What's the reluctance?
Yan Tuo stopped in his tracks, wanting to hear more, but the elevator made a sound when it stopped, alerting everyone in the adjacent small living room.
After a brief silence, Lin Xirou's voice came from inside: "Xiong Hei? Didn’t I tell you to wait downstairs?"
So it was Lin Xirou and Lin Ling talking in the living room. Yan Tuo adjusted his mood and walked in with a smile: "Aunt Lin, it's me."
Lin Ling's eyes were red. Seeing him, she probably felt embarrassed and turned her face away. Lin Xirou, however, looked pleasantly surprised: "Xiao Tuo, why are you back?"
From her expression, Yan Tuo knew Lin Xirou had forgotten about him amid the recent important and urgent matters.
Forgetting was good—he didn’t want to be constantly on her mind. Yan Tuo said, "I heard from Brother Xiong that things were settled. It was boring staying at A Peng’s place, so I came back early... Aunt Lin, are you going out later?"
He noticed Lin Xirou was dressed neatly, not in nightwear for a casual chat, and earlier, she had said, "Didn’t I tell you to wait downstairs?"
Lin Xirou hummed in agreement: "Came back to pack some things. The farm’s been busy these days."
Yan Tuo seized the opportunity: "I heard about it, Aunt Lin. Can I come along? That bastard Jiang owes me a piece of flesh—I’d at least like to knock out a couple of his teeth to vent my anger."
Lin Xirou hesitated but couldn’t outright refuse. After all, Yan Tuo had suffered, and wanting to take revenge himself was only human.
She compromised: "You just got back—what’s the hurry? It’s not like they’ll run away. Rest for a couple of days first."
This was tacit approval. Yan Tuo relaxed and turned to Lin Ling: "What’s wrong with Lin Ling?"
Lin Xirou smiled: "Ask her. I was just trying to help set her up, and she acted like I was out to harm her."
Set her up?
Yan Tuo was surprised: "A blind date? With who?"
Lin Xirou was about to speak when Lin Ling stiffened her neck and cut in: "I’m not interested. I’m still young. Yan Tuo’s older than me—why doesn’t he go first?"
Yan Tuo was momentarily speechless, feeling Lin Ling was being disloyal: Weren’t they on the same side? Why drag him into the line of fire?
Lin Xirou’s expression darkened, her tone hardening: "I’m not worried about Xiao Tuo. His temper isn’t settled yet—his girlfriends either don’t last or aren’t reliable, but at least he has them. You? I’ve never even seen a hint of interest from you. If you had any, I wouldn’t have to push so hard."
Lin Ling bit her lip, not daring to speak. She occasionally defied Lin Xirou, but once Lin Xirou’s face darkened with real anger, she didn’t dare retort.
"Everyone here is family, so I don’t need to mince words. It might sound harsh, but it’s the truth. Don’t you know your own circumstances?"
Lin Ling’s nose stung, tears welling up instantly. Yan Tuo felt a pang of sympathy for her and awkwardness: "Aunt Lin, let it go. We can talk about it later."
Lin Xirou scoffed: "Let it go? I’ve brought this up more than once. What about Lü Xian isn’t good enough for you?"
Lü Xian?
Yan Tuo was taken aback, a sudden thought flashing through his mind: Lin Xirou was practically Lin Ling’s adoptive mother. If this match succeeded, she’d become Lü Xian’s mother-in-law—Lü Xian really never failed to live up to his reputation as the eternal favorite of mothers-in-law.
Lin Xirou leaned back against the sofa: "In terms of age, looks, ability, and education, he’s better than you. Plus, he’s a doctor. If you ever get sick, you’ll have a physician right by your side—how convenient is that?"Yan Tuo vaguely felt something was off: "Wait, Aunt Lin, have you discussed this with Lü Xian?"
He had just left Lü Xian's place—how come there wasn't even a hint of this?
Lin Xirou replied indifferently, "As long as she has no objections, Lü Xian won't be a problem."
Yan Tuo couldn't help but suck in a cold breath. As the old saying goes, it takes two to tango, but here Lin Xirou was playing matchmaker with neither side interested—only she, the middlewoman, was enthusiastic.
Having said her piece, Lin Xirou stood up. "I'll take my leave now. Xiao Tuo, try to persuade her when you have time."
Lin Ling kept her head down, lips pressed together in silence until she heard the elevator descend and was sure Lin Xirou wouldn’t return. Only then did she finally break down, tears streaming uncontrollably.
Yan Tuo sighed and handed her a tissue to wipe her tears. "Don’t cry. Aunt Lin’s gone."
He hadn’t expected to walk into a marriage-pushing scene the moment he returned.
He added, "She can say what she wants, but you do you. It’s not like we’re in feudal times—no one can force you. Don’t take it to heart."
Lin Ling took the tissue, crumpled it, and rubbed her eyes fiercely, still sniffling. "No, you don’t get it. This time it was you who happened to be here, but she’s brought it up many times before. I just don’t understand—why is she in such a hurry? Yan Tuo… has she ever pushed you?"
Yan Tuo shook his head.
Lin Ling was disappointed. "Then why… does she keep pushing me? This is gender inequality."
Yan Tuo found it both funny and exasperating. "Didn’t you hear her? Maybe it’s because I occasionally date someone, while you’ve shown no interest at all."
Lin Ling was also curious. "Why do your girlfriends never… last long?"
Yan Tuo gave a bitter smile. "Don’t you know what our family situation is like? We’re unlucky enough as it is—why drag others into it? Sometimes, it’s enough to put on a show so she knows you’re busy with ordinary things."
Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off about this.
"She’s brought it up many times? Always suggesting Lü Xian?"
Lin Ling nodded, then shook her head. "The first few times, it was someone else. This time, it was Lü Xian."
"Were the previous suggestions people close to her? Or outsiders?"
Lin Ling thought for a moment. "Outsiders, I think. It didn’t seem like she knew them well—some friend of Xiong Hei’s from business circles, or someone’s nephew from the company…"
As she spoke, she seemed to realize something, her heart growing uneasy. "Is there a problem?"
Yan Tuo said, "Yes. First, you’re still young. Second, after raising you all these years, a couple more years wouldn’t cost much. Why suddenly rush to marry you off? What does she gain from it? Surely not dowry money? Third, her tone just now wasn’t right."
When matchmaking fails, grumbling a bit is normal—there’s no need for real anger.
But in that moment, Lin Xirou’s face had darkened.
Lin Ling froze. With Yan Tuo’s words, the irritation she’d felt from being pushed into marriage now fermented into a chilling dread in her chest.
Suddenly fearful, she asked, "Yan Tuo, if I refuse again and she’s angry… would she force me? Someone’s been coming into my room at night… She wouldn’t arrange for someone to… you know, force the issue, would she?"
Her words grew disjointed, her body trembling with one shudder after another.
Yan Tuo wanted to say, "Surely not," but then reconsidered—it was unwise to hold any illusions about someone who wouldn’t hesitate to kill or burn.Still, he first comforted Lin Ling: "It's alright, at least for now. As for what comes later, we'll take it one step at a time."
However, Lin Ling was already terrified by her own imagination. After trembling for a while, she suddenly made up her mind and grabbed Yan Tuo's hand: "Yan Tuo, can you help me escape?"
Yan Tuo hadn't expected that his first reaction upon hearing this would be the urge to laugh.
What was going on lately? Why was everything falling on his shoulders?
He had to help rescue Jiang Baichuan, plant a tracker on Gou Ya, prevent anyone from investigating Chen Fu and Han Guan, properly settle Nie Jiuluo, figure out what those three Di Xiao at the farm were up to, and constantly navigate around Lin Xirou and Xiong Hei. And now, Lin Ling wanted him to help her escape...
He wanted to say something, but Lin Ling tightened her grip on his hand: "Really, Yan Tuo, I'm not joking. Before, I was afraid of everything, thinking I could just scrape by for a while. But today, I suddenly had this strong intuition—if I stay any longer, something terrible will happen to me. Yan Tuo, please help me. You're the only one I can rely on, really!"
Yan Tuo remained silent for a long while.
Seeing that he didn't respond, Lin Ling's face instantly turned pale. Her legs went weak, and she slowly slumped to the ground, still clutching his hand. Her mind buzzed with the thought that in this world, no one could truly be relied upon. When disaster struck, she could only depend on herself.
Why was she so alone? Where were her family? Her home? She couldn't count on home anymore. All she remembered about it were the big black pig, the gap in the earthen courtyard wall, and that framed black-and-white funeral portrait.
In a daze, she heard Yan Tuo's voice: "Lin Ling, get up."
Lin Ling tried to stand but had no strength left.
Yan Tuo spoke again: "This will take time to plan. We have to consider every angle. If we rush it, it won’t work."
Was there... hope?
Lin Ling didn’t know where she found the strength, but she suddenly stood up, grabbing the front of Yan Tuo’s shirt, laughing and crying at the same time: "You agreed, didn’t you? You’ll help me?"
Then she hugged him tightly, sniffling: "Yan Tuo, you’re so good. When we were kids, you always hit me—I thought you were a bad guy."
Yan Tuo was both exasperated and amused. After a pause, he lowered his head to look at Lin Ling’s face buried against his chest and patted her head.
Let them all leave.
At the bottom of this foul, muddy pit lay the bones of his family. He couldn’t leave.
But if even one could escape, that was something.
He whispered to Lin Ling: "Let me think of a way and find the right moment. For now, don’t oppose Aunt Lin. Pretend to obey, maybe even put on an act with Lü Xian. I’ll handle the rest."
Lin Ling nodded vigorously.
After settling Lin Ling, Yan Tuo went out, drove the car back to the villa, and carried the canvas bag containing Chen Fu upstairs, locking it in the storage room.
By the time he finished, it was already 2 a.m.
Despite the exhaustion and tension of the past few days, Yan Tuo still couldn’t sleep. He turned off the main light, leaving only the desk lamp on, and sat at the desk for a long time, trying to plan Lin Ling’s escape. But his mind was a tangled mess, torn between different matters.
After a while, he suddenly stood up, moved a stepping ladder to the bookshelf, climbed to the top, and shifted a stack of books aside to reach behind them.
The back panel of this shelf had a hidden compartment.Yan Tuo fumbled to remove the false compartment, withdrawing his hand to reveal a thick notebook clutched in his grip.
After settling back at the table, he placed the notebook squarely on the surface.
It was a hardcover notebook, roughly A5 in size, now worn with age. Back in the mid-90s, these had been all the rage—its pages alternating between pale purple and light green hues, each printed with delicate floral patterns that didn't interfere with writing.
When new, the pages would have emitted a faint fragrance, but after more than two decades, all that remained was the musty scent of aging paper.
Opening the cover, a tiny white booklouse scurried across the slightly yellowed title page, where several lines of elegant blue ink script read:
["Keep a diary—make it a lifelong habit. These are the droplets of life, the most vivid and brilliant memories when your hair turns white and time slips away."]
Signed: Lin Xirou.
Yan Tuo flipped casually to a random page.
March 12, 1997 / Wednesday / Sunny (Arbor Day)
Today is Arbor Day. On my way back from grocery shopping, I saw elementary school students carrying saplings up the mountain to plant trees under their teachers' guidance.
They say this year's tree planting is especially meaningful because of Hong Kong's return—they're calling them "reunification trees."
People are amusing creatures, bestowing so many grand titles upon trees. The trees don't know any of this; they just keep growing upward.
Today also marks the tenth day since I moved out with Xinxin.
Sometimes I wonder if I chose the wrong name for Xinxin. Her nickname is "Happy," but since her birth, I haven't had a single happy day.
What am I thinking? These are adult problems—what does my daughter have to do with it?
I miss Xiao Tuo. When I left home that day, Xiao Tuo was out playing with Li Shuangxiu. In my anger, I only took Xinxin with me. I wonder how Xiao Tuo has been these days—if he's eating well, sleeping soundly.
Thinking about it, Xiao Tuo is truly adorable. When Xinxin was first born and Xiao Tuo was brought to see her, I imagined a heartwarming scene of big brother meeting little sister.
Instead, Xiao Tuo frowned with obvious distaste.
After a long silence, he finally asked, "Mom, why is my sister so ugly?"
I laughed until my stomach hurt—literally, since I'd just given birth. I told him, "All newborns look like this. She'll get prettier as she grows."
Xiao Tuo clearly didn't believe me. A while later, he blurted out, "Mom, is my sister bald?"
I nearly laughed myself sick.
Such a silly boy. You'll understand when you have your own children—newborns naturally have very little hair.
In the evening, Da Shan called saying he wants to talk tomorrow.
Tomorrow it is then. I've bought the medicine. I'm ready.
I simply replied, "Come alone. This is between husband and wife. Bring her and see what happens."
March 14, 1997 / Friday / Light Rain
Yesterday was chaotic, everything was chaotic. Now that I have time today, I should write this down—after all, it was my first suicide attempt in this lifetime.
A fake one, of course.
Truth be told, I always thought infidelity would never happen to me. And even if it did, I believed I'd be decisive and unbothered, walking away without looking back.But when it came down to it, I realized I was especially unwilling. Min Juan also advised me, saying, "Why should you? After working so hard to build a family, with both a son and daughter, you just walk away and leave everything to those scoundrels? In the end, all you get is a moment of pride?"
She was right.
I finally understood why so many women, when faced with a third party, fight so fiercely—three words: unwillingness.
I asked Min Juan to take care of Xinxin for a day.
Earlier, I had bought a hundred sleeping pills. Half an hour before the time I agreed to meet Da Shan, I swallowed them. Da Shan has always been punctual, and for something this important, he shouldn’t be late.
Of course, even if he was late, I wasn’t afraid. I had notified Changxi to wait downstairs. If Da Shan hadn’t arrived by then, he was to come up and find me.
Changxi is a reliable, honest kid. I trusted him.
I just wanted to gamble. After so many years of marriage, Da Shan, would you save me or not? Is there really no affection left between us? If you could go through with it, then I’d be ready to give up, with no desire to salvage anything. After that, we could divide things as needed, and never have to deal with each other again.
...
A hundred pills were truly unbearable. The stomach pumping left me utterly miserable. As for suicide, I doubt I’ll attempt it again in this lifetime.
However, my constitution might be somewhat resistant to medication. When Da Shan entered, I hadn’t completely lost consciousness, so I heard every bit of his reaction.
When he desperately shook me, calling me "A Rou," when he frantically rushed out to call for help, when his tears fell on my hand—I didn’t think it was an act. It couldn’t have been faked.
...
When I woke up in the hospital, Da Shan was by the bedside, looking utterly haggard.
I asked him, "Da Shan, are we still going to make this work? Do you still want this family?"
Da Shan nodded vigorously, tears streaming down as he did.
I cried too. On the day I left home, he had shouted at me, "Lin Xirou, if you don’t want this anymore, just go!"
I said, "Then why did you do this? Why did you get involved with Li Shuangxiu?"
Da Shan didn’t answer at first. After a while, he suddenly grabbed my hand, his voice low and panicked, saying, "A Rou, do you believe me? If I tell you, will you believe me?"
I said, "Tell me first."
His voice trembling, he said, "A Rou, I don’t understand it either. It was like I was under a spell. Whatever she asked, I did. If she smiled at me, I forgot everything else, just wanting to please her. Looking back now, it sends chills down my spine—like... I wasn’t myself anymore."
My heart turned utterly cold.
I shook off his hand and said coldly, "Are you trying to say her charm is that great, or are you shifting all the blame onto her to make yourself seem innocent? Yan Huanshan, why don’t you just say you met a fox spirit from Strange Tales from a Chinese Studio and she bewitched you?"
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