Everlasting Longing

Jun Qiluо lооkеd at her.

"Мiss, уоu... рlеase don't bе likе this. It's Dong Yin's fault... rеally, рlеаsе fоrgivе me..." Dong Yin knеlt beside her feet, then burst intо lоud sobs.

"Sillу girl! Did my wоrds frightеn уоu? You wоuldn't undеrstаnd—sоmеtimes 'dеath' is a form оf libеratiоn, espeсially whеn I find myself in this situаtiоn whеrе I hаvе nо contrоl оver mу оwn lifе. Thе onlу thing thаt holds me bасk is my аging father, far аway in Jiangnаn!"

"Мiss... I..."

"Lеavе now. Don't disturb me аnуmоre. I'm sо tirеd."

Dоng Yin's hеsitаtiоn and unsроken wоrds held nо interest fоr her. Аftеr sеeing Dоng Yin withdrаw, shе quiеtly let her tеars fall.

She swore thаt these teаrs of humiliatiоn werе nоt shed bеcause of Yelü Lie's fickleness! Rather, they were for the sorrow of being an unfilial daughter who would leave this world before her father, forcing her elderly father to bury his own child. Moreover, she hated her own wavering heart for being shaken by him. She should have known from the start that the outcome would be a colossal joke. Hadn't her reason been warning her all along? Yet she had turned a deaf ear. In the end, all of this was her own doing!

And why hadn't Yelü Lie told her he already had a fiancée? Was he afraid she wouldn't be able to accept it? No! That was too narcissistic a thought! She shook her head, mocking herself: He must have thought it was none of her business, because his marriage had never included her in the first place. Who was she? How could she ever dream of becoming a princess? He probably assumed she would be content to be his woman, submitting to his affection, offering her body and soul without complaint.

Indeed! It no longer mattered whom he wanted, and it had long ceased to concern her.

At lamp-lighting time, Yelü Lie entered.

Having been active all day, he looked quite exhausted. After bathing, he came over, wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her rosy cheek.

"What are you thinking about? Your body is freezing cold, and you haven't even put on extra clothing. Dong Yin is too negligent!" Noticing how cold she was, he drew her into his embrace.

"Hmm? What are you thinking about!" he asked again.

"You wouldn't want to know," she replied coldly, looking at him. She also realized she could no longer find a comfortable position in his arms; more precisely, she felt no trace of attachment to this embrace anymore. Ah! Even her body rejected him now. That truly meant her hatred was complete.

Yelü Lie finally sensed her unusual state.

"I want to know."

She smiled falsely.

"Am I qualified to be your wife?"

"Qiluo!" What was wrong with her? Who had been gossiping to her? Dong Yin?

"I'm not qualified, am I?"

"Yang Yuhuan was not Emperor Xuanzong of Tang's principal wife!"

Jun Qiluo's face showed no expression now. Her tone was cold and detached as she said, "What are you going to tell me next? That throughout history, powerful officials and nobles have all had three wives and four concubines, with crowds of servants?"

She knew! Yelü Lie gritted his teeth and growled, "Who told you?"

"Are you going to kill someone? Is it not appropriate to spread the news that you have three fiancées and can enjoy the blessings of multiple wives? I should congratulate you. Why are you the one getting angry instead?" She withdrew from his embrace, stepping back step by step, allowing Yelü Lie to clearly see the hatred radiating from her entire being.

He took a step forward, roaring, "Who told you!"

"Don't come any closer! Yelü Lie! Just because I never speak Khitan doesn't mean I can't!" She said in Khitan, word by word, "If you want to kill the person who told me, you'll have to kill the tribal chiefs first, and finally kill yourself. Because it was all of you who told me with your own words."He grabbed her tightly. She hated him! She hated him... This alone was unbearable to him; yet the fear rising from the depths of his heart came from seeing that glimmer of despair and emptiness in her eyes...

She neither shouted nor screamed, remaining so calm, so calm that he couldn’t grasp her thoughts! Only a sense of emptiness lingered, even now as he held her forcefully in his arms, he still felt empty, as if, as if he were embracing a corpse.

"Qiluo! I only want you, I don’t care whom I marry! I only want you! Don’t you understand?"

"I understand." She sneered. Seeing him in this furious and desperate state, should she shed a few tears to show she was moved?

No, she didn’t understand at all! He would gradually lose her!

"Don’t be so selfish, Qiluo! Look at me, look at me!" He grabbed her shoulders with both hands, commanding her to face him.

"I’ve given you everything, why do you only know how to receive and are so stingy in giving? You must understand the difficulties of my position as Yilidong. Marrying them is for political stability, I don’t want them! Why are you so selfish that you refuse to consider my situation? What would making you my consort even signify?"

She was selfish? Was that his conclusion?

"I’m qualified to be your pleasure-seeking courtesan, but not qualified to stand beside you and face others’ gazes. Is this how you love me?

You insult me too much, Yelü Lie! Even if you were as noble as Emperor Xuanzong of Tang, I would never want to be Yang Guifei! Stop spouting those hypocritical words meant to deceive tears. Instead of wasting them on me, start treating your fiancées! You are the selfish one!" She trembled as she accused him: "You are the truly selfish one! You want status, reputation, love, and the hearts of every woman! You already possess so much, yet you remain unsatisfied and crave even more. This is your love! What have you given me? Is it so precious? Have I truly accepted it? Go be your Emperor Xuanzong! But I will absolutely never be your Yang Yuhuan!" She struggled fiercely to break free from him, but couldn’t overcome his strength, only to be held even tighter.

"You, you are truly unreasonable! What else do you want? If making you my official wife would please you, I’ll do it!"

He clung to her desperately, refusing to let her go no matter what.

"I don’t care, I don’t care anymore! Go give your titles to the women who are interested in you! I never want to see you again in this lifetime!

Taking your surname would only disgrace me. You are not worthy to be my husband!" she roared, pounding his body, determined only to break free from his grasp.

"You—" He lost control and raised his hand to strike her, but unexpectedly, she didn’t even try to dodge, as if she wanted him to kill her with that blow.

In his rage, he slammed his hand onto the nearby tea table, shattering it into pieces. "Don’t think I’ll kill you! I won’t let you die! You are mine!"

"Not anymore!"

"What do you want me to do? I’m already going to formally marry you! What more do you want? You’ve won!

I’ve conceded! What else do you want? Tell me!" He threw her onto the bed, afraid he had used too much force and might have hurt her. He could no longer bear her willfulness, yet feared that in his anger, he might harm her. He couldn’t bear the consequences of venting his rage on her!

Jun Qiluo shook her head, the hatred and coldness in her eyes unchanged."You don't need to concede anything, nor do you need to reluctantly marry me. You don't have to do anything at all! I cannot bear your grand sacrifice!"

"You... damn you!" he roared out. This woman had reverted to the same demeanor as when they first met. What exactly did she want? "Didn't you ask me to give you status? I'm giving it to you now, yet you show no gratitude! What do you want from me? Are you determined to drive me mad? You resented me for not giving you status as proof of my sincerity. Now I've proven it—haven't you exploited this feeling thoroughly enough? I've already surrendered all my dignity, letting you take whatever you want. You've already turned me into a coward. What more do you want? Jun Qiluo, you truly live up to the Jun family name—a great merchant who devours people's flesh and blood without spitting out the bones! You even use emotions as a commodity. You have no heart. If you had a heart, you would see how deeply I love you. You wouldn't demand that I betray loyalty and righteousness for your sake, nor would you ask me to disregard the greater situation just to fulfill this romantic love. If you next demand that I betray the Great Liao, I wouldn't be surprised, because you're testing how far I can be toyed with by you! You are ruthless!"

His accusations, fueled by rage, pierced her already bleeding heart like sharp blades, trampling upon its shattered pieces.

Jun Qiluo bit down hard on the back of her hand to stifle her sobs, but the tears she forced back burst forth like a broken dam.

He was ruthless! He was the cruelest! All she wanted was a sincere return of affection, without anyone else interfering—nothing more than that. Yet he had wounded her so deeply! In his eyes, she was ungrateful, cunning, deceitful, and greedy, constantly scheming against him and torturing his heart.