[Background music for reading: "Song of Ten Thousand Praises" (Choose to play on NetEase Cloud Music at your discretion, may not suit everyone's taste)]
Chu Yu's mind was in a daze. She stared blankly at Wei Yun standing at the end of the corridor. He said nothing, merely standing there quietly, his gaze devoid of joy or sorrow, yet his body trembled faintly.
Gu Chusheng held her hand tightly. A second before she could take a step, he suddenly seemed to realize something. Gripping her hand desperately, he rasped, "A Yu, don't go. Don't leave me."
Chu Yu didn't speak. She lowered her head, looking at Gu Chusheng's pleading face.
After what felt like an eternity, she finally came to her senses and spoke with difficulty, "How dare you?"
How dare you say it? How dare you tell her?
Did he think all the hurt could be resolved with a simple apology?
That all the pain could vanish with just a kneel?
Her body trembled, tears threatening to spill. She tried to pull her hand away, but he stubbornly refused to let go. He knew what she intended to do, and he couldn't allow it.
He had played all his cards, tried every possible way. If she left now, he truly had no recourse left.
So he could only clumsily tug at her. As she struggled in agony to free her hand, he repeated hoarsely, "I was wrong, I was truly wrong. A Yu, I won't do it again. I know what you want, I know how to love you. I can treat you better than anyone else, A Yu..."
"Let go," Chu Yu's voice shook. She was trying desperately to restrain herself, but the emotions exploding within her still reverberated in her heart. Tears streamed down her face, while the usually composed young man seemed to have cast aside all pride. Clinging to her desperately, he cried out in anguish, "I won't let go! I can't!"
The rain grew heavier. Under the lamplight, both of them looked utterly wretched.
Wei Yun stood not far away, watching them quietly. He felt he was standing close, yet no matter how he looked at them, they seemed so distant. It was as if an invisible world separated them from him.
He had long dismissed the servants and cleared away all the Covert Guards' spies from the surroundings. The courtyard held only the three of them. Though others often praised him for his courage and wisdom, though he could face thousands of troops with composure, in this moment, he felt utterly lost.
He didn't know what to do, so he could only stand there, powerless.
Watching the two of them, feeling the turbulent emotions between them, it took him a long time before he finally spoke. "Lord Gu, that's enough."
Gu Chusheng froze. He watched as Wei Yun closed his umbrella and approached them.
Wei Yun raised his hand and gently placed it over Gu Chusheng's.
"Lord Gu," he said calmly, "Everything has its limits. You've reached that point. If you can't go further, you should let go and turn back."
Gu Chusheng didn't respond. He simply stared at Wei Yun.
"She is," Gu Chusheng said with difficulty, "She is the First Madam of my Gu household."
Wei Yun lowered his eyes. Though he didn't exert force, his grip on Gu Chusheng's hand was firm as he said, "I must ask you to let go."
"She is the First Madam Gu who shared my bed for twelve years, who entered my family's ancestral tomb, who will be buried with me."
"I must ask you to let go."
"Wei Yun," Gu Chusheng finally felt the pressure on his wrist, the pain making him tremble, but he stubbornly refused to release his grip. Staring at Wei Yun, he enunciated each word clearly, "She is my wife."Wei Yun's grip on his hand loosened slightly. His lashes trembled, then he controlled his strength again, attempting to pull Gu Chusheng's hand away from Chu Yu bit by bit.
Gu Chusheng struggled wildly. Wei Yun remained unmoved. Though Gu Chusheng punched and kicked, Wei Yun did not retaliate. He merely pulled his hand away, inch by inch.
Like his emotions—dragged out, piece by piece, forcibly extracted from that person's life.
Gu Chusheng trembled and wailed, while Wei Yun remained composed. Finally, Gu Chusheng could no longer restrain himself and roared.
"What right do you have?! Wei Yun, she is your sister-in-law. In our past life, she was my lawfully wedded wife. In this life, she is your elder brother’s lawfully wedded wife. What standing do you have to interfere in my affairs with her?"
Wei Yun did not respond. He shielded Chu Yu behind him, watching Gu Chusheng, whom he had pushed away, and said calmly, "Magistrate Gu, go back. Do what you ought to do."
Gu Chusheng sat on the ground, panting as he stared at them. Wei Yun looked at him with pity in his eyes—though whether it was pity for Gu Chusheng or himself, even he did not know.
"Go back," he said hoarsely. "You are a Grand Secretary of the Cabinet. The world has many matters awaiting you, and countless people depend on you. Do not disgrace yourself by clinging to a woman here."
Hearing this, Gu Chusheng let out a low laugh.
"Wei Yun... I never thought I’d hear the word 'disgrace' from your mouth in this lifetime."
Wei Yun tucked his hands into his sleeves, listening to the sound of wind and rain as Gu Chusheng continued, "Wei Yun, in our past life, I cared too much about propriety, about too many people. On the day she died, I sat in the ancestral hall, still reviewing official documents."
"But do you know?" Gu Chusheng's voice mingled with the rain, growing softer. "Then you realize that once you’ve lost the sharpness of youth, once you no longer possess the liveliness and charm the world adores, everyone drifts further away. Fewer and fewer people love you, and the path ahead narrows. In the end, you’re enshrined on an altar, living like a memorial tablet."
"Do you know why I lost to you?" Gu Chusheng laughed. He braced himself, slowly rising to his feet, staring at Wei Yun as he burst into wild laughter. "I didn’t lose to you, Wei Yun. I lost to time, to myself. I’ve walked too many paths..." His voice was hoarse. "I no longer have the purity she loved most, the courage, the sincerity."
"When she loved me most..." Gu Chusheng murmured, his gaze on Chu Yu filled with confusion. "When she loved me most..."
It was also when he was young.
Clad in red robes and a golden crown, brimming with vigor. As the Kunyang Magistrate, he led the people to safety. A scholar by title, yet he traversed battlefields.
When she loved him most, it was when he rode forth on horseback, bright and unyielding; when he arrived with provisions, battered and bruised, yet still lifting his head to tell her, "Don’t worry about me. Protect the supplies."
"Wei Yun," his voice dropped. "If you walk this path, you will never protect her well. You will only waste her years. Better to let go."
Hearing this, Wei Yun slowly smiled.
"Gu Chusheng," his smile was full of bitterness. "She was never mine to begin with. If you want her, you should ask if she’s willing—not tell me to let go.""The greatest difference between you and me," he said to Gu Chusheng with difficulty, "is that when you love someone, you believe it's mutual, so you lose yourself. When I love someone, I never think she belongs to me, or that I belong to her."
"I am Wei Yun, the Marquis of National Stability, now the Prince of Peace. I have my responsibilities and my path to walk. So does she."
Chu Yu listened to his words and slowly raised her head to look up at the young man beside her.
The wind and rain blew in, yet his expression remained calm and composed. Restrained in his emotions, he stood in stark contrast to her and Gu Chusheng's disheveled states. He had walked through the storm, his clothes already soaked by the rain, yet it hadn't affected him in the slightest. Looking at Gu Chusheng, his voice was steady and measured: "She is Chu Yu, the matriarch of the Wei family, a First-rank imperial titleholder, and the Northern Phoenix General of the army. Her life extends far beyond just you and me. She doesn't belong to anyone. Whom she loves or doesn't love—I have no control over that. Whether she stays with the Wei family, follows you to Hua Jing, or wanders the world—I can't dictate that either."
"You ask me to let go," Wei Yun smiled bitterly, "but how can I, when I never held on in the first place?"
"You never showed her what love should truly be," Wei Yun said quietly, gazing at Gu Chusheng. "You didn't let her learn confidence and independence through love, didn't let her feel that love could be her strongest Rampart. Even now, you still don't understand—to nurture love, one must first be whole oneself. So stop clinging."
He bent down, picked up the umbrella nearby, and said lightly, "Go back. Learn to be Gu Chusheng first, then learn to love someone."
With that, he reached out and took Chu Yu's hand.
His hand was warm, and the moment that warmth reached her, she felt like someone drowning in deep water suddenly being pulled to safety.
If Gu Chusheng's love was a swamp dragging her down to suffocate, this man was like a small boat, towing her toward the shore.
She followed him quietly. Where the heavy rain fell, he tilted the umbrella to shield her. When they reached the house, he had ginger tea prepared and brought her dry clothes. Lowering his eyes, he said, "Change first. Don't catch cold."
Chu Yu murmured an acknowledgment. His demeanor was so tranquil that it settled her own restless heart.
After she changed, Wanyue brought the ginger tea. Chu Yu cradled the bowl while Wei Yun stood behind her, gently drying her hair with a cloth.
Gradually, she regained her composure, finding reason again in the warmth. The person behind her worked with careful tenderness. When her hair was dry, he took the empty bowl from her hands and said softly, "Rest now. I have matters to attend to—I'll take my leave."
"Xiao Qi," Chu Yu finally spoke, "Don't you have anything to ask me?"
Wei Yun's back was to her. After a long pause, he finally replied, "Another time."
Chu Yu gave a quiet assent. Wei Yun took a few steps toward the door, then halted.
"A Yu," his voice was hoarse. Chu Yu looked up at his back as he said, "I hurt too."
No matter how perfectly he acted, how composed and unruffled he pretended to be.
After all, he was only human.
Chu Yu stared at him blankly. The young man before her turned around. With visible effort, he smiled faintly, his voice rough as he said, "Could you come here?" He spoke as if he were that boy from years past, yet the words came with such difficulty, so slowly: "Could you walk over... and hold me?"Let me know that this feeling isn't just me trying alone.
Let me understand that this feeling will receive a response.
Chu Yu looked at him. After waiting a moment without getting any reply, Wei Yun lowered his head with a light chuckle, as if regaining his usual composed and steady demeanor. He turned away and said gently, "It's nothing. I'll head back first."
Yet the moment he finished speaking, someone suddenly threw themselves at him from behind, clinging tightly to his back.
Chu Yu pressed her forehead against him from behind, her warmth seeping into him. Wei Yun stared blankly at the flickering lantern light outside the door, and before he knew it, tears began to fall.
As Chu Yu held him from behind, Wei Yun didn’t dare turn around or even blink. His voice was hoarse as he slowly spoke.
"I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know what to do."
"A Yu," he rasped, "Gu Chusheng was right—people always love youth. Sometimes I think about that year in the Northern Di when I was fifteen, when you carried me across countless mountains and rivers. Back then, the world felt so beautiful. Wei Qiu and Wei Xia would still joke around with me, Shen Wushuang talked more than he does now, Mother didn’t hesitate around me, and you… you would still hold me and call me Xiao Qi."
"But now? Even I don’t know what’s happened."
"Wei Qiu and Wei Xia rarely laugh with me anymore. Shen Wushuang has become respectful and distant. Mother keeps her thoughts to herself and never shares them with me. And even you…"
Wei Yun gazed at the swaying lantern, his voice rough. "You’ve changed too."
"I’ve done nothing wrong—I’ve tried my best to protect everyone. I’ve learned restraint, patience, tolerance, decisiveness." Wei Yun slowly closed his eyes, his voice trembling with suppressed emotion. "Yet everyone still drifts further away, revering but not loving, admiring but not drawing close. What did I do wrong?"
His voice shook as if he could no longer hold back. Curling into himself in Chu Yu’s embrace, he raised his hands to cover his face and suddenly burst into loud, wrenching sobs.
"I just grew up, that’s all."
He just grew up, that’s all.
Once a person grows up, every word they speak is scrutinized for hidden meaning, every motive seen as ambition.
He had tried so hard—to make sure everyone around him was well, to hold onto the person behind him. He had resolved every worry, every fear, every unease she carried. Yet the world still refused to become what he wanted it to be.
But what had he done wrong?
She had once given her best to Gu Chusheng. She had abandoned everything to elope with him in the rain, loved him with a courage that never looked back—even when he was unworthy. And when Gu Chusheng made mistakes, when he knelt and begged, he still earned her pity and softened heart.
But Wei Yun? He had carefully given her every beautiful thing—begged Zhao Yue for the First-rank imperial title and the position of Northern Phoenix General for her, strived to grow stronger to shelter her from storms. If she didn’t love him enough, he waited. Yet she still drifted further away. He didn’t know how to keep her, didn’t even dare demand she stay the way Gu Chusheng had.
Because he knew—if he asked her to stay, she would.
So he didn’t dare say a word. All he could do was clutch her hand in this rainy night, in her arms, and weep uncontrollably.He hadn't cried like this in many years. Chu Yu held him tightly, a sharp pain surging within her as she clenched her teeth.
For the first time, she truly realized that Wei Yun had lived a life far harder and more bitter than she had ever imagined.
Some people never show their wounds to others. So even when they fester and rot, people still think they are calm and composed.
She remembered five years ago in the desert dust, Wei Yun soaking in the medicinal bath Shen Wushuang had prepared. He had struggled, wept bitterly, and clung to her, calling out, "Sister-in-law, it hurts."
When he was young, he could still say such things. But as he grew older, he couldn't even utter the words "it hurts" anymore. Instead, he would only ask her, "Where did I go wrong?"
There was nowhere he went wrong.
Chu Yu clenched her teeth, listening to his sobs, and thought back to her own youth.
She was unfair.
Even though he had never spoken of it, she was acutely aware of how unjust she had been in this relationship. She had left all the wounds Gu Chusheng inflicted on her for Wei Yun to bear. When Gu Chusheng restrained her, she lived in the Wei family with the demeanor of the Gu family's first lady, forgetting that when Wei Yun returned from the Northern Di, one of the three conditions he demanded from Zhao Yue was a military position for her. When Gu Chusheng betrayed her, she became anxious, waiting for the day Wei Yun would do the same, failing to see that Wei Yun had cherished this love in his heart for five years, never fading in the slightest.
She had given the best version of herself to Gu Chusheng, who had wronged her, and the worst version to Wei Yun, who had done nothing wrong.
Any relationship will have its trials, with pain and sweetness intertwined, tolerance and freedom entwined. Wei Yun had paved every path for her, yet she lacked even the courage to walk them.
She took a deep breath and tightened her arms around him.
Suddenly, she wondered: if she could go back to when she was fifteen, if she had never married Gu Chusheng, never endured the hardships of those years, and met this person in the most beautiful time of her life—what would she have done?
As this thought flashed through her mind, she lowered her head and fiercely bit his lips.
Sobs and tears mingled in the kiss as she pinned Wei Yun beneath her, sliding her fingers into his and interlacing them tightly.
She had never kissed him with such abandon before—without any finesse, reckless and passionate. Beneath her, Wei Yun slowly tightened his grip on her hand.
"Wei Yun," Chu Yu straightened up, looking at him earnestly, "I want to confess something. I've lived a lifetime already."
"I... just heard it," Wei Yun said, gazing at the woman sitting atop him. His body tensed, afraid of what she might say next.
Chu Yu quietly studied the man beneath her and calmly stated, "I was married before. I had a child."
"I know," Wei Yun lowered his eyes, unconsciously tightening their interlaced fingers before loosening them again, as if remembering something.
Chu Yu leaned down, her hair cascading around him. She looked at him gently and said, "In the past, I treated you poorly."
"No..." Wei Yun's voice was hoarse. "I asked for too much."
"You should have asked," Chu Yu raised her hand, cupping his face with tenderness in her eyes. "I was once a better version of myself—brave and bold. What you wanted, as a lover, I should have given you. But I gave it to someone else, not you."
"Stop!" Wei Yun seemed pained. He tried to sit up, but Chu Yu pressed him back down firmly. She looked at him with solemnity."So, Wei Yun," her gaze locked with his, intertwining and entangling, she looked at him calmly and said quietly, "Let's start over, okay?"
Wei Yun was stunned, as if he didn't understand. Chu Yu raised her hand and removed the hairpin from her hair. Her dark tresses cascaded down like a waterfall. Her eyes still held a misty sheen, yet the corners of her eyes and brows were filled with a smile.
"If I were fifteen and took a liking to you," she lifted her hand and undid her belt. Wei Yun watched dumbfounded as her robes loosened and she leaned down, "If you liked me back, then it would be 'carpe diem'—how does that sound?"
Wei Yun didn’t speak. His gaze shifted to the side, his lips parting as if to say something. Chu Yu reached out, her fingers threading through his hair, and asked softly, "Do you like me?"
"I do." The answer came without hesitation, but it was choked with tears and sorrow. Chu Yu chuckled lightly. She lowered her head, capturing his lips gently, and murmured, "Then that’s enough."
That’s enough.
Rain tapped against autumn leaves, the long corridor carried a chill, as they embraced and kissed, moving from the floor to the bed, unrestrained and uninhibited.
When the climax suddenly overtook him, he clutched her tightly, burying himself completely within her.
His body trembled as he held her close.
In that moment, embracing her, feeling her, he suddenly realized—even if she said she would leave now, he wouldn’t be afraid.
Because he knew, at this moment, Chu Yu truly loved him.
Author’s Note: It must be my period coming on too strong, making me cry uncontrollably.
This chapter wasn’t even angsty.
But when I wrote the part where Wei Yun halted his steps, asking Chu Yu if she could come hug him, crying and saying, "I’ve just grown up," I remembered Wei Yun in his youth—silver spear astride a white horse, slaying seven generals, a heroic young man in vibrant robes, spirited and bold. That was probably the best time of Wei Yun’s life, but it could never return. Because as people grow up, they learn to hide their wounds in their hearts, to endure, to be steady, to sit in the high hall and sign every document even when they want to weep bitterly. Because no one will ask what’s behind you—they’ll only ask, "Your Highness, what’s the next step?"
Ah… I can’t take it anymore, my tears are worthless…
No matter what, I’ll always love Young General Wei!!!
TT
Actually, Xiao Qi never meant to restrain A Yu. Back when he negotiated with Zhao Yue, his second condition was to confer upon Chu Yu the first-rank imperial title, recognizing her military merits in the Battle of Phoenix Tomb City and granting her a military position.
From many years ago until now, Wei Yun has always wanted to give Chu Yu a world of her own. But all women are accustomed to being confined. When Chu Yu became the Wei family’s matriarch, she thought only of being the matriarch; Liu Xueyang, Jiang Chun—every woman imposed shackles upon themselves.
Wiping away my tears—battle is about to begin!! Let’s go, ganbatte!!!
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