Almond
He glanced at his watch, switching to the date display, and suddenly realized—tonight was New Year's Eve. The school's laboratory building was eerily quiet, with only a few research rooms for key projects still lit. Hardly anyone came or went. The graduate students who had been working with him had long since slipped away, leaving the vast ultra-clean lab to him alone.
For three years now, He Suye’s Spring Festival had passed like this—buried day and night in pharmacology, dosages, and shifts. Whenever his grandmother or maternal grandmother called, he always said he was too busy to return home. Unconsciously, the holiday had become meaningless to him.
Because without a home, without family to stay up with until midnight, without the aroma of dumplings at twelve or the endless stream of New Year’s calls—he didn’t want to celebrate.
From the neighboring lab, someone’s phone rang, playing Eason Chan’s song: "Merry, Merry Christmas, lonely, lonely Christmas… Wishing blessings but not knowing who to give them to, love tied into a dead knot by us…" The empty corridor echoed the melody for a long time.
A pang of bitterness rose in his heart, and he sighed heavily. Suddenly, he heard footsteps in the hallway—light, hurried clicks of high heels. Instinctively, he paused his work, waiting for something.
The footsteps stopped abruptly. Contrary to his expectations, no one pushed open the door, holding a lunchbox and smiling at him, saying, "He Suye, have some dumplings. Stop working—it’s New Year’s Eve! Come on, or I’ll eat them all myself!"
He would always tease her, "Eating dumplings in an ultra-clean lab—isn’t that a bit blasphemous to scientific equipment?"
Back then, he refused to go home for the holidays, staying in the lab instead. Zhang Yiling would keep him company, sharing dumplings and sweet rice balls with him. Then, in the early hours of the morning, he’d send her off to the train station. Another New Year, and he’d be alone again.
But no matter how he tried to escape, his heart remained hollow, devoid of belonging. He pulled off his gloves, took out his phone, and dialed Grandpa He’s number. Someone answered immediately—a childish voice piped up, "Hello, this is the residence of Elder He. Who’s calling?"
He burst into laughter, warmth suddenly flooding his heart. "It’s me, your uncle—He Shouwu!"
The child huffed. "Uncle, you’re bullying me! I’m not He Shouwu, I’m He Shouzheng!"
Almost instantly, another voice chimed in from the other end. "Suye?! Mom, Dad—it’s Suye on the phone!"
Not wanting to trouble the elders, he spoke gently to his little nephew. "Tell Grandma and Grandpa that Uncle will be back soon. If they’ve already started dinner, they don’t need to wait for me."
"Uncle has to give me lucky money! Otherwise, I won’t open the door for you!"
"Got it, you little miser! I’ll hang up now—see you soon."
"Okay! No backing out!"
The supermarkets had long closed, but fortunately, a small stall near the hospital was still open. The shop owner, holding a bowl of noodles, greeted him warmly. "Young man, just got back from out of town? Buying gifts? I’ll give you a discount if you buy more—let’s all have a good New Year!"
He smiled wryly. His disheveled appearance really did make him look like an outsider.
Alone on the bus, he watched the hurried crowds on the streets. The driver chuckled. "You’re in luck, young man. This is the last bus of the night. After this, we’re all heading home for the holidays too."
He took it as a sign—a good omen for the year to come.It had been a long time since the whole family had gathered for a meal like this. The He family wasn’t large, and they barely filled one table. His mischievous little nephew kept everyone entertained with his playful chatter, making it a warm and joyful dinner. After the meal, the family settled on the sofa to wait for the Spring Festival Gala.
He Shouzheng came running over with a glass of juice and tumbled into He Suye’s arms. "Uncle, come set off fireworks with me!"
The provincial government compound was filled with children, and the crackling of fireworks lit up the sky. He Shouzheng was having a blast, running through the snow with unsteady steps, clutching a "magic wand" sparkler. The flickering flames illuminated his round, cheerful face—pure childhood delight, happiness, and joy.
He Suye remembered his own childhood, when he had been just as carefree. But happiness always seemed so fleeting.
After playing for a while, He Shouzheng’s shoes were soaked with snowmelt, and he pitifully called out, "Uncle!" He Suye had no choice but to pick up his little nephew and head home. No sooner had they sat down than his phone rang—first a New Year’s message from Li Jie, then one from Fang Kexin, followed by a call from Qiu Tian, and messages from old classmates and colleagues.
He Shouzheng, now changed into dry shoes, leaned obediently against him and fiddled with his phone. Suddenly, the phone vibrated, and the little boy mumbled, "Uncle, it’s ‘Shen Porridge’ calling!"
He Suye took the phone and pinched He Shouzheng’s cheek. "Her name is Shen Xifan, not ‘Shen Porridge’!" Standing up, he stepped into the courtyard to answer the call.
Her side was lively—probably at a restaurant—with the clinking of glasses in the background. Shen Xifan laughed and said, "It’s not midnight yet, but I figured I’d call early before your phone becomes a hotline. Also, I might not make it to twelve—I’ve had a lot to drink already and I’m a bit out of it."
No wonder the girl was so talkative. "How much did you drink?" he asked.
Shen Xifan hesitated. "Uh… about half a jin of baijiu and half a bottle of red wine. I feel like I’ve drunk myself full, which is such a waste—I barely ate any of the good food. My family’s full of alcoholics—they went around toasting once, then started a second round. There were over twenty of us, and even my little cousin got drunk."
She rambled on, gesturing animatedly while a child’s laughter sounded beside her. "Auntie, you’re drunk!"
Shen Xifan glared. "I can still drink!" Then she turned back to He Suye and said earnestly, "I really can! Believe me—if you came over tonight with some peanuts and pickled beans as snacks, and a bottle of Wuliangye, we could drink till we drop!"
Colorful fireworks burst one after another, casting flickering light on his face. He Suye chuckled softly. "Little girl, stop showing off. Go to bed already. If you keep drinking, I’ll brew you some Chinese herbal medicine."
They talked for a long while before Shen Xifan finally hung up. He Suye rubbed his frozen hands and went to the kitchen to pour a cup of hot water, cradling it for warmth. He opened his mouth to call for He Shouzheng but found his voice hoarse—probably from standing half an hour in the freezing snow without his coat when he rushed to answer Shen Xifan’s call. Even the hardiest person couldn’t handle that.
But his heart felt sweet, and a faint smile lingered on his lips. He Shouzheng noticed and blurted out, "Uncle, you look like a cat that stole the cream! Dad smiles like that too!"The next day, he did feel a bit of a cough coming on, but he didn't pay it much mind. He rushed to the supermarket before it closed to stock up on groceries, then called his youngest uncle to arrange a visit to his grandfather's house for New Year's greetings.
He Suye's grandfather was a high-ranking military officer, a stern and uncompromising man who demanded strict discipline from his children. Yet, as the youngest grandson, He Suye was doted on openly and without reservation. Since his mother's passing, He Suye had actually increased his visits to his grandfather's home, never missing a holiday meal. In contrast, he saw his father the least in the entire family.
After distributing red envelopes to the younger generation, the lively banquet began. The Yu family was large—He Suye had three uncles and one aunt, plus all the younger cousins, filling several tables.
Grandfather Yu, ever the patriarch, retired to his study after eating, a habit the family was well accustomed to. The atmosphere immediately became more relaxed. He Suye's youngest uncle sat beside him and teased, "Hey kid, when are you going to bring a girlfriend home for us to meet?"
Everyone laughed at that. His little niece asked curiously, "What's a girlfriend?"
Another nephew piped up proudly, "You don't even know what a girlfriend is? It's a girl who can play kissy with Uncle!"
The innocent remark sent the room into uproarious laughter, even the maid covering her mouth to stifle giggles. He Suye chuckled too. "These things can't be rushed. I'll bring one when the right one comes along."
The others wouldn't let it go, egging him on. "No way, no way! Penalty drink! Penalty drink! Fill his cup!"
By the end of the meal, he was slightly tipsy. Splashing water on his face in the bathroom, Grandmother Yu called out, "Su Ye, your grandfather wants to see you in his study."
Grandfather Yu sat by the chessboard when he entered. "Su Ye, play a game with me."
He took white, his grandfather black. Not being a frequent player, he lost by one point. Grandfather Yu nodded approvingly. "You lost, but it was a good game. You haven't played in a while, have you?"
He Suye thought for a moment. "About a year, I think."
Grandfather Yu sipped his tea. "Take a look at my leg, will you? An old war injury—aches terribly when it's cold."
As He Suye examined him, his grandfather spoke slowly. "Su Ye, we've never blamed your father."
He gave a quiet "Mm" in response. Grandfather Yu continued, "Take me—I'm so stubborn I border on heartless. Yet even I hope to have my children and grandchildren around me in my old age. Your father only has you, and with your mother gone... his later years will be lonely."
His nose stung, and he couldn't bring himself to look up. "I know, Grandfather."
"Your father-in-law mentioned your situation over tea last time. I decided then that I needed to give you a proper scolding. But... you're a sensible boy. You'll know what to do."
"I'll find a chance to talk with Dad."
The streets on New Year's Day were already bustling with crowds. The long-absent sun hid behind clouds as water dripped from trees and walls. Even this faint sunlight carried warmth enough to melt the ice.
The alcohol and the wind had worsened his cough. Detouring to the city's largest Chinese herbal medicine pharmacy, he planned to get some herbs to suppress it.
Only three female pharmacists were on duty. A middle-aged man was ranting, "What kind of pharmacy is this? Can't even keep track of prescriptions! This is for medical treatment—can you afford the delay? Where's your manager? I want to complain!"A girl's voice trembled as she spoke, "I'm sorry, let me look again, let me look again!"
He Suye stepped forward and said to another pharmacist, "Prepare 10 grams of ephedra, 10 grams of bitter almond, 10 grams of aster, 10 grams of cynanchum, 10 grams of stemona, 20 grams of tangerine peel, 10 grams of platycodon, and 20 grams of licorice for me. Three doses, self-provided."
The middle-aged man looked at him strangely, but He Suye just smiled without a word. Finally, the man asked, "Young man, my father's stomach illness flared up, and he sent me to get medicine on New Year's Day. But the prescription was misplaced by them. Could you help me complete the medicine?"
He coughed all the way home, thinking wryly to himself that even doctors could fall ill. He mustn't act tough in front of patients in the future. Recalling how many years it had been since he last fell sick, he had now been struck down by wind-cold attacking the lungs.
Just then, his phone rang. It was a message from Shen Xifan: "He Suye, did I get completely drunk last night and spout a lot of nonsense to you? Please don't mind it."
He replied, "Not at all. When you're drunk, you speak very little, only humming."
"No way! My mom said I was chattering nonstop on the phone last night. Where are you now?"
"I'm on the bus, coughing a bit. Going home to take medicine."
As soon as he reached the neighborhood entrance, he saw Shen Xifan standing there shivering. He quickened his pace, suppressing his cough with effort. "What's wrong, little girl?"
Shen Xifan looked up, her face red from the cold. "You said you were sick, so I came to visit."
He felt an inexplicable surge of irritation. "Are you an idiot? With your constitution, staying out in this cold weather is just asking to get sick. Don't you know only emergency services are available at hospitals now, not specialist consultations? If you end up with a cold or fever during the New Year, you'll be crying!"
Scolded so abruptly, Shen Xifan felt extremely wronged and weakly defended herself, "If I get sick, you can prescribe me Chinese herbal medicine. I'm not afraid of bitterness—I'll drink it all in one gulp, just like alcohol!"
Only then did He Suye realize how harsh his tone had been. Shen Xifan's reply made his heart skip a beat. He turned his face away, slightly embarrassed. "Little girl, I spoke too hastily just now. Don't be angry. Come inside quickly—it's cold."
He first selected a bit of ephedra and licorice, steeped them in boiling water, then handed the prepared drink to Shen Xifan. "Drink this quickly to prevent catching a cold."
Shen Xifan took it and curiously examined the various herbs in the plastic bag. Finally, she picked out an almond. "He Suye, is this an almond? Can I taste it?" Without waiting for an answer, she popped it into her mouth.
He Suye couldn't stop her in time. She immediately frowned and exclaimed, "So bitter! What a weird taste! Is this really an almond? He Suye, you tricked me!"
He laughed. "That's a bitter almond. Did you think it was the dried snack kind? Glutton! Bitter almonds are used to relieve coughs and asthma. Their bitterness helps open and descend lung qi while also dispersing it. For my wind-cold cough, I used ephedra, licorice, platycodon, and aster."
Shen Xifan could only roll her eyes. "Seems like my luck this year isn't off to a good start..."
While He Suye was decocting the Chinese herbal medicine, Shen Xifan slipped into the study. She wanted to find a few simple books on Chinese herbal medicine to read, lest she be laughed at for her ignorance.She searched through the books one by one until she finally found one that suited her—Chinese Herbal Medicine (For Traditional Chinese Medicine Majors). Flipping it open, she realized it was He Suye's undergraduate textbook. Entire sections were highlighted, and the margins were filled with notes. It seemed he had studied quite diligently.
Page by page, she turned through it. "The properties of Chinese herbal medicine, herbal combinations, dosages and usage methods—quite comprehensive. Hmm, what's this photo?"
A photograph, quite ordinary—a group of people, including He Suye, Li Jie, Qiu Tian, Fang Kexin, and a girl she had never seen before. Not at any gathering, not in any setting.
But a woman's intuition told her this girl was connected to He Suye.
There were no traces, no clues. Li Jie had never mentioned her, and the others remained tight-lipped as well. She had long wondered why a man as outstanding as He Suye had no girlfriend.
Could the answer lie here, with this girl—someone everyone deliberately avoided, his hidden pain?
From the kitchen, He Suye called out, "Little one, your medicine's getting cold. Come drink it!"
Flustered, she snapped the book shut and shoved it back into the shelf. In the kitchen, He Suye was adding water to the rice cooker. The scent of Chinese herbal medicine wafted out—bitter, unbearably bitter.
Why were there so many people in the world trapped by love, just like her, cocooning themselves in the past, unwilling to turn back?
She had once read a post: "Some people love only one person for ten years or more. In the darkness of their hearts, they carve out a wasteland for them. On lonely journeys, they repeat the same dream—a dream of that person who has long since flown away and the love they once brought. They endure it, bear it, and even find a sliver of joy in it.
But all changes happen overnight. All warmth suddenly turns to ice. In an instant, they grow old, nearing death. And when they die, the name they whisper is still that person's. Such love, such devotion, is profoundly grand."
She lacked the courage to ask He Suye about his past, just as she refused to speak of her own to anyone. A part of her heart gradually cooled, turning icy.
Why was this happening? Why did she feel such heartache and sorrow for He Suye? Why did she want to cry? Why did she long to smooth away the melancholy between his brows? He always smiled faintly, but to her, it seemed forced.
Suddenly, she didn’t dare hope for his kindness anymore. She couldn’t bear it, nor did she deserve it. This happiness should belong to someone else.
She didn’t have the courage to face it.
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