Bei Yao tilted her head hesitantly. "Pei Chuan?"
Pei Chuan's heart sank. In that instant, his mind instinctively conjured the best solution—he could call out any other name. After all, an act like kissing someone's fingers was far too inappropriate for mere childhood companions.
Bei Yao had never known about the impure thoughts he'd once harbored. Today, if he just casually called out another name, she would understand he was drunk.
But though his lips parted, he found himself unable to utter anyone else's name.
Squinting through hazy eyes, he took one last look at Bei Yao before collapsing onto the table.
Bei Yao instinctively wiped the spot his lips had touched, glancing at him with conflicted emotions. Was it just her imagination?
But ever since growing up, Pei Chuan clearly hadn't been close to her at all. The entire evening, he hadn't even looked at her, instead smiling and talking with another girl.
What was that girl's name again... Wei Wan. Yes, Wei Wan.
All these years, Bei Yao had never managed to teach him how to smile. Around her, he was always "Unhappy Pei," yet he smiled around others. He must really like that girl named Wei Wan, Bei Yao thought. In this year when Pei Chuan first discovered romance, the first person he'd fallen for turned out to be that girl named Wei Wan.
He must have mistaken her for Wei Wan.
"Sorry to disappoint you," she said softly with a smile. "I'm Bei Yao."
The young man's fingers on the table trembled slightly.
The summer breeze drifted through the curtains as Bei Yao saw that Pei Chuan had fallen into deep sleep. She tiptoed to the lobby to look for a server.
The server recognized her and asked with a smile, "Is your friend alright?"
Bei Yao nodded. "Thank you for the hangover soup."
"You're welcome, it's my pleasure."
Bei Yao hadn't left earlier but had gone to the lobby to get hangover soup. Unfortunately, while there was plenty of "Allure World" alcohol, the hangover soup took time to prepare. It was only with this server's help that it could be made.
Bei Yao said, "I know this might be presumptuous to ask, but could I borrow an air-conditioner blanket?"
～
After Bei Yao brought the blanket and covered Pei Chuan with it, she tiptoed away again.
She didn't know where he lived now, and with her limited means, she didn't know where to take Pei Chuan. He had become a stranger, and probably didn't want her around anymore. Bei Yao knew Allure World could provide him with good care. This was all she could do for him.
When Bei Yao went downstairs, Shi Tian was waiting leisurely for her in the lobby.
"Thank you for waiting, senior."
Shi Tian waved her hand. "No problem. It's my responsibility to get you all back safely. Let's go back, it's already dark."
Eight o'clock sharp.
A staff member knocked on the door. Pei Chuan said, "Come in."
The server saw that the room was lit by a warm lamp. Pei Chuan held the air-conditioner blanket in his hands, his gaze directed out the window.
"Would you like to rest at Allure World?"
"No, I'm leaving now." Pei Chuan paused. "Put this on my tab."
He left with the thin blanket.
The summer city carried a slight chill. Pei Chuan took a taxi back to his current apartment. He took out his keys and opened the door to complete darkness, the space devoid of any human presence. Pei Chuan was used to it by now. He turned on the lights and headed to the bathroom for a shower.
As water streamed over his head, he remembered her scent.
A sixteen or seventeen-year-old youth was at the peak of his vitality.
He could control his actions, but not his physical reactions. Pei Chuan pressed his lips tightly together, unwilling to think about her in his heart.He knew he was disgusting—even thinking about it felt like a defilement.
He turned the water temperature lower, trying to clear his mind and think of other things.
Pei Chuan slept under the covers all night.
The next morning, he rubbed his slightly aching forehead and silently tossed the soiled pants into the washing machine.
Leaning against the machine, fully sobered up, he stared at the air-conditioned quilt in the living room, his eyes tinged with self-loathing.
He remembered what he had done last night—he must have frightened her, hadn’t he?
Yet even though he knew such fantasies were repulsive, he couldn’t control his physical reactions.
~
The sweltering heat of July hung in the air, and final exams were just around the corner. Pei Chuan sauntered lazily into the classroom, a hint of drowsy weariness in his expression, hands tucked into his pockets. It was already past nine in the morning—he was ridiculously late.
At that moment, the English teacher was in the middle of her lesson and shot him a look of disdain.
Jin Ziyang, however, was delighted. "Brother Chuan, over here! Let’s play some games."
Pei Chuan gave a casual acknowledgment and took a seat beside him.
Zheng Hang, sitting in the front row, muttered under his breath, "Did Brother Chuan stay up late coding again last night?"
His deskmate, Ji Wei, adjusted his glasses and replied quietly, "Most likely."
Pei Chuan and Jin Ziyang casually played a couple of rounds of games until class ended. Just then, the English class representative came by to collect the in-class assignments.
The English class representative was a petite girl with a few freckles on her face. She made her way over to Pei Chuan and the others. "Hand in your assignments."
Jin Ziyang grinned cheekily. "Xiong Jingru, what assignment are we talking about?"
Xiong Jingru, the English class representative, replied, "The one the teacher assigned during class, due right after. If you don’t hand it in, I’ll have to mark your names as usual."
Jin Ziyang clutched his chest dramatically. "Oh no, I’m so scared, what should I do?"
Zheng Hang laughed and cursed under his breath.
He patted his deskmate Ji Wei’s shoulder. "Discipline Committee, Discipline Committee, your turn."
Ji Wei methodically pulled out his own assignment and handed it to Xiong Jingru, then proceeded to submit three more on behalf of the others. Just as Xiong Jingru was about to take them, Ji Wei said, "Wait, they’re not named."
He took them back and carefully wrote "Pei Chuan, Jin Ziyang, Zheng Hang, Ji Wei" on each one.
Xiong Jingru: "..."
Jin Ziyang slung an arm over Ji Wei’s shoulder from behind. "Well done, Brother Wei."
Ji Wei brushed his hand off sternly. "I’ve told you so many times not to call me that."
"Brother Wei, you work so hard, but your grades are only slightly better than mine. Your family’s rich—why not just relax and have fun? You don’t have the talent for it anyway."
Ji Wei ignored Jin Ziyang. He simply loved studying and immediately buried himself in reviewing physics.
No. 3 High School was pragmatic—seating was assigned based on grades. That was how Ji Wei, who was passionate about learning, ended up sitting with them. After finishing a complex programming task the night before, Pei Chuan felt a bit lightheaded. Without hesitation, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his desk and lit one.
Liu Yan, a girl in the front row, remarked, "He’s so bold. The principal has been making rounds lately."
Another girl added, "He’s not afraid of getting reported." Then she lowered her voice. "I heard Pei Chuan was admitted to No. 3 High School through a recommendation."
Liu Yan gasped in surprise. "Is that true?"
"Who knows? It’s just a rumor."
Hearing this, Wei Wan’s expression shifted slightly, and she turned to look at Pei Chuan.Under the fan, the boy was biting a cigarette and playing games on his phone with Jin Ziyang. He sat with his legs crossed, eyes lowered, exuding an unrestrained demeanor. Wei Wan knew her family was only moderately well-off, and these boys weren’t afraid of having their phones confiscated—if one got taken, they’d just buy another that same day.
Moreover, Zheng Hang’s mother was the vice principal, so even if this group accumulated countless demerits, they would never be expelled from school.
Wei Wan had liked Pei Chuan for a long time. Among the boys, he was the most aloof, but sometimes that aloofness was the most captivating.
Wei Wan also knew that, although Jin Ziyang was the most flirtatious with his words, it was actually Zheng Hang who had real feelings for her.
Wei Wan tapped on the phone she had secretly brought and walked over, first addressing Zheng Hang: "I heard there’s a really fun summer camp activity during the break. Do you all want to join?"
She pulled up the activity registration page on her phone.
Zheng Hang glanced at her discreetly: "I’m in. How about the rest of you?"
Jin Ziyang said, "Let me see."
On the screen, it read: "Midsummer August, join the 'Youth Adventure Summer Camp.'"
Below were images of a lake, fishing, and a simulated primitive forest.
It could be said to be quite thrilling and perfectly suited to boys’ tastes.
Jin Ziyang said, "This looks pretty good, and we’re bored anyway." He handed the phone to Pei Chuan, whose eyes briefly concealed a flicker of impatience. Just as he was about to decline, he caught sight of a random notification on Wei Wan’s phone.
Pei Chuan’s pupils contracted slightly, and he froze for a couple of seconds.
He said, "I’ll think about it."
The fact that Pei Chuan didn’t outright refuse was already an unexpected delight for Wei Wan. She smiled in response, took her phone back, and left.
After she was gone, Pei Chuan hesitated for a moment, then searched for the news headline he had glimpsed.
"Disabled man’s wedding."
A headline popped up.
It included a video.
Pei Chuan muted the sound and clicked on it.
A thirty-year-old Mr. Zhang was kissing his bride.
His bride was a gentle and graceful woman. Amid the cheers and blessings of relatives present, Mr. Zhang sweetly kissed his wife’s lips.
The bride reached out to wrap her arms around the groom’s waist, but he couldn’t embrace his beloved in return—he had no arms.
Pei Chuan’s grip on his phone tightened.
"What are you looking at, Chuan?" Jin Ziyang leaned in. "Huh? Someone’s wedding? What’s so interesting about that? …Hey, that guy has no arms!"
Under the suit jacket, the sleeves hung empty.
Jin Ziyang’s loud voice made Zheng Hang turn around: "Let me see… That’s pretty interesting."
Pei Chuan turned off his phone and remained distracted for the rest of the morning.
A long time later, just before school ended, he suddenly asked Jin Ziyang in a low voice, "Why would that woman marry him? He has no arms."
He couldn’t even hug her properly.
Jin Ziyang didn’t overthink it: "Because of love, I guess. Look, the news said the guy has no money—he even borrowed to pay for the wedding. It’s not like she could be after anything else."
Pei Chuan sneered, "Would anyone marry a cripple without wanting something in return?"
Before Jin Ziyang could respond, Ji Wei, who was copying homework for all four of them in the front row, turned around: "'I ask, what is love, that it makes lovers vow to stay together till death?' Have you heard of the 'Ladder of Love'? An old man spent 50 years carving a ladder into a cliff with his bare hands, just to be with a woman over ten years his senior. There are good women in this world—they can embrace flaws and shortcomings."
Jin Ziyang said, "Dude, just talk normally. Reciting poetry is so cringey."
"…"
The boys all shuddered in disgust, but Pei Chuan remained silent.
At around ten years old, very few people believed in love.In an age of hormonal restlessness, yet everyone yearns for love.
After that day, that news lingered like an inescapable thought, persistently surfacing in Pei Chuan's mind.
It faintly overshadowed the memory that had initially made him decide to stay completely away from Bei Yao.
His first understanding of love and intimacy came from a TV drama on a color television back in middle school. A man and a woman took off their clothes and rolled together.
It was then that Pei Chuan first realized that two people living together was far more complicated than just coexisting.
A normal married life required complete openness with each other.
But his severed limb—the very one that even his mother feared enough to have nightmares about—doomed him never to expose his imperfection to anyone again in this lifetime.
He would make her feel disgusted.
So disgusted that she would leave, just like the familial affection he had once craved, which had unraveled thread by thread until nothing remained.
Yet, in this very year when he had sunk completely into the mire, he came across such a piece of news in 2005.
It turned out that even a cripple like him had a lucky chance at happiness.
Even if it was one in a million.
Pei Chuan suddenly recalled his kindergarten days, when he gave up having a deskmate, and Bei Yao ended up sitting with Fang Minjun.
By first grade, he had resorted to despicable means to make Bei Yao sit with him for six years.
Late at night, unable to sleep, Pei Chuan smoked an entire pack of cigarettes. Some things, if not fought for, would never be obtained in a lifetime.
And other things—through unscrupulous methods, deception, seduction, all sorts of despicable acts—could allow the schemer to get what they wanted.
Before him lay a tremendous temptation.
This year, she still understood nothing—a gentle, kind-hearted little fool who had yet to fall in love with anyone. Should he let her go out of gratitude for her years of care, or yield to his desire and use underhanded means to pluck her from the branch?
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