Fei Ni was reading in the bedroom while Fang Muyang had gone to the Ling family to discuss work matters.
She opened the drawer and flipped through Fang Muyang’s reader letters. The letters filled the entire drawer. Opening one, she saw elegant small regular script expressing admiration for Fang Muyang’s sequential pictures.
Before long, Fang Muyang would have a job more suited to him, and he would only get better. Meanwhile, she was still making hats. Last Sunday, her former old neighbor visited her parents’ new home and, in conversation, kept praising Ling Yi for her good fortune because of those two Warsaw cars. She knew the compliments were well-intentioned, but the underlying point was that Fei Ni had married above her station into the Fang family.
In the Ling family’s living room, only Fang Muyang and Ling Yi remained, as Ling Yi wanted to speak with Fang Muyang alone.
The coffee Ling Yi had specially brewed for Fang Muyang remained untouched. The coffee cup was also new, never used by anyone before.
Since Fang Muyang arrived, Ling Yi had been bustling about, so much so that even her mother felt her enthusiasm was excessive. Not long ago, when a male classmate came to visit Ling Yi, she had seen him off after just a few words.
This enthusiasm lasted until Fang Muyang declined the job at the pictorial. He first expressed his gratitude, then said he still preferred his current work.
“I don’t know why I was so weak back then. If it were me now, I would definitely have gone to the hospital to take care of you…”
Fang Muyang couldn’t even imagine what it would have been like if Ling Yi had taken care of him. If she had, it would have been a burden to him.
“I never blamed you.” He had always known she was that weak; if not for her weakness, he might not have given up the opportunity for her. Fang Muyang thoughtfully offered her a reason, “Your situation back then must have been difficult, and you probably thought I would be well taken care of in the hospital. Besides, Fei Ni really did take good care of me.”
Ling Yi’s lips parted and closed, and in the end, she agreed. He had given her dignity, and she couldn’t refuse it.
Fang Muyang smiled. “It’s a good thing you didn’t come to take care of me, or Fei Ni would have misunderstood us. If she had misunderstood, she wouldn’t have continued caring for me, and how would I have had the chance to develop feelings with her? Actually, it worked out for both of us. If I had gone to university, I might have missed Fei Ni. You might not know, but I liked her even before I went to the countryside.”
“You liked her before you went to the countryside?”
Fang Muyang didn’t really want to share his emotional history with others, but he felt it necessary for Ling Yi to hear it.
“Fei Ni and I went to the same elementary school. Even back then, I found her interesting, but she was utterly dismissive of me. I offered her snacks, but she wouldn’t eat them. I gave her gifts, but she firmly refused to accept them.” He had once given Fei Ni a bag of flies, never expecting she would cry and throw them to the ground in fright.
Ling Yi thought of the young Fang Muyang, who had been indifferent to her, and she couldn’t imagine anyone being dismissive of him."Fei Ni isn't the type to add flowers to brocade—she prefers offering fuel in snowy weather. It's as if she only pays attention to me when I'm in difficulty. When my father sent me to boarding school and I had nothing to eat, Fei Ni voluntarily took out all her pocket money to buy me food. Later, when I went for inter-city exchange, she offered to keep my picture books for me. You know, with my family background, most people avoided me. At that time, I mistakenly thought Fei Ni had feelings for me. Before going to the countryside, I asked her where she wanted to go—I wanted to join the same place as her, so we could develop our relationship and I could help her with manual labor. But she said she still needed to attend high school. So I asked where she planned to go after finishing high school, and she told me she might start working in a factory. I thought since we weren't on the same path, I shouldn't aspire beyond my station..."
Most of what Fang Muyang said was true, but it was only part of the truth. When Fei Ni said she wasn't going to the countryside, Fang Muyang was indeed disappointed because he wouldn't be able to see her anymore, but his disappointment didn't last long. If Fei Ni had gone with him, he wouldn't have been able to go to his eventual destination—a place too harsh for girls but a paradise for Fang Muyang, where he could paint vast mountains and clouds, and most importantly, have enough to eat.
Having enough food was crucial for Fang Muyang back then. He couldn't paint on an empty stomach—maybe for a day or two, but not long-term. When he used to paint in his small room, even his eating saucers were filled with paint. Once, he was so starved he almost mistook the paint for food.
Ling Yi stirred her coffee incessantly with a spoon before finally uttering, "Did Fei Ni know you liked her back then?"
"Of course not. If she had known, she would've labeled me a hooligan..." He still remembered how, after school, he once saw some ill-intentioned boys following Fei Ni, trying to befriend her. Before he could intervene, Fei Ni had already reported the situation to an elderly woman wearing a red armband.
Ling Yi thought to herself, Fei Ni truly didn't know—she even thought she was Fang Muyang's girlfriend. Fei Ni had deliberately waited for her at school for hours just to tell her that Fang Muyang had woken up, urging her to visit the hospital and rekindle old memories to help restore his memory.
She wasn't the only one misunderstanding.
Ling Yi hadn't been assigned to the same educated youth point as Fang Muyang by chance—she had requested it. When she asked Fang Muyang for suggestions on where to go, he told her to avoid anywhere except the suburbs. "You're an only child," he said. "Even with your family background, if you persist, you'll definitely be assigned to the suburbs." He described how difficult life was in remote rural areas, but she didn't believe him. To be with Fang Muyang, she specifically requested the same location. Ling Yi didn't understand the differences between rural areas—she assumed all countryside postings were the same. Only after arriving did she realize the stark contrast: educated youth in the suburbs were provided with two tiled houses built by the production team, whereas in her assigned location, they had to build their own shelters in much harsher conditions. She considered this her sacrifice for Fang Muyang.
But Fang Muyang didn't appreciate it, even though he often helped her with manual labor. When rumors spread at the educated youth point about them dating, Fang Muyang always debunked them, arguing that such gossip hindered his chances with other girls. He threatened to make anyone who spread rumors regret it.She had come to this harsh place for Fang Muyang in vain, yet he showed no appreciation, leaving her with heavy manual labor every day. Her future seemed bleak, and in her despair, she began to entertain thoughts of ending her own life.
It was at this moment that Fang Muyang gave up his university spot for her, reigniting her hope. At the same time, she felt that Fang Muyang still had feelings for her.
If he didn’t care, why would he give up his spot for her?
“You gave up your university spot for me, just because I…” Ling Yi replaced “attempted suicide” with “faced difficulties.”
“I’ve eaten so many meals at your house before. Of course, I couldn’t stand by and do nothing when you were in trouble.” It wasn’t just because of those meals. She had come here to join the rural labor team for his sake, and though he neither approved nor was pleased—only feeling an added burden—he couldn’t just stand by and watch her come to harm.
Ling Yi continued stirring the coffee in her cup as Fang Muyang said to her, “You don’t need to feel indebted to me. My life now is much better than if I had gone to university.”
With that, Fang Muyang stood up and said goodbye.
Ling Yi walked him to the door. As he turned to leave, she couldn’t help but say, “Are you refusing the job at the pictorial because you’re afraid Fei Ni might misunderstand? If she does, I can explain it to her.”
“That has nothing to do with it. I just don’t want to work. I work to make money, and as long as I can earn, it doesn’t matter to me where I work. I’ve never thought being a waiter is inferior to other jobs. But I appreciate you helping me change jobs.”
He just wanted to paint as he pleased. Beyond that, everything else was just to earn money and live a better life—even drawing theme-first sequential pictures was mostly for the money.
If someone else had said this, Ling Yi would have thought they were sour grapes, but coming from Fang Muyang, she believed it was true.
“But in others’ eyes, the two jobs…”
“I don’t care how others see it, as long as Fei Ni understands.”
Ling Yi watched Fang Muyang’s back disappear down the hallway, letting tears slide down her cheeks.
Fang Muyang had given her enough dignity from start to finish, but it was also clear that he didn’t like her—he never had.
She turned and went back inside, where her parents had returned to the living room.
She knew they had overheard her conversation with Fang Muyang.
When Fang Muyang returned home, his father was sitting in the living room, pondering his connections and thinking about arranging a job for his wayward son.
“Did you turn down the pictorial job?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll find you a suitable job.” Even if it meant swallowing his pride.
“I think my current job is just fine. I can even ask the kitchen to fry a couple of dishes for me now and then. You liked those dishes, didn’t you?”
Old Fang had to admit they were good—he’d been eating them every day. A couple of days ago, he had even given his wayward son some money and asked him to bring back two dishes. But he couldn’t sacrifice his son’s future for the sake of his taste buds.
“We can always eat out. I don’t think being a waiter is a long-term solution.”
“Are you ashamed of my job?”
Old Fang quickly denied it.
“I knew you wouldn’t be so shallow. I don’t see how working at the pictorial is any better than being a waiter. The pay isn’t necessarily higher either.” Fang Muyang repeated his work-for-money theory, just as he had told Ling Yi.
“How can you be so vulgar? Work is just for making money?” Old Fang couldn’t agree with his wayward son’s statement."Vulgar?" Fang Muyang laughed. "Do you think earning money is vulgar, or do you think money itself is vulgar?"
Old Fang was momentarily at a loss for words.
"If you think earning money is vulgar, you never refused your salary when you were working. If it's the latter, I don't mind being vulgar—you can give me all your money, I won't dislike it in the slightest."
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