My Destiny

The day after the Dragon Boat Festival, Li Juan finally returned to Shenzhen.

In the previous period, I had smoothly exchanged my temporary residence permit for a permanent residence permit.

I was now a resident of Shenzhen.

I had already begun to fall in love with Shenzhen.

The packaging factory was a small private enterprise with decent profits; Zhao Ziwei was a boss who, though not particularly admirable, could not be said to be all that bad either. Meanwhile, Shenzhen was growing increasingly beautiful and prosperous.

I took pride in finally becoming one of its residents.

My first goal had been achieved without much fanfare, which boosted my confidence in "being the master of my own life."

My second goal was to obtain a night university diploma—not having graduated from college was a lingering pain in my heart.

Back then, Shenzhen placed particular emphasis on night universities.

In the previous period, I had also taken a risk—I had become a stock investor in Shenzhen.

The experience of Zhao Laoer's older brother, Zhao Laoda, who had prospered through stock trading, gave me profound inspiration. After hearing that another batch of new stocks was about to be listed, I made a long-distance call to "Mayor Father" that evening, asking him to help me decide which stocks to buy.

During my days away from home, my relationship with "Mayor Father" had not been completely severed. On my end, it was simply impossible to do so. On his end, he absolutely would not allow it. On the contrary, I had come to realize even more that he was the only person in the world who loved me the most, and only he could possibly be my "guardian angel." In matters that would undoubtedly directly affect my life's major decisions, he was the only one I could trust.

"Oh, my daughter, this really puts your old dad in a difficult spot. I'm not well-versed in stocks either... Are you sure you really want to invest in the stock market?"

He had already passed his fifty-fifth birthday, and since then, he had started referring to himself as "old dad" in phone calls and letters.

I told him that I didn't intend to become a frequent stock trader; I only wanted to own a few stocks to make my money grow a little more and a little faster. Since others had succeeded with such investments, I wanted to try my luck too.

"But daughter, the stock market clearly carries risks. What if your luck isn't good? Are you mentally strong enough to handle losses?..."

"Mayor Father" sounded deeply concerned on the other end of the line.

I said I would never invest all my money in stocks—at most, I would use only half of it to buy a few shares. I also swore that even if I lost money, I would accept it willingly and promised not to hold any resentment toward him. If luck was on my side, I would also show him some filial piety.

From the other end of the line came my dad's hearty laughter. I had spoken with him over long-distance calls more than ten times, but this was the first time I heard him laugh so freely and so loudly.

"So, in the end, you've already made up your mind and think it's my duty to help, right? Fine, fine, fine, I'll be your advisor this once. But I must make it clear—this is the first and last time. Give me a day to consult with someone knowledgeable before I get back to you..."

He had finally been "kidnapped" by me and became my de facto supporter.

Thanks to him, the five stocks I bought with fifty thousand yuan all rose without dropping over the next two months, differing only in the speed and extent of their increase. The stock that rose the most had already grown from ten thousand to nearly eighty thousand.

When one encounters good fortune, their spirits lift. When I saw Li Juan, I could say I was radiant and full of energy.

Her appearance was quite sudden.

That morning, after finishing my wash-up, I returned to the room with my washbasin and saw someone lying on the other bed.I thought someone had entered the wrong room and was about to ask when she sat up.

Previously, I had only seen such scenes in novels, movies, and TV dramas—someone so shocked that they drop whatever they’re holding in surprise. In real life, I had never witnessed such a situation.

But that very situation actually happened to me.

The washbasin fell from my hands to the floor, and the mouthwash cup rolled under the bed.

I was so shocked my jaw nearly "dislocated."

She silently got up, walked over to me, and hugged me.

And I cried.

"You’re bad! You’re so bad! I’m hitting you, hitting you!…"

I cried while repeatedly punching her with my fists. In front of my dear friend, I turned into a little girl, unable to resist acting spoiled to express affection and longing.

She said some provinces were experiencing floods, and the train she was on was delayed. She didn’t arrive in Shenzhen until nearly three in the morning. Too embarrassed to knock on the hotel door, she sat beside it and caught a few hours of sleep.

I said, "Look, our room has a small window! I told you in my letter. Why didn’t you knock on the window?"

She replied tearfully, "Silly girl, in the middle of the night, I was so tired I couldn’t tell east from west, let alone which side the small window was on."

Only then did I notice several mosquito bites on her face and hands.

I urged her to join me for breakfast.

She said she had already eaten at the breakfast shop across the street and was so exhausted she just wanted to collapse into bed.

From the countryside in Heilongjiang to Shenzhen, I estimated it would take at least four days from the day she left home.

"I won’t talk to you anymore. Sleep, sleep!"

I pushed her toward the bed.

After lying down, she said, "I’m so tired. I’m finally home."

I replied, "Yes. From now on, this will be our home."

As I spoke, I helped her take off her shoes.

With her eyes closed, she asked, "Why haven’t I seen Little Friend?"

I said, "Don’t worry, I haven’t abandoned it. It likes to go out and play at night. It’ll jump in through the small window in a bit."

By the time I picked up the washbasin and mouthwash cup and put them away, she was already snoring softly.

When I returned from eating breakfast outside, Little Friend had also come back.

How unbelievable!

Counting on my fingers, it had been over nine months since Little Friend last saw Li Juan, yet it still recognized her. Unbothered by the heat, it curled up like a caterpillar beside Li Juan and began snoring too.

The weather was lovely that day. Sunlight streamed in through the small window, casting our "home" in a mix of light and shadow. Since it was a holiday, everyone staying at the hotel had gone out to play, leaving the corridor quiet. I left the room door open, allowing a gentle breeze to flow through.

I had already enrolled in night school.

Sitting at the desk, I opened my textbook and began doing my homework with joy—no, I could even say with happiness. At the time, Shenzhen had regulations ensuring that employees, regardless of their workplace, had the right to attend night school. Generally, overtime work was avoided whenever possible.

The packaging factory wasn’t too busy back then, and Zhao Ziwei was quite supportive of me attending night school—these two factors kept me from changing jobs, and I continued serving as the "Chief Leader" for the girls.

With Li Juan back, I found it hard to concentrate.

I would read for a while, then couldn’t help but glance at the sleeping Li Juan—her face used to be quite fair, but now it had darkened. Perhaps it was from working in the fields all day back in her hometown?Li Juan—my sister, my good friend—will once again be with me day and night from now on, and this truly fills me with joy. My adoptive father once told me that only when three kinds of connections align can a person become a friend, and those who meet along the way are called companions. To evolve from companions into friends—such a bond is exceptionally precious.

Back then, I had just started middle school and didn’t quite understand. I asked what he meant.

"Principal Mother" explained from the side—classmates, like-minded individuals, and colleagues: these three relationships are quite common social connections, and one could also call them fate. Developing a harmonious relationship on the foundation of such fate is already a fortunate thing. But meeting among the vast multitude of people is merely a "companion" relationship. The friendship that arises from such a connection can be said to be an extraordinary fate, one that should especially be cherished and nurtured sincerely. When two strangers meet, and one addresses the other as "this friend," what does it mean? It expresses an attitude—though we met as strangers, why not treat each other as friends? Perhaps we can even become good friends!

My adoptive father added, just like two soldiers in the same squad, or the same platoon or company—the likelihood of becoming friends is naturally very high. But if they merely belong to the same large army group and meet among millions of strangers, becoming friends—such odds are low, so it should be regarded as a "premium fate."

I remember I was quite skeptical at the time: "Dad, I actually understood before you explained. But after your explanation, I’m confused—does 'friend' specifically refer to relationships between men?"

My adoptive father scratched his head and laughed: "Daughter, you’ll just have to accept this. In Chinese vocabulary, from ancient times to the modern era, from the court to the common folk, it has indeed always been that way..."

Li Juan and I, one from Guizhou and the other from Heilongjiang, met in Shenzhen, far from both our hometowns. Our hometowns are thousands of miles apart, yet we became good friends, missing each other deeply when separated for too long—sometimes when I think about it, the relationships between people in this vast world are truly unpredictable! If not explained with the word "fate," it really is hard to make sense of it. Moreover, I always feel that when Li Juan and I are together, sometimes it really is like two men being together. She often displays a masculine demeanor, which also influences me to have a masculinity I never had before. But when I’m alone with Qian Qian, I don’t have that feeling at all. The bond of "sisters" to me is practically synonymous with the "brotherhood" between men. If we were both men and had met in ancient times, we would surely have sworn brotherhood!

In my life, I have a friend like Li Juan, and we both care for our "Little Friend." As migrant workers, we have a temporary "home," with books and flowers inside. As for sunlight, though not abundant, it’s not entirely absent either. Moreover, I have already achieved one life goal, and the next one is very clear—I’ve actually become quite content with my current life as a migrant worker.

I grew tired from sitting, so I lay on the bed to read.

Unconsciously, I fell asleep too.

When I woke up, I saw Li Juan sitting in the chair, gazing at me affectionately, just as I had looked at her earlier.

I said, "Why are you looking at me like that?"

She said, "You’ve gained weight, and your complexion looks good. It proves you’ve been living well since we parted."I said, "Not bad, I'll report to you tonight. You smell pretty sweaty, I need to take you for a proper bath."

She replied, "I obey your command."

It was nearly noon, so we had lunch across the street and strolled leisurely toward "Clear Water Bathhouse."

While bathing, I noticed Li Juan had visibly lost weight.

I asked in surprise, "How did you get so thin? There are hollows around your collarbone!"

She smiled faintly and said casually, "Just too much on my mind."

I didn't think much of it at the time, only feeling a strong sense of responsibility as I said, "I'll make sure you gain weight again soon."

Back at the hotel, we went back to sleep.

As dusk approached, I took her out for dinner.

In front of an upscale seafood restaurant, she stopped in her tracks and asked in astonishment, "Why are we coming to a place like this?"

I said, "You like seafood."

She turned to leave.

I grabbed her.

She said seriously, "I won't let you waste money like this."

I replied, "Money not spent is wasted if lost, and pointless if you die with it."

She said, "Stop joking around, what's gotten into you?"

I insisted, "Don't ruin my mood, or I'll get really angry!"

I practically dragged her inside.

The dishes I ordered couldn't be considered wasteful, but each was a signature dish. Not only had Li Juan never eaten them before, but I hadn't either. Although I had once been the "young lady of the Fang household," the mayor's daughter, my adoptive parents always favored simple home-cooked meals, opposed extravagance in food, and rarely dined out. That day, I was actually treating myself, satisfying my own cravings.

When the chilled lobster slices were served, I felt Li Juan's dark eyes change shape, as if they had turned into cat's eyes, widening into date-pit shapes.

She asked in surprise, "What is this?"

I said, "Shrimp."

"What kind of shrimp?"

"Lobster."

"You think I've never seen lobster before?"

"Another kind... smaller, bigger shrimp. Don't you like shrimp?"

"I like mantis shrimp! When did I ever say I liked lobster? I never even thought about it!"

"This shrimp, that shrimp—aren't they all shrimp? What's wrong with trying something different?"

"Fang Wanzhi, what are you up to? Do you think I don't care about your money? Did your money fall from the sky? Or... did you win the lottery?"

I was secretly worried about how to make her enjoy the meal as much as I did, so I went along with it and said seriously, "Sis, just eat to your heart's content. To be honest, I really did win the lottery!"

"Liar!"

She refused to believe it.

I put on a serious face and said, "If I'm lying, I'm a dog! One day, on a whim, I bought a ticket for fun, and guess what? I won four thousand yuan. Isn't that like money falling from the sky? Now that you're back, shouldn't I celebrate properly? Shouldn't I congratulate myself on my good luck?"

"Well..."

"Well what? So let's enjoy this meal together happily!"

Her eyes finally returned to their normal shape, and she said willingly, "Alright, then I won't ask any more questions."

She ate heartily just like I did.

When the bill came and she heard it was over seven hundred, her dark eyes instantly turned into date-pit shapes again.

I had ordered too much, so we packed the leftovers to take away.

On the way back, she scolded me, "Don't be so extravagant next time. Just the two of us spent so much money—it's like eating a third of a pig, a third of a pig!"

I burped and said, "Maybe one day you'll win the lottery too!"We had both slept too much during the day, so after returning to the hotel, we were quite excited but had nothing to do.

I suggested going to see a movie.

She was quite happy about that and said cheerfully, "Let's go!"

After the movie, I bought a few cans of cold beer on the way back.

Back in the room, neither of us could sleep, and we were hungry again, so we laid out the takeout boxes we had brought back, drank beer, and chatted while eating.

I got straight to the point and asked her if something had happened at home.

She said there wasn't really any major change, just that she had encountered something heartbreaking.

"How are your parents doing?"

I decided to ask more specifically.

She said, "They're okay. A kind-hearted reporter wrote about my father's work injury, which caught the sympathy of a lawyer. He helped my father win the case pro bono, and we received over a hundred thousand in compensation."

I slapped the table repeatedly and exclaimed, "That's wonderful, cheers!"

So we both took a big gulp.

I asked again, "How's your younger brother doing?"

She said, "Same as before. As long as our parents are around, they'll take care of him. If they're gone someday, there's still me. People like him are considered disabled, and after he turns eighteen, the county civil affairs bureau will provide disability benefits. In the countryside, that's enough for pocket money. Although Heilongjiang is poor, our county is relatively well-off, so this much can be managed."

"What about your relationship with... Company Commander Zhou?"

At my words, her eyes instantly welled up with tears, and she turned her head away.

I grabbed her hand and pleaded, "Tell me the truth, don't keep it bottled up."

She slowly turned her face back to me, forced a bitter smile, and said sadly, "Between us sisters, I have nothing to hide from you. But not tonight, not now... I'm not mentally prepared yet..."

I immediately understood why she had lost weight and recalled the time when Company Commander Zhou treated us three sisters to a meal, and Qian Qian and I accompanied her to see him off. Although I knew that love and marriage don't always go as planned and that change is the norm, my good impression of Company Commander Zhou suddenly distorted like a cat's eye.

"If it's over, it's over. Don't take it too seriously. There are plenty of men in the world, and I don't think he was all that suitable for you anyway. Besides, he was already married with a child. In the future, don't ever get involved with someone who's been married before..."

That was all I could say to comfort her, feeling like my advice sounded like something a rural woman would say.

"My parents were afraid I'd be too hard on myself living alone outside, so they insisted I bring ten thousand yuan with me. If you ever need money, just say so..."

Li Juan didn't respond to my words and changed the subject.

I also wanted to tell her that the stocks I bought had gone up, to share my happiness with her. But the words were on the tip of my tongue, and I swallowed them back. Compared to the ten thousand yuan she brought, my amount was much larger. Where did it come from? Unlike her money, which could be explained in a few words, mine couldn't.

I was nowhere near ready to confess my background to her.

This made me feel deeply frustrated.

In my view, so-called friends should have an honest and equal relationship with each other. Yao Yun was so open with me, yet I was cautious with my words and even lied to her, which already made me feel guilty. And with Li Juan, my best and currently only friend, I responded to her honesty with caution, which made me feel even more remorseful. At that moment, the messy "pile" of things from Shenxian Peak made me feel utterly disgusted.

"I will, I won't hold back with you. How's Qian Qian doing?"

I also promptly changed the subject.Li Juan said she had sent Qian Qian three short letters in a row, mainly to show concern and ask about her recent situation. But Qian Qian didn’t reply, and neither did Liu Zhu. I said I had also sent Qian Qian two letters, and likewise received no response.

“Could it be that she’s fully focused on being a good wife and mother on Liu Zhu’s side, and no longer wants to come to Shenzhen to work?” Even I didn’t quite believe my own words.

Li Juan said, “What do you mean by Liu Zhu’s side? Isn’t it just the rural areas of Henan? Our Qian Qian isn’t someone who can go back to the countryside, let alone a rural area in another province.”

I said with some worry, “I’ve dreamed of her more than once. Sometimes when I think of her, I’m most afraid she might suffer some kind of loss.”

Li Juan said, “Don’t worry, our Qian Qian isn’t someone who’s willing to suffer losses. If she doesn’t cause others to suffer losses, Guanyin Bodhisattva should praise her.”

Her words made me laugh.

Friendship is truly an incredible thing. Because Qian Qian is already one of our sisters, even though we were clearly talking about her flaws, it felt as if we were discussing her endearing qualities.

I asked Li Juan if she wanted to work at the packaging factory, saying that if she did, I’d take care of it.

She asked how much the pay was.

After I told her, she said to forget it.

“Wan Zhi, I came to Shenzhen to work when I was seventeen. I’ve done assembly line work too. It’s not that I’m afraid of hard work—I just want to earn a bit more. Besides, with our relationship, if you’re the Chief Leader and I’m just a female worker, wouldn’t we both feel awkward?”

Her point wasn’t unreasonable, so I didn’t press her further. Indeed, the girls on the packaging factory assembly line didn’t earn more than the three of us sisters did working for the Liu father and son. For someone who’s worked in Shenzhen for three years, earning that kind of wage again would hardly lift their spirits.

I told her I already had a Shenzhen resident permit.

She squeezed my hand again as a gesture of congratulations, though she didn’t seem particularly happy for me.

I asked her what her plans were for the future.

She smiled faintly, a hint of bitterness in her heart, and said, “If only I could have a clear goal like you. But I don’t. It’s not that I don’t want one—it’s that even if I wanted one, I couldn’t have it. So, since I don’t have one, I’ll just accept it. People’s fates are different, and I’ve come to terms with that.”

Her words left me at a loss for what to say, so I simply lowered my head and fell silent.

She was quiet for a moment too, then suddenly added in a wistful tone, “If earning a bit more money can be considered a goal, then my next goal in life is to earn a bit more money.”

…

The next morning, we went to buy a bicycle. During the short holiday, many products were on sale, and bicycles were no exception. The bike shop sold both new and used bicycles. We had agreed beforehand to split the cost evenly. Buying a bicycle was my idea—having one would make it much more convenient for either of us to run errands that required traveling around. She agreed with my idea. In truth, I was mainly thinking of her. My workplace wasn’t far from the hotel, just a ten-minute walk away, while the location of her next job was uncertain. Having a bicycle was better than not having one. But at the bike shop, we disagreed. I had already picked out a new bicycle, while she had taken a liking to a used one and stubbornly insisted on buying it.

I asked, “Didn’t we agree on this before we came?”

She said, “We only agreed to buy a bicycle—we never decided we absolutely wouldn’t buy a used one.”I was a bit annoyed and retorted, "You can't be like this! The difference between new and old is only about a hundred yuan, and we're splitting the cost half and half. Is it really worth it? If you insist, I'll buy the new one and you buy the old one. Let's just buy our own separately!"

Only then did she stop arguing with me.

I wheeled the newly inflated bicycle out of the shop, and seeing I still looked upset, she kept trying to cheer me up, insisting she had to give me a ride back to the inn.

Once inside the room, I was sweating from the heat and immediately picked up the washbasin to wash my face. When I returned to the room, several hundred yuan had appeared on my bed.

I asked, "What's this about?"

Li Juan said, "Well, the prepaid accommodation fee shouldn't be covered by you alone."

I said, "Isn't this our temporary home? Why are we suddenly acting more distant than before, keeping everything so clear-cut?"

She replied, "As the old saying goes, even brothers keep clear accounts. It's better to avoid arguments later over petty matters."

I got angry again, glaring at her and saying, "Li Juan, are you insulting me? Am I that kind of person?"

Realizing she had misspoken, she said awkwardly, "Wan Zhi, you've misunderstood. I didn't mean anything by it. I... I just felt bad, so I thought it'd be better if we each paid our own share..."

"Li Juan, since you've put it that way, I have nothing more to say. So, this money is mine now, right? I can do whatever I want with my money, right?..."

I pretended to tear the money.

Though I was angry with her, I wasn't so angry that I would disregard several hundred yuan. I pretended to tear the money to make her understand—between us, our relationship is equal, not one where one person submits to the other. Sisterly relationships often turn into the latter, while friendships can only be the former.

I wanted Li Juan to be my friend, not just a sister. So, in some matters, she also had to respect my feelings, not just me always listening to her.

"Don't!..."

She suddenly hugged me—my arms were wrapped in hers, so I couldn't tear the money.

"Good Wan Zhi, don't be angry, please don't be mad at me. It's my fault, I admit it! I'll take the money back. But you must also remember this—we working girls are daughters of poor families. For the poor, tearing money is a sin. When rich people burn money for fun, even the heavens don't get angry watching from above. But if the poor tear money, even if it's their own hard-earned cash, even if it's not much, the heavens will punish us. The heavens have eyes, but that doesn't mean they're fair. The idea that the heavens are fair is a lie..."

For some reason, my half-serious, half-playful act had made Li Juan speak out against the heavens.

Just as I was wondering about this, she snatched the money from my hand.

I said, "Juan, I was just teasing you! Between us, how could I get angry over something so trivial?"

But she turned and walked to her own bed, lying down silently on her back.

"What, are you mad at me now?"

As soon as I walked over to her bed, she turned toward the wall.

I turned her back around and saw she was crying.

Panicked, I quickly tried to comfort her, make her laugh, tickle her, and apologize to her.

After all, we were both just in our early twenties—not exactly children, but not fully grown either. When we acted out, there was still a bit of childishness in it.

At noon, she treated me to a plate of Jiangnan-style fried rice.

In the afternoon, we strolled around together, riding the bicycle wherever we could—sometimes her carrying me, sometimes me carrying her. When our spirits were high, we sang "Strolling Through the New City" together.

She asked me, "Now that you've gotten your Shenzhen residence permit, how does it feel different?"I said there wasn’t much difference, really—just that I could tell people I was from Shenzhen now.

She asked, “Is that important to you?”

I replied, “When people ask where I’m from, it’s much clearer now—Shenzhen, straight to the point. Nowadays, too few people in China know where Yuxian is, and too few don’t know Shenzhen.”

She said, “That’s true. I really hate it when people ask where I’m from. Sometimes I answer with ‘Heilongjiang,’ and some still follow up with ‘Where in Heilongjiang?’ Then I can only say, ‘The countryside.’ Ah, I, Li Juan, am afraid I’ll never be able to truly reinvent myself in this lifetime…”

She seemed a bit like Yao Yun now, often saying things that left me at a loss for words—back when we were both kitchen helpers, Li Juan didn’t always speak so pessimistically.

She really had changed somewhat.

During that period, Shenzhen was placing great emphasis on public security and cracking down on “vice, gambling, and drugs.”

That evening, police officers showed up again at the semi-basement hostel where we were staying. The short holiday was ending the next day, and most of the lodgers had returned—mostly migrant workers whose workplaces didn’t provide accommodation but gave them housing subsidies. Otherwise, even if the lodging fees were cheap, those from the countryside wouldn’t stay long-term.

The police guarded the hostel entrance, checking documents and questioning people room by room.

The owner said to one officer, “I checked carefully when they registered—they all have temporary residence permits.”

His words only made the police check more thoroughly and question in greater detail.

When they reached our room, I respectfully handed over my ID card and resident permit with both hands.

An officer looked at the ID and asked as usual, “Where are you from?”

I replied with a touch of pride, “Shenzhen.”

“Shenzhen?”

Only then did he look at my resident permit. Once he saw it, he snapped to attention and saluted me—out of the thirty-some lodgers, I was the only one with a resident permit, which made him regard me with a bit more respect. Probably also because I had shown him such deference from the start.

I was amused by him.

Li Juan stared in disbelief.

He asked, “Since you’re already a Shenzhen resident, why haven’t you updated your ID card? Your resident permit and ID should match.”

I said, “I don’t have a stable place to live yet. I was planning to wait until I buy a house…”

He said, “That won’t do. It’s better to get them aligned sooner rather than later, or it’ll cause you a lot of inconvenience.” Then he added quietly, “And while housing prices are still low, you should buy a place early. Starting next year, prices are bound to rise.”

Because I had a resident permit and because I declared Li Juan was my friend, the officer treated her more politely and didn’t question her too closely.

After I closed the door, I saw Li Juan sitting on the edge of the bed, lost in thought.

I asked her what was wrong.

She said, “I feel… like there’s a gap between us now…”

Li Juan had brought back quite a few things, though nothing particularly rare—just some northeastern specialties like peanuts, sunflower seeds, hazelnuts, pine nuts, plus mushrooms, wood ear fungus, and monkey head mushrooms.

I asked her why she brought so much.

She said, “They’re all for you.”

I said, “I don’t have family in Shenzhen. What am I supposed to do with all this?”

She said, “Then give them to your friends. I thought, since we haven’t seen each other in eight or nine months, you must have made some new friends.”I said, "To tell you the truth, not a single one. And I don’t want any either. Having you as a friend is already something I’m grateful to heaven and earth for—at least for now."

She paused for a moment, then silently hugged me—holding me for almost a full minute.

In that minute, I felt my life was filled with sunshine.

I wanted to share some of the things with the innkeeper’s family.

Li Juan said, "Is that necessary? His folks back home often send him things."

I said, "Our gifts are different. We’re long-term guests, so we need to maintain good relations with him."

Li Juan said, "You’ve become more mature."

I was in the middle of sorting things out when I heard her words and couldn’t help but look up at her.

She was puzzled by my gaze and asked, confused:

"Don’t like hearing that again?"

I said, "A little."

"Why?"

"Because... because..."

"Just say it, you’re making me anxious!"

"When I was in middle school, if anyone said someone was mature, it was almost like saying they were worldly, and the person being called that would feel like they were being insulted."

"'Mature' is a bad word? What’s wrong with being worldly? Isn’t it just about understanding human relationships and common sense? Would it be good if a working girl didn’t even understand that? 'Poor children mature early'—isn’t that exactly what it means? When people say a child has experienced things early, what does that mean? Isn’t it also about maturity? Nonsense! It’s clearly a compliment, but you take it the wrong way and even glare at me!"

I admitted my fault and said, "I get it now, I get it. Sis, don’t scold me anymore. Hey, sis, I still have to ask—why do I feel like you don’t understand any of this worldliness at all?"

She burst out laughing and said, half-seriously, half-playfully, "Girl, how do you know I don’t understand any worldliness at all? Without a mature perspective, how could I have seen that you, Fang Wanzhi, were someone worth befriending and become sisters with you? If I didn’t understand any worldliness, how could I set an example for you and Qian Qian and get along so well with Liu Zhu and his father? Never mind Liu Zhu, Old Man Liu is a seasoned old fox... Hey, hey, enough, enough! Why are you giving so many northeastern mountain goods to the northeasterners?..."

Just as I expected, the gifts I gave to the innkeeper made his whole family very happy. Whenever they saw me and Li Juan, they started greeting us first.

The things I brought to the factory were also very well-received. Sunflower seeds, peanuts, and the like were snatched up by the girls in no time. I gave the wood ear mushrooms and such to the cafeteria, and by noon, they were already stir-frying them. Everyone who ate in the cafeteria got to try them, and they all said northeastern wood ear mushrooms and mushrooms were delicious...

Zhao Ziwei asked me to move into the female workers’ dormitory—he said the city was cracking down harder and stricter on undesirable social phenomena. Factories with collective dormitories were required to take a headcount of workers staying in the factory before 10 p.m.; for those who hadn’t returned by 10 p.m., the factory had to register where they went and what they did. Factories that couldn’t answer these questions would face severe criticism...

As the Chief Leader of the female workers, I naturally had no choice but to take responsibility.

I liked having more responsibilities on my shoulders.

Li Juan also thought it would be good for me, as it would make me more mature.So the next day I moved into the factory, while Li Juan rode her bicycle around looking for work. Fortunately, after dinner each evening, I had plenty of time to return to the hotel and spend a while with Li Juan. The walk back and forth served as a leisurely stroll to help digest my meal. Sometimes when we hadn’t talked enough, she would walk me back to the factory gate, chatting as we went. Mostly, she talked about her job-hunting experiences and her feelings, which were often tinged with frustration from setbacks. I would console her or offer some advice. When I poured out my own work-related troubles to her, she would in turn comfort me, suggesting what I should or shouldn’t do. Those days often stirred up memories, reminding me of my time at Yuxian Middle School, when sometimes in the evenings I would visit a classmate’s home or they would come to mine, and we would walk each other back and forth.

Naturally, these memories also helped me understand what "homesickness" meant.

The origin of my homesickness was Yuxian—I always tried to avoid letting the name "Shenxianding" imprint itself in my mind.

Soon enough, Li Juan found a job she was happy with. She said she was working as a supervisor at a clubhouse in some province, and she was quite satisfied with the salary. The situation became interesting, as if the room we shared at the hotel had become Li Juan’s home, and I was someone who liked to drop by and was always welcome; it also felt as though Li Juan was like an older sister looking after my home for me. But after all, it was my home first, and if I didn’t return often, I would inevitably miss it, just as such a sister would worry about me.

Gradually, I also grew accustomed to living with the girls at the factory. Eating and living with them brought a different kind of joy. I quite enjoyed the distinct moods of staying at the factory and at "home," feeling that life had gained an extra layer of meaning.

One weekend evening, when I returned "home," it was already past ten. I had checked in with the girls before heading back—the hotel door would still be locked from the inside at eleven, but surprisingly, Li Juan wasn’t "home," which struck me as a bit odd.

I lay on the bed reading while waiting for her.

Someone knocked on the door, and when I opened it, it was the landlady.

"May I come in and say a few words?"

The landlady’s expression was strange.

After inviting her in, she spoke hesitantly, "Some things are really hard for me to bring up. Your brother was too embarrassed to tell you himself, so he insisted I come and talk to you. You’re a long-term guest, and we’ve always had a good relationship. If we didn’t mention certain things out of politeness, that wouldn’t be right either. But if we do bring them up, it might seem like we’re stirring up trouble behind someone’s back—lately, Li Juan has been coming back very late. Once, she didn’t return until after the door was locked, and the next day, many guests complained about her knocking in the middle of the night. The authorities are cracking down hard on that sort of thing now, so you should remind your sister… If something like what happened with Yao Yun occurs again, our hotel might end up on the blacklist of the relevant authorities…"

I can’t remember if I said anything. Perhaps I said nothing at all. I don’t even recall when the landlady left. I sat there dazed in the chair, as if several points on my body had been paralyzed. I wanted to lie back down on the bed but couldn’t move. At that moment, I understood what it meant to have "a blank mind" and what "blood boiling with anger" felt like.

I don’t know how much time passed before I heard the crisp sound of a woman’s high heels passing through the hallway, followed by the deliberate, unpleasant dry cough of a man.The door opened and Li Juan returned. She wore a dark green cheongsam with pink floral prints, issued by the club, which made her arms and legs appear exceptionally fair. I had to admit that the cheongsam accentuated her slender figure beautifully. Her face was lightly made up. It was the first time I had seen Li Juan with makeup, and I had to admit that she was quite skilled at it—the cosmetics added a touch of charm to her oval face. Her hair was styled, her dark locks blown into a voluminous look, mostly gathered at the crown of her head, with a few strands cascading down her cheeks.

A pair of red high heels.

The red high heels made the blood in my body freeze instantly; then, it seemed to reverse course, surging hotly toward my head...

Seeing me stunned, Li Juan immediately smiled again.

She said cheerfully, "You're back?"

She was genuinely happy, I could tell.

I ignored her, glaring coldly.

"Who made you angry? Come, let your sister give you a hug to calm you down."

As she spoke, she walked up to me, trying to pull me up.

I caught a whiff of alcohol and pushed her away forcefully, sending her stumbling back several steps until she sat on her bed.

"I didn’t even provoke you, why take your anger out on me!"

Not only was she not angry, she even smiled again; then, she opened her small handbag and dumped everything inside onto her bed, revealing a pile of cash and a large-faced watch favored by bosses.

"Sorry, as important as comforting you is, I have to finish my own business first."

As she spoke, she counted the cash—mostly hundred-yuan bills, totaling nearly a thousand yuan.

I watched silently as she opened her rolling suitcase, retrieved her wallet from the inner compartment, placed the counted money inside, and tucked the wallet back. She admired the watch for a moment before also slipping it into the compartment...

After finishing her series of "business," she took off her high heels, sat cross-legged on the bed like an elderly woman from the Northeast, and massaged her feet while saying, "Now, tell me, what’s the grievance that’s got you so angry?"

I asked, "Where did the high heels come from?"

She said, "You haven’t been drinking, why ask such a foolish question? I bought them, of course. Did you think I stole them?"

I said, "Seeing you in red high heels reminds me of someone."

She asked, "Who?"

I said, "Yao Yun."

She asked again, "Who is Yao Yun?"

I said, "A woman who also lived here once. One night, she was taken away by the police."

She rolled her eyes and asked, "Why?"

I said viciously, "Selling herself." Actually, I wanted to say "prostitution."

As I said it, I felt deeply guilty, silently begging for forgiveness in my heart.

"What are you saying? That’s too much!"

Her face darkened, and she avoided looking at me. She put on her slippers, picked up a basin, and headed out.

I said, "Don’t go out looking like that."

She asked, "Why?"

I said, "Even though you look good with makeup, it might also remind the boss and his wife of someone."

"Who again?"

She stood at the door, neither turning around nor looking back.

I said, "Still Yao Yun."

Even I could hear the clear tone of judgment in my words.

She set the basin down, slowly turned around, and walked solemnly up to me. Looking down at me, she asked, "Are you serious?"

Her tone had turned cold.I lifted my face, meeting her gaze without backing down, and retorted proudly, "Do I look like I'm joking?"

She suddenly slapped me across the face.

I said, "Get out."

She froze for a moment, then turned abruptly and began stuffing all her belongings haphazardly into her rolling suitcase. Holding her head high, she dragged it toward the door.

I shouted, "Stop!"

She stiffened again in the doorway.

I commanded, "The slippers belong to the hotel."

Slowly, she slipped her feet out of the slippers.

She actually left barefoot, even using her hand to gently close the door, making it shut almost soundlessly.

I stared at the pair of slippers left by the door, and tears suddenly poured down like a spring.

I couldn't sleep. As soon as I closed my eyes, a pair of red high heels would appear before me. Finally, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep, only to dream of Yao Yun. It wasn't a pleasant dream—Yao Yun kept asking me one question after another: "Why? Why?..."

Her words felt like an interrogation.

I couldn't answer—I had gone mute. Even a mute could make incoherent sounds, but I couldn't even produce those. It was as if I had become a person completely without vocal cords.

I woke from the dream, the words "why" still echoing in my ears. It was no longer Yao Yun asking, but myself.

Yes, why? Why exactly? When the same thing happened to Yao Yun, I felt nothing but sympathy; yet when it happened to Li Juan, I reacted with utter disgust?

Aren't both Li Juan and Yao Yun simple, honest, and warm-hearted women?

Could it be simply because Li Juan is my friend, while Yao Yun and I have only a shallow relationship?

Shouldn't friends show more compassion toward each other?

I couldn't give myself a reasonable explanation.

How fortunate I was to have a sister-like friend, yet I lost her so simply and brutally—once again, I felt like someone whose social connections had been reduced to zero.

The next day, I no longer wanted to stay in that room that felt like home, so I returned to the factory early.

For the next ten days or so, I never went back "home," because it was too difficult to face Li Juan's empty bed and act as if nothing had happened.

One evening, I was taking a walk on the small path outside the factory, lost in thought, wandering aimlessly with my head down.

Suddenly, I heard a whistle, followed by someone shouting, "Block the intersection! Spread out and search!"

Just as I looked up, I collided head-on with someone else—they fell to the ground, and my head throbbed with pain. Rubbing my forehead, I looked closely and saw that the person sitting on the ground was none other than Li Juan, who was also dazed from the impact. She was no longer wearing a cheongsam but tight-fitting trousers. One of her red high heels had slipped off, and the heel had broken. At the end of the path, a police car was parked, only the front visible, not the rear. The red police light on the hood kept spinning, and the siren blared incessantly. A police officer stood with his back to us, hands clasped behind him, legs apart.

Li Juan looked up at me and extended a hand. Her gesture was so natural, so taken for granted, as if even if I were a stranger, I should take her hand and help her up.

I didn't do that.

Instead, I immediately crouched down—my action was just as natural, without half a second of hesitation, as if guided by some unseen force.

I took off my own shoes and put them on her feet, then removed my work jacket and helped her put it on. Now I was barefoot, wearing only a short floral blouse on my upper body. Holding her pair of high heels, I finally pulled her up.

She said, "I sprained my ankle."

Supporting her, I walked silently back toward the factory.She added, "Don't lose the heel. It's a good pair of shoes—they can still be worn after a repair."

I stopped, then pulled off the heel and threw it far away.

It wasn’t until we were almost at the factory gate that I spoke. I said, "Help me walk."

She obediently supported me.

I added, "Lower your head, don’t speak, and help me into the factory."

She did as I said.

And I, with a bitter smile, raised the high-heeled shoe toward the old gatekeeper.

The old gatekeeper said, "Young lady, you should be careful walking in high heels."

Our factory has a back entrance.

Passing by a trash can, I threw my high heels inside.

She couldn't bear to part with them and wanted to fish them out.

I didn't let go of her hand, dragging her forward by force.

When we reached the back door, I took a key from my pocket and pressed it into her hand.

She opened her palm, saw it was a key, said nothing, showed no expression on her face, then turned and walked out the back door, limping away into the distance.

That night, I hesitated repeatedly over whether I should go home once more.

My final decision was not to return—I didn't know what to say when facing her again in "home."

I lay down a little after nine, but realized that if I didn't go home once, I definitely wouldn't be able to fall asleep. So I got up, found an excuse, said a quick word to a Line Leader, and hurried home like the wind. I pushed open the door and saw Li Juan also lying in bed, not yet asleep. She clearly recognized it was me returning home, yet she didn't move a muscle.

I didn't make a sound either, walking over to sit on my bed.

Then she said: "It's not what you think."

Still motionless.

After a while, I finally said: "Then what is it?"

"He's gone."

Her answer didn't match my question, and I didn't immediately understand the meaning of her words.

Another moment passed before she said: "Company Commander Zhou sacrificed himself..."

I felt as if molten iron had been poured over me, my whole body burning hot for an instant, then dissolving into smoke, as if I had lost consciousness.

I felt as if I had become a cast-iron statue of Company Commander Zhou, only my ears remaining my own, able to hear what Li Juan was saying—it was me listening, yet it also seemed like Company Commander Zhou was listening.

I tried my best to concentrate fully, summarizing Li Juan's words into the following situation—Company Commander Zhou had been buried alive by a landslide while shielding several civilians. His son was being raised by his elderly parents in the countryside. That boy should be starting middle school next year. Li Juan wanted to earn more money to help share the burden of raising him with Company Commander Zhou's elderly parents...

She said: "If that child can get into university, I, Li Juan, will sell my blood and kidneys to support him through graduation. If his studies aren't great, I'll still support him until he's eighteen. I hope by then he can join the army. In short, I've secretly sworn an oath never to let Company Commander Zhou's son live with hardship before he turns eighteen...

"I didn't do what you thought. I, Li Juan, am no more morally inferior than you, Fang Wanzhi. I don't feel that as your friend, I've brought you shame. All I've done is accompany men for drinks and sing a few songs. I discovered that quite a few people enjoy listening to me sing—something I started with encouragement from you and Qian Qian. I've never shamelessly asked men for money, but if they're willing to tip me, I'll happily accept. I'm not like you, Fang Wanzhi—you have no family burdens, while I now have to support two struggling families. If you feel I'm no longer worthy of being your friend, then tomorrow morning I'll disappear from your sight forever..."

She spoke all this while staring at the ceiling, not a single tear ever appearing at the corners of her eyes.

I gradually revived from my cast-iron state.

I was already sobbing uncontrollably.

Sobbing uncontrollably, I had no words to respond, only continuing to sob without end.

Li Juan finally stopped lying down, got up, walked over to me, and silently embraced me. She didn't try to comfort me, only saying: "Don't cry. Say something."

I finally managed to choke out a few sentences: "Why did it have to be like this? Why?! Having two families like that in my life was already enough to bear—why did Heaven have to make my only friend become someone just like me too?!..."That evening, Li Juan brought her pillow and lay down on my bed, holding my hand as she stayed with me for a long time, quietly listening to me pour out my heart.

I admitted to her that I had lied about some things in the past.

I told her about my background, and I also told her that all the stocks I bought had risen, and roughly how much money I now had... I laid myself bare before her, showing her the real me.

In the morning, I said, "Juan, don’t work at that club anymore. I’m worried that one day you might not be able to resist temptation and lose control of yourself..."

She said, "Alright, I’ll find another place. It’s just that the hiring season is over now, and I’m afraid if I stay idle and can’t earn money, I’ll feel anxious..."

I said, "Come to our factory. We’re short of a Line Leader. The pay for a Line Leader is a bit higher. If you’re willing, I’ll take care of it."

She said, "Then I’ll listen to you."