Hidden Love

"……"

Sang Zhi let out a soft "ah," withdrawing her gaze and nodding slowly.

She lowered her head, pondering the meaning of his words.

She had thought he had long forgotten about this matter, or perhaps never took it seriously. Moreover, Sang Zhi hadn't heard him mention having a girlfriend, nor had he brought one to meet her.

Then who was that person at the airport before?

Sang Zhi looked at him again and couldn't help asking, "Then what about the one before?"

Duan Jiaxu: "Which one?"

"The one," unsure if suddenly bringing up something so distant would seem strange, Sang Zhi fiddled with her fingers, pretending to ask casually, "when I was in my first year of high school and came to Yihe, the older sister who came to the airport with you."

"When you were in your first year of high school?"

"……" Sang Zhi hesitated for a few seconds, having to be more precise to jog his memory. "The time I came to find my online crush."

Duan Jiaxu remembered: "My boss."

Sang Zhi pursed her lips, braced herself, and asked stiffly, "Then why did she come with you?"

"I didn't know how to drive back then," Duan Jiaxu couldn't quite recall the events from three years ago, thinking back, "and I think I had pulled an all-nighter working overtime that day, so I wasn't feeling well."

"……"

"Your brother called me, and she happened to overhear, so she gave me a ride." Duan Jiaxu turned to look at her, adding as if casually, "Her child is already in elementary school."

Sang Zhi's mind went blank for a moment, suddenly recalling the extremely difficult period she had gone through, all the memories she had locked away in a box.

She remembered the deliberate distance she had created.

She remembered that one-sided crush she had started and ended on her own.

Sang Zhi nodded silently and asked absentmindedly, "Then why haven't you found anyone?"

Duan Jiaxu said offhandedly, "Hasn't your brother not found anyone either?"

"……" Sang Zhi thought of her roommate's words, her expression complicated as she said, "You can't have been waiting for my brother all this time, right…"

Duan Jiaxu laughed, "What are you talking about?"

Sang Zhi said quietly, "I just think it's strange."

"Didn't have time right after graduation," Duan Jiaxu said casually, "these past two years, my boss introduced me to a few people, but they weren't really suitable."

Sang Zhi made an "oh" sound and didn't ask further.

The plane took off, and a flight attendant came by handing out blankets.

Sang Zhi asked for one and draped it over her head, pretending to sleep. She turned her head toward the window, closing and opening her eyes, then closing them again quickly.

As if lost in thought.

After a while.

Sang Zhi lowered her head slightly.

What she had once considered scars now felt inexplicably filled with honey. She pressed her lips together tightly, but the corners of her mouth hidden beneath the blanket still curled upward uncontrollably.

Silently—

The plane arrived in Yihe City.

Before getting off the plane, Sang Zhi heard the man named Yuan Lang ask Duan Jiaxu for his contact information. The two found a place to have lunch, after which Duan Jiaxu took Sang Zhi back to her school.

It was just past one o'clock, and only Ning Wei was in the dormitory.

Sang Zhi's dormitory had no elevator and was on the third floor. Duan Jiaxu carried her suitcase up to the dorm, didn't stay long, politely greeted Ning Wei, gave Sang Zhi a few instructions, and soon left.

After he was gone, Ning Wei asked curiously, "In what capacity did he bring you back?"Sang Zhi crouched on the floor, unzipping her suitcase to start packing. "An elder, I suppose."

"..." Ning Wei said, "Still an elder?"

Sang Zhi fell silent for a few seconds. "Actually, I'm not too sure either."

Hearing this, Ning Wei immediately leaned closer, blinking as she asked, "What happened?"

"I'm just a bit confused right now," Sang Zhi pondered, her tone hesitant. "Because I feel like he used to talk like this before too."

"Huh?"

"But it also feels a bit different."

"Did he say something to you?"

Sang Zhi paused her movements and whispered, "He just told me that he hasn't been in a relationship these past few years. Said he hasn't found the right person."

"Wait, so has he ever been in a relationship before?" Ning Wei was shocked. "Don't tell me he hasn't."

"I don't know about that," Sang Zhi said. "It's not really appropriate for me to ask too much."

"Then what did you mean by feeling confused?"

"When I was little, he used to talk like this—like when he gave me a ride home, he'd say things like 'what are you secretly laughing about' or 'your face is red when you see me.'" Sang Zhi scratched her head. "He's just a really shameless person."

"..."

"Lately, I feel like he's been getting even worse." Sang Zhi let out a sigh, dragging out her words. "So I'm confused, you know? It might just be me overthinking things..."

Ning Wei: "Do you think he might like you a little too?"

"No," Sang Zhi denied immediately. "Not that either."

"..."

Noticing Ning Wei's expression, Sang Zhi met her gaze for several seconds before suddenly deflating. "Alright, maybe a little."

Ning Wei: "Why are you even afraid to admit having that thought? It's not like you're lacking in any way."

"Because I don't think it's likely. And... I'm pretty self-aware." Sang Zhi said softly, "Because I like him, and because of these feelings, some of his actions that might be completely normal to him could be misinterpreted by me."

"..."

Sang Zhi chuckled. "I'm quite experienced at this."

Someone with an unrequited crush.

Both narcissistic and insecure.

"Besides, this kind of relationship isn't easy to change." Sang Zhi lowered her eyes and continued packing. "If he were a stranger, I'd probably try to pursue him now. If it didn't work out, at worst we'd just stop talking—nothing to be afraid of."

Ning Wei didn't quite understand her feelings and sighed before asking, "How many years had it been since you last saw him before you came to Yihe?"

"Feels like I haven't really seen him since middle school." Sang Zhi added, "After second semester of eighth grade, he got really busy and later returned to Yihe."

"How old were you when you met him?"

"First semester of seventh grade."

"Do you think he watched you grow up, so it's impossible for him to have those kinds of feelings?"

"Pretty much."

"But if we calculate it your way," Ning Wei said innocently, "you haven't seen him much since eighth grade, and only reunited during freshman year of college. How can that count as watching you grow up?"

"..."

That did make some sense.

Sang Zhi didn't know how to respond for a moment and hesitated before saying, "We did see each other a few times during those years in between."

"Let's be logical," Ning Wei said. "During the summer after my senior year of high school, my dad brought home a dog to raise. It was super attached to me that whole month. When I went back this winter break, it didn't even recognize me."

"...""Even a loyal animal like a dog can be like that. You've only met him a few times over the years—how can that count as watching someone grow up?" Ning Wei said. "At most, he's just a brother you knew when you were little."

"But he gives me gifts," Sang Zhi said. "And he usually asks about my studies and stuff."

"Oh," Ning Wei said. "Then he barely qualifies as an online friend."

"..."

"I'm just saying what I think—you can just listen. My younger brother is in middle school now. If he had a friend whom I knew and also treated as a kid," Ning Wei said, "and if that friend grew up to be quite handsome and came to pursue me..."

Sang Zhi stared at her.

Ning Wei grinned mischievously: "Sorry, but I might actually... hehehe..."

"Then what do you think," Sang Zhi asked eagerly, "should I do now?"

"Just go with the flow," Ning Wei said. "Don't keep thinking about the age gap or anything. Just interact with him normally. If he flirts with you or something, flirt back?"

Sang Zhi nodded, somewhat gloomily.

"By the way, what does 'escalating' mean?" Ning Wei asked curiously. "Do you prefer the way you used to interact, or the way you do now?"

Sang Zhi thought seriously for a moment. "I think recently, it's been a bit... I don't know how to describe it..."

She inexplicably recalled Sang Yan's comment about "cringey pickup lines" but felt too embarrassed to say it out loud, so she vaguely replied, "The way it was before was just fine."

—

After returning home, Duan Jiaxu glanced at his WeChat.

Yuan Lang, whom he had met on the plane earlier, had sent him a friend request. He skimmed over it casually, didn't accept it, and exited the app directly.

Duan Jiaxu grabbed a change of clothes, took a quick shower in the bathroom, then went back to his room and lay down on the bed, intending to catch up on some sleep.

His phone rang at that moment.

Duan Jiaxu checked the caller ID and answered.

Qian Fei: "You're in Yihe now?"

Duan Jiaxu: "Yeah."

Qian Fei sounded a bit melancholy: "Now that you're gone this time, how long will it be before we see each other again?"

Duan Jiaxu chuckled lazily, "If you weren't married, hearing your tone, I'd think you had a crush on me."

"What nonsense," Qian Fei said. "I was actually hoping you'd move faster so that by the time I get married, you could bring that girl you like and let the guys meet her."

Duan Jiaxu: "It's not that easy."

Qian Fei complained: "Didn't you say you were doing pretty well?"

"..." Mentioning this, Duan Jiaxu's eyelids lifted, and he sat up. He felt somewhat indescribable and cleared his throat lightly. "Let's not talk about this."

"Why?"

"Who knew a young girl's type could be so strange," Duan Jiaxu said, laughing in disbelief. "I've never met anyone like this."

"Huh?"

"Bro," Duan Jiaxu thought of calling Sang Yan "gege" and Sang Zhi's reactions over the past few days, his brow twitching. "Although it's kind of amusing, I really—"

"..."

"—find it absurd."

"..." Qian Fei said, "Can you stop fucking leaving me hanging?"

Duan Jiaxu, no longer sleepy, got up and went to the living room. He took a pack of cigarettes from under the coffee table, lit one with a lighter, and after a moment of thought, laughed. "It's really a bit difficult."

Qian Fei was going crazy: "What is it?!"

"That girl told me about the type she likes," Duan Jiaxu said, holding the cigarette between his lips, his expression lazy. "Lately, I've been learning a bit about it."Qian Fei said incredulously, "Are you okay? Why are you imitating others?"

Duan Jiaxu chuckled softly, "Isn't this taking a shortcut?"

Qian Fei: "Is it useful?"

Duan Jiaxu raised an eyebrow: "It really isn't very useful."

Qian Fei: "Then what's your plan?"

Duan Jiaxu: "We'll see."

"Aren't you afraid the girl might fall for someone else?"

"Isn't that a normal thing?" Duan Jiaxu curled his lips slightly and said indifferently, "As long as she meets someone decent."

"You're living like a monk."

"..."

Qian Fei spoke earnestly, "Why don't you just act normal? What you're learning—is there any difference from being a substitute? Bro, it's not like our conditions are that bad—do we really need to please others like this?"

Duan Jiaxu sat up straight, lightly tapped his fingers, and shook off the cigarette ash. He didn't say anything.

Qian Fei: "By the way, what type did the girl say she likes?"

This time, Duan Jiaxu didn't hide it: "A male fox spirit."

"..."

"Based on my understanding, it's probably," Duan Jiaxu paused for a few seconds and said leisurely, "a combination of flirtatious, promiscuous, and shameless."

Qian Fei couldn't help but say, "Isn't that just you?"

"..." Duan Jiaxu choked on his cigarette and coughed a few times, "What kind of nonsense is that?"

"Let me ask you something," Qian Fei thought seriously for a moment and said sincerely, "After all, I haven't met the girl you mentioned. Think about it yourself—is it possible she was talking about you?"

Duan Jiaxu's expression froze.

"Women are always saying one thing and meaning another," Qian Fei said with the air of an experienced person. "You can't just take everything they say at face value. You have to observe for yourself. She said there was such a person—have you ever seen him?"

Duan Jiaxu stubbed out his cigarette, his expression thoughtful.

Qian Fei: "I was like this when I was someone's backup in college. Bro, do you remember? The one from the foreign language department—she'd come to me every time she broke up with her boyfriend, and when she got back together, she'd ask if I had someone I liked. She'd give me advice, and I'd make up someone based on her personality."

After a long pause.

Duan Jiaxu spoke: "It's not very likely."

"..."

A few seconds later, he murmured again, "But it's possible."

"Forget it, I'm too lazy to talk to you. My wife is calling me," Qian Fei said. "Also, let me remind you—you're already like that by nature, so there's no need to deliberately act that way."

"..."

"Otherwise, it might come off as trying too hard."

"..." Duan Jiaxu said, "Wait a minute."

"What?"

"Have you told anyone else about this?"

Qian Fei chuckled, "Not yet, I haven't had the chance."

"Let's keep it between us," Duan Jiaxu said slowly. "It's rare for me to share my thoughts with you—if you always tell others—"

"..."

"It's really quite hurtful."

"..."

After hanging up, Duan Jiaxu sat in the living room for a while longer. He thought about what Sang Zhi had said while drunk, and then about things that had happened even earlier.

But it had already been some time, and his memories had faded quite a bit.

He had stayed up late last night and woken up early today, so Duan Jiaxu's temples were tight and aching. He stood up and stopped thinking about it.

Duan Jiaxu returned to his room and heard his phone chime. He glanced at it and saw another friend request, with a note saying: "I'm Jiang Ying."

He closed his phone, lay down on the bed, and closed his eyes.

What woke him was a series of phone rings.Duan Jiaxu sat up and saw that the sky outside had already darkened. The room was pitch black, with only the glow from his phone screen illuminating the space.

The caller ID showed an unfamiliar number from Yihe City.

Duan Jiaxu stared at it for two seconds before answering.

Jiang Ying's drunken sobbing immediately came through the receiver, sounding muddled and disoriented: "Duan Jiaxu, you finally answered my call... I had to use someone else's number just to reach you."

"..."

"I heard from Yuan Lang that you're pursuing some girl... is that true?"

Duan Jiaxu's tone was emotionless: "Do you need something?"

"How can you act like nothing happened while I'm living like this?" Jiang Ying said, "I... I forgive you, okay? The two of us, we..."

"Let me ask you something—Yuan Lang said we're getting married? Did you spread that rumor?" Duan Jiaxu interrupted her, speaking flippantly, "Don't tell me you actually want me to marry you?"

Silence fell for a few seconds.

Then Jiang Ying softly uttered: "Why not?"

The curve of Duan Jiaxu's lips flattened, and he directly hung up. He stood up, found a tool to remove the SIM card, snapped it in half, and threw it in the trash.

His temples throbbed with pain, and his stomach began to ache as well.

Duan Jiaxu went into the bathroom.

As if feeling extremely nauseated, he bent over and inexplicably vomited several mouthfuls of sour liquid. He turned on the faucet, rinsed his mouth, and washed his face with cold water.

A long time passed.

Duan Jiaxu raised his eyes and looked at his reflection in the mirror.

Suddenly, he laughed.

Can you believe it?

In this day and age, there are still people who think.

That guilt should be shared by association—

The second semester of freshman year clearly had many more classes. Sang Zhi's schedule was completely full, leaving her with little free time during the week aside from weekends.

After the New Year, Duan Jiaxu's work also seemed to become busier, with endless overtime shifts day and night.

Both had their own matters to attend to, and their communication was mostly through WeChat.

Although Ning Wei had said those things, Sang Zhi's interactions with him remained largely unchanged from before. Perhaps because they were separated by a screen, he no longer said those inexplicable things like he used to.

In the blink of an eye, March was coming to an end.

They had agreed to have dinner together on Friday evening. After class, Sang Zhi returned to her dorm to put her things away and was about to head out when Duan Jiaxu called her.

Sang Zhi answered while taking a lipstick from her bag, applying a thin layer to her lips.

"Where are you now?" Duan Jiaxu said, "The team suddenly decided to have a group dinner."

Sang Zhi paused her movements and guessed, "So I don't need to come out anymore?"

Duan Jiaxu said casually, "I'm asking for your opinion. If you don't want to eat with them, we won't go. We can eat something else instead."

"It's fine." Food was food—Sang Zhi didn't mind much. "Let's go."

"Then come out," Duan Jiaxu said, "I'm at the gate already."

Sang Zhi hung up and tidied her hair. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror a few more times before quickly heading out toward the school gate.

Duan Jiaxu's car was parked just outside the campus.

Sang Zhi got in and greeted him: "Brother Jiaxu."

It had been a month since they last met. Duan Jiaxu's hair had grown longer, slightly covering his eyebrows. His face was pale, with dark circles under his eyes, making him look like he had been staying up late frequently and was somewhat sleep-deprived.

Duan Jiaxu hummed in acknowledgment, glanced at her briefly, and then started the car.Sang Zhi: "Have you decided on a location for your gathering?"

Duan Jiaxu: "The same hot pot place as last time."

Sang Zhi nodded.

Not knowing what else to say, she simply lowered her head to play with her phone. After a while, Duan Jiaxu initiated conversation: "Are you taking many classes lately?"

"Yeah," Sang Zhi said. "My schedule is packed from Monday to Friday."

"Make sure to get some rest."

"Okay."

After another pause, Duan Jiaxu asked leisurely: "Still seeing that male vixen?"

"..." Sang Zhi didn't know how to respond. "Why are you asking?"

Duan Jiaxu chuckled: "Just making conversation."

Sang Zhi remained silent and continued playing with her phone.

Duan Jiaxu: "Is that person you mentioned from your school?"

Sang Zhi answered honestly: "No."

"Then who else could you possibly know?"

"..." Seeing his relentless questioning, Sang Zhi grew worried about exposing herself. She turned off her phone screen and stammered out a fabricated story: "Well, I... I met him outside of school."

Duan Jiaxu: "I see."

Sang Zhi breathed a sigh of relief and looked out the window.

Duan Jiaxu pressed further: "How did you meet?"

"..."

This was suffocating.

Where did he get all these questions from?

Steeling herself, Sang Zhi gave a conventional answer: "I met him while hanging out."

Duan Jiaxu: "Where exactly?"

"Seems like, seems like..." Sang Zhi hesitated, "A bar, I think... A bar near my school..."

Duan Jiaxu gazed ahead, recalling how they had met again outside a KTV door. Suddenly curling his lips, he slowly dangled some bait: "Really? Why do I remember you saying while drunk that you met at a KTV?"

"..." Sang Zhi froze.

Had she actually said something?

She! Actually! Blacked! Out!

Too frightened to speak, Sang Zhi didn't dare look at him. Licking her lips, she corrected herself: "Oh, seems like it really was a KTV. I remembered wrong."

Several seconds of silence passed.

Then, Sang Zhi heard Duan Jiaxu suddenly laugh aloud.

She immediately looked at him, feeling guilty: "What's wrong?"

Duan Jiaxu was still laughing, his breath light. He seemed in extremely good spirits, his peach blossom eyes bright and sparkling as he raised them slightly: "Nothing."

"..."

"Just suddenly thought," Duan Jiaxu barely contained his laughter, murmuring softly, "your Brother Qian Fei is quite clever."

"..."