Wang Wanyi disagreed: "We're already in ninth grade, stop using friendship as an excuse. Li Yang isn't the least bit attentive to me."
Li Yang could be considered Wang Wanyi's "boyfriend." They had been classmates since elementary school but were now in different classes. Of course, in their prestigious school, puppy love was strictly forbidden. Their so-called puppy love merely consisted of sneaking out on weekends to watch movies together and do homework behind their parents' backs, but it was enough to make their peers, who were just beginning to discover romance, envious.
Zuo Si'an didn't want to discuss this topic, but as a transfer student who had worked hard to overcome her social anxiety and finally become familiar with her deskmate, she didn't want others to mistake her avoidance for unfriendliness. She had to show some interest: "Li Yang is really good at basketball."
Wang Wanyi was quite proud: "Yeah, I like athletic boys. That Liu Guanchao who's chasing you—I heard he's super smart. As soon as he transferred here, he ranked in the top ten of the entire tenth grade, with the highest scores in math, physics, and chemistry. Impressive, but he seems too nerdy and introverted."
"He's always been good at academics. If it weren't for his English scores holding him back, his overall ranking would definitely be higher."
Wang Wanyi spotted her father waiting by the school gate with an umbrella and frowned, whispering: "I wonder if my dad read my diary. He's been watching me so closely lately—he never used to pick me up in such light rain before."
Zuo Si'an smiled: "Isn't it nice that he's here to get you? Hurry up and go."
Wang Wanyi stuck out her tongue and ran to her father. He offered her the umbrella, but she refused to take it, insisting on linking arms with him and sharing the umbrella instead. This scene inevitably made Zuo Si'an envious. She watched them walk away, then turned toward the bus stop. Suddenly, she heard someone call: "Xiao An."
She looked toward the voice and saw Gao Xiang standing not far ahead, without an umbrella. The streetlamp cast a hazy yellow glow, illuminating the rain as it fell in long, fine threads like woven silk, sprinkling over him.
Surprised, she walked over and raised her umbrella to cover him. He took the umbrella and looked her over: "You seem to have grown a bit taller."
Though it was an ordinary remark, it made her quietly happy: "What are you doing here?"
"I was passing by. Since it's dismissal time and the weather's bad, I was worried you might have trouble getting a ride. Let me take you home."
"Don't you need to pick up Sister Ruodi?"
"She's shopping at the mall. I can drop you off first and then pick her up—there's enough time. Don't worry, we didn't argue." He opened the car door. "Get in."
She couldn't help smiling slightly and was about to get in when Liu Guanchao suddenly dashed across the street toward them. His sister, Liu Yaqin, chased after him, shouting for him to stop. Ignoring her, he grabbed Zuo Si'an's arm and said angrily: "Xiao An, how can you still get into his family's car?"
Zuo Si'an's face instantly turned pale. Gao Xiang was also stunned. A month earlier, after repeated requests from Chen Zi Hui and helpless persuasion from Gao Ming, Gao Xiang had no choice but to arrange for Liu Yaqin to work at his company. She flusteredly apologized to Gao Xiang: "I'm sorry, President Gao. My brother is still a child and doesn't understand anything. Please don't mind him." She grabbed Liu Guanchao and whispered urgently: "Xiao Chao, both Mom and I work for the Gao family. What are you causing trouble for? Come with me now."Liu Guanchao still ignored her, his gaze fixed intently on Zuo Si’an. Zuo Si’an spoke expressionlessly, “I’ve never forgotten what happened the last time I was in someone else’s car. You don’t need to keep reminding me.”
“That’s not what I meant.” Liu Guanchao’s face also turned pale, and he involuntarily released his grip. “I…”
“Enough,” Gao Xiang interrupted him. “Xiao An, get in the car.”
Zuo Si’an silently got into the car. Gao Xiang closed the door and turned to look at Liu Guanchao. “Xiao Chao, it’s good that you care about Xiao An, but you should learn to respect her judgment and ability to act independently. I’m just giving her a ride home. There’s no need for you to worry.”
Liu Guanchao stared at him, his eyes filled with hostility. Liu Yaqin gave him a hard shove and forced a smile, saying, “President Gao, he’s just stubborn and doesn’t know any better. Please don’t take it to heart.”
“It’s nothing. Hurry home.”
Gao Xiang got into the car and saw Zuo Si’an curled up in the corner of the seat. He quickly turned on the heater. “Xiao An…”
She shook her head, clearly not wanting to talk. He had no choice but to start the car and drive. The terrible weather made the city traffic even more congested, and he could only patiently inch forward in the slow-moving line of cars.
“My father also repeatedly questioned me—why did I get into a stranger’s car? Did he drag me in or trick me into it?” she suddenly spoke, her voice low and hoarse, as if murmuring in a dream.
Gao Xiang’s heart tightened. He almost wanted to say, “Let the past stay in the past; there’s no need to bring it up again.” But he knew that interrupting her now would be tantamount to forever silencing her, an act as cruel as Liu Guanchao’s thoughtless words that had stirred up her memories.
“Actually, I really can’t remember clearly. I always end up contradicting myself, breaking down in tears as I speak. It was the same when I gave my statement at the police station. It feels like it happened to someone else, and I only saw it vaguely from a distance…” This time, she didn’t cry. Her eyes were dry as she stared blankly at the rhythmic back-and-forth of the windshield wipers.
“Your father just wanted to understand what happened. He wasn’t trying to pressure you.”
“I know. He suffered even more than I did. I don’t blame him. My mother… was the exact opposite. She never mentioned it, only told me that if you don’t think about bad things, you’ll eventually forget them. I think she was right. But…” After a long silence, she closed her eyes. “It’s just too hard. Even if no one reminds me, I can’t possibly forget.”
The conclusion was so suffocating. Gao Xiang kept his left hand on the steering wheel and reached out with his right to hold Zuo Si’an’s hand. Her fingers were icy cold, her palm damp with clammy sweat.
He still didn’t know how to comfort her, but he hoped this small gesture could convey a bit of warmth, to hold her back and prevent her from sinking alone into despair. She seemed to sense his intention, her hand resting quietly in his palm.
After crossing an intersection, they encountered another long red light. Pedestrians surged across the crosswalk, and a car ahead aggressively cut into a left-turn lane, blocking it. Some drivers behind angrily leaned out to shout curses, while others honked their horns in frustration. The harsh sounds echoed one after another, adding to the chaos on the road. Amid this sudden commotion, Zuo Si’an opened her eyes. She had regained her composure, her gaze dull and vacant as she looked around, then withdrew her hand."The traffic is jammed. I'll try taking another route. Should we call your home so your mom won't worry?"
She shook her head: "No need. Her workplace is far, she always returns later than me."
"Has she been on any business trips recently?"
"Not at all. She's been taking far fewer business trips than before, giving up on distant locations and long-term projects. Actually, I don't want her to do this."
"It's hard to manage everything perfectly. Everyone has to make choices and compromises. This is your mother's decision, you shouldn't feel pressured."
She silently gazed ahead, her expression dim, clearly aware that she couldn't easily stop herself from overthinking.
Gao Xiang finally managed to turn onto a road on the right, avoiding the congested main artery. After driving for a while, he pulled over: "Wait for me, I'll be right back."
He hurried into a modest-looking shop by the roadside. A few minutes later, he returned with two paper cups and a paper bag: "This is where I often get coffee. I bought you hot chocolate, and some cookies baked by the shop owner. Try them, they're delicious."
She took the hot chocolate, holding it with both hands: "Thank you."
The steam from the hot chocolate and coffee rose in gentle swirls, their rich aromas mingling and filling the car. She took small sips of the chocolate while he placed his coffee cup in the holder and asked: "How are your studies?"
"If you're this concerned about me yourself, how can you expect Xiao Chao to feel at ease?"
Stumped by her question, he laughed self-deprecatingly: "Don't find me annoying."
"It's fine. I'm gradually getting to know my classmates better, and the teachers treat me well. You don't need to... worry about me anymore. I'm doing fine."
"That's good. Since you never called me, I guessed you must be doing well. Coming to see you isn't about being overly concerned - it's like how you correspond with Jingjing. You don't discuss anything particularly important, but if you don't receive a letter for a while, you start wondering and check the mailbox."
The analogy brought a faint smile to her face: "Jingjing's letters are much better than mine. The minor incidents at school, conversations between classmates, people visiting Aunt Mei for medical consultations - when she describes them, they become particularly interesting. Maybe she could become a writer someday."
"What about you? What do you want to do in the future?"
"I don't know, I haven't thought that far ahead. It seems like there's nothing I particularly want to do." The slight smile vanished from her face as she hesitated, "I just hope that in three years when Dad returns, I'll be about to take the college entrance exams. I'll try to get into a good university to make him happy."
"Xiao An, believe me, your happiness matters more to him."
She continued holding the cup of chocolate, staring blankly ahead: "When I'm unhappy, I go ride the tram."
"Ride the tram?"
"Yes, Tram Line 1. My home is near the starting station. When I was in kindergarten and elementary school, Dad would always take this tram with me to school before going to work. I love this route - listening to the conductor announce each stop, watching the streets on both sides, riding from the starting station all the way to the terminal, then riding back. It seems like my worries just fade away."
This lonely method of self-comfort made him uneasy. He said: "Try spending more time with your classmates."
"I will. Don't worry."
When they reached her apartment building, she picked up her backpack and said: "Thank you.""If anything comes up, call my cell anytime," he handed her the bag of cookies and reminded her, "Even if nothing's wrong, if you're just feeling down and want to chat, that's fine too." She opened the car door, glanced back at him, and he thought she was about to say something. But after a moment, she only said, "You should go pick up Sister Ruodi now."
Zuo Si'an went upstairs to her home, set down her backpack, and first went to the kitchen to rinse the rice and put it in the rice cooker. Then she started tidying up the room. Yu Jia had never been good at household chores and suggested hiring a part-time cleaner, but Zuo Si'an strongly resisted having a stranger in the house, preferring to do the work herself. Yu Jia had no choice but to drop the idea.
By the time the rice was almost done, Yu Jia returned home, immediately heading to the kitchen after putting down her bag. After Zuo Xuejun left for his work assignment in Tibet, Yu Jia had to start learning to cook from recipe books. She approached it with the same meticulousness as her research, gradually developing her own system: she bought a larger refrigerator, did all her grocery shopping on weekends, then washed and sorted the vegetables and meats accordingly. She would prepare a large batch of soup, divide it into several portions, and freeze them in airtight containers. Typically, Zuo Si'an came home a bit earlier each day and was responsible for rinsing the rice and starting the rice cooker. When Yu Jia got home, she would heat up a bowl of soup and prepare two simple dishes. Occasionally, they would order a more complex dish from a restaurant to change things up.
Zuo Si'an wiped clean her mother's shoes and put them away in the shoe cabinet, then hung up the bag and clothes left on the sofa before continuing to clean the room. She caught a glimpse of her mother busily working in the kitchen and felt the same indescribable unease as usual. Her mother, who was knowledgeable, independent, and career-driven, had never been the type to fuss over trivial matters like other mothers. But now, she had suddenly thrown herself into household chores. The exhaustion was evident, and she had become somewhat cautious, carefully weighing every word she said to avoid any phrases that might trigger associations or misunderstandings.
This unprecedented patience and sacrifice, however, only made Zuo Si'an feel a strange sense of distance. Though they lived under the same roof, they felt no closer than her father, who was far away in Tibet. After finishing the cleaning and putting the laundry into the washing machine, Zuo Si'an saw that Yu Jia had already set the table. The two ate in silence, and as Zuo Si'an was about to return to her room to do homework as usual, Yu Jia suddenly stopped her and asked casually, "Does Gao Xiang often pick you up?"
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