Sea of No Return

Chapter 16

Nоt being pаrtiсulаrlу dеep or сunning, shе could dеceivе оutsidеrs but nоt Тоng Huan. Нowever, she had nevеr оpеnly rеvеаlеd her fееlings, sо аnу cоmfort could оnlу be оffered indireсtly.

"Thеse mattеrs оf fаtе аnd mаrriаge arе sоmetimеs trulу hаrd to еxрlаin. The first реrson уou meet isn’t nеcessarilу thе right оne. Yоu have to tаkе it slоwly, аnd оnсе things аrе sortеd оut, evеrything will fаll into plаcе." Аftеr the еvеning mеаl, as she helрed Wanwan settle intо bed and tuckеd her in, she sаid, "Tаkе Wen Jiе'er from our palace—she and that eunuch from the Ancestral Hall have come to an end. Cai Chunyang from the Directorate of Ceremonial stepped in, and now Wen Jie'er’s paired dining partner has been switched to him."

Wanwan leaned against the large embroidered pillow and asked why. "Was that eunuch not good to her, so she changed partners?"

Tong Huan said it wasn’t that. "It’s not just about whether someone is good or not; it’s about fate. Spending day and night together can’t withstand a casual glance, but if that one glance can settle your heart, once you’ve made your choice, you don’t change it. As for those you lose, there’s really no need to grieve. If you can’t keep someone, it’s not because you’re not good enough—it’s because you’re not suited. You have to keep a broader perspective. If one place doesn’t want you, there will always be another that does. That’s the way it is."

Wanwan lowered her eyes, and after a long moment, she finally understood—this whole conversation was meant for her. She felt a bit embarrassed; her little secret hadn’t escaped Tong Huan’s notice. She pressed the back of her hand against her cheek, feeling lost, but unlike before, she didn’t retreat into the covers, unwilling to discuss it further.

Under the lamplight, a beauty takes on a graceful and charming aura. Tong Huan’s feelings toward her were mostly of pity. Though she was her mistress, she was several years younger, sometimes muddle-headed like a younger sister at home, needing guidance in many matters.

She leaned against the head of the bed, her face resting against the bed curtains. The candlelight on the table cast a warm glow, as if dusting her cheeks with gold powder. Her eyes, veiled like misty rain, revealed the countless thoughts swirling in her heart.

"You know all about my situation," she murmured. "I’ve already made up my mind. You don’t need to say more."

Tong Huan feigned surprise. "What matter is Your Highness referring to? This servant is quite confused."

Wanwan traced the small persimmon calyx pattern on the quilt cover with her fingers and said earnestly, "I used to like the Eunuch Official, but I don’t anymore. Don’t worry—I’ll keep a firm grip on myself and won’t let others notice. From now on, I’ll look for someone with his appearance and character, someone I can admire, and live a steady life with them."

Her temperament had never been petty. When she could keep something hidden, she did; when she couldn’t, she admitted it honestly—a trait that was quite endearing. Now that she had made up her mind and was determined to follow through, there was no need to worry about her wavering. Tong Huan stepped forward and lowered one side of the bed curtains. "It’s getting late. Time to sleep! Tomorrow, we still have to prepare the offerings for Tanzhe Temple. Your Highness shouldn’t go anywhere these next two days. You must fast before entering the temple, so as not to offend the Bodhisattva. And one more thing—after what happened at the Golden Pavilion last time, I’ve been thinking that I’m the only one close to Your Highness. If I’m ever assigned elsewhere, mistakes are bound to happen. Since you don’t like strangers taking care of you, let’s find a way to bring Xiao You back. She’s been training in the north for over a year and should be more sensible now. I’ve asked Seal-holding Xiao, and he agreed. We’ll just need to send word when the time comes."Wanwan now felt that Tong Huan was someone she could rely on. She herself didn’t know how to fight for her rights, which had dragged down the servants around her. Now that Tong Huan had thoughtfully considered everything for her, she could be trusted from now on.

She lay down and smiled at her. “You handle it… What about Wu Qi?”

Tong Huan said, “Wu Qi probably won’t make it. He’s been demoted to the cleaning department, and it’s really difficult for him to come back. There’s no need for you to be sad. Now he’s been promoted to a small team leader, so he won’t suffer much.” Seeing her nod, Tong Huan tucked in the bed curtains for her and retreated to the outer room to keep watch for the night.

Tossing and turning, she couldn’t sleep tonight. Her eyelids felt heavy, but her mind was very active. Half-asleep and half-awake, she saw Xiao Duo, and her heart pounded. Later, Xiao Duo turned into the Prince of Nanyuan, and she became nervous instead. He had his back to her, and she didn’t dare make a sound. He turned around and glanced at her, and that glance startled her so much that she shuddered and immediately woke up.

Why did she think of him? It was really strange. Probably because she had felt sorry for his situation these past two days, and this person had left an impression in her heart.

Lying on the bed, listening to the sound of the wind outside flowing like water, her thoughts were tangled. She worried, not knowing whether he was aware of what had happened in the palace. Maybe he had already noticed but could do nothing about it. That day in the Golden Pavilion, he had stood up for the weak with such skill. It was a pity that in the face of power, he had no chance to use it. So the more she thought about it, the more she felt he was wronged—betrayed by his own concubine, and Second Brother had let him down. Besides sympathy, she couldn’t say anything else.

Tossing and turning, she felt uneasy. Girls were like this—with too much leisure time, they spent it all on melancholy and sentimentality.

The next day, she woke up with a groggy head. Outside, birds chirped, and through the thin gauze curtains, she saw the branches of the apricot tree stretching diagonally, their shadows trembling lightly on the Goryeo paper.

“The mistress is up.”

As usual, a voice announced, and the curtains on both sides were lifted. Xiao You stood on the footstool, holding back tears and forcing a smile when she saw her. She knelt and kowtowed to greet her: “May the mistress be well. This servant has returned. In the past, I was ignorant and caused you much trouble. From now on, I will follow the auntie diligently in my duties and serve the mistress wholeheartedly.”

Wanwan came down barefoot to help her up, saying nothing but just looking at her. Xiao You seemed to have forgotten all the hardships she had endured. Returning to her side made her happy, though she was indeed much more cautious than before. Under Tong Huan’s watchful eye, she was like a second Tong Huan.

It was time to go to Tanzhe Temple to offer incense. For the women in the palace, this was the only opportunity all year to go outside. Wanwan looked forward to it and had Tong Huan prepare the incense, candles, and offerings. She took out some money from her own savings to donate at the temple. However, her donations were limited, unlike the Empress Dowager and others, who often spent hundreds of thousands of taels to gild statues, with money all allocated from the national treasury. She complained about this to Yin Lou as well: “Nowadays, the country is in a difficult situation. I’ve heard that the soldiers in the north don’t even have winter supplies, yet money is still spent on such things. It’s really not worth it. As long as the intention is sincere before the Bodhisattva, it’s enough. They spend silver without any restraint, and I’m afraid even the Bodhisattva won’t bless them.”

Yin Lou teased her when she heard this: “Little teacher, you were born in the wrong body. If you were a man and served as an official in the court, you would surely be a clean and compassionate good official.”The two of them shared a carriage, bickering and chattering all the way while enjoying the scenery until they reached Tanzhe Temple.

This temple’s history predates even that of Beijing City—first came Tanzhe Temple, and later the Forbidden City was modeled after it, which is why its upturned eaves and corners carry such a distinctly imperial flavor. There were rules for which hall to begin worship in upon entering the temple. Led by the Empress Dowager, they started at the Hall of Guanyin, paying respects level by level, and finally entered the Vairocana Pavilion to offer thanks to the gods. An enlightened old monk opened the altar to interpret their fortune sticks and perform meritorious deeds. Old Consort Zhao had placed the Late Emperor’s memorial tablet in the Hall of Manjushri for prayers, but as she could not attend herself, she had rushed to Coughing Phoenix Palace the day before, issuing imperious orders for Yin Lou to devote herself to mourning her former master. Yin Lou was skilled at being fierce within her own circle but had never been particularly formidable to outsiders, so in the end, she reluctantly agreed. Wanwan, being close to her, couldn’t bear to see her kneeling there alone and accompanied her in striking the wooden fish for the duration of an incense stick.

Outside, the autumn colors were at their peak, and Wanwan was somewhat distracted. “The weather is lovely today.”

Yin Lou hummed in agreement. “I’ve had enough. This entire outing has been wasted here.”

Wanwan hesitated for a moment. “I’ll go outside and pick some temple fruit for you. Eating it can ward off disasters and misfortune.” Without waiting for Yin Lou’s reply, she patted her shoulder, stuck out her tongue, and slipped away quietly.

Sneaking off was because her knees couldn’t take it anymore—or so she told herself, finding peace of mind as she stepped onto the corridor.

Having visited the temple every year, she was familiar with many places. She remembered a jujube tree at the eastern end; the monks here didn’t eat the fruit, so even when the skin turned deep purple, it still hung from the branches. Nurse Matron had always warned her against indulging, saying too much would upset her digestion—she had even vomited from it when she was eight. It wasn’t that she particularly craved the taste; just as her elder brother enjoyed only the process of fishing, she felt the same about picking jujubes.

Tong Huan was by her side and likely wouldn’t let her do it herself, so she devised a plan. She emptied all the gold and silver coins from her pouch into Tong Huan’s hands. “I’ll stay here to accompany Consort Bu. Help me distribute alms everywhere, and don’t miss a single bodhisattva.” Afraid that Xiao You would later have to take the blame for her, she sent her away as well.

With no one around, she felt utterly at ease. She wandered eastward aimlessly, standing by the railing to observe. The jujube tree beside the stupa was tall and grand, and the nearest Silk-clad Guard was over thirty meters away. Two young novice monks passed by, clasped their hands in greeting, and moved on.

Licking her lips, she paced back and forth with her hands behind her back. A princess stealing fruit—how improper. Only after confirming that no one else would come nearby did she descend the steps, crouch low, and dart toward the jujube tree.

The fruit in the temple grounds grew plump and full, their skins gleaming under the sunlight. Reaching out to pick one, she didn’t notice the sharp thorns on the tree. Before she could withdraw her hand, a thin scratch appeared. At first, it seemed fine, but in the blink of an eye, beads of blood seeped from the faint white line. Startled, she gasped softly, lifting her arm and puffing out her cheeks in frustration.

From behind the stupa came the sound of footsteps rustling through fallen leaves. A man in plain clothes and a golden crown seemed to have descended from the heavens. Years later, when recalling that day, the sky was exceptionally blue, and the tassels hanging from his crown were as vivid as fire, casting a crimson glow over the world before her eyes.

He lowered his head without a word, carefully wrapping a dark blue handkerchief around her wrist. Wanwan felt inexplicably flustered and tried to pull her hand back, only to hear him say, “Don’t move.” His tone was stubborn and domineering, yet somehow warm.He tied the bandage carefully, his long brows slightly furrowed, making it impossible to see the expression in his eyes. Wanwan felt deeply embarrassed, sensing that where his fingertips touched the skin of her wrist, it seemed to burn faintly. Her breathing even grew sluggish. When palace women came to Tanzhe Temple to offer incense, strict security measures were enforced, and the mountain was sealed off. She had no idea how he had appeared here. If anyone found out, it would be no joking matter. Yet he seemed in no hurry, carefully knotting the two ends of the handkerchief before finally lifting his gaze.

How to describe those eyes? No words seemed quite fitting. This was not the first time Wanwan had encountered them, but it was the first time she had been this close. They were like a deep pool of still, jade-green water—windless and rainless, yet filled with a dazzling brilliance. A single glance was enough to etch itself into one’s heart.

“You…”

“I came to see Your Highness.” He smiled at her. “Feudal Princes are not permitted to stay in the capital for more than twenty days. Today is already the nineteenth day. Tomorrow, I must return to the Southern Garden. Before leaving, I came to bid Your Highness farewell.”

Wanwan was stunned. In terms of their relationship, they were not this close, yet now that he was here, it felt neither forced nor inappropriate.

She lowered her eyes, her cheeks slowly reddening. “The Prince is thoughtful, but today, men are not allowed inside the temple. You’re taking such a risk…”

“Because I cannot enter the palace. Compared to forcing my way into the Cultivating Virtue Palace, Tanzhe Temple is much easier for me.”

He spoke nothing but the truth, yet his words felt like pouring a ladle of water into a pot of boiling oil—suddenly, everything erupted. Wanwan suddenly realized her wrist was still in his grasp. Her heart pounded like thunder, and she couldn’t help but shrink back. He seemed to notice, quickly releasing her, his eyes dimming.

Why was it like this? Wanwan felt confused. She wasn’t displeased; instead, because he was leaving, a touch of sorrow and longing welled up within her. After a moment of silence, she finally said, “Jinling is so far from Beijing. I hope the Prince takes good care on the journey.”

He offered a faint smile. “Jinling is a wonderful place—an ancient capital of six dynasties, a land of elegance and beauty. When the opportunity arises, I will surely welcome Your Highness there for a visit.”

A princess could not leave the palace; the only way to do so was after her marriage. His words carried an implicit meaning, catching her off guard. Wanwan dared not dwell on it and, thinking of Yin Ge, hastily changed the subject. “Will the Secondary Consort also return with you?”

A clear look of embarrassment crossed his face. “No… Consort Bu has asked her to stay in the capital as a companion. I will return alone and come back for the Winter Solstice Sacrificial Ceremony.”

At this moment, Wanwan felt even more sympathy for him. Someone had been forcibly kept behind, and he could not defy The Emperor, so he could only bow and accept the order.

Her thoughts were heavy, but he shifted the conversation. “From today until the Winter Solstice, it’s exactly three months. Though I will be in Jinling during these three months, my heart will always be here. Today, I took a risk to see Your Highness, and I ask that Your Highness promise me one thing.”

Wanwan guessed it likely had something to do with Yin Ge and nodded in agreement. “The Prince may speak freely. As long as I can help, I will not refuse.”Yet, she never expected that the matter he entrusted her with had nothing to do with Yin Ge. He gazed at her intently, his words filled with sorrow and earnestness. "Once I depart, I fear each day will feel like a year... Having served in the imperial court for so long, I have always been confident in everything, but this time is different from the past. I am constantly trembling with fear, as if treading on thin ice, terrified of hearing news of Your Highness's marriage within three months. Liangshi, being far away in Jinling, would be powerless to intervene..." He lowered his sleeve and, through a layer of cloud-patterned satin, tentatively took her hand. "I have been presumptuous, but I beg Your Highness to wait for me until the winter solstice. By then, I will submit a memorial to the imperial court, requesting The Emperor to grant us marriage and take Your Highness away from here."

Wanwan widened her eyes in alarm. The sudden mention of marriage was something she had never even considered. In her panic, she took a step back and forcefully pulled her hand from his grasp.