"Do you know those boys?"
She shook her head.
"I'll come pick you up after school every day from now on."
"That's not necessary. They're also students from the Normal University Affiliated High School. They're usually under strict management, but the story Liu Yaqin made up about me made them curious. They just want to see what a girl who had an early relationship and got pregnant in eighth grade looks like. They won't do anything to me."
"I'll walk you home and talk with your mother to see if we can arrange a school transfer for you."
She raised her hand and brushed his away: "I said I'm not going anywhere."
"Don't be stubborn, Xiao An. It's clear you can't keep going on like this. Changing schools would at least mean no one would harass you."
"How ridiculous. Compared to what's truly tormenting me, what do a few whistles and pointing fingers matter?"
"Xiao An, you can't trap yourself in this situation."
"Do you think I want to? I desperately try to forget, and sometimes I feel like I've actually forgotten most of it." Zuo Si'an stared at him coldly and said, "But this thing is like rats. You keep driving them away, thinking even if you can't kill them, at least you've chased them off. But in reality, they just retreat to corners you can't find, silent and unnoticed. You can even feel them watching you in the dark, and you never know when they'll suddenly dart out and run past you."
His heart stirred, and he reached out to grasp her hand. She tried to pull back, but he wouldn't let go: "Tell me about it. At least when the rats appear again, you'll know you're not facing them alone."
After a long while, Zuo Si'an said softly, "I can't explain it clearly. Every time I remember, the details are different. I haven't had many nightmares for a while now. Last night, I fell asleep very late and was startled awake in the middle of the night. Suddenly, I remembered... that person called my name and told me to get in the car. His voice was so clear, as if it had just happened. It must be an illusion. I'd never seen him before; he couldn't possibly have known me."
Gao Xiang was startled, his heart suddenly pounding violently as he realized the "that person" she mentioned must be Chen Ziyu. For a moment, his breath caught.
"What I remember, what I can't remember, what really happened, what didn't—I can no longer tell the difference. All I know is that I have to accept the presence of the rats, get used to them always watching me, and never knowing when they might suddenly dart out."
"No, Xiao An, this isn't something you have to accept, nor is it the life you should be living." He held her hand tightly. "What happened has already happened. I can't explain why they did such evil things. All I can tell you for certain is that no matter how this all came to be, it wasn't your Lake. You have to let it go and live your life properly."Exhausted and drained, she could no longer maintain her outward composure or muster a response. He looked at her, his heart filled with pity and conflict. He thought, Chen Ziyu is dead. Whether this matter stemmed from his malice, Liu Yaqin’s arrangements, or a joint conspiracy between them, Liu Yaqin would never confess the whole truth. Even if he dragged some rat out of the darkness and presented it to her, it wouldn’t fully erase the fear and shame in her heart. And what meaning would a truth that could never be fully restored hold for Zuo Si’an? Perhaps, in the end, they could only rely on time to heal the wounds she had suffered.
This feeling of helplessness stirred a faint anger within him toward himself. He raised his hand to stroke her cheek and said once more, “I’m sorry.”
Misunderstanding his meaning, she replied bitterly, “It’s nothing. After all, she is your mother. It’s only natural for you to be angry with me. But I don’t regret what I did. I just wanted her to taste the bitterness of being abandoned by a loved one. So I won’t apologize to you, no matter the consequences. I don’t care anymore. Please take me home, or my mother will worry.”
5
Two days before the Lunar New Year, a mix of rain and snow fell from the gloomy, bitterly cold sky. Zuo Si’an was home alone when she heard the doorbell. She paused the DVD that was playing with the remote and went to open the door. Standing outside was Gao Xiang.
“May I come in?”
She stepped aside to let him in and closed the door, asking softly, “Why are you here?”
“I came to see you. Your mother said…”
“Did she call and ask you to come?”
Her expression darkened instantly. “My mother is such a pragmatist. She clearly said she didn’t want you to see me again, but now she probably thinks I need comfort, and since she can’t provide it herself, she sent you. Thank you, but I’m fine. I’ve accepted reality. If my parents want to divorce, so be it. If my classmates find out, let them. What does it matter…”
“Xiao An,” he interrupted, frowning. “She didn’t call me. I called her. I wanted to see you, and she agreed to let me come.”
She froze, then after a moment, lowered her head and whispered, “After what happened, I thought even if you weren’t angry with me, you wouldn’t come to see me again.”
Gao Xiang couldn’t tell her that he had been caught in a whirlwind of contradictions these past few days. Not only had the conflict between his parents not subsided, but communication between his grandfather and father in Qinggang had dwindled, leaving the management team at a loss and forcing him to step in as a mediator, severely disrupting his work. Matters at the company were not going smoothly, and his home was in even greater disarray. At his insistence, Wang Yujiao had been dismissed, and the new nanny had to endure Chen Zihui’s increasingly harsh demands in her anger, constantly finding fault and complaining to him. To make matters worse, Bao Bao had suddenly contracted pneumonia, which had been critical for a time. Shuttling between the hospital, the company, and home, he was utterly exhausted. Only after the child recovered did he finally catch his breath.
“Your father… when is he coming back?”
She looked surprised. “How did you know he’s coming back? Did my mother tell you?”
He nodded."Four days ago, he called and said there was heavy snow there, the roads were difficult to travel, and he might be delayed for a few days. I guessed he probably wouldn't make it to complete the divorce procedures before the Civil Affairs Bureau closes for the holiday, so our family could still have what counts as a complete New Year. If you came to talk to me about this, forget it, I've already..."
Before she could continue, Gao Xiang pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly, pressing her head against his chest. She struggled briefly before giving in, staying in that position as silent tears streamed down. She thought, he knew everything about her, always had. Even if she could coldly face the rumors at school, calmly tell her mother to decide for herself whether to divorce, how could she possibly hide her sorrow and despair from him? More importantly, she truly needed an embrace like this.
Gao Xiang's chin rested against her hair, feeling her body tremble slightly as she tried to suppress her sobs. He said nothing, just held her until she gradually calmed down, then had her sit on the sofa, handed her a tissue, and watched as she rubbed her nose red, looking utterly dejected.
"Don't overthink your parents' situation. I'll take you out for a walk and get something to eat."
"It's too cold, I don't want to go out. If you don't have anything else to do, stay and watch this movie with me."
He glanced at the TV, where a frozen frame showed a large ship with countless people on board and ashore waving. "What movie is it?"
"Still Titanic. I bought the disc last year and have played it twice, but both times I only watched the first half hour. Thinking about how the ship will sink in the end and most people will die makes me too sad to continue. Today, I probably can't feel any worse, so I want to finish it."
Last spring when the movie was a hit, Gao Xiang and Sun Ruodi had parted on bad terms at the cinema and he hadn't watched it since. He nodded and sat down with Zuo Si'an. She curled up on the sofa, draped a wool blanket over herself, and pressed the remote to start from the beginning.
"Your father decided to stay in Ali?"
"Yes, he said on the phone that they need him there and asked me to understand. I said, I understand completely, it's fine, no problem. Mom talked to me too. She said she doesn't want me to resent her for this. I said, it's fine, I won't, I'm already grateful for her care."
This was certainly not a "no problem" tone, but who could ask her to respond differently? Gao Xiang stroked her hair: "Xiao An, one sign of growing up is realizing that parents are no longer your entire world."
"But I don't want an increasingly larger world."
"This day would come sooner or later. You can't be too stubborn."
She was silent for a moment, then suddenly leaned in, resting her chin on his shoulder, staring intently at him: "One day you'll give up on me too, right?"
Gao Xiang was stunned. Her face was so close to his that he could clearly see deep into her dark, bright pupils. His breath briefly faltered, as if what had unexpectedly drawn near wasn't just her, but some unfamiliar presence—dangerous, yet carrying an indescribable sweetness and allure. He collected himself: "You'll grow up, and in the future you won't need me like you do now."The corners of her lips lifted into a smile, yet her eyes held no trace of amusement. "Growing up sounds wonderful—no longer needing anyone."
"No, Xiao An, that's not what I meant." Faced with this overly sensitive girl, he found it difficult to explain and could only speak earnestly. "Why do you think I insisted on visiting you despite your mother's objections? I care about you deeply. But your mother was right about one thing: I'm an adult, and you're still too young. If I let you grow dependent on me, it would be taking advantage of you."
"What advantage is there to take? Is it my constant worrying or the endless troubles I bring?" Her smile carried a hint of self-mockery. "You're right. Staying away from me is better for you."
As she started to pull back, he held her, drawing her close to rest against his shoulder. He draped the blanket over her and said simply, "When you're old enough, we can decide what distance is appropriate. For now, don't overthink it. Just focus on the movie."
The electric oil radiator in the living room emitted a faint, elusive warmth. The wool blanket covering their legs was intricately patterned and soft to the touch. Outside the door lay the damp, chilly winter of a southern city, the sky an unchanging leaden gray. The hazy light made time seem almost stagnant, while delicate snowflakes drifted down intermittently, endless and boundless.
On the television screen, a luxury cruise ship carrying over 2,200 passengers and crew set sail for the first time, heading toward an iceberg unknown to them. The poor, carrying all their belongings in simple bags to seek a new life in the Americas, boarded the same ship as the steel magnates and nobles accompanied by their butlers and servants. Sudden encounters, the famous embrace at the ship's bow against the wind, lavish feasts and elegant attire, unrestrained singing and dancing… The sea was calm, and death seemed distant. Yet, tears streamed uncontrollably from the corners of Zuo Si'an's eyes.
Gao Xiang thought that watching such a grand and tragic masterpiece while in pain would likely not ease her pent-up emotions but only deepen her sorrow. He reached out and held her close, about to speak, when she suddenly turned her face toward him. His lips brushed against her cheek—warm, moist. For an indeterminate moment, perhaps only a brief instant, his mind went blank. Then he realized her arms were wrapped around his neck, and he was kissing her. Her body was fragile yet warm and soft, her breath carrying a honey-like sweetness. He caught the faint scent of gardenia in her hair and tasted the slight saltiness of her tears mingled with the fragrance unique to a young girl.
Suddenly, the door swung open. Zuo Xuejun, travel-worn and carrying a suitcase, stood frozen in the doorway. His face registered shock, his gaze fixed on the two on the sofa. He threw down his luggage, roaring in fury, "Let her go!" and charged forward, grabbing Gao Xiang and punching him in the face.
Gao Xiang staggered back but managed to steady himself. Zuo Xuejun advanced, seizing his collar to strike again.
At that moment, Zuo Si'an screamed sharply, "Stop!"Oh snap, if you think 52 Book Lake is great, remember to bookmark the URL https:https://www.52shuku.net/ or recommend it to your friends~ Please (>.<) Portal: Ranking List | Book Finding Guide | Qingshan Luotuo
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