Fei Ni insisted that Fang Muyang try the college entrance exam first.
"If I get in, should I go or not?"
"But I haven’t seen any news about graduate student admissions in the papers."
"Sooner or later it’ll happen. Restoring university admissions means graduate education will inevitably resume too."
"But are you sure you even qualify for the graduate exam?" Fei Ni hadn’t found any related news in the papers. After all, the graduate exam was different from the college entrance exam—Fang Muyang hadn’t even finished middle school.
Fang Muyang reached out and flicked Fei Ni’s ear. "Are you looking down on me because I never went to high school?"
"Where did you get that idea? I meant—"
Fang Muyang didn’t give Fei Ni a chance to explain and continued, "You actually do look down on me, but you’ve been holding back to spare my feelings. I get it. Compared to you, I can’t do anything…"
The accusation was so serious that Fei Ni forgot what kind of person Fang Muyang was and instinctively denied it: "How could I ever look down on you?"
"It’s normal if you do. If it weren’t for the college entrance exam, I wouldn’t have realized how big the gap between us is. Questions you understand at a glance, I still wouldn’t get after reading five times…" That was an exaggeration—his patience wouldn’t allow him to read anything five times. Fang Muyang wasn’t a skilled actor; after saying this, he went to make Fei Ni a cup of milk powder.
Fang Muyang left Fei Ni with his back to her, giving the impression he was deeply upset.
Just as he was about to turn around and smile at her, telling her to drink the milk, Fei Ni wrapped her arms tightly around him from behind.
"I’ve never looked down on you, not even when you were in the hospital." When Fang Muyang was unconscious, he was Fei Ni’s hope. She prayed he would wake up so she could possibly be selected as an advanced worker and go to university. After he woke up, she hoped he would regain his memory—once he did, she might still have a chance at those things. Even when his memory didn’t return, she never found him annoying, but she also had no right to pity him. Though her situation was better than his, one wrong step could send her life spiraling downward… A man with no practical use, offering only emotional comfort, was a luxury—more extravagant than a piano. Ordinary people couldn’t afford such a thing. You’d need a bright future, a spacious home, and plenty of money to even consider it. But she had none of those. Without them, there was no point in thinking about it—the answer was simply no.
"I know." It was just a little joke he’d played on her.
Fei Ni suspected he didn’t truly understand.
"I liked your paintings, even before you drew sequential pictures." She had admired his talent before he earned fame or income from sequential pictures. She wanted more people to see his brilliance. Even if she weren’t married to him, she would wish him a successful future because he deserved it. Her appreciation for him had nothing to do with him being her husband.
"How long before?""Do you remember that snowman drawing you made back then? You must have forgotten—we were still in elementary school." That snowman was one she had built at school with other children; she was responsible for the face and neck, and she had even used scrap fabric from home to make a bow tie for it. Fang Muyang probably didn't know, but she thought his drawing was excellent. The likeness was secondary; what mattered was that no one else could tell she had built a contemplative snowman. Everyone else thought it looked a bit dull, but he had noticed and captured it on paper—a camera couldn't do that; it would only capture a snowman staring blankly. She didn't know how he had seen it, and because she didn't know, she found him all the more clever. She had wanted to ask for the drawing to show her family the snowman she had built at school, but since they weren't close, she never did.
"You liked my... drawings that early on?"
"Yes." Back then, she had liked his drawings, but she couldn't say she particularly liked him as a person. Because she admired his art, even when she suspected Fang Muyang had put flies in her desk to tease her, she didn't report him to the teacher—though her fondness for him diminished because of it.
Fei Ni pressed her face tightly against Fang Muyang's back. She didn't tell him that back then, she had strongly doubted the saying, "The painting reflects the painter." She felt Fang Muyang himself fell slightly short of the quality of his drawings. If she hadn't seen him paint with her own eyes, she might have suspected someone else had done it for him.
"When I saw the crabapple blossoms you painted, I was really happy for you. No matter how hard things got, you never gave up painting." He had come to her home from the hospital, while Ye Feng was sitting upstairs, and Fang Muyang showed her his painting of crabapple blossoms downstairs. He had improved so much. In truth, she had admired him greatly at that time—he hadn't abandoned his passion despite his difficult circumstances. She knew it wasn't easy. Fang Muyang would never know how much she had felt both pity and relief for him back then: pity that his memories were lost, but relief that as long as he could still paint, he had a future... These feelings had nothing to do with romantic affection.
At that time, she appreciated him and hoped he would have a better life, but she would never have married him because he was a man with no practical use, and he had an ex-girlfriend—though she later learned this "ex-girlfriend" was merely her imagination.
Compared to Fang Muyang, Ye Feng's conditions were far more suitable for marriage. She had long understood that there are no perfect solutions in life; to gain something, you must give something up, and with gain comes loss. But Ye Feng, older and more experienced than her, failed to grasp this. He wanted both the comfort his parents provided and the freedom to not marry a woman who met their expectations. Fei Ni knew that sooner or later, Ye Feng would try to mold her into that ideal for the sake of his comfort, and if he couldn't, he would resent her, inventing and magnifying her flaws to prove he had been blind not to heed his parents' advice. Rather than that, it would be better for Ye Feng to marry someone his parents approved of from the start. Her breakup with Ye Feng was, of course, for her own sake, but objectively, it also benefited his happiness.
Ye Feng himself failed to recognize her goodwill and even wrote a letter to humiliate her.Ye Feng's letter didn't hurt her feelings at all, but it wounded her pride, so much so that whenever the Fang family's situation improved, Fei Ni would recall that letter. She didn't look down on herself either; she just felt she lacked an opportunity. At that time, she was very sensitive—if Fang Muyang showed even the slightest hint of superiority, even if completely unintentional, she could sense it. But there was never even one instance.
Had it been her, she might not have been able to do the same.
Author's Note: Recent updates have been unstable; it's recommended to read after completion. Thank you to the little angels who voted for me or irrigated with nutrient solutions between 2021-10-20 23:56:38 and 2021-10-22 09:47:23~
Thanks to the little angel who threw a shallow water bomb: Winter Rose 1;
Thanks to the little angels who threw landmines: East Doesn't Understand, sabrinaplus 3; Pillow, Winter Child, Mi Big 1;
Thanks to the little angels who irrigated with nutrient solutions: xueren181 1 bottle; 42705281 145 bottles; Bei Ling 40 bottles; a Luo 37 bottles; Fei Fei Jiu 30 bottles; Jiong Meng Jiong, Winter Child 20 bottles; Mang Zhong 17 bottles; Wu Wu 5 15 bottles; 19950177 11 bottles; 100% Morning Tea, yanyan, Yun Zhang, Hahaha, ichich, Xiang Yang 10 bottles; nori, Pearl, Flowing Years 9 bottles; amily 6 bottles; Mint Green Juice, scarlett, Hesitant to Speak, l, Ya Ya Ya Tang, Chai Xiang, Zhou Zhou Is Zhou Zhou 5 bottles; Third Rib 4 bottles; Blue Tune z, Zhu Zhu Zhu, real 3 bottles; Face-slapping Maniac, landsearch 2 bottles; Going Out Requires a Phone, 46094283, Two Cats One Dog 1 bottle;
Thank you all very much for your support; I will continue to work hard!
OpenNovel