Chapter 216: For You
The moonlight illuminated the snowy ground, and in the shifting light and shadow, the two stood facing each other.
There was no need to hide anymore.
He Yan’s gaze fell on the Drink Autumn Sword in her hand. Only now did she realize how heavy the longsword truly was—so heavy that holding it felt almost unbearable.
“When did you find out?” she asked softly.
“I found He Wanru’s wet nurse,” Xiao Jue replied.
He Yan abruptly looked up at him.
His expression remained as calm as ever, as though he were speaking of something trivial. A myriad of complex emotions surged within her—sourness, panic, tension—all eventually dissolving into a sigh of relief.
“I’m sorry,” He Yan said, trying to sound as lighthearted as possible. “I didn’t mean to deceive you.”
But why she had deceived him—even she couldn’t offer a convincing reason.
Xiao Jue bent down to pick up the two broken halves of the sword on the ground. Moments ago, the longsword in his hand had been sliced in two by He Yan’s Drink Autumn.
He Yan watched his movements quietly, waiting until he straightened up before asking, “Do you know everything now?”
“Almost,” Xiao Jue replied, his gaze clear and indifferent. “You are Xu Zhiheng’s deceased wife, and also the masked He Rufei.”
The words “deceased wife” struck He Yan like a blow, as if her most carefully guarded secret had been exposed, leaving her feeling inexplicably disheveled. Throughout her life, she had always charged forward fearlessly, even in the face of thousands on the battlefield. Yet, in this moment, facing this person, she felt the urge to retreat.
But she couldn’t run away. Since she had been discovered, she had to face it—whether it was the past filled with schemes and calculations or the uncertain future.
“That’s right,” He Yan said. “I am He Yan, and I am also He Rufei, your classmate.”
Xiao Jue’s eyes flickered slightly. After a moment, he asked, “Why did you become the daughter of the city gate captain?”
“If you’ve already found Nanny Qin, you should know how I died.” He Yan let out a bitter laugh and looked toward the icicles hanging from a nearby tree. They hung in clusters from the branches like frozen teardrops. “After I died, when I woke up again, I was already this ‘He Yan.’”
“Perhaps the heavens pitied me and gave me another chance,” He Yan shrugged. “Even if I spoke of such supernatural things, no one would believe me. Some might even think I was talking nonsense. But since you’ve found me, I suppose you already believe it.”
“Why did you switch identities with He Rufei?”
He Yan was momentarily stunned. Her usually bright eyes now seemed veiled in mist, tinged with confusion.
“Xiao Jue, no one can decide their fate at birth. I was no different. From the moment I could remember, I was already ‘He Rufei,’” she said slowly. “All I knew was that my elder brother wouldn’t live long. If I didn’t become ‘He Rufei,’ the He family’s noble title would be revoked. So, I had to live as ‘He Rufei’ for the rest of my life.”"However, I was too young at that time to submit to such a fate, so I left the He family and joined the Pacify Yue Army. I earned military merits and received rewards. I never expected that my elder brother, who was destined to die young, did not perish but instead remained safe and healthy. So when I returned to the capital, everything returned to its rightful place. He resumed being He Rufei, and I resumed being He Yan. That was fine."
There was nothing wrong with that. Although at the time, I felt somewhat aggrieved, this was already the best outcome imaginable. Both He Rufei and He Yan were able to withdraw unscathed.
He Yan tilted her head slightly upward, as if forcing back the glimmer of tears. She smiled and said, "He Rufei is the renowned Flying Goose General, while the second young lady of the He family is merely a sickly invalid. When the time came, she could use He Rufei's reputation to secure a suitable marriage. Originally, the matter should have ended there."
"Perhaps they feared I might reveal the truth and implicate the entire He family, so they didn’t trust me. That’s why, after that, they took my life." He Yan let out a self-deprecating laugh. "This should also be heaven’s punishment for me."
Those who resist fate are ultimately erased by it. If she had obediently remained in the He family as "He Rufei," never going to the battlefield, never striving for military achievements, never becoming the Flying Goose General, perhaps when the time came for her and He Rufei to return to their rightful places, she wouldn’t have lost her life.
But...
If someone were to ask whether, if time could be reversed and she had the chance to choose again, she would still leave the He family, He Yan thought she probably would. It was precisely because she took a path completely different from her predetermined fate that she discovered the vastness and grandeur of the world, the warmth and vibrancy of life, so unlike the confinement of the inner courtyards.
"Your eyes..."
"The He family blinded them," He Yan interrupted him. "But they probably never expected that I could live perfectly well without my eyes later on. All thanks to you." She smiled faintly. "I remembered what you said to me behind Jade Splendor Temple that day. Even if I were to be blind, I would be the most extraordinary blind person."
Xiao Jue’s breathing grew slightly heavier.
His words had undoubtedly wounded He Yan. If He Yan had simply remained blind, perhaps she could have survived once she no longer posed a threat to the He family. It was precisely her refusal to accept her fate that made the He family uneasy again, ultimately leading to her death.
"Xiao Jue, you mustn’t blame yourself," He Yan seemed to read his thoughts. "I don’t regret the choices I made back then. If I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t have had the courage to live. Long before that Mid-Autumn night at Jade Splendor Temple, there should have been no 'He Yan' left in this world."
Fate is cruel, yet also mysterious. Every seemingly casual choice leads to unpredictable outcomes. Now she had become He Sui’s daughter, no longer blind, and old acquaintances appeared before her one by one. It was hard to say whether there was more regret or more relief."I am He Yan, and I am also He Rufei." She smiled faintly. "When I first woke up, I stumbled into the new recruit camp of the Liangzhou Guard by accident. When I told you I wanted to achieve great deeds, it wasn't a lie—because only by reaching the same height as He Rufei could I expose his lies. My own life doesn't matter much, but because of me, He Rufei caused the deaths of many innocent people. That is unforgivable. What he owes me, I will take back myself."
"Now that I have become the Marquis of Wu'an, I have gained the ability to oppose him. What I plan to do next is exactly that. I'm sorry, Xiao Jue. I didn't mean to deceive you intentionally. It's just that some things, when spoken aloud, sound absurd. Perhaps I was too cowardly, unsure of how to face you."
"You've been lying to me all along," he said.
He Yan's fingers curled slightly as she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."
"Was your affection for me also a lie?" he asked.
He Yan suddenly looked up. He stood in the wind, tall and straight, unchanged from the past, yet it felt as if they had returned to the beginning—an unreachable distance.
"No."
Xiao Jue stared at her indifferently.
"I didn't lie to you," He Yan paused, swallowing the bitterness in her throat before continuing. "When I was He Rufei at the Virtuous Prosperity Academy, you took great care of me, applying medicine for me and guiding me in swordsmanship. In this life as He Yan, you have always protected me."
"You always appear when I'm in danger, Xiao Jue. I liked you before, and now, I like you even more."
Once the words were spoken, it felt as if all her worries had vanished. He Yan knew very well that Xiao Jue despised betrayal and deception, a sentiment rooted in the troubles his family had faced. That was why, back in the Liangzhou Guard, he had been so sensitive upon discovering she had disguised herself as a man. And now, with an even greater secret exposed, to Xiao Jue, their entire encounter had been nothing but a lie from the start.
She had no right to ask for his forgiveness.
"I am not the real eldest daughter of the He family," she took a deep breath, forcing a lighthearted smile. "I never intended to drag you into this. Originally, I only wanted to achieve great deeds in the Liangzhou Guard and become your capable aide. I never imagined things would come to this between us. The Emperor has decreed our marriage, and we cannot defy his order, but... but..." She looked at Xiao Jue. "You don't have to take this marriage seriously. Just treat it as a partnership. If, in the future, you meet a woman you truly care for, I will explain to her that our relationship is merely a pretense. When the time is right, if you wish to annul the marriage or divorce me, it won't matter."
Xiao Jue's eyes turned cold as he slowly retorted, "Divorce you?"
He Yan pretended to sigh with indifference. "Honestly, marriage isn't all that interesting. Don't be fooled by Yan Nanguang's joy into thinking marriage has many benefits. I've been married before, and if I think about it, I was happier before I married. Perhaps I'm just better off alone. Both of my marriages have been unfortunate," she joked. "After you divorce me and I settle all my grudges, I'll roam the world alone on horseback, free from the ordinary life of a woman confined to a household. Wouldn't that be better? It's just a pity for you," she seemed genuinely concerned for Xiao Jue, "to have your own marriage prospects hindered for no reason."Xiao Jue said coldly, "He Yan."
"Don't look so angry," He Yan laughed. "I should be the one who's upset. I finally managed to deceive my way into a marriage, only to be exposed now. Fortunately, I'm a person with an exceptionally broad mind, always able to see things in a positive light. After today, let's just be ordinary classmates. Xiao Jue," she spoke earnestly, word by word, "thank you, both in the past and now."
Her smile was relaxed, as if she didn't care at all, like the carefree young man in Liangzhou Guard. However, only He Yan herself knew that every word she spoke felt like a knife cutting into her heart.
She liked someone so much, had gone through so much with this person. Xiao Jue had given her warmth and affection she had never experienced before. She thought she had grasped the moon, but in reality, she had only caught its reflection in the water. Now, the dream had ended, and she should return to her own path.
In matters of the heart, one must avoid greed. If not for that bit of greed, perhaps parting now wouldn't be so painful.
He Yan put on a big smile, thought for a moment, and reached out to Xiao Jue. "Here, this is your Drink Autumn. I'm returning it to its rightful owner."
The young man didn't move. His beautiful eyes fixed on her, swirling with emotions He Yan couldn't understand. The next moment, he strode forward as He Yan handed Drink Autumn back to him.
He didn't take the sword.
Instead, that hand grabbed He Yan's arm, gently pulling her into his embrace.
He Yan was startled. Beneath the seemingly cold black robe was an incredibly warm embrace. Like the fiercest general, he possessed the softest heart.
"Xiao Jue, you..."
Leaning against his chest, He Yan could hear his clear, strong heartbeat, more intense than ever before, as if revealing the young man's hidden feelings. She looked up and saw Xiao Jue's chin. One of his hands rested on her waist, pressing her head against his chest, as if to comfort her, yet also as if afraid she might escape—a gentle restraint.
"I'm sorry."
"What?"
The young man's voice was restrained, hoarse and low. "For not recognizing you sooner."
In an instant, He Yan's eyes welled up with tears.
For so long, it felt as though she had been walking alone in the dark for a very long time. No one had noticed her existence, and no one cared about her joys or sorrows. No one apologized, no one cheered. Happiness or sadness, beginnings or endings—they were all her own story.
Until one day, someone discovered her.
The only person in this world, her light, the source of all her brilliance.
"Hey," she tried to lighten the mood, "Xiao Huaijin, if you keep this up, I won't be able to let go."
But he held her even tighter, whispering in her ear, "I've missed you twice."
"This time, I won't miss you again."
He Yan was stunned.
She broke free from his embrace and looked at him in astonishment. "I'm not the eldest Miss He. I'm He Yan."
"I know."
"I deceived you, from my past life until now."
"I know."
"I've already been married," she said, as if struggling to speak. "Xiao Jue, even so, do you still feel the same as before?"She did not believe that being married once made her inferior. There were so many divorced women in the world, whether abandoned or not, who were no worse than others. It was merely a matter of misfortune or being forced into a wrong marriage, which did not hinder their right to happiness.
But it turned out that when facing someone they truly liked, even a fairy would secretly worry about whether they were a good match. Joy makes one timid, and timidity makes one humble. Moreover… she had received too little love, with even affirmation being scarce.
Under the night sky, the young man’s gaze was as clear as autumn water, stripped of all coldness and mockery, warm beyond belief.
Xiao Jue smiled slightly. "Why are you so lacking in confidence? Even if you’ve been married before, in my eyes, you’re just a girl."
He leaned in slightly, looking into her eyes.
"What does being the Flying Goose General matter? I came only for He Yan."
(End of Chapter)
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