand. Seeing an old friend stirred emotions in him. “When did you return to China?”
Just as Zang Yao was about to answer, a child’s voice called out “Mom,” and a little boy came running over. The boy was mixed-race, with a pair of blue eyes.
“Say hello to Uncle, Wheat.”
“Hello, Uncle.”
Zang Yao crouched down, kissed Wheat, and stood back up. “I returned in October. I quarantined in Guangzhou first, then spent half a month at home in Beijing after arriving. I met up with some friends, and then it was already the end of the year.”
“How did you find this place?”
“Tan Mian told me.”
“What would you like to drink?”
“Warm water. I’ve quit drinking.”
Luan Nian glanced at Wheat, his expression softening. “What about Wheat?”
“Yogurt.”
Zang Yao sat at the bar counter while a server took Wheat to play. She looked at Luan Nian several times before finally asking with a smile, “You’re not happy?”
“Is it obvious?”
“Very.”
Luan Nian raised an eyebrow and pushed the warm water toward her. “Tell me about these past few years.”
“Me…” Zang Yao thought for a moment. “I got married, had a child, got divorced, and then remarried. That’s it.”
“A busy few years. You brought your child back to China alone?”
“Yes, we’ll stay until next October before returning. Wheat often asks me what China is like. I tell him it’s beautiful, but he doesn’t believe me. So I found a way to come back.”
“Don’t you find it exhausting?”
“I’ve always loved a bit of chaos, and besides, there are so many friends here, as well as my ex-boyfriends.” Zang Yao laughed. “How about you? It’s rare to see you so open—that photo hanging there really stands out.”
“I’m fine,” Luan Nian said.
Both fell silent. Zang Yao turned to look at the photo again, then back at Luan Nian. She had once wondered, what would Luan Nian be like if he truly loved someone? Would he be passionate? Would he be cautious? Would it soften his sharp edges?
He still seemed calm, direct, and sharp, but something had changed. It turned out Luan Nian could change.
When Shang Zhi Tao called, the gentle winter sunset had already filled the bar. Zang Yao had taken Wheat to take photos nearby, and Luan Nian was flipping through a book by the window.
“What are you doing?” Shang Zhi Tao asked him.
“Chatting with a friend.”
If it were a friend Shang Zhi Tao knew, Luan Nian would have directly said the name, but he didn’t.
“Which friend? Have I met them?” Shang Zhi Tao wasn’t checking up on him—she just wanted to understand him.
“You haven’t. Zang Yao.”
To Luan Nian, Zang Yao was a close old friend. To Shang Zhi Tao, Zang Yao was someone special in Luan Nian’s heart.
Hearing Shang Zhi Tao fall silent, Luan Nian asked, “What’s wrong?”"I know about Zang Yao. She rented a place near Houhai, which belongs to Lumi. Lumi saw you sending flowers to Zang Yao."
"And then?" Luan Nian asked her, "What are you trying to say?"
Luan Nian wanted to hear Shang Zhi Tao say something passionate, like she used to—declaring her love for him over the phone with unwavering courage, bringing him hot buns just because he liked them, or leaving late at night only to turn back. If, at this moment, Shang Zhi Tao questioned him about why he had sent flowers to Zang Yao back then, he would have been overjoyed and told her, "She just called and asked me to bring her a bouquet."
If you like flowers, I’ll give you a whole garden.
I’m not lying—I rented a small plot of land on the mountain to grow flowers for you.
This was probably the most romantic thing Luan Nian had ever done.
Something so simple.
Everyone can be fierce, angry, and unrestrained, because intense love brings intense emotions.
"I don’t have anything. You two chat, and call me when you get home." Shang Zhi Tao hung up the phone.
Luan Nian felt a little disappointed.
He didn’t call Shang Zhi Tao when he got home. After showering, he leaned against the headboard and tried to read, but not a single word registered. His throat felt sore. The mountain winds were strong, and he had caught a rare cold.
Dr. Liang called to discuss New Year’s plans: "Do you want to spend New Year in Ice City? If you do, go ahead. Your dad and I can invite a few good friends over to celebrate. If you’re going to Ice City, it’s best to leave the day after tomorrow. You’ll need to prepare some gifts—you can’t show up empty-handed."
"I’m not going."
"? Didn’t you want to go a few days ago?"
"I’m not feeling well, so I won’t go."
"Oh. Then let’s seriously discuss how to spend New Year. Will you come here, or should we go to your place?" Dr. Liang asked.
"Either is fine."
"What’s wrong with you! You’re still young—why ‘either is fine’?" Dr. Liang laughed at him. "Choose now."
"I’ll go to your place."
"Good. Then come over the day after tomorrow, and we’ll go shopping for food together."
"Okay."
After hanging up, Luan Nian felt like he might have a fever. He checked his temperature, and sure enough, he did. He got up, went to the hospital outpatient clinic for a nucleic acid test, then returned home, took some fever-reducing and anti-inflammatory medicine, and went to sleep.
Shang Zhi Tao didn’t receive any message from him and asked late at night, "Haven’t you gotten home yet?" She then withdrew the message, as it seemed like she was checking up on him, which wasn’t her intention.
"I’m home. I just went for a nucleic acid test."
"Why?"
"I have a fever."
"Oh. Did you take any medicine?"
"Yes."
Shang Zhi Tao put down her phone and suddenly felt an overwhelming longing for Luan Nian. It had been a long time since she’d felt such intense emotions—an urgent desire to see him and be with him.
She glanced at Luke beside her and asked, "How about I take you to Beijing for New Year?"
Luke paused for a moment, then sprang to his feet: "Woof! Yes! Let’s go now!"
"Okay. How about we leave early tomorrow morning?"
"Woof! Yes!"
The next morning, Shang Zhi Tao first went home. Since childhood, she had spent every New Year with Old Shang and Da Zhai. This was the first time she decided to travel thousands of miles to see someone.
"He’s sick, and I want to go see him.""Go ahead!" Da Zhai was kneading dough. "Drive safely. Your dad and I will go to your grandma's for the New Year, so don't worry about us being lonely. He keeps coming to see you—it wouldn't be right not to return the visit once."
They were sensible parents. They had seen Luan Nian traveling back and forth every week, and after meeting him many times, they felt he was a good person.
"Then I'm off?"
"Go."
Shang Zhi Tao drove Luan Nian's car, with Luke in tow, heading toward Beijing.
She didn't tell Luan Nian she had set off—just her and the dog on the road, heading toward the one she loved.
Shang Zhi Tao thought of her twenty-something self, who had once thrown caution to the wind for love. She thought she would never be like that again, but in that moment of loneliness last night, she suddenly felt that fervor reignite.
She drove from eight in the morning until midnight—a full sixteen hours. She rested for fifteen minutes every hour and a half, pushing on like that. After six in the evening, her back began to ache, but it didn't matter—she shortened her driving stretches and lengthened her breaks.
Luke was incredibly well-behaved. He sat in the passenger seat the whole time, watching the scenery outside, occasionally barking a few times to keep Shang Zhi Tao from dozing off.
Along the way, from the snow outside the pass to the winds within, from one nameless small town after another to the big city of Beijing, she experienced for the first time just how difficult it could be to truly see someone. One trip was hard enough, let alone traveling tirelessly year after year. But Luan Nian had never said a word about it. He never complained, even though he still teased her and criticized her. He never once said, "Shang Zhi Tao, I've gone through so much hardship just to see you."
In her car, she played "Thinking of You Under the Stars and Moon" and "This Is the Bravest Moment of My Life." When she heard the line, "You, standing before me at the edge of the world," she suddenly burst into tears.
Shang Zhi Tao was so happy, so incredibly happy.
She felt like she was twenty-two again.
Back to the age when she would throw caution to the wind for love, back to the age when she still believed in love.
As she entered Beijing, she called Luan Nian and said, "I came to see you."
Alone, 1,400 kilometers, from Ice City to Beijing.
To see you.
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