Neither the impulse to kill nor the desire to settle in a quiet corner was enough to make An Jiu cling to life.
An Jiu had always thought her emotional instability was due to mental issues, but only now did she realize that humans are social creatures. Beyond the instinctive fear of death and desire to live, emotions are essential as a pillar of existence. Without even a thread of emotional connection, no amount of anything else could fill that void.
In the past, she had been a weapon devoid of emotion. Now, her deeply buried instincts were gradually awakening. The more she experienced emotions, the more she felt the emptiness within.
Such things couldn’t be seized by force. She didn’t know how to develop feelings for others, nor how to make others feel anything for her.
In both her past and present life, she had walked alone, and nothing had changed.
Rather than saying she had lost the ability to interact with people, it was more accurate to say she had closed off her heart, unwilling and afraid to let anyone near.
A gust of wind blew, and the snow outside the Enlightenment Hall rustled as it fell onto the ground, startling the sparrows perched on the branches.
An Jiu raised her hand, and at that moment, the door swung open.
Mo Sigui’s peach-blossom eyes were full of surprise. When he saw her aloof expression, his interest was immediately piqued. “Ah, Shi Si, you’re back! I heard you all returned early. How was it? Were you injured? Your cousin here has good medicine—guaranteed to leave no scars.”
“Is Elder Qi here?” An Jiu automatically ignored his chatter.
“It’s cold outside. Come in first.” Mo Sigui stepped aside, leading An Jiu into the medicine room.
The room was filled with the thick scent of herbs. A medicine pot on the stove bubbled vigorously, its lid lifting as the liquid splattered out.
“That brat! Gone off to laze around somewhere again!” Mo Sigui hurriedly grabbed a clean cloth to wrap around the pot and lifted it off the stove.
“Make yourself at home!” Mo Sigui wiped the spilled medicine from the floor with the cloth and continued, “This is A Yuan’s medicine. I heard she was frightened and has been crying nonstop since she woke up! Poor Second Cousin, gone so young. The family head and his wife, burying their own child—ah!”
“Are you sad?” An Jiu asked.
Mo Sigui was used to rambling to himself without expecting a response, so he was momentarily taken aback when An Jiu spoke up.
“Among my peers in Mei Shi, I got along best with Eldest Cousin and Second Cousin,” Mo Sigui sighed. “Though I never much liked how he was always so serious and preachy, I still can’t believe he’s gone. It feels like… in a couple of days, he’ll come to me for medicine to bring to Second Madam. As for sadness… I suppose as a physician, I’ve seen too much life and death to be overly sentimental. Strangely, I don’t feel that upset.”
Mo Sigui was a chatterbox, especially when it came to things that interested him. Now that he had An Jiu in a rare, calm mood, he wasn’t about to let the opportunity slip. “And what about my adorable little cousin?”
“Mei Shisi?” An Jiu said.
Mo Sigui rolled his eyes. “Yes! Did you think I meant you?”
“Do you want to see her?” An Jiu showed no irritation. “Elder Qi said that in cases of dual souls sharing one body, the stronger the mental strength, the more vulnerable it is to damage. Can you suppress mental strength?”
Mo Sigui’s mouth fell open. After a long pause, he stammered, “You—what are you planning?”
“Answer me,” An Jiu stared at him.Mo Sigui cleared his throat and said, "I understand. But I've never tried it before. After all, cases like yours are extremely rare in the world. To encounter one is something I should thank heaven and earth for."
"Here's your chance to try—kill me," An Jiu replied.
Seeing her calm expression, Mo Sigui grew even more curious. "You don’t seem like a coward. What’s troubling you so much that you’d seek death?"
An Jiu said, "Don’t you want to see your pitiful little cousin? Just achieve your goal—why ask so many questions?"
"I’m not that stupid. Whether this succeeds or not, Elder Zhi would be the first to come after me if he found out!" Mo Sigui glanced at the medicine pot. "The fire’s too strong—it’s ruining the potency."
As he spoke, instead of discarding the decoction, he placed it back on the stove to continue simmering.
"Shock isn’t something that can be cured by medicine alone," Mo Sigui explained to himself. "A little effect is enough. Do you really expect to heal heartache with a mere decoction? There’s no such miraculous medicine in the world!"
An Jiu stared at his face, flushed red by the stove’s glow, and suddenly felt like talking to him. "What’s it like, living under someone else’s roof?"
Mo Sigui looked up and bared his teeth. "You really don’t know how to hold a conversation, do you? Who starts by poking at someone’s sore spots like that?"
"Then how should I?" An Jiu asked with genuine curiosity.
"Never mind. Anyone else would’ve lost their temper by now. Only I’d put up with you." Mo Sigui scratched his head and pouted. "You think I attached myself to Mei Shi? I was thriving in Bianjing all on my own—no one to answer to, no one to worry about. It was Mei Shi who insisted on bringing me here."
He had lived alone, free but also deeply lonely. Back then, it was Mei Zhengjing who fetched him, and the two had hit it off. Mo Sigui willingly followed him to Plum Blossom Village.
"It’s all that unreliable uncle of mine! He coaxed me here and then dumped me with Elder Qi." Mo Sigui leaned closer to An Jiu and lowered his voice. "Speaking of which, I should thank you. If not for your little stunt, I might’ve ended up like my elder cousin."
"But let me clarify one thing," Mo Sigui hastily added. "I’m not little at all."
"Do you need the whole world to know you’re not little? Or do you have designs on your cousin?" An Jiu scoffed. "Beast."
"What’s wrong with admiring youthful beauty?" Mo Sigui fanned the stove flames with his "red apricot over the wall" fan. "So unromantic."
Suddenly, Mo Sigui realized something. "You weren’t looking for me from the start, were you?"
"Do you always lack self-awareness this much?" An Jiu retorted. "I only remembered someone like you existed when I saw you open the door. Figured you’d be more convenient than Elder Qi."
Mo Sigui snapped his fan shut indignantly. "Is this how you ask for favors?"
"Are you forgetful? You already said you wouldn’t do it—what’s there to ask for?" An Jiu replied.
Mo Sigui tapped his forehead with the folded fan. "Even someone as even-tempered as me is getting angry at you. That’s how unlikable you are."
Seeing An Jiu rise to leave, he rushed to block the door, his face breaking into a grin again. "You’re so impatient! Can’t you take a joke? Why leave the moment things get serious?"
An Jiu felt no emotion—she simply saw no point in staying since he refused to help."I'll give it a try for you," Mo Sigui said with an expression like a warrior cutting off his own wrist.
But An Jiu was certain this person had been eager from the start—he had just been putting on airs. "No need to perform in front of me. If it succeeds, I'll disappear, and no one will owe you anything. If it fails, I certainly won't owe you anything either."
"You really have no sense of fun at all," Mo Sigui retorted, crossing his arms as he leaned against the doorframe. He peeked out into the corridor and added, "There's a Shadow Guard by your side. If I don't deal with him, how can we talk properly?"
This explanation was much easier to accept.
An Jiu sat back down and explained the current situation. "Mei Jiu's condition is unknown—she's gone silent. I can sense she's still there, but there's no response from her." (To be continued...)
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