"Damn."
Ban Xia cursed clearly and loudly as that "Half-person" lunged at her.
The cross-legged man flicked his fingers, and the curved blade hovered in mid-air, stopping right above Ban Xia's head. Its gentle glow enveloped her securely.
Ban Xia stood perfectly straight, her expression calm and composed, not the least bit frightened.
The "Half-person" was astonished, rolling its eyes that were almost entirely white, hissing damp breath at Ban Xia: "Why aren't you scared? Why aren't you screaming and running away like everyone else?"
"Damn." Ban Xia cursed again. "You're just a ghost who died but refuses to move on. Why should I be afraid of you?"
The ghost halted, clearly enraged. Blood began dripping from its severed waist, swirling around Ban Xia's feet. "I'm not a ghost! I'm not dead, I'm perfectly alive! It's just that my pants are always wet, wet, wet, and they never dry!"
"You've been dead for three years, executed by waist-cutting." The man behind Ban Xia finally spoke, his voice gentle yet with a faint, elusive tone at the end.
Ban Xia curled her lip, mimicking the ghost by rolling her eyes. "Hear that? You've been dead, dead for three whole years! Seriously, all ghosts are like this, always thinking they're still alive!"
"I said I'm not dead!" The ghost shrieked, clenching its fingers as it moved to strangle Ban Xia. Its eyeballs began rolling backward like glass marbles, spinning wildly in their sockets.
Ban Xia scoffed, glancing sideways at the curved blade beside her face, and said resentfully, "You'd better not come any closer. See this blade? Clearly, it's a Divine Tool, and its owner is a Master. If you take one more step, you'll definitely be turned to ashes by this Divine Tool."
The ghost shrank back, obviously wary of the curved blade and not daring to advance rashly.
Time ticked by, yet the Divine Tool and the Master remained in place, showing no intention of subduing the Evil Ghost.
The ghost tentatively moved forward a little, then a little more, until it finally pressed against Ban Xia, its slippery, cold hands closing around her neck.
"I hate it most when people say I'm dead! Besides hating that my pants are always wet, I hate this the most!" As it hissed, its hands tightened, and Ban Xia clearly felt the sticky blood dripping onto the cardboard box in her hands.
At that moment, Ban Xia suddenly had an idea.
"Brother Ghost," she said softly, fluttering her long eyelashes again, "if I can make your pants stop being wet, will you forgive me for saying you're dead?"
The ghost paused. Ban Xia was batting her eyelashes, while it began rolling its eyeballs, flipping them over and over incessantly.
"Impossible," it said after a while, its eyeballs stopping as it shook its head. "I've forced many people to try and dry them for me, but nothing works. No method works! My pants only stay dry for a little while!"
Despite its words, its hands began to loosen, and it stared at Ban Xia expectantly, continuously exhaling damp breath.
Ban Xia bent down, set the cardboard box on the ground, and couldn't find anything to cut the tape with, so she simply grabbed the curved blade hovering in mid-air.
This so-called Divine Tool was surprisingly dull; it took quite a while to cut through the tape.
Ban Xia cursed "Damn" again, opened the box, tore open a pack of extra-long overnight pads, and began unwrapping them one by one. She took six in total, flipped open their wings one by one, and stuck them together to create an extra-long, extra-large pad.
The ghost was clearly curious, obviously having never seen a sanitary pad before, and began rolling its eyeballs wildly again.The man behind Ban Xia remained cross-legged, his eyes half-open as if in deep meditation like an old monk.
"Done!" Ban Xia exhaled after finishing her task, beckoning to the ghost. "Bring your waist closer."
The ghost obediently leaned forward. Ban Xia pursed her lips, holding her breath against the pungent smell of blood, and pressed the dry mesh side of an extra-long sanitary pad against the ghost's waist wound. She then tore off some tape from the cardboard box to secure it.
The ghost stopped rolling its eyes. After she finished, it fell silent and began pacing in circles.
Time ticked by. Nothing seemed to drip onto its pants anymore, and it felt dry—for the first time in three years and a thousand nights!
"It's not wet anymore! My pants are dry, really!!! Truly dry!!!" After confirming this, it began shrieking again, but this time with joy, spinning madly in place.
"Of course they're dry." Ban Xia pursed her lips, searching for something to wipe the blood off her hands. "Thirty-three centimeters extra-long overnight pads, with a hundred absorbent pillows that can handle seven heavy flows. Did you think our company's new product was for show?"
"Give them to me, all of them in there!" After spinning countless times, the ghost came to its senses, pointed at the cardboard box, and suddenly swooped over.
Ban Xia bent down, hugging the box to her chest, and flashed her standard six-toothed grin. "You can have the goods, but pay up. Cash only, no checks."
The ghost went frantic, clawing its fingers through its hair and scratching its scalp before screaming, "I have no money! Give them to me, or I'll kill you! I was originally a bandit, the Mountain King of Green Wind Fortress!"
With that, its fingers clamped around Ban Xia's neck, ready to strangle her once more.
"Then go ahead and kill me." Ban Xia narrowed her eyes, slowly straightening her spine, a confident smile playing on her lips. "Try and see if you can."
The ghost shrieked again, its eyes stopping their roll and fixed at a bizarre angle. Its fingers tightened relentlessly, making Ban Xia's neck bones creak.
Ban Xia's face turned purplish, her vision dimming—she was truly teetering on the edge of life and death.
"He won't save you. You're about to die." The ghost cackled. "After you die, all your things will be mine!"
"I doubt it."
At the brink of death, Ban Xia squeezed out these four words. Suddenly, a soft glow emanated from her body, somewhat similar to the gentle light of a curved blade, enveloping her faintly.
The ghost screamed, black smoke instantly rising from its hands gripping Ban Xia's neck, causing its nails to curl back from the heat.
In extreme agony, it staggered backward, retreating over a meter away before finally escaping the glow's lethal range.
"I told you, you can't kill me." Ban Xia stepped forward, the corners of her eyes slightly curved, the soft glow around her intensifying as if it had burst forth from within at the critical moment. "If you want the goods, pay up. Cash on delivery, no credit."
The ghost shrieked as it retreated, wanting to flee but unable to resist its longing for the box of sanitary pads, emitting painful gurgles from its throat.
"Wait, wait." Suddenly, it spoke, rummaging in its chest and pulling out a golden hairpin. "I have money, this. Last time I stewed a human head to eat, this was hidden in the pot—almost pierced my mouth."
It tossed the hairpin over from a distance.
Ban Xia bent down, picked up the hairpin, and upon seeing the perfectly round pearl adorning it, immediately broke into a beaming smile."Though it's not cash, I can reluctantly accept it." She stepped back, kicking the sanitary pads over with a flying leg: "The goods are yours now, ghost brother."
The ghost was ecstatic, rushing forward to hug the cardboard box, pressing it against his chest before vanishing with a whoosh.
Ban Xia exhaled, moistened the golden hairpin with her breath, wiped it with her sleeve, and tucked it into her coat pocket.
Everything settled—she had successfully sold a box of sanitary pads to a male ghost.
Miss Ban Xia was undoubtedly the undisputed greatest salesperson in history.
※※※※
"Was the show quite entertaining, big brother?" After handling everything, Ban Xia crouched down beside the cross-legged man. "If you're done watching, could you tell me where this place is?"
The man lifted his eyes, the curved blade somehow back in his palm, finally illuminating his face.
In this media-saturated era where handsome men abound, Ban Xia had certainly seen her share, yet her heart couldn't help but flutter slightly.
Undoubtedly, this man was a beauty—his features sharp and handsome, rivaling her idol Takeshi Kaneshiro, yet gentler and more noble. When his gaze met yours, it was like spring water rippling across your heart, stirring waves that reached deep into your soul.
Ban Xia swallowed. Drawing from her fujoshi habits, she weighed the moment and decided he gave off top energy.
The reason was unclear—though his demeanor was gentle, Ban Xia sensed no weakness in him. Perhaps his noble bearing subtly conveyed strength.
"This is a karst cave in Mount Jiuqi." The man smiled faintly, studying Ban Xia. "You shouldn't be here, miss. You don't belong to our world."
Ban Xia's ears rang, a terrible premonition washing over her as her limbs turned cold. After a long pause, she managed to ask, "Then... what year is it now?"
"The sixth year of Jiayou in the Great Song Dynasty." He answered crisply and thoroughly, his gaze drifting calmly over Ban Xia as if he understood everything.
The sixth year of Jiayou in the Great Song Dynasty!
Ban Xia staggered, nearly biting her tongue, muttering "fuck" once, then again.
In this day and age, does everything have to be atypical?
No car crash, no electric shock, no river jumping—she was just selling sanitary pads in her office, and she had to time-travel like this? What the hell kind of atypical time travel was this!
"You should have destroyed his soul earlier. He was an evil spirit, and you had the ability to do so." After a moment, the man added another sentence.
Ban Xia snorted twice without replying, continuing to crouch and study him: "How do you know I have this ability? How do you know I'm from another world? Who are you? A bodhisattva or a charlatan?"
"My name is Xuan Ye." The man spoke softly. "I'm an Onmyoji."
"Onmyoji? A ghost catcher?"
"Yes, I'm a Soul Collector."
After these three exchanges, Ban Xia suddenly grew furious, springing to her feet: "If you're really a Master, why didn't you save me? You didn't move at all, just watched me get strangled by that ghost!"
"I couldn't move." The man remained calm, offering a bitter smile. "After setting up the Barrier and arriving here, I suddenly became paralyzed. My condition flared up at the worst possible time. Actually, miss, you could be considered my savior."
Ban Xia cursed again, deciding to suppress her anger and be amiable. She narrowed her eyes into a smile: "Then could I trouble you to take your savior down the mountain?"
"When I came up, I set up a Barrier around us to prevent humans and spirits from entering or leaving. If I don't recover, the Barrier won't break, and no one can get out."
Xuan Ye said this with utter calm.Ban Xia knew how to read the situation. She stepped back and said, "Then please, Master, quickly channel your divine power. Once you're done, repay me for saving your life."
Xuan Ye fell silent again, still sitting cross-legged. He didn't appear to be channeling energy, yet thin beads of sweat kept emerging on his forehead.
The night was exceptionally quiet and felt endlessly long.
Squatting in the corner of the cave, Ban Xia suddenly spoke up, "Actually, I don't need to destroy that ghost. The reason his spirit remains is because he stubbornly believes he's not dead. Soon he won't be so stubborn anymore, very soon..."
At the same moment, on the mountainside.
The ghost was holding his 33-centimeter overnight pad, spinning around and giggling.
"Great, just great! With this tied around my waist, my pants will never get wet again!"
He repeated this about a hundred times before suddenly stopping.
Tied around the waist!
How could it be tied around the waist? Below his waist were his legs! How could this thing pass through his legs and be tied horizontally across his waist?
He felt hesitant, but more than that, he was scared. Carefully, he tore open the sanitary pad and poked his finger inside.
Soft and wet, he actually touched his own waist. Pushing a bit further, he even felt his own intestines.
Why!
Where were his legs? Below his waist should be his legs! How could he possibly reach his own intestines?
Once this doubt arose, it couldn't be suppressed.
Could it be... he really had no legs? Could it be true what others said - that three years ago he was captured by the authorities and executed by waist chop?
How could he still be alive after being cut in half? How was it possible!
Just as Ban Xia had said, he finally stopped being stubborn. His eyes stopped rolling, his body rapidly decayed, and a black soul began to emerge from the top of his head - just a corner of it, but finally beginning to leave him...
"What a loss. If I'd known this was the Song Dynasty, I wouldn't have traded my whole box of overnight pads for just one golden hairpin." Ban Xia in the cave was still muttering, slowly burying her head in her knees.
The Onmyoji called Xuan Ye remained silent, apparently his divine power hadn't fully recovered.
Just then, Ban Xia heard a sound that absolutely shouldn't be appearing in the wilderness of a mountain at midnight.
"Tick-tock, one. Tick-tock, two..." It sounded like a child kicking a shuttlecock while counting, soon reaching ten kicks.
Ban Xia stood up and looked toward Xuan Ye, "Did you hear that? This..."
"I heard." Xuan Ye said calmly, "She's finally come. I actually came up this mountain looking for her. That ghost earlier was just a chance encounter."
Ban Xia shook her arms and muttered, "Another one who died but refuses to reincarnate..."
"This one you can't handle." Xuan Ye added, his voice gentle but extremely certain.
Ban Xia froze, asking after a long pause, "Then can you handle it?"
"If I recover, of course I can."
"Have you recovered then?"
"No, it's still early."
This exchange immediately poured cold water over Ban Xia's heart.
She blinked, even her Lancôme mascara couldn't withstand such fluttering and quietly smudged, leaving a black streak at the corner of her eye.
The two of them just stared at each other.
The greatest salesperson in history facing the most handsome Onmyoji in history, silently speechless, forced to listen as the sound grew closer.
"Eighteen... nineteen... twenty!" The crisp child's voice stopped right at the cave entrance.
"Is anyone in there?" Ban Xia saw a pigtailed head peeking in.
"Two people! Perfect, we can play jump rope!"Echoes reverberated through the dark cave, the sound dancing joyfully as it finally drifted into the cavern.
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