Fei Ni couldn't sleep in the middle of the night and got up again to open that suitcase.
It was filled with records and art books, all things she didn't need.
During Fei Ni's final year of elementary school, the nationwide class suspension began. The Fang family wasn't spared either. Fei Ni vaguely heard about the Fang family's situation - both his parents were under investigation, their salaries frozen, their home allocated to others, leaving Fang Muyang to live alone in a small single-room dwelling, never knowing when his next meal would come. Fei Ni's older siblings had taken free trains for inter-city exchanges to other cities. She wanted to go too, but her parents feared she might get into trouble outside and made her stay home. During the day when her parents worked at the factory, she was left alone at home.
Instead of going out, Fei Ni stayed home making paper boxes. The first boxes she made were for premium pastries - only good pastries deserved such boxes, while ordinary ones just needed paper wrapping tied with hemp rope. Sometimes, she would go to the scrap collection station. With suddenly very few readable books left in the library, the scrap station became Fei Ni's new "library." Those decadent works from the old society and foreign capitalist poison weeds were all sold to the scrap station at prices lower than waste newspaper. But finding books worth reading there wasn't easy. She had to pretend disinterest in her targets, sometimes having to buy five jin of waste paper just to find one book she actually wanted to read.
Since classes had suspended, she hadn't seen Fang Muyang. Unexpectedly, they met again at the scrap collection station. Boys at this age could grow noticeably taller in just a month. Fei Ni noticed Fang Muyang had grown taller again, lean and wiry. Though his family was gone, his bicycle remained. She didn't know how he had managed to protect his bicycle during the violent struggles, but he had indeed preserved it, standing there completely intact. The wound at the corner of his mouth was displayed indifferently as he smiled at Fei Ni. His smile made her somewhat nervous - she feared Fang Muyang might ask to borrow money from her. She knew that if she lent him money this time, not only would he not repay her double, he might not return a single cent.
Fei Ni asked Fang Muyang why he had come to the scrap station. He said his window was broken and he wanted to buy waste paper to patch it up. He asked the station staff if they had any old paintings, or even art books, reasoning that using them to cover the window wouldn't look too bad.
As Fei Ni grew increasingly desperate searching for books at the scrap station, she guessed Fang Muyang wouldn't have surrendered everything obediently. Though his family was gone, with so many books in their collection, he couldn't have parted with all of them. She whispered to Fang Muyang that she could help dispose of some unwanted old books, hinting that her family came from proper working-class roots so no one would come searching her home. Her spiritual life was too impoverished, leading her to take the risk. She had prepared two contingency plans: if Fang Muyang reported her, she would claim she was deliberately luring the snake out of its hole and didn't actually want those books; if he was willing to share some of his collection with her, she would give him all her paper box earnings so he could have a proper meal - he clearly looked underfed every day.
Fang Muyang didn't report her. Before dawn the next day, he came to her building as agreed and handed her a case. Fei Ni gave him all her savings of two yuan and fifty-two fen, but Fang Muyang refused to take any money. He told Fei Ni to keep the case safe and never give it to anyone else. Fei Ni forcibly stuffed the money into Fang Muyang's hand.The box arrived before dawn, but Fei Ni waited until both her parents had left for work before daring to open it secretly. She felt her money had been utterly wasted. Not a single item inside was what she wanted—it was either records or art books. She had no way to play the records publicly, and as for the art books... one of them featured men and women without a stitch of clothing. Of course, Fei Ni knew it was art, but that didn't stop her from thinking it was shameless.
She had kept the box locked away, waiting for him to ask for it back, but it had ended up sitting there for so long.
The rain lasted until the early hours of the morning, and by the time she woke up, it was a clear, sunny day.
Breakfast was congee with steamed buns, a small plate of pickled cowpeas, and some leftover braised meat from the day before. Fei Ma split a bun, tucked two slices of the braised meat inside, and handed it to Fei Ni, telling her not to just drink the congee.
After Fei Ni left, Old Fei brought up yesterday's events again: "Xiao Fang came all the way to our house yesterday and brought so many things for our daughter. I still feel bad about letting him leave without inviting him to stay for a meal."
"How could we have invited him? Ye Feng would have gotten suspicious. And Xiao Fang is so clueless—he doesn't know what to say and what not to say. Our daughter took care of him in the hospital for so many days. Those who know the situation would say she's noble and righteous, but those who don't might think there's something going on between her and Xiao Fang."
"What could be going on? They were just classmates in elementary school—a couple of kids. What could possibly happen? Can't our third daughter just do a good deed?"
"Nothing happened before, but who's to say feelings didn't develop while she was taking care of him? Take Xiao Fang, for example—he's forgotten his parents now and only knows our child. He knows where we live now, too. What if he comes every day? Can we just kick him out? If word gets out, which man wouldn't be suspicious? Our daughter wouldn't be able to marry anyone else. There's still that watermelon Fei Ni bought yesterday—you haven't eaten it yet. Take it to Xiao Fang, buy some peaches too, and keep a couple of the things he brought to show we appreciate the gesture. As for the rest, like the milk powder and malted milk, take them back to him. And while you're at it, tell him not to come anymore. Say it's our daughter's wish."
"How can I say something like that?"
"For your daughter's sake, you have to say it even if you don't want to! Xiao Fang doesn't strike me as an unreasonable kid. If you make it clear to him, he won't come again."
Old Fei went to the hospital with the milk powder, malted milk, and watermelon, but he came back with all of them. On top of that, he brought back their own umbrella, a radio, and a pair of headphones specifically for the radio.
His wife scolded him: "Where did you get the money to buy a radio?"
"Xiao Fang gave it to me. He said he sold his camera to get it. I told him I didn't want it, but he insisted I bring it back for Fei Ni. And he made me take back all the things I brought too."
"What kind of way is that to handle things? He gives it to you and you just take it?"
"He said if I didn't take it, he'd come to our house again to deliver the things himself. But if I accepted it, he wouldn't come to our house anymore."
Fei Ma sighed. "You! You've lived all these years and still don't understand a thing. Your daughter listens to the radio he gave her every day—do you really think this is over?"
"What should we do then?"
"Just say the radio was bought by you."
"How is that appropriate?"
"We can't worry about that now. After Fei Ni gets married, we'll send Xiao Fang a gift. For now, we shouldn't have any contact with him."
When Fei Ni returned, she saw the umbrella she had given to Fang Muyang yesterday and couldn't help but ask, "Did Fang Muyang come to our house?"Fei Ma kicked Old Fei, who chuckled and said, "I went to the hospital to see him and brought the umbrella back with me. He’s doing quite well there, almost like a normal person. When I arrived, he was drawing—portraits of the nurses. And honestly, they looked just like the real people. He gets along really well with the nurses there."
"Really?" Fei Ni felt a mix of frustration and disappointment. Drawing sequential pictures might have landed him a job, but what good would drawing nurses do? It would only slowly tarnish the good reputation he had earned.
"Absolutely. There’s even a nurse who mends his clothes. Xiao Fang is a rescue hero, handsome too—it’s no surprise some of the nurses have taken a liking to him. Who knows, he might even find himself a wife in that hospital."
"Which nurse mended his clothes?"
Old Fei hadn’t expected Fei Ni to ask that and paused before replying, "I’m not sure who it was. The seam on his shirt had come undone, and a nurse came in and offered to take it home to fix it for him." Old Fei left out one detail: Fang Muyang had said it wasn’t necessary, as he could sew it himself.
Fei Ni didn’t respond. Instead, she noticed the radio lying on the five-drawer cabinet and asked, "Dad, did you buy a radio?"
"Yeah," he replied curtly. "I noticed many households have one, so I thought I’d get one too."
Old Fei’s lie sounded unnatural, and Fei Ma, worried he might slip up, quickly changed the subject. "That plaid fabric your sister gave you—why not make a shirt for yourself? I’ve seen lots of girls wearing plaid shirts lately. Did someone in a movie wear one like that?"
"Maybe."
"Are you and Ye Feng still going to the movies this Sunday?"
Fei Ni ignored the question and pressed her father, "Dad, where did you buy this radio?"
"At the nearest secondhand store. I wanted a new one, but you know we don’t have the ration ticket."
Two days later, Ye Feng returned the umbrella and brought a ticket to a symphony performance, inviting Fei Ni to listen to Shajiabang on Sunday.
Fei Ni had heard it once before, but she accepted the ticket anyway. Whether she enjoyed the symphony or not wasn’t the point; what mattered was that she thought Ye Feng was a decent guy and worth getting to know better.
Friday was unusually hot. Fei Ni worked up a sweat during her shift and headed straight to the women’s bathhouse after work. Fortunately, the line wasn’t too long.
The bathhouse had two rows of showerheads, fifteen in each row, with no partitions between them. Everyone could see each other.
There was no privacy in the bathhouse.
While there, Fei Ni overheard gossip: Old Zhao had been transferred to the boiler room for having illicit affairs; Big Liu had been demoted for hosting dance parties at home; Pan Lili’s husband was quite capable and had recently gotten his hands on a nine-inch black-and-white television set...
As a listener, Fei Ni never participated in such conversations. She always faced the wall, and as soon as she finished washing, she would quickly dress and leave the steamy room without a second glance.
Someone remarked, "Why does Xiao Fei always have her back to us?"
Another female worker explained on her behalf, "She’ll get over it once she’s married. Really, what’s there to be shy about? We’re all women here—no one has anything extra. Before marriage, it’s hard to get used to it. But whoever marries our Fei Ni will be lucky—look at her smooth, delicate skin..."Fei Ni's face was flushed red from the hot water. She finished washing hastily and went to put on her clothes. Droplets from her hair fell onto her collarbone as she twisted her arms to fasten the back hooks of her bra. Her team leader, Sister Liu, came over to chat with her: "Pan Lili from Workshop Three insists you've padded your bra. That woman—she's shameless herself, but she has to assume everyone else is like her. What decent girl would stuff her bra? We all wish nobody would notice ours. I told her, if Fei Ni didn't wear a bra, hers would be even bigger. I've bathed with her in the showers and seen it plenty of times."
Every word from Sister Liu was so familiar, so warm and hearty, yet Fei Ni couldn't bring herself to feel grateful for the defense. She maintained a calm expression while her hands busied themselves with the hooks. Though she often showered at the factory baths because her home only allowed for quick wipe-downs, after all these times, she still hadn't learned how to handle such boundary-less familiarity.
Fei Ni towel-dried her hair until it was half-dry and hurried out of the bathhouse to avoid Sister Liu.
As soon as she stepped out of the factory gate, she saw Fang Muyang.
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