It wаs thе third dау of their marriаgе. For the first timе, Xin Mеi didn't risе аt thе сrаck of dаwn to cook for her husbаnd. Whеn Lu Qianqiаo rеturnеd tо thеir bedсhаmbеr аftеr finishing his routinе training on the high рlаtform, hе found her still in her оriginal pоsition, huddled undеr thе соvеrs аnd stаring into spасe.
Тhе gеnerаl, who hаd bеen eаgеrly аnticipating а passionаtе brеakfаst cookеd bу his wifе's own hаnds, wаs а littlе disарpоintеd. Hе walkеd over, strоked hеr tоuslеd hair, аnd аskеd sоftly, "What's wrong? Аre you not feеling well?"
Xin Mеi's dazed еyеs rоamеd blankly before finally landing on his face. Immediately, her brows furrowed.
"Lu Qianqiao," she pouted, "you're a liar!"
He was stunned.
"On our wedding night, what did you promise me?"
Lu Qianqiao touched his burning ear. That night... he had said many things that night, but they had all been uttered under certain very special, very bewildering circumstances. At that moment, if she had asked him to pluck the moon from the sky, he probably would have agreed without a second thought. Now that she was asking him like this... how was he supposed to answer?
"You promised me that on the second day, you'd let me be on top! But you went back on your word!"
Last night, she had been eagerly awaiting his fulfillment of that promise. After her bath, she had pounced on him, pushed him down, straddled him, climbed on him, nibbled him, and groped him... all while remembering to open the Collection of Orchid Musk and Delicate Stamens to the right page, placing it on the bedside table for on-the-spot observation and practice.
Just as she was grinding and rubbing, her passion surging and her blood boiling, ready to proceed to the most crucial next step, he had suddenly been unable to bear it any longer. He reached out, grabbed her waist, turned, and flipped, and just like that, she unwillingly became the one on the bottom.
"You—you can't do this! You broke your promise! Liar! You... if you come any closer, I'll call for help!"
Xin Mei struggled with all her might, ready to die rather than submit in the defense of her chastity.
Lu Qianqiao swept the troublesome Collection of Orchid Musk and Delicate Stamens aside. It fell to the floor, listening with tears streaming down its face as the man on the bed, who had lost most of his reason, told the same old lie: "Next time... definitely next time..."
It had lived for several hundred years now. In all that time, it had seen countless men and women in the throes of passion. Based on its rich experience and sharp eye, the Collection of Orchid Musk and Delicate Stamens determined that although this handsome, cold-faced general appeared reserved and restrained, he was absolutely the type who was unwilling to be "beneath a woman." Poor thing... you're just a prop...
"I'm really going to call for help!" a certain young lady was still putting up a final struggle.
"Don't be difficult, don't be difficult... Scream your lungs out... no one will come to save you." The general had completely lost his senses.
"Lungs out! Lungs out..."
Well, no one came to save her. A pure and flawless little wildflower quietly withered.
Xin Mei withered for a night, and upon waking, continued to wither in anger. Now that Lu Qianqiao had finally returned, she could no longer suppress her withered fury.
"You don't keep your word!"
Lu Qianqiao touched his hot face again, feeling extremely troubled. This... how was he supposed to explain this?
"Xin Mei, every time you... I can't hold back..."
She was always in such a rush, like a raging inferno, but then she would always stop at the critical moment, grinding to a hesitant, indecisive halt. Only a saint could endure that.
"I'm trying to learn!" she said. After a thought, she added, "You should learn properly too!"
...
[On the third day of marriage, the bride, dissatisfied with the groom's bedroom skills, angrily ran away from home.] — Anecdotes of the Jade Emperor Mausoleum, recorded by Zhao Guanren
Xin Mei rode Qiu Yue back to the Sinister Clan. She wanted to have a good cry to her old man. Lu Qianqiao was great in every way, except he was too domineering in certain matters. And... and the matters of the bed didn't seem as ecstatic as the books described... Most of the time, she was still uncomfortable. Was it his problem or hers?
But... this wasn't something she could easily discuss with her father, was it? Especially not with a father who was always suspecting she'd been abandoned by a man.
Just as Qiu Yue landed, Xin Mei saw Xin Xiong's expression shift from pleasant surprise to terror. She sighed. His first words would inevitably be—
"You've been kicked out by the young master again?!"
She didn't even have the energy to refute him and just nodded. "Yeah, I was kicked out. Tidy up a room for me, I'll be staying for a few days."
After waiting a moment, she saw no reaction from her father. Xin Mei looked up curiously, only to see him wearing an expression of profound shock, as if he'd been struck by lightning. Then, his eyes rolled back, and he fainted cleanly away.
The Sinister Clan was once again thrown into chaos.
She really felt like a sinner. Even after getting married, she was still giving her old man one shock after another.
After Xin Xiong came to, he ignored everyone and went to the ancestral hall to cry to his late wife for the entire afternoon. He stayed there until Xin Mei rushed over to admit her mistake. "Dad, I misspoke. I just missed you and Mom, so I came back to visit. I'll go back tomorrow."
Xin Xiong wiped his tears with his sleeve and looked at her timidly, murmuring, "...Really?"
She nodded vigorously. "Absolutely!"
Xin Xiong tremblingly pointed at her head. "Then—then why are you still wearing your hair like an unmarried girl?!"
The Kingdom of Qiong was not like those few countries in the east with more open customs, where a married woman could still style her hair like an unmarried girl for the sake of novelty and beauty. Here, marriage was marriage. From clothing to hairstyle to even one's manner of speaking, a married woman was completely different from a maiden. In Xin Xiong's eyes, his daughter had been married for some time now, yet her hair was still down with her bangs covering her forehead. This was absolutely not normal! Not normal at all!
Xin Mei rolled her eyes. "No one taught me how to do a married woman's bun!"
It was already a great accomplishment that she could get her hair into a decent shape that wouldn't collapse.
Xin Xiong was instantly relieved. "It's my fault for not being more considerate. Your mother passed away early, and I didn't think to hire a matron or someone to teach you before the wedding."
He lowered his head and thought for a moment, then said, "My precious, just stay at home for a few days. Tomorrow, I'll have someone invite your great aunt over."
The great aunt was Xin Xiong's eldest sister.
Xin Mei's impression of her was of the perpetually bright and delicate colors of her clothes. Even if her face was blooming with wrinkles, from a distance, her great aunt still looked as graceful as a sixteen-year-old girl.
The moment she saw Xin Mei, she smiled, came over to take her hand, and spoke in a soft, delicate voice, "Little Mei, a married woman can't wear her hair like this. Come, Great Aunt will teach you how to do a bun."
Xin Xiong shot her a meaningful look from a distance. The great aunt blinked to show she completely understood, and he went out, reassured, to look after his precious Spirit beasts.
"Little Mei, is your husband not treating you well?" the great aunt asked in a low voice as she began to style her hair in front of the mirror.
Xin Mei shook her head. "No, he treats me very well."
Whatever she wanted, as long as he had it, he would bring it to her without a moment's delay. When she mentioned wanting to see the Xin Mei puppet, he immediately scoured all of Turn Tide Mountain to find the best wood and threw himself into carving it. When she told him not to sleep in, he would go to bed early every day to ensure he woke up before her the next morning, so she would see his deep eyes the moment she opened hers.
Actually... Lu Qianqiao was truly good to her. She understood that.
"But you don't seem very happy... and you keep running back to your family every few days. Could it be that your husband..."
The great aunt lowered her head, covered her mouth with her sleeve, and whispered a few words to her.
"No, no."
Xin Mei shook her head violently, flinging all thoughts of Tiger Penis Wine and Deer Penis Pills out of her mind. Besides... if he took any more of that stuff, wouldn't she just be even more uncomfortable?
The great aunt covered her mouth in shock. "Could it be that he's too good at it?!"
That wasn't it either...
Xin Mei gave her a troubled look. Great Aunt, could you please not blush like a sunset? And with that look of anticipation, gossip, and coyness... it's quite terrifying!
The great aunt's heartfelt tactics failed. As she lingered in the room until it was nearly time for dinner, she suddenly heard someone announce that Lu Qianqiao had arrived.
Xin Mei ran to the entrance with a group of people and, sure enough, saw Lu Qianqiao with a black cloth over his eyes again, riding the Fierce Cloud Colt, looking dashing and dignified as he spoke with Xin Xiong.
The great aunt cupped her face and shyly sized him up for a long time before suddenly leaning close to Xin Mei's ear and saying something shocking, "My precious, your husband was a virgin before the wedding, wasn't he?"
Xin Mei immediately choked on her own saliva and nearly passed out.
Lu Qianqiao turned toward them with concern. Through the black cloth, she couldn't see the expression in his eyes. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but in the end, said nothing. He was simply half-supported, half-dragged into the estate by a tearful Xin Xiong.
The great aunt nodded with understanding. "I get it now. My precious, leave this matter to Great Aunt."
Leave what matter to her? Xin Mei watched in utter confusion as her great aunt turned to follow them, the hem of her bright, delicate skirt rippling like a flower.
[The bride returned to her family home and confided in an experienced female elder. The elder, angered, found a private place to scold the groom, who was filled with shame and remorse.] — Anecdotes of the Jade Emperor Mausoleum, recorded by Zhao Guanren
After dinner, Xin Mei finally got some time alone with Lu Qianqiao—an entire night to themselves. This time, they were truly married and would be staying in the same room.
The oil lamp flickered slowly on the table, and their shadows danced slowly on the wall.
The black cloth over Lu Qianqiao's eyes had been removed. Who knew what the great aunt had said to him, but a strange blush still lingered on his face. He was distracted, his mind wandering, his thoughts drifting back to a primeval age.
Xin Mei poured him a cup of tea. After mulling it over for a long time, she finally said, "Lu Qianqiao, I'm not mad at you. I just... um, wanted to come back and see my dad. Let's go back to the Imperial Mausoleum tomorrow."
He didn't seem to hear her at all. He raised the teacup and poured the water down his neck, yelping in shock from the heat.
...What on earth had the great aunt said to him? He was as frightened as a bird that had been startled by the twang of a bowstring.
She found a clean cloth to wipe the water from his clothes, then casually undid his sash to see if his skin was burned, and then—he grabbed her wrist.
"Xin Mei..." He looked at her with pity and guilt. "I'm sorry. I've always... It's my fault."
Xin Mei's eyes lit up. She grabbed his lapels. "You know you were wrong?"
Did that mean he was willing to let her push him down and have her way with him, to let her be on top?
Lu Qianqiao nodded with deep remorse. The great aunt had told him that although Xin Mei was already sixteen, she was physically a bit of a late bloomer compared to other girls her age. For certain things, there was only a four-character mantra: Proceed slowly and steadily.
Proceed slowly and steadily!
He stroked her hair, his voice overflowing with tenderness. "Go to sleep early. I'll stay with you..."
Before he could finish, she threw herself at him, hugging his head and showering it with nibbles and kisses, while also tearing off his outer robe and tossing it to the floor.
"Wait..." was the only word he managed to get out.
"Wait for what!" Xin Mei tackled him onto the bed. "We agreed! Today, I push you down! Don't move!"
She refused to believe that their bedroom affairs couldn't be ecstatic!
Thud. The pillow fell to the floor.
Clink. A hairpin also fell to the floor.
Lu Qianqiao's face was pale. He lay stiffly on the bed, limbs spread out, forcing himself to endure it through gritted teeth. The only thing in his mind was the four-character mantra: Proceed slowly and steadily! Proceed slowly and steadily! He had to endure, he had to take it slow!
...She was starting to hesitate again, to waver, to miss the mark, to dawdle...
He felt as if golden stars were exploding before his eyes, as if he could see the distant end of the celestial palace.
"Xin Mei..." he squeezed out two words with difficulty. "You... hurry up..."
Xin Mei guiltily hugged him, then suddenly reached up to lower the bed curtains, murmuring, "It'll be just a moment."
The bed curtains began to shake violently again, followed by two more wails from her. She immediately pushed him away, about to get out of bed to tend to her wounds. It was so strange, why did it hurt so much at the beginning every time?!
This was the last straw...
Lu Qianqiao's hands clamped onto her waist, pressing her back down. His other hand slowly caressed its way up her smooth back, pulling her down to hold her tightly against his chest.
"You always leave at this moment... Are you doing it on purpose?" he panted, opening his mouth to take her soft earlobe between his lips.
Xin Mei twisted with all her might. "You're not allowed to move! I'm the one pushing you down!"
His hand slid down inch by inch, heading toward a place she very much didn't want him to go. She reacted immediately, twisting even more fiercely, trying to get off the bed.
"I'm not moving... not moving." He pressed one hand on her back while resting his head on the pillow, indicating that he wasn't moving at all.
Proceed slowly and steadily. With her, he had to take it slow.
The hand on her back moved slowly upward again, lifting her head from where it was buried in his chest, panting softly, and he kissed her.
"I'm really not moving... See... you're on top," he murmured, gently nibbling her soft lips.
...Proceed slowly and steadily. This should be slow enough, right? If he proceeded any more slowly, he was going to die.
At that moment, she let out her usual uncomfortable whimper. Lu Qianqiao stroked her head and asked, "...Does it hurt?"
She shook her head, then nodded, making it unclear what she meant.
Forget it... continue to proceed slowly and steadily...
And so, it became ecstatic.
[From then on, the groom strove for self-improvement, diligently studying the art of marital harmony. Two rare, treasured editions of a certain book—the Collection of Orchid Musk and Delicate Stamens—became permanent fixtures in their home. The bride and groom, henceforth, lived in perfect harmony, envying only mandarin ducks and not immortals.] — Anecdotes of the Jade Emperor Mausoleum, recorded by Zhao Guanren
(The Collection of Orchid Musk and Delicate Stamens silently weeps: It has nothing to do with us! Theirs is a fake, a fake! We absolutely do not acknowledge it!)
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