Hidden Love

After returning home, Sang Zhi changed into slippers and returned to her original spot.

Sang Rong and Li Ping were still in the living room, though they weren't saying much. One was watching TV while the other was reading a book. The room was filled only with the cheerful sounds from the television, not much different from the atmosphere earlier.

Li Ping glanced up at her and casually asked, "Back so soon?"

Sang Zhi picked a cherry tomato from the fruit plate and popped it into her mouth. She took off her coat and responded, "Mm, Brother Ji Xu had me come back after walking me to the entrance of the residential area."

Li Ping nodded and didn't ask further.

Chewing on the fruit, Sang Zhi's eyes darted around as she looked between Sang Rong and Li Ping. She thought Duan Jiaxu had performed quite well and cautiously brought up, "Mom, Dad, what do you think?"

Li Ping's gaze returned to the TV. "Think about what?"

"It's been so many years since we last saw him," Sang Zhi said quietly. "Now that we've met and talked about so many things, has your attitude changed at all?"

Sang Rong chuckled. "He's a good young man."

Sang Zhi quickly agreed, "Right? He's really good."

"He's indeed outstanding, excellent in every aspect. Back when he was in college, even though we didn't meet often, I could tell he would achieve great things in the future." Sang Rong's eyes remained on his book, his voice gentle. "All these years, going through life alone like that must have been difficult for him."

Sang Zhi paused, pursing her lips slightly.

Without dwelling on it, Sang Rong suddenly changed the subject and laughed. "Earlier, I heard from your mom that the first time you met Duan Jiaxu, you cried in front of him. Weren't you embarrassed?"

Li Ping also laughed. "You cried so much I thought something terrible had happened, but it turned out you were just bickering with A Yan."

Hearing this, Sang Zhi felt a bit embarrassed. "I was just a kid back then."

"Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the past. When you were little, your health wasn't great." Sang Rong put down his book, as if reminiscing. "Back then, it was one thing after another—either allergies or a fever. Your mom and I were constantly running to the hospital, watching you cry until you didn't even have the energy to cry anymore."

Li Ping turned off the TV.

"We felt terrible watching you, but there was nothing else we could do. Your brother was still young back then and wasn't exactly thrilled about your arrival. He felt that after you came along, we didn't pay as much attention to him." Sang Rong chuckled as he spoke. "He even wrote in his journal that he'd rather have a dog at home than a little sister."

Sang Zhi instantly felt displeased.

Before she could say anything, Sang Rong continued, "But when you were in the hospital and he couldn't see you, he'd ask about you every day. When we joked that we'd abandoned you, he burst into tears on the spot."

"..." Sang Zhi licked her lips. "Why bring this up all of a sudden?"

"Thinking about it still feels amusing, as if it happened just yesterday." Sang Rong said, "And now, both you and your brother are almost at the age to get married."

Sang Zhi said awkwardly, "It's still too early for me."

Sang Rong sighed softly. "Zhizhi, your father isn't some authoritarian person who thinks he's superior just because our family's circumstances are decent. It's not that I believe no one is good enough for my daughter, or that I can always find flaws in anyone who wants to be with you."

"...""It's not that we think our Zhizhi can't endure hardship," Sang Rong said. "It's just that we can't bear to let you suffer at all. We're afraid you might not have a good life in the future, and this worry is with us constantly."

Sang Zhi's throat tightened.

"I'm just an ordinary person, with the same thoughts as all fathers in the world," Sang Rong said. "I hope my child will have smooth sailing throughout life, living safely and happily."

Sang Zhi said softly, "I know."

"We originally wanted to keep it from you, but we were afraid you'd be unhappy and blame us if you found out later." Sang Rong took off his glasses and murmured, "Today, I did have a talk with Jiaxu."

"..." Sang Zhi froze, her lips unconsciously parting.

"I told him all my current concerns, everything I felt needed to be said. These words might have hurt him to some extent. But it should also make him seriously consider your future together." Sang Rong said, "You might think it's just dating for now and don't need to consider so much. But if it's not suitable, I think—"

"..."

"It would be better for you to break up sooner rather than later."

After these words fell, the room sank into deep silence.

Sang Zhi suddenly understood what they meant.

Probably because they were concerned about her feelings, they hadn't stated it clearly before, only saying they didn't approve but wouldn't interfere. But what they truly hoped for was probably that she and Duan Jiaxu would end things here.

After a long while.

Sang Zhi spoke up: "It's precisely because I can't endure any hardship at all."

"..."

"I feel unhappy when someone scolds me, unhappy when I can't eat what I want to eat. Only when absolutely necessary do I do things I really dislike but have to do." Sang Zhi's voice was very soft. "So it's precisely because being with him makes me happy, and I don't feel any hardship at all, that I've been saying these things in front of you."

Li Ping stroked her head without speaking.

"I'm still in university. It's not like dating means we have to get married immediately or anything." Sang Zhi said, "There's still so much time. I can often bring him home for you to see, so you can understand what kind of person he is."

Sang Rong looked at her and gave a serious "mm" of acknowledgment.

"I'm not asking you to accept him immediately or like him right away." Sang Zhi let out a breath. "I just want you not to focus too much on his family background, because that's not something he could choose."

"..."

"As for other aspects, it's fine if you have any opinions." Sang Zhi said, "Just be fair to him, that's all."

The conversation among the three was interrupted by Sang Yan's arrival.

Feeling somewhat stifled, Sang Zhi returned to her room. She sat on the bed, lost in thought, thinking about Duan Jiaxu's reaction earlier, her mind in chaos as she pondered countless things.

After a while, Sang Zhi sniffled and called Duan Jiaxu.

He answered immediately, his tone no different from usual: "What's up?"

Sang Zhi picked up the pillow on her bed and hugged it. She lowered her eyes, gaze fixed on an empty point in the air, momentarily unsure what to say, not making a sound.

"Why aren't you speaking?" Duan Jiaxu's voice was casual. "Did you dial by accident?"

Only then did Sang Zhi speak: "No."Duan Jiaxu didn’t press further and chuckled lightly, changing the subject. “You’re earning quite a bit from tutoring—this Red Packet is as thick as a brick.”

“It’s not that exaggerated.”

“Next time, I’ll give you one too,” Duan Jiaxu said playfully. “I didn’t pay attention and forgot that at your age, Zhizhi, you can still receive Red Packets.”

Sang Zhi wasn’t in the mood to joke around with him. Hearing his tone, her heart felt inexplicably heavier. Without hesitation, she asked, “Did my dad say something to you today?”

The other end of the line fell silent for a few seconds.

Soon, Duan Jiaxu replied, “It’s really nothing.”

“My dad told me everything.” Sang Zhi didn’t actually know what Sang Rong had said, but after a long pause, she managed to blurt out, “Don’t be upset.”

“What are you thinking? Why would I be upset?” Duan Jiaxu said. “They really didn’t say anything bad. Your parents are very kind—they just mentioned some concerns to me.”

Sang Zhi asked softly, “What did they say?”

“It seems they think I’m too old and that you’d be embarrassed to be seen with me.”

“…” Sang Zhi frowned. “Can you be serious? I’m asking you very seriously.”

“Well, your parents talked to me for so long tonight,” Duan Jiaxu laughed. “I’m not sure which part you’re referring to.”

It was clear he had no intention of telling her.

Since he didn’t want to say, Sang Zhi didn’t press further.

Feeling down, she spoke incoherently, “Anyway, don’t be upset. My parents have always treated me like a child—they’re just afraid I’ll meet someone bad, just like with my brother… If it were someone they didn’t know, they’d probably say even more. And what they say doesn’t represent my thoughts.”

Duan Jiaxu: “Mm.”

“Also, about your dad—no matter what others say, it really has nothing to do with you. Don’t take it to heart.” Sang Zhi wasn’t good at comforting people, so she just said everything she wanted to. “I’ll talk to them properly again…”

“I know,” Duan Jiaxu said. “Don’t bring it up with them. It’s rare for you to have a break—spend time with your parents and don’t let this affect your mood.”

“…”

“Don’t worry,” Duan Jiaxu’s voice softened, as if murmuring to himself, “I’ll think about it some more.”

Sang Zhi was taken aback and was about to ask what he meant when her door suddenly knocked, and Sang Yan’s voice came through, “Mom made soup. She wants you to come out and have some.”

She looked up and instinctively replied, “Okay.”

Duan Jiaxu clearly heard it too. “Go have some. Don’t keep them waiting.”

Sang Zhi fell silent, unsure how to bring up what he’d just said. She just murmured, “Oh,” and repeated, “Then don’t be upset.”

By the time Sang Zhi finished the soup, washed up, and returned to her room, quite some time had passed. She picked up her phone again and opened WeChat. After hesitating for a long while, she typed in the chat window with Duan Jiaxu: [What did you mean earlier when you said you’d think about it?]

She stayed on that screen for a while.

Quietly, Sang Zhi deleted all the words and replaced them with two: [Good night.]

She turned off the light, lay face down on her bed, and those words echoed repeatedly in her mind.

I’ll think about it some more.

Think about it.

Think.

Both Sang Rong and Duan Jiaxu had mentioned concerns.

What were they concerned about?

The age gap, or perhaps the matter with his father?But these two things were unchangeable. That left only Duan Jiaxu's financial situation.

But he wasn't exactly poor, was he?

Sure, he might not be able to afford a house right now, but if he worked hard for a few more years, plus her future income after she started working, that shouldn't be a big problem.

So what exactly was Duan Jiaxu considering?

It couldn't be...

Sang Zhi forcibly suppressed the thought that was about to surface.

Staring blankly at the ceiling, her eyes grew sore, and she suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. She sat up, a layer of mist forming before her eyes, which she stubbornly held back.

At this moment, all her determination and refusal to yield became uncertain.

Actually, Sang Zhi believed that someday, her parents would definitely change their minds. In the short term, she would be troubled by not knowing what to do, but she wasn't too worried about their lack of support.

What she feared was Duan Jiaxu's thoughts.

Sang Zhi knew very well that he cared deeply about this matter.

That's why he brought it up on their first day together and cared about whether she minded. Even though he knew perfectly well that this matter had nothing to do with him.

Yet he still felt inferior because of it.

It was an extremely deep-rooted belief, a fact he simply couldn't change.

Sang Zhi worried that because of Sang Rong and Li Ping's words tonight, he might actually start thinking he wasn't good enough.

Whether he would start feeling pressured because of her.

Whether, out of gratitude toward Sang Rong and their opposition, he would make concessions.

Whether he would actually decide not to be with her anymore.

Whether he would truly give up.

Sang Zhi pressed her lips together tightly. Suppressing the lump in her throat, she picked up her phone again, wanting to say something to him, to tell him not to be sad, not to care too much about this matter.

Not to start considering what he had mentioned—that he needed to think things over again.

In that instant, Sang Zhi felt utterly powerless and small.

She felt she could be good to him for a lifetime, hoping he wouldn't feel unhappy because of the past anymore, hoping he would never be hurt because of it again.

But it seemed like because of her, he had been hurt once more.

She slowly put down her phone.

Her mind went blank, and she suddenly remembered.

In the neighborhood where Duan Jiaxu used to live, she had cautiously and earnestly expressed her feelings. His eyes had lit up, he reached out to hug her, kissed her forehead.

Then, with extreme tenderness, he said, "Mm, I like you too."

The next day, Sang Zhi was dragged by Li Ping early in the morning to visit relatives. Noticing her mind was elsewhere, Li Ping didn't force her and found an excuse to let her go home.

After leaving the relatives' house, Sang Zhi went to find Duan Jiaxu.

Since he had to return to work on the seventh day of the new year, he hadn't planned to stay long. The flight he booked earlier was for tonight, returning to Yihe.

Duan Jiaxu's expression was as usual, seemingly unaffected.

Sang Zhi emphasized a few more times that he shouldn't be unhappy. He instead put on an amused expression and said, "Why are you talking to me like you're coaxing a child?""

Before boarding the plane, Duan Jiaxu thought for a moment, took the initiative to comfort her a few words, then said, "Spend the rest of the New Year here properly, enjoy yourself a bit more, then return to school."

Sang Zhi nodded absentmindedly, "Mm.""You'll be gone for several months," Duan Jiaxu said playfully. "Don't start crying from homesickness again."

Sang Zhi stared at him, her lips moving slightly as if wanting to ask something, yet afraid of getting an unfavorable answer. She fell silent, merely nodding again.

Sang Zhi didn't know what she was worried about—she just didn't dare ask what exactly he was considering. She was extremely cautious, feeling that as long as she didn't ask, things would remain as they were.

She felt as if she had become a pessimist.

Always expecting the worst in everything.

But after thinking too much, Sang Zhi would feel that she was just scaring herself.

If Duan Jiaxu really had such thoughts, he definitely wouldn't be acting this way now.

Sometimes, many thoughts could change because of ordinary little things. After Duan Jiaxu returned to Yihe, he became very busy, and his contact with Sang Zhi gradually decreased.

Under normal circumstances, this was actually quite common.

Not just after the New Year—even before, Duan Jiaxu often had to work overtime and was always quite busy. Sometimes when she reached out to him and he didn't reply immediately, Sang Zhi wouldn't pay it much mind.

But during this period, Sang Zhi kept thinking about his words, "Let me think about it again," and all her emotions kept piling up, like a balloon being continuously inflated, ready to burst at any moment.

Combined with his current behavior,

Sang Zhi began to wonder if he was avoiding her.

If he was really considering

whether to break up—

That night, Sang Zhi slept extremely restlessly.

She dreamed all night.

She dreamed that Jiang Ying appeared before her again and said, "You're really breaking up? It's fine, Duan Jiaxu won't be too upset either. He'll think it's good if you can find someone better."

She dreamed of that day when she didn't go into the kitchen to help Li Ping, and then saw Duan Jiaxu's smile instantly freeze after hearing Sang Rong's words.

She dreamed of Duan Jiaxu saying self-mockingly, "Afraid you'd mind."

She dreamed of him smiling and saying, "I feel like your parents are good people. They helped me so much—I can't let them down."

All these scenes intertwined, feeling real in this illusion. Finally, Sang Zhi dreamed of that night when he didn't accept the Red Packet she gave him, whispering, "Maybe we should just forget it."

The next moment, Sang Zhi opened her eyes and woke up.

Sang Zhi pressed her hand over her heart, her mind still blank, caught in the confusion after a dream. For a moment, she couldn't remember what she had just dreamed about, no matter how hard she tried.

After a while,

An overwhelming emptiness consumed her entire being. Sang Zhi clutched the blanket and suddenly began to cry, unable to suppress the sobs in her throat. Afraid of disturbing Sang Rong and Li Ping next door, she tried her best to hold it in.

Sang Zhi picked up her phone, wanting to call Duan Jiaxu.

Noticing the time, she paused, watching the screen gradually darken through blurred vision.

After who knows how long,

Sang Zhi resolutely wiped away her tears, turned on her phone again, and booked the earliest flight back to Yihe—

Sang Zhi could only get a flight for the next day at 10 p.m. After waking up, she told her parents that something urgent had come up at school, so she planned to return early.

After lunch, Sang Zhi started packing her luggage. When she saw the milk bottle on the windowsill, her gaze lingered, and she walked over to pick it up.

She poured out the stars inside.To this day, Sang Zhi still remembered which star-shaped paper she had used to write down her feelings back then before placing it into the bottle.

Sang Zhi reached out and picked two identically colored stars from inside, slipping them into her pocket.

When it was about time, Sang Rong drove her to the airport.

Sang Zhi passed through security alone and waited in the departure lounge, hesitating before sending Duan Jiaxu a WeChat message. She waited for a long while but received no reply.

She bit her lip and still didn’t tell him that she was returning to Yihe right now.

After boarding the plane, she took her seat by the aisle.

As she fastened her seatbelt, in that moment, she suddenly remembered the time during her first year of high school when she had secretly traveled to Yihe to find him. Just like now, she had bought a last-minute ticket.

Most of the better seats were already taken.

It wasn’t her first time flying, but it was her first time traveling alone to such a distant place.

Pretending she wasn’t afraid of anything, pretending she didn’t feel uneasy, pretending she was incredibly brave—no matter the outcome, she wouldn’t regret it.

As long as she could see him once.

Sang Zhi slipped her hand into her pocket, touching the two stars she had just tucked away. Her palm clenched tightly, then quickly relaxed, as if she had made a decision.

Three hours later, Sang Zhi got off the plane. She took out her phone, turned it on, and wheeled her luggage toward the exit, just as Duan Jiaxu’s call came through.

Sang Zhi answered.

“Zhizhi, I just heard from your brother that you’re returning to school today?” Duan Jiaxu’s voice came through the receiver. “Weren’t you supposed to come back on Saturday?”

Sang Zhi replied softly, “Mm.”

“You’ve arrived?” Duan Jiaxu paused. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to,” Sang Zhi said, her voice muffled. “But you didn’t reply.”

“I’ve been a bit busy lately and haven’t checked my phone much. It’s not that I was ignoring you,” Duan Jiaxu explained. “I’m at the airport now. Where are you?”

“By the chairs near Exit T3.”

“Okay,” Duan Jiaxu said gently. “Wait there quietly.”

Sang Zhi sat in her seat and took the two stars out of her pocket. She rubbed her eyes, thinking with unwavering determination that this time, she definitely wouldn’t cry.

About five or six minutes later, Sang Zhi saw Duan Jiaxu rushing over.

Duan Jiaxu walked up to Sang Zhi, took off his coat, and wrapped it around her. “Have you been in Nanwu so long that you’ve forgotten how cold it is in Yihe?”

Sang Zhi stared at him.

Duan Jiaxu raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

Sang Zhi lowered her head and handed him the paper stars.

Seeing this, Duan Jiaxu took them. “What are these?”

It was something she had always wanted to keep hidden.

Something she never wanted him to know in this lifetime.

In her eyes, she was utterly pathetic, like a defeated soldier.

In this relationship, Sang Zhi felt profoundly insecure. She believed it was unequal, so she wanted everyone to think that Duan Jiaxu was the one who had invested more emotionally.

She wanted him to believe it, too.

She hoped he would never be able to leave her.

“Do you remember when I came to Yihe during my first year of high school?” Sang Zhi lifted her eyes again, speaking earnestly. “The time I said I was coming to meet an online crush.”

“Mm, why bring that up suddenly?”

“Actually, I wasn’t here to meet any online crush.”

“...”"I don't have any online boyfriend." Sang Zhi actually didn't want to cry at all—she thought crying made one look too pathetic—but as she spoke, she inexplicably started choking up. "Back then, I came here to see you."

As if he hadn't understood her words, Duan Jiaxu half-knelt in front of her. "What?"

"I heard from my brother that you had a girlfriend." Sang Zhi didn't dare look at him, forcing back her tears as she finished. "So I secretly took my ID and bought a plane ticket to come here."

"..."

"I didn't start liking you after entering university, or after coming to Yihe." Sang Zhi wiped her tears with the back of her hand, finding it difficult to continue. "I lied to you. I was afraid you'd think I..."

I'll tell you everything.

I'll tell you everything.

So that you can know how wonderful you are.

So that because I like you this much, you won't be swayed by anyone's words, won't think poorly of yourself, and will stay with me forever.

I like you, I really like you.

This has lasted for nearly seven years.

From my youth until now, and even throughout my entire future.

Sang Zhi was absolutely certain that she could never like anyone else this much.

For the first time, Duan Jiaxu felt utterly at a loss.

Completely unsure how to respond.

His Adam's apple moved up and down as he suddenly understood something. He lowered his gaze and slowly unfolded the two paper stars in his hand, revealing the handwriting inside.

Immature and youthful.

—"Though I don't really want to admit it, I think I've really fallen for someone. 2009.11.05"

—"His name is Duan, Jia, xu. 2009.11.05"

Can you believe it?

Even before I knew which characters made up your name.

I had already fallen for you.