The Best Thing

Ban Xia

“True warriors dare to face the bleakness of life and confront the spilling of blood.”

Fingers tracing over the photos, Shen Xifan chuckled to herself, sitting on the floor with a box in front of her.

Inside were all the mementos of her first love—letters, birthday gifts, photos, sticker pictures, keychains, couple pendants from their phones, and the stars and paper cranes she had folded for him. She once said that if he ever left her, she would burn all these things. But in the end, she couldn’t bring herself to do it, because she always held onto the hope that he might come back.

“Those letters, those vows—they were just performances in black and white.” Promises may seem beautiful, but they don’t last forever. Still, having experienced them was enough.

Finally, she could let go. Silently, she spoke to Yan Heng: Even though you once brought me pain, the happiness and joy of those years were real. I’ve never regretted loving you—it was the best thing I did in my youth. You taught me how to love someone and, in turn, how to grow.

Thank you. Because of that, I now have the courage to love someone else.

At the riverside café, the delicious scoop of ice cream, adorned with chocolate and strawberries, made Shen Xifan sigh inwardly. Even after all these years apart, the man across from her still remembered her preferences.

Yet the atmosphere was icy. The usually composed man seemed at a loss. “Shen Xifan, are you really going abroad to study?”

She smiled and nodded. “Yes, I am. Is there something you wanted?”

A bitter smile tugged at Yan Heng’s lips. “Do you still hate me? Blame me? I just want to ask—can you give me another chance? No matter how long it takes, I’m willing to wait.”

“I’m sorry.” The words came out with difficulty. “There’s no future for us.”

Finally, she had spoken the words in her heart.

A look of weary defeat crossed his face. Shen Xifan lifted her head and repeated firmly, “I’m sorry.”

She cursed herself inwardly. Rejection required courage, and she had always struggled with it. She didn’t want to face it—or rather, she didn’t want to say those three words, “I’m sorry,” because she knew exactly how much they could hurt. Having tasted that pain herself, she didn’t want to inflict it on someone else.

Lowering her gaze, she continued, “Actually, I don’t hate you. I used to ask myself whether I hated you more or loved you more. I spent years asking that question, and now I finally understand—without love, there is no hate. Yan Heng, do you know? I always felt so far from you, always chasing after you. I was so small in front of you back then. But now, I realize I can look at you calmly, so…”

“You don’t have to say any more.” He cut her off, his voice thick with bitterness. “I’m the one who should apologize. I brought this on myself. Even now, I know I have no right to ask you to come back. But I know my own feelings. Three years ago, in America, I regretted it deeply. So I wanted to gamble with myself one last time. Turns out, I overestimated my place in your heart.”

Shen Xifan gave a wry smile. “Let’s not dwell on the past.”

He smiled faintly but didn’t know what else to say. “Alright, we won’t.”

He stood to pay the bill. When he turned back, Shen Xifan was already gone. Only a single sheet of paper remained on the table."Overnight, all the flowers have fallen, and I am about to wander far away; I give you a Heart lamp as a parting gift, filled with reluctance; from now on, meeting would only pale in comparison to remembrance."

Trembling at the corners of his eyes, carrying a self-mockery and pain from the depths of his heart—youthful recklessness had led him to wrong her. Looking back now, she was no longer where she had been, and he could no longer face her.

This was the best outcome, though he only wished for her happiness. He had gone too far, and she couldn’t possibly wait forever—he had known this all along. His only regret was his inability to cherish, letting happiness slip through his fingers right before his eyes.

So, they would become the most familiar strangers—from now on, meeting would only pale in comparison to remembrance.

He had loved her once, and he loved her still. He never regretted it. It was the best thing he knew—that in such a splendid time of life, someone had loved him deeply, offering him the most precious years of her youth.

From now on, there would be a shadow in his heart, allowing him to remember silently. Even in the darkest night, he would never feel lonely.

In the city of May, at the beginning of summer, Shen Xifan walked down the street, basking in the slightly scorching sunlight.

She lifted the corners of her lips and silently whispered, "Goodbye," greeting the gentle breeze. The sunlight felt wonderful, her melancholy fading away, the last trace of bitterness evaporating, leaving only a faint shadow—let it be buried deep in her heart.

Such a day should be called "Ban Xia"—half of summer, lingering warmth without restlessness.

A tender name.

If He Suye knew, he would surely tell her, "Ban Xia is a Chinese herbal medicine, categorized into ginger-processed Ban Xia, prepared Ban Xia, fermented Ban Xia, and bamboo juice Ban Xia. It dries dampness, resolves phlegm, stops vomiting, and disperses stagnation. Among the prescriptions, there are Pinellia, Atractylodes, Gastrodia Decoction and Pinellia and Magnolia Bark Decoction."

A doctor’s occupational habit, Shen Xifan chuckled to herself—but where was he now? She hadn’t seen him in a long time.

She wanted to buy a few summer clothes and pick up some garments for her parents—a final act of filial piety before leaving as their daughter.

At the men’s clothing section, selecting shirts for Shen's father, Shen's mother kept muttering, "Your dad likes pure cotton, but he insists on machine washing, and it pills in no time." She picked up a dark blue one. "He doesn’t like light colors—only dark ones."

Shen Xifan smiled secretly, planning to buy a bright red T-shirt from the sports section for her father, letting him relive a bit of youth.

Suddenly, she spotted a white shirt—simple in design, expensive in price, just like the one He Suye had worn at Li Jie’s wedding. That day, he had worn nothing more than an ordinary white shirt and a suit, as Qiu Tian had warned him not to outshine the groom. But in her eyes, no one else had shone as brightly as he did—his restrained, natural elegance had utterly captivated her.

She checked her phone—no messages or missed calls. She sighed faintly, a small, inexplicable sense of loss creeping in.

He had only mentioned going to the mountains, without telling her the exact time. A faint unease settled in her heart, impossible to shake.

Returning home, she found her aunt’s family visiting—only her little nephew was missing. Her sister-in-law sighed, "After dinner tonight, he said his stomach hurt and he felt nauseous, so I didn’t bring him. I’ll have to buy some medicine on the way back, and if it doesn’t help, we might need to go to the emergency room."Shen's mother was quite moved. "Vomiting isn't necessarily a minor issue, but it's not always serious either. By the way, why not try Chinese herbal medicine?" Then as if remembering something, she added, "We have many such prescriptions at home. I'll have Fanfan show them to you."

Shen Xifan looked puzzled. "When did I ever study much Chinese medicine? It was just for insomnia and a fever."

Shen's mother explained, "Oh—it's just that stack of prescriptions tucked inside that book. Someone dropped them off a few days ago, saying they were returning your book. When I flipped through it later, I found many prescriptions inside. Thinking they might be yours, I casually tossed them onto your bookshelf."

Shen Xifan's eyes widened in disbelief. "Wait, let me go look!"

Inside that Chinese herbal medicine book was a thick stack of prescriptions, carelessly buried under a pile of reference books. Had her mother not reminded her, she would have missed them entirely.

She flipped through them one by one. Each was meticulously labeled—"Cold," "Externally-Contracted Fever," "Cough," "Stomachache," "Vomiting," "Consumptive Fatigue," "Headache"—with the physician's signature in the bottom corner: He Suye.

There were only prescriptions, no other notes. She searched every page but found not a single additional word. Anxious, she rushed to the living room and asked her mother, "When was this book delivered?"

Shen's mother took the prescriptions without looking up. "About five days ago. You were at your grandmother's place then, and I forgot to tell you afterward. My memory isn't what it used to be—ah, here it is! For vomiting and acid reflux."

Shen Xifan leaned in and read aloud, "Sudden vomiting accompanied by fever and chills, headache, and body pain—Agastache Powder to Rectify Qi; vomiting of sour, putrid matter with belching and loss of appetite—Preserve Harmony Pill; vomiting with acid regurgitation, distension and fullness in the chest and hypochondrium—Frigid Extremities Powder Combined with Pinellia and Magnolia Bark Decoction."

Shen's mother smirked slyly. "This young man is a doctor? He doesn't look the part at all. Where did you meet such a handsome fellow? What's your relationship with him?"

She stammered incoherently, "N-no relationship, just friends."

After speaking, Shen Xifan's heart raced wildly, barely under control. She kept asking herself: Why would he do this? Why such meticulous care, so quietly given? Could it be—?

A thought flashed through her mind like lightning, and the realization made her tremble with a mix of fear and excitement.

Her sister-in-law examined the prescriptions. "Maybe I should go buy the medicine at the pharmacy in the neighborhood before it closes."

Shen Xifan jolted upright. "I'll go! I'll go! I know the area well. It's better if I go."

After some back-and-forth, Shen's father stepped in to mediate. "Let Fanfan go. She's been cooped up at home lately and has put on some weight."

She had walked this path countless times, side by side with him on their way home, parting ways at the lake in the neighborhood—one turning left, the other right. She had never once looked back at He Suye's retreating figure. Perhaps she had truly been oblivious before, or more accurately, unable to see the forest for the trees.

Unconsciously, He Suye had become part of her life. To her, he was a skilled and compassionate doctor, a friend she could talk to about anything. She felt fortunate to have met someone like him in her lifetime, yet she had never considered the nature of their relationship.

Or her own feelings toward him—because she had grown so accustomed to his presence, she took everything for granted.

Only after seeing Ban Xia did her disappointment set in. The brown, spherical objects looked nothing like the leaves or stems she was used to. What were these round things, anyway?Finally, the pharmacist noticed her doubtful look and explained, "This is processed Ban Xia. The raw Ban Xia uses the tuber."

He Suye had once told her never to judge things by their appearance. Chinese herbal medicine might seem unremarkable, but its effects were profound. Still, she felt it was a pity for such a beautiful name.

Ban Xia—it should be just like this: feeling cool under the electric fan, mornings and evenings crisp, ice cream newly in season, fruits and vegetables quietly transitioning. Warm, tender, just as traditional Chinese medicine defines Ban Xia: pungent, warm.

Watching the pharmacist skillfully measure the herbs, she pursed her lips and smiled secretly. He Suye, how should I describe you?

In the end, she couldn’t resist stopping by his building. Even though she knew he wasn’t there, she stood alone downstairs, gazing foolishly for a long while.

Before, the orange glow from his window would pierce through the thick darkness, casting a warm haze. Every time she came, she would see it, as if they shared a telepathic connection—giving her the illusion of being waited for.

It turned out he had already waited for her far too long.

But now, in the pitch-black silence, a sudden emotion welled up in her heart: longing. It wasn’t that she had never experienced lovesickness before, nor that she had never missed someone at the sight of familiar things. But never had longing struck her so suddenly, so unprepared.

Like a grand prize smacking her on the head, leaving her dizzy, too excited to sleep at night, waking up in the middle of the night just to make sure the prize hadn’t been snatched away.

Shen Xifan clutched the bag of Chinese herbal medicine, grinning foolishly, yet her heart couldn’t help but fret—was she just being presumptuous? He Suye always seemed so kind, so amiable. How much weight did she truly hold in his heart?

Unable to resist, she sent him a message, simply asking when he’d return. But after waiting a long time, there was no reply. She set her phone to vibrate and, without realizing it, drifted into a hazy sleep.

When she woke in the morning, her phone was empty, and so was her heart—instantly deflated.

Weakly burying her head in her arms, she let out a long sigh. The long-dormant feeling of longing poured out, almost uncontrollable.

She went to the temple to offer incense—what Shen’s mother called "fulfilling a vow." Before leaving, she prayed for safety.

Wandering through the temple grounds, savoring the exquisite architecture, bowing before the masterfully crafted statues, admiring the still-vibrant murals, letting the ancient music weathered by time brush past her soul. So devout she hardly dared to breathe, she even softened her footsteps.

The white-haired elderly, holding long incense sticks, prayed only for their children’s safety. Middle-aged women kowtowed, praying for their children’s academic success and their husbands’ health. As for her, she prayed only for her parents’ well-being, for everything to be alright.

And for He Suye—she prayed for his early return, safe and sound.

In the end, she couldn’t resist calling him.

At that moment, Shen Xifan was in the woods behind the temple. There weren’t many trees, but plenty of bamboo—lush, verdant, rustling softly in the breeze. Many elderly were meditating, so she kept her voice light and low, though unable to hide her joy.

He Suye’s side seemed lively. She could hear the howling wind and bustling voices, making her curious. "He Suye, why is it so noisy there?"

A clear voice came through. "I’m holding the phone with my shoulder right now. Both my hands are full of needles. This patient has had arthritis for years, and it’s been humid here lately. The wind is strong too—seems like a heavy rain is coming."Shen Xifan felt a bit embarrassed. "Am I disturbing you? Should I hang up first?"

"It's fine. Where are you now?"

"Huatai Temple. There used to be a large bamboo grove behind it, and the air is really fresh. My mom asked me to fulfill a vow and pray for safety before leaving. By the way, when are you coming back?"

"Probably in three days. Did you get an Amulet of safety? The ones blessed by the abbot here are very effective."

"I didn’t even know about that! No, I didn’t get one."

"No rush. Let’s go together when I get back, okay?"

Her heart pounded wildly. "Sure! Oh, by the way, I messaged you yesterday, but you didn’t reply."

He Suye sounded surprised. "When? I didn’t receive anything. The signal here is terrible—you have to keep moving to get a connection."

Shen Xifan laughed. "Come back soon. I’ll wait for you." Then she realized how ambiguous that sounded and hurriedly added, "I mean... what I meant was, I’ll wait for you to come back so we can get the Amulet of safety together."

He Suye chuckled softly. "Got it."

After hanging up, she leaned against a bamboo stalk and smiled quietly. Fragments of bamboo leaves drifted down occasionally, and the resonant toll of the temple bell echoed in the air. She clasped her hands together, calming her mind as she prayed sincerely.

On her way back, she received a call from Lin Yishen, asking to meet.

Lin Yishen was as spirited as ever, grinning as he told her, "I quit my job."

A sip of tea caught in her throat, triggering a violent coughing fit. Shen Xifan widened her eyes in utter disbelief. "You... quit? Are you joking? Senior, you’re not seriously following in my footsteps, are you?"

Lin Yishen raised an eyebrow. "If that news isn’t shocking enough, here’s another one."

Shen Xifan nodded. "I promise I won’t drink anything this time."

"The thing is, I quit to study abroad—mainly because I’ve realized I like you more than just a little. Sorry about that."

Shen Xifan froze, then murmured dreamily, "I can say no, right?"

He narrowed his eyes with a smile. "Of course. We believe in equality and democracy. But unfortunately, I’ll be at the same school as you—Johnson Graduate School of Management, Business Administration."

She laughed. "Anyway, welcome! But... sorry!"

—Because I like someone else.