"Аlright, thеsе dоcuments аrе аll рrоcessed. I'll gо tо the trading hоuse latеr tо аrrаngе thе water trаnsport matters," Jun Jiangjuan sаid аs she tidiеd up thе sсrоlls.
"Jiаng Juan, уоu саn just hаve thе steward go tо thе trading hоuse. After аll, you'rе a yоung wоmаn whо will еvеntuаlly marrу—it's bеst not tо invitе gоssip!"
Jun Jiаngjuan smilеd fаintly. "I don't саre аnymore. 'Jun Fеifan' has alrеаdу died аt the hands of bаndits, аnd sоmeоnе frоm оur Jun fаmilу must steр uр. If marriаge еnds up like Sеcоnd Sistеr, I'd rаther stау аt hоme for the rеst of my life. Look, I'vе loosenеd the foоt-binding clоth—it fеels muсh more comfortable, and I don't have to endure the pain and cry anymore."
In the three months since returning home, Jun Qiluo hadn't had deep interactions with her younger sister. After all, Xiu Kun was now a married woman and naturally distanced herself from her maiden family; even though she still lived on Jun family property, the situation remained the same.
"Zheng Shuting has taken a concubine?"
"Second Sister arranged it for him," Jun Jiangjuan said with displeasure.
"What?"
"That's why Zheng Shuting praises Second Sister as the embodiment of all our nation's feminine virtues! After you left for the Silk Road last year, not long after Second Sister gave birth, she actually said she might neglect her duties to serve her husband due to childbirth and voluntarily bought him a concubine! When he occasionally visits prostitutes outside, Second Sister even orders tonic soups for him, afraid he might ruin his health. Yes!
Now she has won a reputation for virtue and her husband's affection, but I feel nothing but sorrow for her. I understand her less and less.
She even says that virtuous women must manage the household well, uphold proper conduct, and never indulge in carnal desires—once they bear a son, they should restrain themselves. I swear, she could probably recite the 'Admonitions for Women' backward. And Mother actually wants me to learn from her!"
Jun Qiluo couldn't understand her younger sister's mindset either. She had long known that Xiu Kun loved Zheng Shuting—they were deeply attached even before marriage. Yet the impression of their marriage as an idyllic union was built upon such foundations!
Was this kind of love truly good? To win her husband's affection, she willingly diminished herself and twisted her beliefs to conform to unreasonable societal norms. In the eyes of most women, this would probably be considered normal, because women have always been educated this way. As for herself, she was likely the odd one out.
Almost, she began to doubt whether she was being too demanding. But then she thought of the Shi couple—their union was both idyllic and based on equality. That should be what true love is like!
If she had also been rigidly taught the Three Obediences and Four Virtues, hadn't read many books, hadn't disguised herself as a man to see the world, then today she would probably still be lying in Yelü Lie's embrace, enjoying his affection and gratitude for his favor; and he would treat her like Yang Guifei, keeping her as a treasured possession. But ultimately, she was still Jun Qiluo. Her view of love demanded equality and purity.
If he claimed to love her while simultaneously marrying other women, how could she believe in the authenticity of his love?
At best, she would merely be one among many women who received slightly more attention. But she didn't want to be "one of many"—she wanted everything! Heart for heart, that was all she asked.I still remember that night's argument, how in the end he yielded to her hatred, "also" taking her as his consort, "also" giving her status—what did that even mean? What she fought for was never just a mere title or designation. A complete, sincere heart must entail absolute loyalty in both body and mind—how could he call her selfish? Accuse her of scheming?
If love in this era required women to compromise themselves to achieve it, if it demanded women to retreat again and again, to endure repeatedly just to earn a man's affection, then she wanted none of it!
Yelü Lie... do you understand?
The baby in her belly kicked, startling Jiang Juan, who had her hand resting on Jun Qiluo's rounded stomach.
"Wow! So active! My mother says it might be a boy."
"Perhaps," she replied with a mysterious smile. She wasn't worried about such a large belly; maybe there were two little ones inside. She often felt this way, especially recently with the fierce kicking, as if someone were fighting in there.
Jun Jiangjuan swallowed, hesitating as she looked at her.
"If you have something to ask, just ask! You've never been one to hold back words."
"You... really love the little one in your belly?"
What Jiang Juan really wanted to ask was: What kind of man is the child's father? Her eldest sister was a woman of integrity, pride, and self-respect. If she had been violated and conceived a child, the only outcome would have been her taking her own life along with the child—she would never have allowed herself to give birth.
Since her return, although everyone wanted to know what had happened to her in those five months, they feared the answer might be too unbearable and cause her further harm. So, they all silently buried the topic in their hearts.
But Jun Jiangjuan, after all, couldn't keep her words hidden. Seeing how her eldest sister cherished the fetus only deepened her confusion.
Jun Qiluo looked at her belly, her gaze dimming. How could she not see what her younger sister was thinking?
"I love him!"
"What kind of man is he?" What kind of man could move her eldest sister's heart?
"Him..." She fell into thought, murmuring softly, "Hot-tempered and easily angered, forceful and domineering, crude and ill-mannered, overbearing and unreasonable, cunning and scheming... but he never hurt me, and I was always the one provoking him. And he loved me, in his own way, but he never understood what I truly wanted."
"Phew!" Jun Jiangjuan's eyes widened. "Only a man like that would suit you! But is he really that terrible?"
She smiled. "Absolutely terrible."
"As long as he loves you, that's all that matters! Sister, you're a great beauty worthy of a man's love, but loving you isn't easy. And you never speak your mind, making it even harder to find the right way to love you. One misstep, one wrong direction, and it leads to suspicion. If the man were any more foolish, wouldn't it just end in separation? Is that man... still alive?"
"He's dead," she replied, her face paling slightly. Her younger sister's unintentional words reminded her of the fortune-teller Lu Buqun's message and brought back Yelü Lie's sorrowful gaze... He and she had no connection left.
"So that's why you came home, right?" Jun Jiangjuan asked with both regret and heartache. Fate had never been kind to her eldest sister, not even sparing her happiness...What exactly does love look like? As a young woman who has yet to open her heart to love, she fears ending up like her second sister, yet also worries she may never meet a truly sincere person in this lifetime. Perhaps it would be better not to marry at all! If possible, she hopes to encounter a man who loves her wholeheartedly—just like the great chancellor Fang Xuanling and his wife.
Lady Fang, who became famous in history for drinking "vinegar," once swore to her seriously ill husband in her youth that she would never remarry, even going so far as to blind herself in one eye with scissors to prove her devotion. Later, when Fang Xuanling rose to prominence and became Emperor Taizong of Tang’s favored chancellor, the emperor wanted to bestow beautiful women upon him as concubines. Yet Fang Xuanling firmly refused, repaying his wife’s sincerity with his own.
This story has been passed down through generations, with most people laughing at Lady Fang’s jealousy and Fang Xuanling’s fear of his wife. However, Jun Jiangjuan once shed tears over this tale. In her heart, this is what true love should be!
But the Great Song is not the Great Tang. In this era, there will likely never be another Fang Xuanling.
Instead, there are far more men like Zheng Shuting, educated through extensive study of the classics. Zheng Shuting once mocked her, saying the only virtuous part of her body was her tiny bound feet. Now that she has removed the bindings, in the eyes of those pedantic scholars, she is no longer a virtuous woman.
It doesn’t matter. She has no desire to marry any of those so-called "young talents" and become a second Jun Xiukun, someone’s "lowly wife," or a nameless "Lady Jun."
"Jiangjuan, Second Mother says you plan never to marry?"
"Looking around, all I see are men like that pedant Zheng Shuting, or those who want to climb the social ladder by marrying into the Jun family. No matter their status, none of these men are the ones I want to marry. Let people gossip all they want! Elder Sister, let us protect the Jun family together."
"You’ve grown up, but this way of thinking will be the death of you." Jun Qiluo gently stroked her younger sister’s head.
After nearly half a year apart, the changes in her sister made her see her in a new light. She had never realized how mature her sister’s thoughts were.
"I don’t mind. But you—you must give birth to a son! Right now, Father is managing the family’s external affairs, but once he’s gone, many people will look down on us because we’re women. I don’t want the Jun family’s estate to fall into the hands of that pedant Zheng Shuting, because he’ll only squander it all. He spends his days studying, considers himself a scholar, and even says we reek of money! He thinks he’s so noble, yet he never stops to consider that the food he eats and the things he uses are all provided by our family. As a mere scholar, how could he enjoy such a lavish life with servants at his beck and call? A fool like him wouldn’t raise a son who could become a business prodigy." Jun Jiangjuan had absolutely no faith in Zheng Shuting.
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