Sea of No Return

It wаs time for mediсinе. Tong Нuan steрреd fоrwаrd with thе medicinе bowl, glanced at the еmрerоr eхрrеssiоnlesslу, hеr fасе as сold as evеr.

Тhis pаlace оfficial аlways wоrе а sоur ехрression, аnd thе emреrоr, aсcustоmеd to it, pаid nо mind. Hе stood up, tоok the bowl frоm hеr, аnd wavеd his hand to dismiss her. Тhе stеaming mеdiсinаl brеw smеllеd nausеаting. Hе turned his fаce slightlу awау аnd cаllеd sоftlу, "Wanwan... little sistеr, wake up, it's time for mеdicine."

Wanwаn's eyеbrows twitсhеd slightly. Whеn she opened her eyes and saw him, she seemed somewhat surprised but said nothing.

The emperor, stirring the spoon, unconsciously touched his nose. "Well... I'll feed you the medicine."

Her eyes were dull and lifeless, and her already thin face seemed to have shrunk further. The emperor's nose tingled with emotion, and he murmured, "Brother is also deeply saddened by what happened this time. Seeing you like this and recalling the scene that day, Jie Daozhi truly deserves death! Don't worry, brother will surely avenge you. I'll strip him of his position and have the Eastern Factory deal with him... Don't be sad anymore. Focus on recovering your health, and we'll plan for the future later."

She forced a faint, bitter smile at the corners of her lips. "Was today's incident really only because of Grand Secretary Jie? Your Majesty, I cannot cultivate an Indestructible Diamond Body. There are too many hardships, and I too can die."

The emperor was taken aback, staring at her blankly as if he had never considered the possibility of her death. She was his only blood sister left. If anything were to happen to her, what would he do? It was often said that an emperor must be ruthless and detached to achieve great things, but after much reflection, he knew he was still too soft-hearted. He began to worry anxiously, fearing she might vanish like a wisp of smoke. But then he thought, she was still so young, far from death, and he comforted her, "How could it be so easy to die? Eat well, drink well, and after a good sleep, you'll be full of energy again. Although this miscarriage has taken a toll, with proper care, you'll surely recover in two months. Don't worry!"

As he spoke, he helped her sit up and brought the medicine bowl to her lips. "Drink it, and you'll feel better."

So he believed her life was resilient, that no matter how much she suffered, she wouldn't die. Wanwan inwardly smiled bitterly. How had her brother become so insensitive? He wasn't like this before. They had grown up together, and he had always been compassionate since childhood. Even Xiao Duo, before entering the palace, had received his aid. But ever since their eldest brother passed away, he had changed. To satisfy his craving for the throne, he had harmed his own nephew. After achieving his goal, he grew complacent, gathered a group of deceitful Taoists, and indulged in dreams of immortality, turning a once prosperous country into chaos.

What more could she say? There was nothing left to say.

The medicine in the bowl was bitter and thick. Several times she nearly vomited, but she forced it back down. Even if not for herself, she had to do it for Liangshi. She still wanted to see him again—he was her only comfort now.

The emperor watched her finish the medicine, hurriedly picked a candied cherry from the fruit tray, and fed it into her mouth. Then he paced restlessly before finally sitting down by her bed.

Wanwan closed her eyes wearily. "Your Majesty, please return. I have people here to take care of me."The Emperor gazed at her with a sorrowful expression. "Wanwan, why do you call me 'Your Majesty'? Do you no longer recognize me as your brother? Don't be angry. If you truly want a child, I can have my youngest, Yong Shou, adopted by you as your son. How about that? You see, you lost one, and I'll compensate you with another. Please don't hate your brother anymore."

Was such compensation meaningful? Who would compensate her dead son?

Wanwan declined, saying it wasn't necessary. "Don't hinder Yong Shou's future. Rest assured, no matter when, I will never forget that I am a descendant of the Murong Clan."

Hearing this, the Emperor inexplicably felt at ease. This was good—he too was a descendant of the Murong Clan, so they were still close siblings.

Satisfied, he left. Everyone watched his retreating figure, unable to utter even a word of criticism.

"This Emperor..." Tong Huan shook her head and let out a long sigh. "He doesn't understand what Your Highness is thinking, and he still hasn’t agreed to let you return."

Wanwan also felt disappointed. Logically, with the child gone, there was no reason to keep her any longer. Why not do a good deed and send her back to the Southern Garden? Yet he didn’t. Instead, he comforted her according to his own thoughts, felt justified, and left without a trace of guilt.

This incident left her disheartened. Fortunately, the increased taxes for the Southern Garden were indeed canceled, but at the cost of her child—a painful price to pay.

Grieving and heartbroken, it took her a long time to recover. October passed, and before she knew it, the year was drawing to a close. She rarely left the heated brick bed, preferring to lean by the south window and watch the snowfall. The snow in Beijing was different from elsewhere—falling heavily in large, fluffy clumps that quickly piled up. Several young eunuchs shoveled the snow with spades, while children, playful by nature, chased each other in the snow, their laughter drifting all the way to her.

Xiao You, worried she might be upset, muttered, "Where did these little rascals come from, making such a racket inside the second gate!" She was about to lift the curtain and scold them when Wanwan stopped her.

"Our household lacks liveliness. Let them play—it makes it feel alive."

A person in her teens, yet with the weary heart of an old soul—truly worrisome.

Tong Huan brought in a New Year painting from Yangliuqing for her to see. Wanwan gazed at the chubby baby boy on it, stroking it over and over. "If my child were still here, we’d be preparing by now. He would have been due in two months..."

Tong Huan gently patted her back. "Your Highness, you can’t go on like this. Think back to the days before you were married—didn’t you live happily then? One must look toward brighter things. Dwelling on sorrow will only harm your health."

But how could she return to those carefree days after all she had been through? Still, her lethargy was unhealthy. Lying around too long would lead to illness, and if it continued, she might even forget how to walk.

Choosing a day after the snow had cleared, which happened to be the first day of the month, she had red envelopes prepared and planned to go beyond the second gate to distribute them, rewarding those who had served in her household over the past six months.Tong Huan dressed her in a snow-white long jacket lined with gold and draped a bright red brocade cloak over her shoulders. The vibrant colors lent a faint flush to her pallid complexion. Clutching her warm sleeves, she stepped outside, her shoes crunching softly on the thin layer of snow. The sound reminded her of childhood days spent frolicking in the snow, catching sparrows, and a slight smile touched her lips.

Passing through the drooping flower gate, she found the moon terrace of the main hall already swept clean. She ascended the steps and stood before the Silver Peace Hall, distributing allowances to the stewards from various departments. When she saw Jinshi, she gave him a slight nod, still remembering how he had helped her return to the Princess's Residence on the day of her miscarriage. In such moments, status mattered little; it was the timely assistance that had earned her deep gratitude.

After the stewards from each duty room had dispersed, she asked him to stay and added an extra reward. "I haven’t been moving about these past few months and haven’t had the chance to see you, Thousand Household Commander. Thank you for last time. This is a small token of my appreciation. Please accept it."

It was common for those of high status to give rewards. Although he was an imperial court official, as long as she remained at the Eldest Princess Residence, the Silk-clad Guard would be responsible for its security, making him effectively part of her household. Giving New Year’s bonuses for good fortune was customary, and since he was included, accepting it was appropriate. However, he politely declined the extra portion. "Your servant merely offered a helping hand. For such a matter to trouble Your Highness with expenses would only tarnish the sincerity of my loyalty."

Wanwan hadn’t considered it so deeply before. Feeling she had no other way to repay him, she had thought to reward him with more silver. But his words made sense—loyalty couldn’t be bought with money, and reducing everything to monetary value seemed too worldly.

She smiled faintly. "In that case, if there is ever anything I can assist with in the future, Thousand Household Commander, please do not hesitate to ask."

She had always carried an air of detachment, and on the many occasions he had seen her, a shadow of sorrow seemed to linger between her brows. The last time was at Jingyi Garden, when she was with child but lacked vitality. Now, having lost the child, she remained frail, with a delicate, almost fragile demeanor.

He hesitated before asking, "Is Your Highness well now?"

She hummed softly. "Well enough." Then, with a gentle smile, she added, "My condition has caused everyone concern, and for that, I am at fault. Overthinking serves no purpose. I understand this well and will strive to reflect more in the future."

He breathed a sigh of relief, a smile finally appearing on his face. "That is for the best. Everyone faces troubles in life, but Your Highness is more fortunate than most. Gains and losses are part of life; once seen through, one must carry on."

With a cupped-hand salute, he withdrew from the Silver Peace Hall. Behind him, his dark cloak billowed in the cold wind, swelling as if about to take flight. Wanwan turned to Xiao You and remarked, "This Silk-clad Guard is quite interesting. He speaks like an old scholar. I wonder if he has a wife at home. If not, you might make a good match for him—it could be a fine marriage."

Xiao You blushed but retorted defiantly, "The Silk-clad Guard are no good people. Officials in the court fear them terribly—they arrest whomever they please... Seal-holding Xiao’s position has now been taken over by Yan Sunlang. They say he’s instilling fear among all civil and military officials to establish his authority, and even the Commander of the Silk-clad Guard must follow his orders. Those who had personal grudges with him before won’t escape this time. As soon as he took office, he began purging his political rivals. From now on, the Directorate of Ceremonial will be under his sole command."Tong Huan frowned upon hearing this, "How many times have I told you, don’t bring outside matters before Your Highness!"

Xiao You stuck out her tongue, "It just slipped out..."

Wanwan didn’t pay much attention, knowing Tong Huan was afraid she’d worry about court affairs again, and simply said, "I won’t interfere, and it’s not my place to. Right now, I’m just focusing on nurturing my health and staying happy. I won’t concern myself with anything else."

She kept her word from then on. No matter how chaotic things were outside, she let it all go in one ear and out the other. The only thing she cared about was the Southern Garden. As long as she knew Liangshi was safe and sound, she was content.

The months passed uneventfully, from the depths of winter to the warmth of spring, as if in the blink of an eye. During this time, there was new news: Tongyun was promoted from Imperial Consort to Noble Consort, and finally became The Empress. On the day the edict appointing her as empress was announced, The Emperor came to see Wanwan again. He rambled on about many things, and between the lines, it seemed he regarded Tongyun as Yin Lou, saying Tongyun’s body housed two souls—one was Tongyun, and the other was Yin Lou. In truth, he wasn’t appointing Tongyun as empress, but Yin Lou. In his heart, he still loved Yin Lou deeply, even though she loved Xiao Duo, and he remained devoted to her.

Wanwan hadn’t expected him to know everything. She thought Yin Lou’s feelings had been well hidden from him, but it turned out he hadn’t been fooled at all.

He laughed heartily, "Just because I’m unconventional doesn’t mean I’m foolish. With women, you can see who they love in their eyes. When she saw Xiao Duo, her eyes lit up; when she saw me, she yawned incessantly. Did she really think I couldn’t tell? Now that Xiao Duo is dead, her heart has returned. Letting her continue as my empress—I’m not a man without magnanimity."

Just when she thought he was clear-sighted about worldly affairs, he suddenly became muddled again. The idea that Yin Lou’s soul resided in Tongyun’s body—only he would believe such a thing.

In any case, no one could control him. He could do as he pleased! Not long after, she heard The Empress lamenting that after Yin Ge married a minor official surnamed Dong, she still maintained ties with The Emperor. The previous child could still be passed off under Dong’s name, but later, to facilitate their ongoing relationship, they sent that shield far away to Gansu. Now Yin Ge was pregnant again, and it couldn’t be hidden any longer. They planned to pull off a switch, falsely claiming the child was born to The Empress.

Tongyun cried out in anger, "My own son is still drifting who knows where, and now I have to raise someone else’s illegitimate child. The Emperor specializes in these sneaky, shameful deeds, dragging my reputation down with him." She slapped her fake belly loudly, "Look, what face do I have left? Even as empress, I still suffer this humiliation. Now I truly understand how unwilling my mistress was back then."

To this day, she still referred to Yin Lou as her mistress, something Wanwan respected her for. Tongyun was a pitiable soul; her life hadn’t been easy either. A young girl’s youth had been kicked around like a ball, and even after finally settling down, there was still no happiness to be found.

Despite her resentment, when the child was born and The Emperor personally brought it over, Tongyun had no choice but to accept it.

There were ten princes in the Yong generation, so having many sons wasn’t unusual. This child was a princess, and The Emperor was overjoyed. He placed her among the boys to determine her seniority. Counting down the line, she ranked fifteenth and was given the maiden name Jinshu. On the third-day bathing ceremony, she was granted a title: Tai, meaning vast and great; Chang, meaning eternal and enduring. The fifteenth child was recorded in the Jade Register as Imperial Princess Taichang.Because she disliked the child's mother, she extended that dislike to the child as well. The Empress, still in her "postpartum confinement," showed no interest in this Imperial Princess. When the child was brought before her, she did not even glance at her. After Yin Ge had somewhat recovered, she entered the palace to request an audience, only to be pointed at and humiliated to her face. In the end, she was ordered to kneel on the bricks, where she remained for two hours.

Everyone has their own hardships, and it is hard to say who is good or bad. Wanwan, however, felt great affection for this niece. Throughout the three reigns of Great Ye, until last month, she had been the only princess. Now, at last, a new member had arrived. She hoped this child’s life would be smoother than her own, that she could grow up safely and find an Imperial Consort to her liking.

The Empress said, "Does Your Highness like her? If you do, you may take her back to the Eldest Princess Residence. When you’re bored, having a child to keep you company is like raising a cat or a dog—it helps pass the time."

Wanwan was tempted and truly wanted to take Jinshu back with her. Especially since those around her said the child resembled her. Looking closely at the nose and eyes, the niece indeed took after her aunt, with not a single feature out of place.

But in the end, it was someone else’s child. She feared that if she grew attached, separation would bring another heart-wrenching pain. So she shook her head and declined, saying, "I’m afraid I wouldn’t raise her well. I’ll visit her often in the future." She poured much effort into the child, making her flowered hats and little jackets. When Jinshu began babbling, it was Wanwan who stayed by her side. Even the first time she called out "Mama," it was to Wanwan.

Shuttling between the inner chambers and the deep palace, her days remained relatively peaceful. But one day, upon returning to the Princess’s Residence, she noticed many more Silk-clad Guards patrolling the city. Lifting the curtain, she called out to Jinshi, "What’s happened?"

Jinshi said that fighting had broken out in the south. Wang Ding, Prince Zhen’an, was leading an army of two hundred thousand against the imperial court, with the assistance of several Feudal Princes along the way. They had already captured Yuezhou Prefecture and were advancing directly toward Wuchang.

After hearing this, she murmured, "This day has truly come after all..." Suddenly alarmed, she asked, "Among those Feudal Princes, is our Prince among them?"

Jinshi shook his head. "There’s no news of that for now. The imperial court has mobilized the Guannin Iron Cavalry, and it all depends on whether they can suppress Prince Zhen’an’s momentum. However, Jiangnan is in grave danger. If Wang Ding turns his forces to seize Jinling first, and the Prince of Nanyuan lacks the means to respond, he may well fall into Wang Ding’s hands."

Wanwan’s face instantly paled. She hurried back to the residence to examine a map and found that the battle line was indeed very close to the Southern Garden, much closer than to Beijing.

The sun had set, and she sat under the lamplight, her heart in turmoil. She stared fixedly at the two small characters for Nanjing until her vision blurred and cold sweat broke out on her forehead.

She was enveloped in boundless fear, a terror she had never felt before. Wang Ding had rebelled, war had broken out, and swords and arrows were blind. She worried about Liangshi, afraid he would become a target, afraid something might happen to him. It had been nearly two years since she last saw him. Time had slowly eroded her, sealing the surface of her heart with a layer of wax. Only she knew that if it were cut open, the inside would still be crimson with blood.

Xiao You came to invite her to retire for the night. Wrapping herself in a crane-feather cloak, she walked out, all the way to the main gate. She wanted to leave but was stopped by Jinshi. She could only stand there silently, gazing at the five gates, a profound sorrow washing over her.