Shine on Me

It turns out there can be liking without reason in this world, just as there can be dislike without cause.

For instance, I like him, and he dislikes me—

Running out of the dormitory building, the night breeze cooled me slightly, bringing a bit of clarity to my muddled thoughts. I vaguely wondered, what would they think of me running out like this?

Guilty conscience? Or fleeing from blame?

I couldn’t speak for the others, but given Zhuang Xu’s opinion of me, nine out of ten times he’d think exactly that.

How laughable. Before today, I’d naively believed that even if Zhuang Xu didn’t like me, even if he disapproved of my lack of ambition, at the very least he’d be grateful and think I was a decent person. After all, I’d helped him, hadn’t I?

Yet once again, it proved I was an idiot.

From the moment I met Zhuang Xu, it seemed I’d been constantly equating myself with foolishness. My initial pursuit had been like a farce, with me playing the role of a clueless, self-satisfied clown. Later, when I finally understood, I gathered my emotions and withdrew, even sending him a text to explain and apologize—"I’m sorry, I didn’t know you and Rong Rong were together. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have said those things to you. I hope I didn’t cause any trouble."

Apologizing for my own feelings—just thinking about it felt humiliating.

But I didn’t want him to misunderstand me as someone who’d deliberately try to steal him away.

That text, like most of the ones I’d sent him before, went unanswered. Looking back now, perhaps he never even believed it.

Or maybe there was no particular reason for his dislike. Just as there can be liking without reason, so too can there be dislike without cause.

For instance, I like him, and he dislikes me.

My eyes grew increasingly sore. I raised my hand to wipe them, trying to stop the tears, but they only flowed harder. The overwhelming ache in my chest made me want to burst into sobs. Of course, today’s baseless accusations were part of it, but that alone wasn’t enough to reduce me to tears. What truly hurt was my own past stupidity and naivety.

I sat alone in a quiet grove on campus until late, only standing up when my stomach growled painfully. Glancing up, I saw the sky had darkened completely. I had no idea what time it was—my phone and wallet were left behind in the dorm. Luckily, I found a few crumpled bills stuffed in my pocket from who-knows-when. Otherwise, not only would I be wronged, but I’d also go hungry—how utterly pitiful.

Hands in my pockets, I slowly walked out of campus. The night market outside the north gate was bustling, the cacophony of pop songs and chatter washing over me, momentarily easing the frustration in my heart. Taking a deep breath, I felt my emotions settle somewhat, though the bright lights of the market made my eyes sting. I stepped into a beef noodle shop I often visited near the market, ordered a bowl of noodles, and then twirled my chopsticks absently as I zoned out.

Twirling pens and chopsticks was a bad habit I’d picked up in high school. I’d quit years ago, but today, without realizing it, I’d started again. The chopsticks spun swiftly and smoothly between my fingers, as if I’d never stopped.

But when I spotted the two people entering the shop, my fingers froze, and the chopsticks flew out of my grip, landing with a sharp "smack" on a diner across from me.

It was Zhuang Xu and Rong Rong. Rong Rong walked in arm-in-arm with him, smiling brightly.

I suppose this was what they called a narrow-road encounter.

Their presence here wasn’t unusual—students from A University often ate at this shop, famous throughout Nanjing for its beef noodles. But why did it have to be now?Rong Rong pulled Zhuang Xu to sit at another corner of the noodle shop, seemingly not noticing me. With a smile on her face, she kept talking to Zhuang Xu. Even from this distance, I could sense her cheerful mood, which was in stark contrast to my foul temper.

This was the first time I'd seen them being so intimate in public. Rong Rong had always been extremely reserved, insisting to everyone that she and Zhuang Xu were just friends. For her to act so affectionately now—could this be my doing? If so, I must be quite the efficient catalyst.

I mocked myself inwardly as the bitterness I'd just suppressed began stirring again.

The diner across from me picked up my chopsticks and handed them back. He was a very young man who smiled and said, "Nice spin."

Only then did I remember I hadn't apologized for hitting him earlier. "Sorry."

"It's fine," he replied with a smile, shaking his head.

The waiter brought my noodles, and I lowered my head to eat, wanting to finish quickly and leave before they noticed me.

But fate had other plans. The young man across from me finished his meal but couldn't find his wallet to pay. The waiter had already positioned himself alertly beside him as he rummaged through his pockets. When the man said his wallet might have been stolen, the waiter's expression said, "I knew it."

"No money? Then what do you propose we do?"

The waiter's tone was polite, but his voice was far too loud. His words drew the attention of many nearby patrons. I would have died of embarrassment in his place, but the young man remained composed, calmly suggesting, "How about this? I'll leave my watch here as collateral and come back tomorrow to redeem it."

The waiter refused. "Who knows how much this watch is worth? There are plenty of these at the night market. I think you'd better call a friend to come pay for you."

I glanced at the watch. Its fine craftsmanship suggested it was valuable, but it was indeed one of those "brand-name" knockoffs flooding the night markets. The man retrieved the watch the waiter had scorned, a hint of helplessness finally creeping into his voice. "I'm here as a tourist. I don't have any friends in Nanjing."

More and more people were turning to watch the scene. Though Zhuang Xu and Rong Rong hadn't looked over yet, if the waiter kept raising his voice, they were bound to notice. I'd lost my appetite and, before the waiter could speak again, pulled a twenty-yuan bill from my pocket and handed it to him. "Here, for both of us."

I thought the waiter would take the money and leave, but instead, he launched into an enthusiastic monologue about how lucky the young man was. His chatter gave me a headache, so I got up and left without waiting for my change.

Rong Rong did see me after all. As I stood, our eyes met. She snorted and looked away, as if she couldn't bear the sight of me.

Clenching my fists, I suppressed the urge to confront her and walked stiffly out of the noodle shop.

My mood grew darker by the minute.

There was no way I was going back to the dorm today. I headed for the bus stop, planning to spend the night at my uncle's place. While crossing the street, someone caught up to me from behind. I looked up—it was the young man who'd been sitting across from me earlier.

"Glad I caught you," he said, sounding relieved. "Could I get your contact info? I'd like to return the money."

"No need," I replied, shaking my head as I stepped around him to keep walking.

He followed. "Wait—"

Irritation flared within me.

"Stop following me!" I turned and snapped at him.Probably my expression scared him. He paused for a moment, stopped walking, and said, "Alright, here's the change from earlier."

"Keep it for your bus fare."

The light across the street turned green. Without another glance at him, I followed the crowd across the road.

When I arrived at my uncle's house, my cousin had already returned from evening self-study and was sitting on the sofa eating a late-night snack while watching TV. As soon as he saw me, he hugged the plate to his chest. "Sis, why are you back today? I'm starving—don't you dare steal my food."

"Just eat it yourself." I had no energy to deal with him and muttered a quick reply before rushing upstairs.

After lying on the bed for a few minutes, my cousin came knocking. "Hey, Nie Xiguang, I can't finish this. Do you want some? Auntie Zhang made these little meat buns."

I ignored him.

He kept knocking. "Sis, did you get dumped again?"

Why was everyone so annoying today? I got out of bed, yanked the door open, and said expressionlessly, "So what if I did?"

"Again?" My cousin's mouth fell open before he started snickering. "It's not Zhuang Xu again, is it? I thought you gave up on him ages ago."

Finally, under my furious glare, he offered insincere comfort: "Alright, sis, at least you didn't lose your virginity." "..." I stared at him for two seconds before slamming the door in his face.

After hiding at my uncle's place for two days, I had no choice but to return—my laptop was still in the dorm, and my draft thesis was saved on it.

Maybe it was just my imagination, but as I walked across campus, I felt like several vaguely familiar classmates from my department were giving me odd looks. I was frustrated, but I couldn’t just grab someone and demand answers. Later, after things had settled, A Fen told me that word had spread quickly throughout the department, with several ugly versions of the story circulating—like Nie Xiguang scheming against a love rival—fully showcasing the creativity of college students. Even the dorm advisor had called to comfort Rong Rong.

I had deliberately chosen to go back to the dorm around 3 p.m., thinking no one would be there. But when I pushed open the door, I found—unluckily—that several people were inside. Rong Rong stood in the middle of the room, looking cheerful and smiling, but her expression stiffened when she saw me before she quickly resumed her grin.

"Nie Xiguang, let’s just forget about that incident. We’re classmates, after all."

I had no energy to defend myself anymore and just stared at her blankly.

She toyed with her phone. "Zhuang Xu gave this to me yesterday—an early birthday gift. Gains and losses go hand in hand. The ancients were right—sometimes, being too clever backfires."

Her words were loaded with meaning. The others in the room stayed silent. Looking at the garishly colored phone, I said flatly, "What’s so special about such an ordinary phone?"

Her face flushed, but she quickly regained her composure. "Yes, the phone is ordinary—just over a thousand yuan. Of course, Miss Nie wouldn’t care for it. But haven’t you heard?" She emphasized each word: "Priceless treasures are easy to find, but a devoted lover is rare."

I froze, then slowly said, "Yes, a devoted lover is rare. Congratulations."

I couldn’t stay in the dorm any longer. After packing a few things, I fled back to my uncle’s house.

Maybe I shouldn’t have moved back in the first place.