"If he works for the United Nations, he probably won’t be stationed in the country long-term, right?"
"That’s exactly the problem. Over two months ago, Peter unexpectedly resigned from his well-paid position and applied to teach at a university in Hanjiang City. I won’t hypocritically deny it—his decision isn’t unrelated to me. But he insists he’s an adult, free to arrange his life as he wishes, and I shouldn’t worry. Sometimes when I work late, he walks me home. Occasionally, when I’m troubled—like when Xuejun suddenly announced he’d stay in Ali—no matter how hard I try to hold on, there are moments of exhaustion and suffocating frustration. In this city, he’s the only outsider who knows about Xiao An’s situation. Talking with him for a while helps me unwind. That’s all. It’s not a capital offense, is it?"
Gao Xiang said helplessly, "Teacher Yu, I’m no moralist. I won’t judge your actions, but a girl Xiao An’s age likely holds very strict, demanding standards about relationships—especially when it comes to her own parents. I suggest you explain this clearly to her, without leaving any room for ambiguity."
"But how should I explain it? In Xiao An’s eyes, the fact that I no longer love her father is already an unforgivable sin. Xuejun and I have been married for over ten years. I can’t whitewash his behavior, painting him as someone selflessly devoted to aiding impoverished regions. Yet I also can’t bluntly tell my daughter that her father is ashamed of her experiences. He’d have to face it as soon as he returns, so he wants to keep running away—and expects me and our daughter to run with him."
Gao Xiang had to admit that, to some extent, he agreed with Yu Jia’s perspective. But when a wife analyzes her husband’s actions with such sharp objectivity, it’s clear their relationship is nearing collapse. And how could a daughter who deeply loves her father ever accept such a reality?
"When Xiao An was a child, I didn’t take care of her enough. The person she trusts is her father. She’s very understanding toward me in other matters, but when it comes to her father, she becomes exceptionally stubborn. If Xuejun were willing to return, we wouldn’t divorce, and she wouldn’t blame me. If he insists on staying in Ali, she’ll definitely hold me responsible. As for telling her the harsh truth about her father—I can’t bear to do it. Even if I did, she wouldn’t believe me and would only resent me more."
Yu Jia seemed more like she was analyzing possible scenarios for herself, listing them one by one, growing increasingly disheartened as she spoke. Gao Xiang could only comfort her: "I’ll do my best to talk to Xiao An."
Yu Jia shook her head abruptly. "I’m sorry, Xiao Gao. Even though I’ve gone back on my word by contacting you again, my previous request still stands. I hope you’ll continue to honor our agreement."
He was taken aback and replied with a hint of sarcasm, "If you still want me to avoid seeing your daughter, you’ll have to keep her at home until your husband returns."Yu Jia looked somewhat apologetic, yet her expression remained resolute. "You don't need to criticize me—I'm well aware that I've failed as a mother. But I am still her mother, after all, and I must think more thoroughly for her sake. Given your position, it's not appropriate for her to develop further dependence on you. She's more fragile now than before. For the sake of her still being a child, please try to keep some distance from her. I will do my best to fulfill my responsibilities and minimize troubling you."
Gao Xiang was momentarily speechless, while simultaneously unable not to admire Yu Jia's clear-headedness under such circumstances. "If Xiao An needs me, I can't ignore her. I won't deliberately emphasize my presence—you can rest assured about that. As for the issues between you and your husband, it's best to discuss and reach a consistent solution before letting Xiao An face them. Keeping her in a state of fear and worry right now does no good at all."
"I agree."
Gao Xiang brought Yu Jia to his apartment. Upon opening the door, they saw Zuo Si'an sitting dazedly on the living room sofa. Spotting them enter, she abruptly stood up, avoiding her mother's gaze and instead fixing her eyes solely on him. He said succinctly, "Xiao An, I believe you should trust your mother and not just speculate about her actions based on your own feelings."
Zuo Si'an's expression shifted uncertainly, but she remained silent.
"As for the problems between your parents, they ultimately have to resolve them themselves. It's your mother who has been taking care of you all along—you can't just side with your father and argue with her relentlessly; that's unfair to her. You've told me yourself that arguing only worsens feelings, right?"
Zuo Si'an lowered her head and murmured, "Mm."
Yu Jia also spoke up, her expression bitter but her voice gentle. "Xiao An, in front of Gao Xiang, I promise you that before your father returns, I won't bring up divorce again. I will communicate properly with your father and hope he comes back after his Aid Tibet term ends. I'll do my best to be honest with you—please trust me."
Only then did Zuo Si'an look at Yu Jia. Mother and daughter locked eyes for a long moment before she nodded silently.
2
Although absorbed in her own worries, Zuo Si'an quickly noticed that, almost overnight, her classmates' attitudes toward her had taken a suspicious turn.
Her deskmate suddenly stopped talking to her but kept sneaking glances her way. During breaks, several classmates huddled together whispering at the other end of the classroom while looking in her direction. Worse yet, students from other classes repeatedly crowded at the classroom door, peeking in before scattering abruptly. By lunchtime, when she arrived slightly late at the cafeteria, she found the surroundings fall silent as everyone stared at her. Puzzled, she halted, and they averted their gazes, resuming their chatter as if nothing had happened.
She realized they were discussing her. The atmosphere of excited, curious gossip and attention felt all too familiar, sending a chill down her spine. Just then, Liu Guanchao approached with his head down, grabbed her arm, and led her out of the cafeteria. They didn't stop until they reached the small playground behind the teaching building.
"They're all talking about you."
"I know. What are they saying?"Liu Guanchao’s face flushed red. His mouth opened and closed, but he couldn’t bring himself to repeat the gossip he had overheard. Zuo Si’an’s heart sank. She didn’t need to ask to know they could only be discussing the one thing she wished to forget. Yet she couldn’t understand how it had suddenly spread.
“Let me take you out to buy something to eat.”
She nodded. The two of them left the school and went to a small snack shop nearby, where they bought two bowls of noodles. Liu Guanchao took a few bites, then paused to look at Zuo Si’an through the rising steam. She held her chopsticks, staring into her bowl without moving, clearly not intending to eat. Worried, he stopped and called out, “Xiao An.”
She looked up. “I’m fine.”
“But… what should we do?”
“Finish eating and go back to class. Final exams are coming up soon, and then we’ll have a break. After winter vacation, they probably won’t have the energy to keep talking about me.”
Liu Guanchao wasn’t so optimistic. He remembered clearly that after Zuo Si’an was found to be pregnant, she never returned to school. Yet throughout that entire semester, Qinggang Middle School was rife with rumors about her. Because he was her close friend and could still visit her home, many classmates had approached him to ask about her. No matter how fiercely he glared, or even when he got into fights with a few disrespectful classmates, he couldn’t curb their curiosity. What shocked him most was that even some teachers had privately called him into their offices to inquire about Zuo Si’an’s situation.
But he saw no need to voice his worries and make Zuo Si’an feel worse, so he quickly nodded. “Right, right. You should eat quickly.”
Zuo Si’an had long been accustomed to being quiet and introverted, but she now realized she couldn’t remain as inconspicuous as she wished. She could only maintain her composure with an expressionless demeanor, trying to fend off all those whose curiosity drove them to probe indirectly.
However, over the course of a week, the gossip about her spread like wildfire, growing increasingly intense with no sign of dying down on its own. Finally, a bold girl confronted Zuo Si’an directly and asked, “Does giving birth hurt?” Zuo Si’an stared fixedly at her without saying a word. Unable to withstand her gaze, the girl awkwardly muttered, “What a freak,” before turning and walking away.
Liu Guanchao faced even bigger troubles. At noon, he was cornered by several boys outside the cafeteria. One of them asked in a mocking tone, “I heard you’re from Qinggang. You were classmates with that girl Zuo Si’an back then. Is the baby she had yours?”
Without a word, Liu Guanchao threw a punch at the boy who had spoken. The group quickly descended into a brawl. Zuo Si’an was summoned by classmates eager to watch the commotion. By the time she arrived, her former middle school deskmate Wang Wanyi and Wang’s tall boyfriend Li Yang had already broken up the fight. But Liu Guanchao was left with a bruised and swollen face, his school uniform torn, looking utterly disheveled.
Zuo Si’an took out a tissue and wiped the blood from his face. When she looked up, she saw Wang Wanyi watching her thoughtfully. Distraught, Zuo Si’an asked, “Do you have questions for me too?”
Wang Wanyi had been assigned to a different class after starting high school. She shook her head. “I’m not as bored as they are, Zuo Si’an. I just wanted to tell you—some people know we used to share a desk and have asked me all sorts of stupid questions about you. My only response is: None of your damn business.”This unexpected kindness made Zuo Si'an's nose sting with emotion. She forced a smile and said, "Thank you."
"But," Wang Wanyi scrutinized Liu Guanchao, "you should explain to Zuo Si'an why your sister came here to spread rumors about her."
Liu Guanchao was taken aback and instinctively retorted, "You're talking nonsense."
Wang Wanyi said calmly, "I'm not talking nonsense. Li Yang heard her personally a few days ago at the arcade on the street ahead, telling people from our school's basketball team about Zuo Si'an. He just told me. If you don't believe me, you can ask him."
Li Yang stood with his arms crossed at a distance, nodding in confirmation.
"How would he recognize my sister?"
"The day before the spring sports meet last semester, your sister took you to buy sports shoes at the store across from the school. We also went there to shop. Zuo Si'an told me and Li Yang that it was your sister. She's very pretty, has a great figure, dresses fashionably, and has a mole on the left corner of her mouth. We were quite impressed at the time. Li Yang couldn't have mistaken her."
Li Yang said irritably, "I have 1.5 standard vision. There's no way I could've been wrong."
Liu Guanchao was stunned into silence, muttering, "But my sister wouldn't come here to speak ill of Xiao An."
"You'd better go home and ask her what's going on."
Liu Guanchao looked utterly bewildered. Zuo Si'an had remained silent all this time when a teacher approached and said, "Zuo Si'an, Liu Guanchao, come to the academic affairs office immediately."
Wang Wanyi quickly interjected, "Teacher, it was some senior boys who started the fight and bullied them. It has nothing to do with these two. We can testify."
The teacher frowned and said, "No need for testimony. We have other matters to discuss with these two students."
Yu Jia received a call from the school, assuming her daughter was worried about her parents' relationship affecting her studies. She rushed over and found Zuo Si'an and Liu Guanchao standing in the corridor outside the academic affairs office, talking with their homeroom teacher, Ms. Li. Both looked expressionless. Seeing Yu Jia arrive, they greeted her briefly and immediately brought her into the office. Inside were Liu Guanchao's mother, Wang Yujiao, Director Zhang from the academic affairs office, and another unfamiliar teacher. Wang Yujiao was agitatedly saying, "This is nonsense. My son has always been a good student. How could he possibly do such a thing? What happened to Xiao An has nothing to do with him. This isn't the first time he's been implicated because of her." She noticed Yu Jia entering and quickly stopped, forcing a smile and saying, "Ms. Yu, I don't mean to blame Xiao An."
"What happened?"
"Rumors are spreading at school about Xiao An having a baby, and Xiao Chao got into a fight with classmates in the heat of the moment. Ms. Yu, it wasn't easy for my Xiao Chao to study here. You must speak fairly and not let him take the blame."
Yu Jia was stunned. Director Zhang looked at her uneasily and asked, "Has your daughter mentioned this to you at home?"
She shook her head. "Not at all."
OpenNovel