Overdo

When I woke, it was dark. The night light by my bed was on, and a nurse was dozing on the soft couch. The room was deathly still, so quiet it was terrifying. The pale blue glow of the night light shone faintly, and my heart tightened into a knot. I pulled out the IV tube from my hand and sat up. Unable to find my slippers, I got out of bed barefoot.

I left the room; the corridor was also silent. Only the wall lamps shone desolately. I hurried down the hallway to the master bedroom—it was pitch black inside. I turned on the light: the room was tidy, the bed neatly made, and no one was there. I turned and ran to the study, but no one was there either. Cold sweat beaded on my forehead one drop at a time. I rushed downstairs, but Father wasn’t there either. Director Liang came over from the other end of the corridor. "Young Miss."

I grabbed him tightly and asked, "Where is Father? Where is he? Where have you taken him?" I swayed unsteadily, my vision spotting with stars. I was so afraid! Terrified he would give a dreadful answer. He said, "Sir has gone to Shuangqiao."

Oh! I was truly going mad. I asked, "How is he?"

"He’s fine now. Dr. Cheng said it was just extreme anger and high blood pressure. An injection fixed it..."

Oh! My heart finally settled back in place. But then... the world spun, and I grew dizzy, collapsing to the floor...

After that day, I stayed obediently at home, but opportunities to see Father became pitifully rare. I was filled with guilt, and he seemed unwilling to speak much with me. When he came home, it was only briefly—like a dragonfly skimming the water—before leaving again soon after. Though I was saddened, Father never asked me again where I had gone that night. But Mu Shiyang bore the brunt of it. I heard Uncle Lei had him transferred to the Pumen base, demoted six ranks, and exiled to serve as a lowly staff officer. I was disheartened and listless for many days.

When Auntie came to visit, I asked her to plead with Father on Mu Shiyang’s behalf. She refused, saying, "Your father is still furious. How dare you tweak the tiger’s whiskers?" I felt terribly guilty; he had been completely implicated because of me. Glumly, I said, "Pumen is so far away and so harsh. With his demotion, he must be utterly miserable. It’s all my fault." Auntie looked at me in surprise. Frowning, I added, "Anyway, I’ve ruined him. A fish scorched by Father’s wrath."

Auntie laughed and said, "Don’t say that in front of your father—I guarantee he’ll get even angrier and probably take that fish out for another roasting. If you plead for Shiyang again, I bet he’ll be exiled to the kingdom of Java."

I sighed in defeat. "Father is punishing an innocent this time." Auntie just smiled. "Any father in the world would want to kill the brat who took his little daughter out overnight. It’s a wonder Sir even showed the Mu family any face. Minister Lei also knows how to handle things—without waiting for Sir to say anything, he demoted him to Pumen."I recalled the events of that night—when Father glared at Mu Shiyang, there was truly murderous intent in his eyes. I couldn't help but shudder with lingering fear. Auntie said, "My heart skipped a beat the moment I heard. You don't know, back then, Sir was..." She suddenly stopped speaking. I stared at her blankly. She had slipped up! I knew she had slipped up! What happened with Father back then? What occurred in the past? Was it related to my mother?

I called out, "Auntie!" Her face turned extremely pale. She said, "Nannan, I don't know. I know nothing." I grabbed her hand and pleaded, "Auntie, you care for me the most. I've always liked you best since I was little. Please tell me, what exactly happened? I have the right to know. It's about my mother, isn't it?" Auntie shook her head. I begged her desperately, "I'm all grown up now. You shouldn't keep hiding it from me. If you don't tell me, I'll just imagine all sorts of things."

Auntie shook her head, "I can't say." I looked at her, quietly staring until she grew frightened. She struggled to call out, "Nannan!" I murmured softly, "I know. I know I'm not Father's daughter. I am the disgrace of this family, and Father's shame—he hates me, despises me, he wishes he could kill me."

Auntie cried out in shock, "How can you think that? Silly child! How can you guess so wildly? Your father actually cares for you the most; you're the one he values most... It's just... you don't know it." I shook my head, "I don't see it. All I know is that he dislikes me."

Auntie pulled me into her embrace, "Oh! Nannan, he doesn't dislike you. He just doesn't want to see you. You don't know how much you resemble your mother... At first, he always told me, 'That child, that child's eyes are unbearable. I don't want to see them.' Thinking of your mother makes him suffer. You have no idea how heartbroken he is."

Half-convinced and half-doubting, I said, "Because I'm not his daughter, he doesn't want to face the disgrace that I am." Auntie exclaimed, "Nonsense!" She held me tightly, "You are the pearl of our Murong family, your father's treasure." I muttered gloomily, "But... he said he wanted to beat me to death."

Auntie gazed at me intently. There was still a faint bruise on my forehead. She kissed the mark with a trembling touch and said, "Good child, he was just furious, wasn't he? When people are extremely angry, they can do anything—they lose all reason. Besides, you don't know, when I arrived, you were already asleep. Your father had just woken up, and the doctor told him to rest quietly, but he wouldn't listen. He insisted on seeing you, and no one could stop him. I helped him go to you. Only when he saw you sleeping peacefully did he agree to return... You don't know how terrified he was at that moment. He was afraid you and..." She suddenly stopped again. I thought she had slipped up once more. I looked at her sorrowfully. She closed her eyes, "Ah! Nannan! You look so much like your mother!"

My mind was in utter chaos. I didn't believe what Auntie said, yet I hoped it was true. Father... the formidable Father would be afraid? I couldn't believe it! Father had always looked down upon the world; he had never been afraid of anything. It was always others who feared him—even someone as clever and capable as Mu Shiyang was afraid of him. What could he possibly fear?Auntie stayed and had dinner with me before leaving. As darkness fell, I sat there lost in wild fancies until I eventually fell asleep. When I groggily woke up, the night was already deep. My curtains were still open, and I heard the sound of a car, followed by several beams of light sweeping across the wall. Father was back!

I jumped out of bed and rushed to the window. Sure enough, it was Father returning. I watched him step out of the car, then dashed out of my room to wait at the top of the stairs. Just as expected, Father came upstairs. I could smell alcohol on him and saw his face was flushed red. I figured he must have been drinking with some uncle. When he saw me, he only asked indifferently, "Why are you standing here so late instead of sleeping?"

I licked my dry lips and said, "Can I talk to you?" He frowned. "Not even wearing shoes—what kind of look is that?! Go put your shoes on!"

Was this the father Auntie claimed doted on me? I didn’t believe a word she said anymore! My stubborn temper flared up, and I retorted, "This is just how I am!" Father said, "You waited up until the middle of the night just to talk back to me? Are you asking for a spanking again?"