Chu Yu didn't speak.
She remained silent, suppressing her emotions. For a moment, she feared she might impulsively leap up and stab the person before her.
He wanted her to go with him.
What did that mean?
Those words lightly dismissed six years of her efforts, six years of suffering—twelve years in total—wiped away with a single sentence.
She had loved him for twelve years, willing to give him her very heart and soul, all for those words. Yet he had never given them to her. Instead, in this reborn life, when she had given him nothing, he offered them to her.
Had she been wrong?
Had the heavens sent her back just to slap her across the face and tell her she was mistaken?
Was it not that Gu Chusheng hadn’t loved her in his youth, but that she had wasted his love?
But what had she done wrong?
She had exhausted herself to protect him, bearing scars inside and out. Over time, she had worn down her edges, becoming the Madam Gu of those years.
She had once been the type to whip a gossiping woman off her horse and then endure ten military lashes without a second thought. But by his side, she had learned hypocrisy, learned to smile serenely and engage in verbal battles like a proper lady of the inner chambers.
She had once been the kind to sit around a campfire after battle, slapping wine jars and singing loudly with the soldiers. But after marrying him, she had pulled out her own claws and fangs like a tamed tiger, becoming nothing more than an obedient cat.
He had always said she wasn’t good enough, disapproving of her ways. But if he had truly looked, how could he not see that Madam Gu and Chu Yu were two entirely different people?
She had lost herself for love—no wonder others had looked down on her.
Seeing Chu Yu’s silence, Gu Chusheng grew uneasy and called out tentatively, "A Yu..."
"Don’t call me that."
Chu Yu abruptly cut him off. Gu Chusheng paled as she raised her eyes to look at him.
The young Gu Chusheng lacked the harshness he would later develop. After twelve years as an official, the arrogance and passion of his youth had faded from the political arena. Now, as she looked at him, he was still pure and untainted. She took a deep breath, suppressing the storm of emotions inside her, and took a few steps back before kneeling again.
"In my youth, I knew nothing of the world and presumptuously sought your favor. That was my mistake."
Her gaze was resolute as she spoke calmly, "But now, my heart is clear. I beg Lord Gu to treat those childish words as fleeting clouds."
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng slowly clenched his fists. "Your heart is clear? Childish words? Who would treat this as a joke? Who would treat elopement as a jest?!"
"You love me—don’t you know that in your heart?!"
"I do." Chu Yu watched Gu Chusheng’s loss of composure, her own voice steady. Looking at his reddened eyes, she said softly, "I know that in my youth, I loved you. At twelve, when that man came riding in red robes, I was overjoyed."
At these words, Gu Chusheng could no longer hold back his tears, which slowly fell.
At twelve years old...
At twelve, when the city fell, he had gone out to deliver a message but caught sight of that girl from afar.
It was the first time he had held a girl’s hand, the first time he had embraced someone.After her death, he revisited that scene countless times in his mind. Back then, Gu Chusheng was still the young master of the Gu family—full of ambition and youthful arrogance. It was perhaps the most splendid period of his life.
His lips trembled slightly as he pressed them tightly together, tears streaming down silently.
He wanted to stop her from speaking further, to freeze all words in this moment. Yet he knew he had to listen, for only by listening could he understand what he could do.
"What Chu Yu sought was merely a touch of tenderness," she said. "Since birth, neither my father nor brothers treated me as a woman, nor did my mother. So in that fleeting moment when you extended your hand, I mistook you for salvation. Thus, what I loved was not you, but merely the illusion I had conjured."
As she spoke, Chu Yu smiled faintly. "It wasn’t until I married the heir that I truly understood what affection should be."
"You only met him once," Gu Chusheng reminded her hoarsely. "And then he died."
Chu Yu chuckled softly. "Though it was but a single encounter, in every gesture, he treated me with utmost care. What you gave me, Young Master Gu, was merely the kindness one shows to an ordinary woman. What the heir gave me was the devotion reserved for a treasure. Even amidst the chaos of war, no matter how busy, he never failed to write to me. I admired his heroic spirit. Though he fell on the battlefield, he remains forever in my heart."
Gu Chusheng found himself speechless, fists clenched, his entire body trembling.
It hurt—why did it hurt so much?
Why had he been reborn into this life? Why had he returned, only to hear Chu Yu declare with his own ears that her love for him had always been nothing more than a delusion?
Did she think he didn’t know?
He knew. But he had deceived himself all along. For so many years, he had known she admired the kind of heroic man who stood tall and unyielding—never a scheming politician like him, lurking in the shadows. If she yearned for the blazing sun, he was but the cold, distant moon.
She had mistaken him for someone else. She had convinced herself of her own truth, and with her stubborn nature, she had clung to it for six long years.
Six years later, she could bear it no longer. She sought to dissolve their marriage.
That day, he had waited, knowing all along that her love was as fragile as a castle in the air. He had always known it was but a fleeting illusion.
One day she would wake from this dream. One day she would see clearly.
Yet he was powerless, trapped in this agony, circling endlessly with no escape.
So time and again, he told himself he despised her. Time and again, he convinced himself of his hatred. In his youth, repeating it had made it feel true—until she died, until he could no longer speak such cruel words. Only then did he dare to unfold the tightly clenched paper in his heart and see the truth within.
But why tell him now?
Why drag him back after he had died clinging to that dream, only to subject him to this torment?
He gazed into her clear, gentle eyes, unable to voice the question.
Seeing his silence and the tears that fell, Chu Yu sighed softly. "The presumptions of youth—I beg your forgiveness, Young Master. The world is vast, and the people suffer. You possess the talent to govern and the ambition to soar. May you achieve greatness in the days to come, becoming a pillar of our great Chu, shielding its people from hardship." She lifted her eyes to meet his and added slowly, "And may you safeguard this prosperous land."
"I won’t!"
Gu Chusheng’s voice was sharp, his gaze locked onto Chu Yu’s as if he were a petulant child, each word gritted out between clenched teeth. "I won’t."
Why should he grant her wish?Why could she leave so calmly and still demand this and that from him? Who was she to him? And what right did she have to criticize his actions like this?
Gu Chusheng felt as if he had returned to the days when he used to argue with Chu Yu. She had always disapproved of his petty actions, accusing him of disregarding the bigger picture. He had constantly quarreled with her, resenting her for standing up for others against him.
He waited for her to persuade him, to scold him.
Yet, after hearing him, Chu Yu merely paused for a moment before nodding slightly. "You're right. This is your choice, my lord. I was merely speaking offhand. There's no need for you to dwell on it."
With that, she rose and said, "If there's nothing else, I shall take my leave now."
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng was taken aback. He watched as Chu Yu walked away, his voice hoarse as he called out, "Why... why aren't you scolding me?"
Chu Yu looked puzzled. Standing by the door, she turned back to glance at him. "Everyone has their own choices. What does it have to do with me? Why should I scold you?"
"So what you mean is..." His gaze turned vacant. "You don't like me anymore. I have nothing to do with you now, so whether I'm good or bad doesn't matter to you at all?"
"Perhaps it still does?" Chu Yu sighed softly, a faint smile on her lips. "If Lord Gu were truly wicked and needed to be dealt with, it might still take some effort."
"You want to kill me?" Gu Chusheng slowly began to laugh at her words. Supporting himself, he stepped forward and drew the sword hanging by his bedside, offering her the hilt. "Then come at me."
Chu Yu frowned. Gu Chusheng watched as the sword pointed at him, his heart filled with a perverse satisfaction. He laughed loudly. "Come on, kill me!"
Chu Yu remained silent, her gaze calm as she looked at him. "You haven't done anything wrong yet. Why should I kill you? If you do wrong..." She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, her eyes drifting into the distance. "If it's my duty to kill you, I won't hesitate. If it's not my duty, someone else will."
"Putting that aside," Chu Yu's laughter carried a trace of nostalgia she herself hadn't noticed, "if you were to bring calamity to the nation and its people, our Xiao Qi would probably be the first to take action."
Author's Note: Wei Yun: Sorry, I'm stuck in traffic and haven't made it to the set by 6 p.m. Everyone, please wait a bit longer. I'll definitely be there by 9!
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