Sarah picked up another pink dress instead. "You should try this one on. It would look beautiful on you."
The shop assistant, a woman in her forties, chimed in, "Yes, it would be so dreamy and sweet on you."
She shook her head. "I'm not planning to attend the dance."
Both Sarah and the shop assistant gasped in unison, exclaiming, "How can that be?"
She felt extremely awkward. "I don't know how to dance."
"You can learn! I've never met a girl who couldn't learn to dance. Are you worried about not having a partner? Martin asked me just the other day if he could ask you out. I told him to talk to you himself, but he said you seemed too shy. Honestly, he's the one who's ridiculously shy."
The Martin Sarah mentioned was her cousin. Zuo Si'an had only met him a few times and probably hadn't exchanged more than ten words with him. She grew even more embarrassed and shook her head repeatedly. Just as she was about to speak, a hand reached over and took the pink dress from Sarah. "Try this one. They're right, it would look lovely on you."
Startled, she turned around to see Gao Xiang, who had entered without her noticing. Surprised, she jumped up and threw her arms around his neck. "What are you doing here?"
"I have to go back to China for a while." He added, "Don't worry, I'll return as soon as I've taken care of things. You're on spring break now, and before I leave, I want to take you to visit a few cities. I hope I can convince your mother to let you go."
Zuo Si'an noticed Sarah's look of astonishment, clearly surprised by her intimate gesture with a man. But she was too overjoyed to care, nodding vigorously. "I definitely want to go."
Chapter 16: 2001, Baltimore, New York
1
Gao Xiang's original plan was to wait until Bao Bao completed his first follow-up examination and everything was fine, then take Zuo Si'an on a long, leisurely vacation before returning to China. However, Chen Guoli suddenly called personally, saying he was seriously unwell and urging them to return as soon as possible. He had no choice but to change his plans, booking flights and arranging to spend a week with Zuo Si'an before his departure. They would fly from Boston to Washington, rent a car to visit Philadelphia and Atlantic City, and finally return to New York, where he would put her on a bus back to Boston. Then, he would take Bao Bao and his mother back to China.
Yu Jia, of course, completely disapproved of this plan. But one look at Zuo Si'an's expression told her that trying to stop them would be useless. She asked to speak with Gao Xiang alone. Zuo Si'an obediently stepped away, leaving them sitting in the kitchen.
"Gao Xiang, how does your family feel about your plan to stay in the US long-term?"
Gao Xiang replied frankly, "They're all against it."
"Do you think you can persuade them?"
"I'm not sure, but I'll stick to my plans."
"Don't you think it's reckless to base Xiao An's future on a plan that might not even happen?"
"Teacher Yu, I don't want us to keep arguing about this, and I especially don't want you putting endless pressure on Xiao An. Let me repeat: I will take responsibility for Xiao An."
"Fine. Then I want you to promise me two things. First, don't let Xiao An rush to turn down the admission offer from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. Wait until the deadline."
"Regarding her studies, I'll advise Xiao An to be cautious.""Second, when it comes to sex, I also hope you'll respect Xiao An and maintain a responsible attitude."
Gao Xiang felt somewhat embarrassed and was rather annoyed by Yu Jia's blunt and unceremonious tone: "Teacher Yu, if by 'responsible attitude' you mean safe sexual behavior, then you have nothing to worry about."
Yu Jia said coldly, "I shouldn't need to remind you that Xiao An has suffered severe trauma. What you perceive as her love for you, I believe largely stems from her insecurity. You're an adult with relationship experience—please don't use sex to strengthen your control over her. That would be unfair to her."
Mentioning what Zuo Si'an had been through made Gao Xiang feel apologetic: "I'm sorry, Teacher Yu. I understand what you mean and will respect Xiao An."
After Zuo Si'an finished packing, she bid farewell to Yu Jia and Peter. The two drove to Boston and boarded a flight to Washington. They landed smoothly, checked into their reserved hotel, had dinner, and returned to their room.
Gao Xiang comforted her: "Don't be nervous."
She had indeed been anxious since boarding the plane, restless throughout the journey. Now she almost frantically denied it: "I'm not! Who said I was nervous?"
Gao Xiang barely suppressed a laugh and coaxed her: "Alright, alright, you're not nervous at all. I'm the one who's nervous."
"There's something I should tell you," he leaned closer, lowering his voice, "I really don't know if I snore in my sleep."
She was taken aback, releasing some of her tension as she threw herself into his arms: "If you snore and keep me awake, I'll kick you out."
"Hey, don't be so harsh. Oh, I just remembered—there's one more thing—" he drew out his words. She looked at him suspiciously as he said with feigned seriousness, "I prefer sleeping naked. Any problem with that?"
She pinched his arm hard in frustration. He yelped in pain, making her laugh despite herself. She slipped into the bathroom, quickly showered and changed into pajamas, then got into bed to read, trying to calm herself. Gao Xiang took his shower and emerged soon after. She stole a glance at him—he was properly wearing pajamas—and finally relaxed. When he approached the bed, she didn't dare look up, only hearing him say: "One more thing—you don't mind, do you? I'm used to sleeping on the left side of the bed."
"Then I'll let you have it."
As she started to move, he stopped her and laughed heartily: "Just stay where you are. You really are an honest kid."
Only then did she realize he was still teasing her. She snorted, lowered her head to read, and ignored him. Chuckling, he got into bed and took her book—the thick paperback English novel by Stephen King, the author born in Portland she'd mentioned before: IT (Chinese translation titled "Deadlight").
"What's it about? Is it good?"
"It's about unnamed fears several children encounter growing up. I can't say if it's good or not, but the overall atmosphere is quite... tense."
"So you weren't nervous just because you were thinking about staying with me?"
She had no reply. Putting the book on the bedside table, she slid down under the covers and pulled the sheet over her head. The moment he tugged at the sheet, she asked nervously, "What are you doing?"He was once again amused by her reaction, yet somewhat helpless. "No need to hide under there."
Her face flushed crimson as she turned her back to him. He also lay down. "I can't sleep. Keep me company and chat."
"About what?"
"Before your mother left, she pulled you aside and whispered something. She also handed you a piece of paper—was it a martial arts manual?"
Zuo Si'an immediately fell speechless again.
Before leaving home, Yu Jia had spoken to her with concise seriousness: "I can't stop you anymore. No one can predict how things will unfold between you two. I've made demands of him, but it's unrealistic to expect purity during a trip for two. There's one thing you must promise me—you absolutely must use contraception."
The paper she handed over was a printed guide to contraceptive methods, comparing various options. Zuo Si'an only glanced at it before her face burned with embarrassment, quickly stuffing it into her pocket, never daring to touch it again. Yet the weight of those words and that paper had already settled heavily in her heart.
Muffled, she said, "I'm falling asleep. Don't disturb me."
His hand reached over to rest on her shoulder. She instinctively flinched slightly. He sighed softly. "Xiao An, if you're still worried about that matter, let me say it again—there's no hurry. You don't need to be afraid of me at all."
Overwhelmed with shyness and guilt, she turned to face him. "I'm sorry."
"Here we go again. No more apologizing for this either."
After a long silence, she whispered hoarsely, "I've read many books, including psychology texts. I kept telling myself I've adjusted, but..."
He kissed her lips. "No 'buts.' And you absolutely don't need to apologize either. For intimacy, both body and mind need to be ready to experience joy. We have plenty of time ahead of us—no need to rush."
Lying in an unfamiliar bed beside a man did little to help someone with chronic insomnia fall asleep.
Long after Gao Xiang had fallen asleep, Zuo Si'an remained awake. His arm rested across her body, and fearing she might disturb him, she lay perfectly still. This overly cautious posture left her utterly exhausted. Unable to bear it any longer, she carefully shifted his arm away, picked up a book from the bedside table, and slipped into the bathroom. Turning on the light, she sat on the toilet and began reading as usual.
She had already read several Stephen King novels and had discussed some confusing cultural references with Sarah. Sarah once asked curiously, "Why do you like this author? Surely not just because he was born in this city?"
Her answer had been textbook, as if completing homework: "I think he's very good at exploring the indescribable darkness deep within people."
In truth, no darkness could surpass the nightmares she already carried. Reading his novels before bed, like the stuffed bear she kept by her pillow, served to remind her that some darkness exists only in empty imagination and inner fear. Reading in such discomfort, she continued until drowsiness finally overtook her, then quietly returned to bed, slipping into his embrace to sleep.The next day, Gao Xiang took Zuo En'an to rent a car. He initially had his eye on a Chevrolet, but Zuo Si'an tugged hard at his sleeve and dragged him over to a Jeep Wrangler: "Can we rent this one?"
He laughed: "We'll only be visiting cities from now on. There's no need for an off-road vehicle designed for extreme conditions. It won't be very comfortable for long drives either."
"But I've always wanted to ride in a tall vehicle like this—like a truck, just like in road novels, crossing the entire continent. How fun would that be?"
"Alright, your wish is my command."
She happily kissed him, her excitement so childlike that he felt even renting a truck would be worth it.
"When we have more time in the future, I'll definitely take you on a cross-country trip across America."
This promise made her even more elated.
Washington's famous cherry blossoms wouldn't bloom until late March. Gao Xiang and Zuo Si'an had arrived over twenty days too early, missing the peak season. They visited several famous landmarks like the White House, Capitol Hill, and the Lincoln Memorial. The itinerary was originally quite relaxed, but in the afternoon while resting in front of the Lincoln Memorial, Gao Xiang received a call from New York. Chen Zi Hui feigned innocence, saying: "Bao Bao insists on talking to you."
Gao Xiang understood this was likely Chen Zi Hui's deliberate ploy to have Bao Bao call. Though he could end conversations with his mother in a few words, he couldn't casually dismiss Bao Bao. He spent over ten minutes on the phone coaxing Bao Bao into agreeing to take a nap.
After hanging up, he looked at Zuo Si'an and saw she had walked far away.
He went over and put his arm around her shoulder: "Are you upset?"
She shook her head, forcing a smile: "Not at all. I was studying the map. Can we go to Baltimore? It's very close to Washington, just an hour's drive away."
Gao Xiang had originally planned to go directly to Philadelphia and hadn't included Baltimore in their itinerary. He glanced at the map in her hand: "What's special about that city?"
"Last year, our English teacher had us read poetry. One poem was titled with a Latin word: Desiderata, meaning 'things to be desired.' I really liked it—it was the first English poem I memorized. It's said to have been inscribed in 1692 at St. Paul's Church in Baltimore."
He didn't mind changing their plans according to her wishes: "Alright, let's go there then."
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