Zhou Wan never imagined she would one day see Lu Xixiao shed tears.
He shouldn't cry.
He should always remain carefree and unrestrained, always striding forward with confidence. How could someone as proud as him weep alone under everyone's gaze, amidst such cheerful laughter?
She didn't even dare to ponder whether that single tear had anything to do with her.
She could accept Lu Xixiao hating her, resenting her, never forgiving her—but she could never accept him shedding tears because of her.
Zhou Wan didn't dare watch it a second time, quickly locking her phone screen.
...
Soon, Lu Xixiao returned, and the wedding banquet concluded.
Holding Zhou Wan's hand, he went over to say goodbye to Jiang Fan before taking the elevator downstairs. Having drunk alcohol, he obviously couldn't drive, so he called for a designated driver.
Standing beside him, Zhou Wan squeezed his hand back and said softly, "I want to learn how to drive after we get back."
Lu Xixiao, with a cigarette between his lips, glanced down at her. "Why suddenly want to learn driving?"
"Sometimes work requires sudden fieldwork," Zhou Wan explained. "Besides, if you drink in the future, I can come pick you up."
Lu Xixiao chuckled. "Sure."
Zhou Wan tilted her head to study him.
His face wasn't flushed at all, his expression showed no abnormality—only a lazy relaxation between his brows and eyes, like an ink wash painting gently blurred at the edges.
"Lu Xixiao, are you drunk?"
"A little."
Since he admitted to being somewhat drunk, he must have truly overdone it.
"I thought you couldn't get drunk."
He laughed lightly. "Drinking too quickly makes it easier to get drunk."
Soon, the designated driver arrived. They sat side by side in the backseat as the mechanical female voice from the car radio, tinged with faint static, announced receiving a listener's message: someone who had just broken up with her boyfriend of five years, knowing he listened to this channel daily, wanted to dedicate the song "Later" to him.
Zhou Wan's eyelashes trembled slightly.
The sound quality of Lu Xixiao's car stereo was far superior to the noisy KTV singing from that video seven years ago.
She turned to look at him.
The car window was half-open, the wind tousling his hair.
Silent emotions lingered in the muted spring night breeze, as if traversing seven years of time, allowing her to see once more that vulnerable Lu Xixiao who had shed tears.
She had underestimated her own impact, never truly realizing she could hurt Lu Xixiao so deeply.
...
Back home.
The alcohol from earlier, consumed too rapidly, continued to surge up through his chest and throat. Lu Xixiao frowned slightly, feeling unwell.
Having drunk excessively in his youth, followed by years of irregular meals abroad, his stomach occasionally ached.
Beyond the physical discomfort, even his thoughts felt distant.
All these years, every time he got drunk, he would think of Zhou Wan—without fail, it had become a conditioned reflex.
This house held unique significance for them both.
They had once lived here together for a time, like a sheltered harbor weathering storms, sharing unspoken, intricate secrets.
Lu Xixiao suddenly remembered many things.
"Zhou Wan." He didn't turn on the lights, his voice low.
Zhou Wan lifted her gaze; in the dim room, only his pupils seemed bright.
"Hmm?"
He stared at her intently for a full minute, as if finally confirming that Zhou Wan was truly by his side now. Finally reassured, he gave a faint, wry smile. "It's nothing."
His eyes reflected layers of complex emotions and unspoken words.Zhou Wan turned on the light and told him to take a shower first, then turned and went to the kitchen.
They hadn’t been back in a long time, and the refrigerator was completely empty. Fortunately, she found a box of Kumquat Lemon Tea in the cabinet. Zhou Wan boiled some water and poured the tea packet in.
By the time the water was ready, Lu Xixiao had just finished his shower.
Zhou Wan poured a cup, added some cold water to it, and pushed open the door to Lu Xixiao’s room.
Lu Xixiao seemed truly drunk, half-leaning against the headboard with the lights off, the only illumination coming from the bathroom.
His hair was still wet, not yet dried.
“Lu Xixiao, drink this.”
“What is it?”
“Kumquat Lemon Tea, it helps with sobering up.”
The water temperature was just right. He tilted his head back and drank it all. Zhou Wan took out the hairdryer, sat by the bed, and helped him dry his hair.
When Lu Xixiao was drunk, it was impossible to tell from the surface, but at this moment, he was unusually obedient—quiet and still, letting her blow-dry his hair.
After drying his hair completely, Zhou Wan put away the hairdryer and said softly, “Goodnight, Lu Xixiao.”
She stood up to leave but was suddenly pulled back by him, gripping her wrist. Zhou Wan nearly stumbled, bracing her hand against his chest as she half-fell onto the bed.
“Zhou Wan, don’t go.”
His voice was magnetic, hoarse, and raspy, carrying a pleading tone that was completely different from his usual voice.
Zhou Wan froze.
“Don’t go.”
Drunk and uncomfortable, he frowned, eyes closed as he lay on his back, tightly gripping Zhou Wan’s wrist as if murmuring in his sleep.
“I’m not going.” Zhou Wan held his hand in return. “Lu Xixiao, I’m not going.”
She held his hand tightly, hoping to give him a sense of security, but he remained unaware, completely lost in memories of the past.
“Zhou Wan, as long as you come back, I’ll forgive you for everything.”
“…”
The corners of his eyes gradually reddened, filled with unwillingness and grievance. “But why don’t you love me…”
“…”
Zhou Wan’s eyelashes fluttered rapidly. She swallowed dryly and stared blankly at Lu Xixiao before her.
A bitter feeling rose in her throat, impossible to suppress. She could only lower her head, sniff lightly, and whisper, “I’m sorry, Lu Xixiao.”
She didn’t want to see Lu Xixiao like this at all.
All of this was her fault, and all the consequences and pain should be borne by her alone.
“I thought that if I lied and told you I didn’t love you, you would completely give up on me.” Zhou Wan leaned gently against his neck and whispered, “I just didn’t want to see you continue to suffer.”
Back then, they were both too young.
They overestimated themselves and underestimated each other.
She had often heard people describe youthful love as an exceptionally vivid beautiful dream.
You think you’ll never wake up from the dream, just as you believe you’ll love that girl forever, never changing.
But once you wake up, the dream vanishes, just as that girl eventually becomes nothing more than a fleeting glimpse in your life’s journey.
Standing in the dream, she thought she was awake.
She detached herself from the dream, abandoning all reluctance and struggle.
Resolutely, decisively, and ruthlessly, she severed all ties with Lu Xixiao.
She thought that without her, her young man would be free from burdens and constraints, striding forward with his head held high, spirited and unrestrained, climbing step by step, wild and untamed.
“Lu Xixiao.”Zhou Wan looked at him and asked softly, "How have you really been all these years?"
She thought of that teardrop in the video again.
That single tear seemed to fall upon her heart, dispersing into the mist, never to fade away.
Lu Xixiao threaded his fingers through her hair, pulling her into his embrace. He didn't answer Zhou Wan's question—perhaps he hadn't heard it.
"You haven't been doing well, have you."
In the pitch-black room, Zhou Wan spoke to him quietly, as if whispering secrets known to no one.
"Me too. Right after leaving Pingchuan, I missed you every day. I was exhausted every day, yet I didn't dare to miss you too much—afraid that if I did, I'd selfishly drop everything and come back to see you."
"You're the person who treated me best, aside from my dad and grandma."
"In this lifetime, there have been far too few people who truly cared for me."
"How I wish you could walk a broad, smooth path to freedom and live the best, happiest life in this world."
Lu Xixiao was drunk, unable to process Zhou Wan's words at that moment.
He had met old friends at the wedding banquet today, and then heard that song "Later" on the car radio. Lu Xixiao hadn't actually recalled the gathering after the college entrance exams—his thoughts had just instinctively flooded back to that period.
His drunken ramblings kept circling back to pleading with her not to leave, questioning why she didn't love him.
So Zhou Wan patiently repeated over and over that she wouldn't leave, acknowledging her true feelings.
Her hand was held tightly in his.
So even someone like Lu Xixiao could feel insecure at times.
After who knows how long, Lu Xixiao finally gradually fell asleep, his breathing evening out. Zhou Wan tucked his hand under the blanket and, worried he might wake up thirsty during the night, got up to pour warm water into a thermos and placed it by the bedside.
"Goodnight," she whispered. "A Xiao."
She leaned down slightly to straighten his blanket, and as she moved, her fingertip caught on his shirt collar.
In the dim light, she glimpsed something in her peripheral vision.
Zhou Wan's finger stilled, her breath catching—
She thought it was the knife scar Lu Xixiao had gotten while shielding her seven years ago.
Her index finger trembling slightly, she nudged his collar aside. Through the faint, inadequate light, she saw the tattoo on his collarbone.
In his handwriting—flamboyant strokes that reflected the man himself.
The character "Zhou" flowed in connected strokes, while the final stroke of "Wan" stretched long.
Etched into his flesh:
—Zhou Wan.
Just two characters. Her name.
He had carved her name over his heart.
Further down lay a vicious scar. After all these years, the mark hadn't faded, stretching across his pale skin like a glaring accusation.
It was evidence of her crime, yet also his medal of honor.
Zhou Wan stared at it for a long time.
The tattoo and the scar.
She felt herself continuously falling.
Something was dragging her down into a deeper, darker abyss. Yet when she hit bottom, something soft and warm caught her, with scattered sunlight piercing through the thick fog and darkness.
She suddenly clenched her fists, her breathing becoming labored.
"Lu Xixiao... you can't do this..."
Her heart raced wildly, chaotically, filled with unbelievable bitterness and ache.
At this moment, she finally realized how terribly wrong she had been. She had gone around in circles, self-righteously doing so much, only to discover it had all been a joke.She had seen Lu Xixiao's previous girlfriends before—each one radiant, confident, beautiful, and poised.
But she was not that kind of girl.
She was insecure, sensitive, and awkward.
She truly hated this version of herself.
If she couldn’t even love herself, how could she believe—
That dazzling, unrestrained boy could truly fall in love with her.
Even to the point of carving her into his very bones and blood, enduring pain and wounds for her.
Early the next morning.
Zhou Wan woke up. Worried that Lu Xixiao might have an upset stomach when he woke, she went out to buy a bowl of porridge. When she returned, he had just gotten up and was pushing open the bedroom door.
Zhou Wan paused and looked at him. "Does your head hurt?"
His voice was hoarse, thick with a nasal tone. "Not too bad."
"I bought some porridge. Have a little to warm your stomach—it should make you feel better."
"Mm."
Lu Xixiao sat down at the dining table, picked up a spoon, and took a sip. The warm, mild vegetable porridge did indeed soothe him.
Zhou Wan sat across from him, her gaze drifting to his collar. He had rebuttoned the top button, hiding the scar and tattoo.
"Lu Xixiao," she said softly.
"Hmm?"
"Have you been doing well all these years?"
Lu Xixiao’s hand holding the spoon paused slightly. He looked up and gave a light laugh. "Pretty good."
Zhou Wan pressed her lips together. At that moment, she couldn’t bring herself to pretend. She asked bluntly, "When did you get the tattoo on your body?"
Lu Xixiao froze.
Last night, he had been half-drunk and half-asleep, and when he woke up, his memory felt fragmented. He had no idea when Zhou Wan had seen it.
"Second year of high school," Lu Xixiao said. "March 25th, your birthday."
Zhou Wan’s heart skipped a beat.
Something heavy seemed to sink within her.
"On my birthday…"
Zhou Wan’s voice trembled slightly. "Why did you never tell me?"
Lu Xixiao gave a faint smile. "It was originally meant to be a birthday gift for you, but when I actually saw you that day, I felt too embarrassed to say anything. It felt too deliberate, so I thought you’d see it eventually anyway."
The tattoo was just below his collarbone.
Not too low, really.
If he wore a slightly lower collar, it should have been visible.
Zhou Wan suddenly realized: Lu Xixiao had gotten the tattoo in the chilly early spring, and she had broken up with him and left at the end of May.
Now, they had reunited in early winter, and it was only just the beginning of spring.
They had never made it to summer together.
If she had stayed a little longer back then, when the weather in Pingchuan grew warmer and everyone started wearing short sleeves, perhaps she would have seen Lu Xixiao’s tattoo.
But now, seven long years had passed.
Between them, it seemed there were always missed chances and misunderstandings.
"Lu Xixiao," she lowered her head.
His voice was deep and gentle. "Hmm?"
"It feels like I’m always in your debt, and no matter how I try, I can never repay it."
"Wanwan, do you remember what I said to you on your 17th birthday?"
Zhou Wan was taken aback.
Memories from seven years ago, which should have been hazy, suddenly became vivid.
Lu Xixiao held a cake. The room was dim, lit only by the warm glow of the candle.
In the darkness, he spoke, his voice calm and light, yet firm and resolute.
"Zhou Wan, happy 17th birthday."
"We both still have a future ahead of us. Nothing is set in stone yet. There’s still time to change everything.""So it's okay, Zhou Wan. Everyone experiences loss, feels pain, sheds tears, breaks down—but all of this will pass."
"And I will light candles, accompanying you until we reach the brightly lit place."
...
That brave, candid, and audacious young man seemed to traverse time and space to reappear before her.
"Lu Xixiao."
"Hmm."
"On my graduation day, I came across this quote online: 'It's such a pity we never got to embrace that blazing summer together.'" Zhou Wan whispered, "At that moment, I felt so regretful—we never walked through a summer together."
Lu Xixiao's Adam's apple moved.
"I'm sorry. I was too cowardly. I was the one who gave up on you first."
Zhou Wan said, "If I had been a little braver, a little more resolute, a little more trusting of your feelings back then, perhaps I wouldn't have hurt you like that."
"I was always self-righteous, thinking that was what was best for you, but I never truly believed in you, never truly considered our relationship from your perspective."
Lu Xixiao remained silent.
From age 17 until now, he had only ever loved Zhou Wan.
Over the years, he had certainly felt wronged and resentful. These emotions surged up suddenly, tightening his throat with overwhelming grievance.
Zhou Wan lowered her gaze and murmured, "I don't know what to say or do to earn your forgiveness, to make it up to you..."
"Wanwan."
Lu Xixiao interrupted her, his voice low and earnest, "You don't need to say or do anything. Just stay by my side from now on."
Zhou Wan looked up, a tear falling instantly.
She always felt utterly ashamed in front of Lu Xixiao.
He was candid and sincere, capable of loving and hating fiercely.
He forgave her—so deeply flawed—so easily, asking only that she remain with him from now on.
But he was Lu Xixiao.
That haloed Lu Xixiao, the one adored by countless girls in their youth. Though wronged and betrayed, he still forgave her so readily.
Zhou Wan sniffled, struggling to steady her trembling voice.
"Lu Xixiao."
"Hmm."
Summoning her courage, she raised her eyes to meet his, seeing her own reflection in his pupils—the Zhou Wan of the past, confronting her former obsessions and shadows.
"Let's start over."
Zhou Wan gazed into his eyes, speaking slowly, earnestly, with utmost sincerity, "Hello, my name is Zhou Wan—the Wan that means 'draw a carved bow to the full like the moon.'"
Let's begin again.
Lu Xixiao.
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