Over at the guest quarters, chaos erupted as Seventh Lord returned from an argument to find Xiaoshu missing. He nearly tore Hongce apart, circling him while cursing, "Well? You hogged her, and now look what happened—she’s gone! Are you searching? Found anything yet? Where are your men? Bragged about walking on knife edges, but now they’re all limp noodles when it counts? You accuse me of lax household discipline, but what about you? Send everyone out! If they don’t find her, I’ll skin them alive!" He slapped his knees and sat down, wailing, "Our Shu'er has grown so beautiful now—if she falls into a Slave Trader’s hands, what chance does she have? Probably sold off as some concubine. A fine girl ruined by those filthy pigs... It cuts me like a knife... Ah, child, why didn’t you have better judgment? If you’d stayed with me, I’d have protected you..."
Hongce, already disoriented and frantic, grew impatient with Seventh Master’s incessant buzzing. He turned away, exhaled sharply, and ordered Ha Gang, "Deploy more men. Watch every slave market—not just Suifen River, but the surrounding camps and ditches too. And notify the garrison—strict checks on all movement. No one leaves Great Britain’s borders."
Seventh Lord slammed the table. "Now you’re in a hurry? Where were you earlier? You were the one with her, and now she’s missing. I’m holding you responsible—give me back my Xiaoshu!"
Hongce glared. "We went out together. Where were you then, Seventh Brother? Weren’t you the one who said more hands make lighter work? Too busy ice-skating with others, and now you’ve got the nerve to lecture me?"
Seventh Master choked on his retort, then muttered, "Who told her to stick with you? If she’d followed me to place bets, maybe she wouldn’t have been snatched." He turned away, grumbling bitterly, "Fate, I suppose. Her own fault for being blind. Plenty of whole men around, yet she picks a deaf one! If something happens, she can’t even scream for help—who’d hear her? A cripple like you should stay single. Dreaming of a wife? You’re just bringing harm!"
Everyone has their unspoken vulnerabilities. Already burning with guilt over losing her, Hongce couldn’t bear the taunts about his disability. His anger erupted. "Shut your mouth! I’m more desperate than you to find her. We love each other—what are you to her? Off playing like a fool, then blaming her for not joining your madness? Yes, I’m deaf. But who made me this way? Did I choose it? Who do I demand justice from for this?" Rage twisted his face, his body taut as a drawn bow. "If I can’t find her, I’ll rot in Ningguta. Seventh Brother, take a message back—consider me dead. As if I never existed!"
He stormed out, the curtain flapping violently behind him. He never wanted to see Hongtao again—what good was he besides complaining? Losing Dingyi left him in unbearable agony. His heart ached for a place to weep openly. All his life, he’d yearned to meet someone to cherish. Deprived of family love since childhood, he’d learned to mask his loneliness, never letting others see his sorrow. But heaven knew how hollow he felt inside.His world was silent, and he longed for someone who understood him to accompany him. Dingyi suffered, and so did he. Two kindred spirits could warm each other. Her arrival filled him with gratitude, and when he thought he had finally found stability, why must he endure so many hardships again? He hated himself for letting her be taken right under his nose. Would she ever forgive him? He was unreliable, a man of power who only knew how to issue commands. Without those servants at his beck and call, he was nothing. Just as Seventh Master had said, he was worthless. He had failed her.
Distraught, he stumbled into Dingyi’s bedroom, his legs weak and unsteady. Closing the door behind him, he slid down against the lattice frame and collapsed onto the floor. Hugging his knees, he buried his face in his arms, overwhelmed by a pain so immense it felt impossible to grasp or soothe. Where was she? Lu Yuan’s men had surrounded the Folk Dance Troupe and interrogated them all night, yet they had uncovered nothing. Frantic, he had ordered everyone detained, subjecting them to harsh interrogation. But most were utterly bewildered, and some couldn’t even remember what they had done earlier—likely drugged. Another dead end? Had this place already descended into such chaos? He punched the brick floor, his fury unspent, hammering blow after blow until the solid brick shattered into fragments. The shards embedded in his flesh, but he felt no pain—nothing could hurt more than losing her.
He sprang to his feet and called for Daiqin. “We can’t wait until the second day of the month. Tell Lu Yuan to close the net—arrest Soluntu and Yue Kundu one by one. Once they’re captured, have Daoqin bring them to me. Take my token and order the deputy commander to mobilize the garrison troops. Search every inch within a hundred-mile radius—dig three feet into the ground if you must, but find her. Notify the Jilin Ula Meile Zhangjing to assist in the investigation. Screen all travelers passing through, detain anyone suspicious… She must not leave this place. If we leave even a finger’s gap, she might be trafficked to foreign lands.”
Daiqin noticed his master’s distress but dared not speak further. He bowed in acknowledgment and withdrew to carry out the orders.
Returning to the table, he stared blankly at the oil lamp, his thoughts tangled and directionless. Why had she been taken? Was it mere trafficking, or was some unseen foe using her to threaten him? He pressed a hand to his forehead, his skin burning with fever, his mind restless. Without any trace of her, he was paralyzed. If she were truly lost, he didn’t know how much longer he could endure.
The flickering lamplight blurred his vision until the room seemed to spin, her image haunting him everywhere. In a daze, he dreamed of her return—drenched, her lips purple from cold, whispering pitifully, “I’m freezing.” His heart clenched as he rushed to embrace her, but the moment he touched her sleeve, she vanished. Standing empty-handed, the scene from the Suisu River resurfaced in his mind, still exhausting to recall even now.
A jolt of awareness woke him—dawn was near. Pushing open the window, he saw the faint blue light of morning on the horizon. He didn’t know how he had survived the night. Restless from waiting, he paced the room. Sha Tong entered with tea and pastries, bowing as he approached. “Master, you’ve waited all night. Your health won’t hold up. On such a cold day, an empty stomach won’t do. This servant found some cakes—please eat a little to warm yourself. You’ll need strength to carry on.”He shook his head, covering his face with a long sigh. "It's my fault. Seventh Lord was right—I'm useless, can't handle things, and have no blessings. I hate myself too. How could this have happened? A living person, gone in the blink of an eye..."
Sha Tong said, "Don't be so hard on yourself, my lord. Lord Ha and the others have already gone out. The entire Suifenhe area isn't that big, and there are troops stationed everywhere conducting searches. We’ll hear news sooner or later. Please try to stay calm, my lord. Seeing you like this pains this servant. Look, your eyes are red. Have some refreshments and rest on the kang for a while. I’ll keep watch outside for you. You must take care of yourself. When Miss Wen returns and sees you so haggard, she’ll be heartbroken."
Mention of her felt like needles pricking his heart. He closed his eyes, his usually upright posture now slightly hunched as he leaned against the windowsill.
"Prepare a team of men for me," he said, pointing outside. "I just remembered—she once told me that Yue Kundu behaved strangely. Maybe finding him will lead us to her."
Sha Tong hurriedly interjected, "Commander Dai has already taken men out, my lord—on your orders, to capture Soluntu and that Yue fellow. Don’t you remember?"
He let out a faint "oh" and took two steps back. "My head is spinning badly. I forgot." With nothing else to do, he began pacing in circles. Sha Tong was at a loss for how to advise him and could only follow closely, bending slightly. "My lord, doesn’t walking in circles make you dizzy? Please stop and rest for a while. Worrying won’t bring Miss Wen back any faster. We must take it slow. Ah, sit down, lie down—once that Yue fellow is caught, you’ll need to interrogate him personally."
After a long pause, he finally relented, moving slowly to the kang and collapsing onto it without even bending his knees. The loud thud made Sha Tong wince in sympathy for the back of his head.
Seeing his master like this, Sha Tong thought to himself how deeply the word "love" could wound a person. He stepped forward to open the kang cabinet and pull out a quilt for him. Though his master still seemed restless, at least his eyes were closed. Without a word, Sha Tong tiptoed out.
Half-asleep yet tense, he kept feeling as though she had returned—so vividly that he could even see her lifting the door curtain. Struggling awake, he found the room empty, leaving only desolation in his heart. Covering his eyes with the back of his hand and gripping the bedding tightly, he tossed and turned, unable to sleep again. After what felt like an eternity, the window paper gradually lightened, shifting between dim and bright. A faint shadow seemed to move outside, but he assumed it was another illusion. He dared not open his eyes, afraid it would vanish like a dream. Yet the shadow stopped by his kang, and icy fingertips touched his cheek.
He jolted awake, sitting up abruptly. Staring at the figure before him, he whispered in astonishment, "Dingyi? Is this a dream?"
She pressed a finger to his lips, then turned and sat on the edge of the kang, leaning closer. "It’s not a dream. I’m back. Earlier, I disguised myself in the Folk Dance Troupe to look for you, but I ended up going farther and farther away. It took some trouble to return." She pointed to the damp stains on her knees and pouted. "Look, even my skirt and shoes are soaked. I’m freezing." She nudged him. "Move over. Warm me up."After such an exhaustive search with no results, she had returned just like that, without alerting anyone outside? Hongce was puzzled, but he couldn't be bothered with that now—her return was all that mattered, and his heart finally settled. Yet he half-suspected this was a dream, dazedly shifting inward to make room for her on the bed. Watching her shed her outer garments, the delicate curve of her shoulders faintly visible beneath her underrobe, he felt at a loss but still reached out to welcome her.
Without any coyness, she slipped into his embrace like a serpent, as if already familiar with it, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. Taking a deep breath, she laughed softly, "So warm... I love your scent. Hongce, tell me, do I seem like some mountain spirit or wild phantom now?"
Her behavior was odd, but not quite supernatural. Regardless, she was already in his arms, and unsure how to vent the overwhelming emotions inside him, he flipped her onto her back, pressing his forehead to hers as tears welled in his eyes. "Where did you run off to? I nearly turned the Suifen River upside down. Do you know how I spent this night? Without you, I was going mad... I was going mad..." He kissed her frantically. "Never leave me again. Stay by my side, don’t go anywhere."
She placed a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him away without responding to his words. Turning slightly, she began undoing the gilded buttons on his mandarin jacket. "Why didn’t you undress before lying down? Sleeping in your clothes will give you a chill." Her voice softened. "I didn’t fare well either. I missed you too. I was terrified when I couldn’t find you—it was so dark outside, the land so vast, I couldn’t tell directions alone, so I wandered for so long... But I’m back now. I’m sorry, it was my fault. I was confused."
She kissed his earlobe, her warm body trembling faintly through the thin layers of fabric from nervousness. The first light of the new year filtered through the Korean paper on the window, casting a glow on her bright forehead. Gazing at him with more focus than ever, she asked, "When will we marry? I can’t wait any longer."
His heart pounded violently, a sheen of sweat forming on his face as he struggled to maintain composure. "Once we return to the capital, I’ll submit a petition. I’ll marry you properly, with all due rites."
She pressed her lips together in a smile. "Truly, a proper marriage?"
He nodded firmly. "Absolutely."
She sighed deeply. "Your words alone are enough for me. After drifting for over a decade, I can finally have a home. My heart is so glad." Tracing his features with her fingers, she committed every detail to memory. As she did, tears welled up, and she quickly turned her face away, burying them into the armrest pillow.
He held her close, growing anxious when he couldn’t see her expression. Everything felt like a dream—hazy yet undeniably real. Finding her hand, he interlaced their fingers and squeezed tightly. "What’s wrong? Did something happen last night? We have a lifetime ahead—don’t hide anything from me. Did I disappoint you yesterday? From now on, I’ll be more careful. I’ll never let you be alone again."
She shook her head, her hair brushing against his cheek, tickling him. After a pause, she said, "It was just an accident. There won’t be a next time. You don’t know—when we were separated, I felt like my whole life was ruined. I kept wondering if you’d marry someone else someday. If I were lost and returned one day, only to stand at a street corner watching a grand bridal procession enter your home... Truthfully, you deserve someone better. As long as she respects and loves you, I wouldn’t be jealous.""What nonsense are you talking about?" he chided her in a low voice. "If you were lost, I would still submit a memorial—the position of Princess Consort will always be reserved for you. I'll wait for you to return, because I know you will. You couldn't bear to leave me."
She laughed, unable to discern whether her smile held joy or sorrow. "I don't see it that way. If I don't return, I hope you'll forget me. Life is so long—you should find a companion to take care of you. There are plenty of brilliant and clever girls in this world. Someone of your noble standing ought to marry into a family of equal status. A powerful father-in-law would be a great support to you... Then someday, when you're sitting under a big tree enjoying the shade, and you suddenly remember there was once a girl disguised as a boy who crossed paths with you—that would be enough to make my love for you worthwhile."
His alarm grew as he searched her face for answers. "What's wrong with you? Why do you keep saying such strange things?"
She fell silent. She couldn't go back on her promise to Third Brother. She trusted the Twelfth Master, but Rujian didn't—she couldn't risk the life of her last remaining brother.
"I'm just too afraid, overthinking things, rambling nonsense. Don't take it to heart." She smoothed the hair at his temples, over and over, never tiring of it. "Apart from you, the person closest to me is my master. After we marry, will you take care of him for me?"
He agreed without hesitation. "Of course. The old man has worked hard—we'll repay his kindness over the years and ensure he wants for nothing in his old age."
She nodded with a smile. If that was settled, then there was nothing left to worry about. She herself didn't matter—as long as everyone else was well, there was nothing she wouldn't sacrifice.
Pressed this close, a woman's body and a man's body were each a half-circle; only when joined could they become whole. The beauty and trembling of their first time could be remembered for a lifetime—she just hadn't expected it to happen here. In this inn at the border town, she had poured out all her joy, hesitation, and sorrow.
The morning light shifted, dancing onto his shoulders. Tears streamed down her face as she pressed her lips to his neck between sobs. "Hongce, don't be sad..."
Author's Note: This is the scene , this is the scene , this is the scene ... brainwashing myself endlessly →_→
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