Legend of the Female General

Chapter 148: Gazing at the Moon

On the way back, He Yan kept glancing at the flower basket in Chu Zhao’s hands.

The basket looked quite beautiful. The vendor had taken special care in writing the characters for “Zi Lan,” and the elegant, refined strokes of the calligraphy complemented the fragrant flowers inside perfectly.

“Brother Chu, you must eat this as soon as you get back,” He Yan said. “Otherwise, with Jiyang’s weather, it will melt quickly.” She had bought one shaped like a qilin herself and had already finished it. “I’ve tasted it—it’s quite good and not too sweet.”

Chu Zhao smiled gently. “Thank you, Ah He. I’ll be very careful with it when I get back.”

Only then did He Yan feel reassured.

After buying the sugar paintings, they walked back along the riverbank. During a lull in the conversation, He Yan brought up Xu Zhiheng.

“Brother Chu, how was your friend’s wedding banquet when you went back last time? Was it lively?”

Chu Zhao paused briefly before replying with a smile, “Yes, it was very lively. After all, it was the Flying Goose General’s sister, and the Crown Prince even attended in person to offer his congratulations.”

This made He Yan suspicious. The Crown Prince? Did he attend Xu Zhiheng’s wedding for Xu Zhiheng’s sake, for He Rufei’s sake, or perhaps both? Was the Crown Prince also involved in the conspiracy between the He and Xu families? Could it be that he also knew her true identity?

“However…” Chu Zhao sighed. “Master Xu seemed deeply devoted to his late wife. He even shed tears during the wedding banquet.”

He Yan exclaimed, “What?”

Perhaps her disbelief was written all over her face, as Chu Zhao found it both amusing and puzzling. “What’s wrong? Do you not believe there are devoted men in this world?”

He Yan thought to herself that of course she believed there were devoted men in the world. Take her current father, He Sui, for example. After his wife passed away, he raised their two children alone. Despite the eldest Miss He’s spoiled nature, He Sui doted on her because she resembled his late wife, showing that there were indeed men in the world who were deeply and unwaveringly devoted. But such a person could be anyone—except Xu Zhiheng.

“It’s not that I don’t believe it,” He Yan said, masking the mockery in her eyes. “It’s just that if he acted that way, wouldn’t his newlywed wife be upset?”

“The current Madam Xu is a kind and pure-hearted person. When she saw Master Xu’s sorrow, her own eyes welled up with tears,” Chu Zhao explained. “Not only was she not upset, but she empathized deeply with him. This moved the Flying Goose General and the other members of the He family greatly. So, while the banquet was lively, it was also tinged with sadness.”

He Yan felt that among all the jokes she had heard this year, the one Chu Zhao had just told was the funniest. The He family grieving for her? Even the pigs in the pigsty would feel their intelligence insulted if they heard that. Yet, judging by Chu Zhao’s expression, it seemed most people believed it.

They had already committed their evil deeds, yet they still put on a pitiful, tearful act, pretending to be rare paragons of loyalty and righteousness in the world. It was truly nauseating.

“Ah He, you don’t seem to agree with what I said?” Chu Zhao noticed her expression.

He Yan smiled. “It’s nothing. I just think this Master Xu is quite interesting.”

“What do you mean by that?”"If it were truly deep affection, an enduring longing for his deceased wife, even if it were an imperial decree bestowing marriage, he could still have refused if he wished. After all, he is a man," He Yan scoffed lightly. "For a woman, being unable to decide her own marriage is commonplace. Brother Chu, have you ever heard of a young master who forces himself upon others, a tyrant who compels the virtuous into prostitution, or a beastly father who sells his daughter for glory? But have you ever heard of a woman who does such things?"

"From what you just said, Brother Chu, that Master Xu seems more like a helpless maiden forced into marriage, while the newly wed Madam Xu appears to be the villain who compelled him to marry her. What does this mean? If he did not wish to marry, no one could drag him to the wedding hall. If he did not wish to consummate the marriage, could Madam Xu have forced herself upon him? The marriage is already done, yet he remains obsessed with his 'deceased wife.' How is the new Madam Xu supposed to carry on? I find this rather unfair to her, and your friend seems somewhat hypocritical."

She spoke without reservation. He Xinying was her own sister, born of the same parents. Even though she despised the He family, He Xinying had never done anything to harm her. He Yan could neither love nor hate her; she could only treat her as a stranger.

Any clear-minded person hearing this would think Xu Zhiheng was more at fault. The He family had already ruined one life, and now they were sending in another sacrifice.

How cold-blooded, utterly absurd.

Chu Zhao was stunned for a moment, then suddenly laughed. He stopped walking and cupped his hands in salute to He Yan. "It was my narrow-mindedness. Or perhaps, as a woman, Brother He can empathize with the female perspective."

"It’s simply that no one ever thinks to stand in their shoes."

"A-He is very different from ordinary women."

He Yan looked at her. "How so?"

Chu Zhao continued walking forward, his voice still gentle. "Most women, even when faced with such predicaments, have long grown numb and indifferent, not pondering as deeply as A-He does. A-He may worry for them now, but it’s quite possible they are content in their circumstances and might even resent you for meddling."

He Yan smiled. "Brother Chu, your words sound rather condescending."

Chu Zhao’s smile faltered. "Why do you say that?"

"The court is a man’s court, the affairs of the world are men’s affairs. Even in studies and on the battlefield, men alone claim the glory. The world praises men as heroes, while women are praised, at best, as beauties. How unjust is that? Men have taken every advantage in this world, yet they turn around and blame women for being numb-minded and lacking ambition. Isn’t that condescending?"

"You think I’m different from ordinary women because I’ve read books, stepped beyond the household gates, and even defied convention by joining the military. There aren’t many women like me in the world. But if you allowed those women to see what I have seen—the snow of Liangzhou Guard, the waters of Jiyang City, the moon over the vast desert, the rivers, seas, and mountains—do you think they would still be content to be trapped in households consumed by petty rivalries? Would they still be smug, numb, and ignorant?"He Yan smiled, and at that moment, her smile carried a hint of mockery, somewhat resembling Xiao Jue’s: "I think men in this world are precisely worried about this, so they’ve set up all sorts of absurd rules to bind women, using the Three Bonds and Five Constants to clip their wings, and judging them with those baseless standards of ‘virtuous wives and beautiful women.’ The more ignorant women are, the more at ease men feel. Even though it’s entirely their doing, they still say, ‘Look, how shallow women are!’"

"Because they also know that once women have the opportunity to ‘choose,’ they would never willingly become a vase in the inner chambers, waiting for their husbands to feed them. Those outstanding women would become generals, knights-errant, scholars, or advisors, competing with men for the world’s glory—and men might not even win."

The girl’s eyes were as clear as the spring waters of Jiyang City, transparent and lucid, seeing everything distinctly, pure and bright, as if they could reflect the most brilliant sunlight.

Chu Zhao was momentarily stunned. Usually eloquent and adept at avoiding awkward situations, he now found himself at a loss for words. It seemed that no matter what he said, he couldn’t refute the person before him. Though it was laughable, overconfident, and naively righteous to the point of being annoying, it still reflected one’s own shadow, leaving no room for darkness to hide.

He Yan’s heart was also unsettled.

Pretending to be "He Rufei," though it brought her much suffering, also allowed her to witness scenes that many women would never see in their lifetimes. If she hadn’t pretended to be "He Rufei," she wouldn’t have known how much more men could do compared to women. If you had literary talent, you could become a learned scholar; if you had exceptional martial skills, you could become a general with remarkable military achievements. Even if you were average in everything, you could still be the most ordinary person on the streets. To put it bluntly, even in Letong Manor, women were the gamblers and prostitutes, while men were the gamblers.

It was only after she later became "Madam Xu," having experienced life as both a man and a woman, that she realized how differently the world treated men and women. Men also suffered hardships, but their suffering could become the foundation for judging themselves. Women’s suffering, however, was spent their entire lives waiting for men’s approval.

Aren’t we all born as human beings? Who is nobler than whom? It’s laughable that some men still look down on women from the bottom of their hearts—truly exasperating.

After finishing her tirade, she noticed Chu Zhao had fallen silent and wondered if she had offended him with her words.

But then she thought, so what if she offended him? After all, he was weak and couldn’t possibly beat her in a fight.

"Brother Chu, what I said just now was too hasty," He Yan said with a smile. "I hope you won’t take offense at my rudeness."

"Not at all," Chu Zhao replied, his gaze carrying a peculiar light as he looked at her. "Ah He’s heart is admirable. I, Chu Zhao, feel ashamed in comparison. From now on, I will never again speak such reckless words as I did today. Ah He’s words will stay with me forever."

Chu Zhao truly had grace. Even after her torrent of words, he remained as gentle as a spring breeze, warm and kind.

He Yan smiled. "Then let’s hurry on our way."

Chu Zhao nodded and responded with a smile.

The two continued on their way back to the Cui residence. He Yan lowered her head and sighed softly to herself.Chu Zhao and Xiao Jue were ultimately different. In their treatment of women, both believed women to be delicate and incapable of protecting themselves. Yet, the former's judgment carried a hint of dismissal and condescension, while the latter, as seen in his handling of the female corpse in the Sun family's backyard in Liang Province, showed more compassion.

A true general should be upright, honest, calm, and courageous, but the most important quality is a heart that pities the weak.

...

He Yan and Chu Zhao returned very late. The courtyard where Chu Zhao lived was farther away than He Yan's. When they reached the entrance, Chu Zhao said, "Ah He, rest early tonight."

"Brother Chu, remember to eat it soon," He Yan reminded him, still thinking about the sugar painting basket.

He glanced at the basket in his hand and smiled, shaking his head. "I will."

He Yan watched him leave before turning to go inside. As she turned around, she saw someone standing under the corridor in the small pavilion, looking at her with an amused smile. Dressed in flowing white robes, it was Liu Buwang.

"Master, you haven't rested yet?" He Yan walked over and asked. She had rarely seen Liu Buwang out at night these days.

"Just getting some fresh air," Liu Buwang looked at her. "Did you go to buy sugar paintings?"

He Yan nodded. "Chu Fourth Young Master helped conceal my identity, so I thought I should give him something. It’s harder for him to spread my secret if he’s taken my gift. Sugar paintings in Jiyang are quite cheap. I gave him the most expensive one. In Shuojing, it would cost at least ten wen, but here it’s only eight wen. Affordable and good quality."

Liu Buwang smiled and looked at her. "Ah He, you’ve become much livelier compared to before."

He Yan was taken aback.

In her previous life, when she met Liu Buwang, it was during her most difficult time. She had just escaped the stable life in Shuojing and entered the harsh, brutal military camp, all while carrying many secrets. Thus, she always acted with caution. Even later, when she was with Liu Buwang in the mountains, she occasionally revealed her unrestrained side, but most of the time, she tried not to cause trouble for others.

Thinking about it now, it seemed that ever since she became "Miss He," she had unconsciously let go of many restraints. For example, going out with Chu Zhao today to buy sugar paintings was something she would never have done in the past.

Was it because she was now a woman, or because she was free from the constraints of the He family, able to do as she pleased without worrying about the secrets behind her mask being exposed?

"Isn’t this way better?" He Yan said with a grin. "It’s not always necessary to be overly serious."

Liu Buwang replied, "This is very good."

As he said this, his expression carried a hint of melancholy, as if lost in thought. He Yan wanted to ask, but when she saw Liu Buwang’s calm gaze, she swallowed her words.

Liu Buwang seemed somewhat sad.

The spring moon was not as bright as the autumn moon, hazy and softly lovely. Liu Buwang’s gaze fell on his little disciple’s upturned lips, but his mind drifted to another figure.

Mu Hongjin.

Back then, Mu Hongjin was also like this, with clear, bright eyes that occasionally flickered with cleverness. Her red skirts were charming, always embroidered with flowers and birds at the hem, delicate and proud. The young girl often wore two long braids, adorned with silver bells at the ends. When she walked, the bells would jingle with a pleasant sound. Sometimes, even before she approached, the sound of the bells would announce her arrival.Back then, having this little tail following him every day was truly an unbearable annoyance. He had told her many times that he hoped they would go their separate ways, but each time, Mu Hongjin would pout her lips, on the verge of tears. Even if Liu Buwang’s heart was as hard as iron, he was no match for a girl’s tears. So, every time, she easily defused the situation, and in the end, he had tacitly accepted that she was like sticky candy he couldn’t shake off, allowing her to follow him and cause trouble.

Mu Hongjin was very good at enjoying life. Despite bringing a generous amount of silver, she squandered it all in less than half a month. At the time, Liu Buwang still didn’t know that Mu Hongjin was the beloved daughter of the Mengji King, so he only felt disdain for her extravagant and indulgent lifestyle. She, however, didn’t care at all about how Liu Buwang saw her, spending her silver as usual and insisting that he join her in the enjoyment.

Half a month later, Mu Hongjin’s silver was all gone, and she had no choice but to follow Liu Buwang in eating coarse food and simple meals.

At the inn, they slept in the simplest rooms, and the food they ate was equally plain. Without money to buy trinkets from the street stalls, Mu Hongjin lasted half a day before protesting to Liu Buwang, “Young hero, can’t we have a proper meal?”

“No.”

Liu Buwang didn’t have much money. The seven disciples of Master Yunji were sent down the mountain to gain experience, but in reality, it was just to experience the mundane world. As for what they did daily, his senior brothers had passed on some of the tasks they had previously taken on. To put it plainly, they took money to solve problems. However, their sect forbade them from doing evil or engaging in scheming, so in the end, the tasks they actually took on were trivial matters like “helping a tenant farmer find a lost sheep” or “delivering a secret letter for a bride back to her family.” The pay was meager. Sometimes they even had to help people write letters home, accepting any request that came their way.

The sight of a cold and aloof young man in white robes leading a lost sheep along a village path was somewhat comical, and Mu Hongjin teased him, “What kind of sect is yours? Why do you have to do everything? Why not follow me? I…”

“You what?” Liu Buwang asked irritably.

“I…” Mu Hongjin’s beautiful eyes sparkled, “I’ll pay you more than they do!”

Liu Buwang was so angry he didn’t want to speak.

But that was indeed the situation. After all, the tasks his senior brothers had assigned him weren’t finished yet. Precisely because they were all such minor tasks, the pay was very little. If he were alone, it might have been manageable, but now Mu Hongjin was following him, and she had spent all her own money. One person had become two, and between the inn and meals… life was stretched thin, to the point where he wished he could split a single coin in two.

It was clear that Mu Hongjin was also trying hard to adapt to this rough lifestyle. She had made a fuss for a few days, but when she saw that Liu Buwang was genuinely angry, she didn’t dare say anything more. She obediently followed Liu Buwang in living a life of simple food and plain tea.

But her ingrained habit of wanting to buy everything she saw hadn’t changed.

Liu Buwang still remembered one day when they were at a tea stall outside Jiyang City and encountered an old woman selling flowers. In front of the old woman were two bamboo baskets and a carrying pole, the baskets filled to the brim with wild chrysanthemums. Delicate and lovely, pale pink and white. They were also very cheap, likely picked directly from the foot of Qiyun Mountain.

Mu Hongjin leaned over to look, and the old woman, seeing this, smiled and said, “Young master, buy a flower for the young lady to wear.”

“No need.”

“Yes, yes!”They spoke at the same time, Liu Buwang shot Mu Hongjin a warning look, and she pouted in grievance. The old woman, however, smiled, picking a flower from her bamboo basket and handing it to Mu Hongjin. "You're a pretty girl, this flower is for you. Wear it in your hair, it'll look lovely!"

Mu Hongjin happily accepted it, her sweet mouth curving into a smile as she called out cheerfully, "Thank you, Granny!"

Since that was the case, Liu Buwang couldn't just walk away. He fished out a coin from his sleeve and handed it to the old woman.

"No need, no need," the old woman said with a smile, looking at him. "The young lady is adorable, and this old woman likes her. Just treat her well in the future, young master."

Liu Buwang turned away. Mu Hongjin, delighted with the flower, happily tucked it behind her ear and asked Liu Buwang, "Does it look good?"

Liu Buwang replied stiffly, "It has nothing to do with me."

Mu Hongjin glared at him, then crouched down on her own to look at the jewelry and cosmetics in the baskets. After a moment, she picked out a silver bracelet and exclaimed, "This is so pretty!"

It was a simple silver bracelet, seemingly roughly polished by hand, with edges that weren't even smooth. What made it stand out was the circle of vividly carved wild chrysanthemums along its side, giving it a fresh and charming appeal.

"This is really beautiful!" Mu Hongjin praised.

"This is called the Joyful Heart Bracelet, carved by this old woman and her husband together," the old woman explained with a smile. "Give one to the one you love to wear on their wrist, and you'll never be separated for a lifetime. Why don't you buy one for the young lady, young man? For a long and lasting life together."

"Did you hear that, Young Master Liu?" Mu Hongjin pleaded. "Hurry up and give me one!"

Liu Buwang glanced at her coldly, snatched the silver bracelet from her hand, and placed it back in the basket. Then, he said coldly to the old woman, "She is not the one I love."

A flicker of disappointment passed through Mu Hongjin's eyes, but she didn't reach for the bracelet again. Instead, she muttered, "How do you know I'm not the one you love?"

How do you know.

Yes, how did he know.

Youthful pride kept him from understanding that affection in youth arrives silently, and by the time he realized it, it had already surged into an unavoidable fate.

Many years later, Liu Buwang often wondered: if that day, he had bought the silver bracelet in front of Mu Hongjin and placed it on her wrist, would they have still ended up where they did? Would they have remained together forever, just as the old woman had said?

It was laughable that he, too, would believe in supernatural forces and predestined fate.

Moonlight spilled onto the ground, casting a layer of white frost. The sound of bells in his memory gradually faded away, replaced only by the wind of Jiyang City, unchanged after all these years—lonely, desolate, chilling the heart bit by bit.

"Do you like Xiao Jue?"

The sudden question interrupted He Yan's reverie. Startled, she turned to look. Liu Buwang withdrew his gaze and looked at her, a knowing smile in his eyes as he repeated, "Ahe, do you like Xiao Jue?"

"...No," He Yan instinctively denied. After a moment, she asked, "Why do you say that, Master?"

"Haven't you noticed," Liu Buwang said calmly, "that when you're by his side, you're at ease. You trust him more than you trust me."

He Yan was stunned. Did she?Perhaps there was. Whether in her past life or this one, there might have been many misunderstandings about Xiao Jue in her mind—whether he was cold or harsh—but from beginning to end, she never doubted that Xiao Jue would harm her. He Yan, who seemed careless about everything, always maintained a trace of vigilance in her heart. This vigilance never faded when facing Liu Buwang from those years, nor when facing Xu Zhiheng, nor when facing He Rufei. It even persisted when facing the harmless He Sui and his son from the He family.

But toward Xiao Jue, she had always been trusting.

"What has made you so at ease now is not time, nor experience, but him." Liu Buwang's voice was gentle. "Ah He, do you still deny it?"

He Yan said nothing.

After a while, she raised her head and looked at the moon hanging from the roof. The moon was large and white, its silver light spreading across the entire courtyard, gently watching over the people in the night.

"Master, look at the moon in the sky," she began slowly. "It shines on the courtyards of the wealthy and the ditches of wild graves alike. But you can't grasp it, can you?"

"I can neither grasp the moon nor make it come to me. So I'll just stand here and gaze at it from afar."

(End of Chapter)