Coming to Myself

"Won't you tell me?" she asked slowly, her gaze filled with hidden pain.

Yin Feng's heart ached faintly in response, accompanied by a touch of grievance. He pressed the back of her head, drawing her face closer, and said hoarsely, "Do you really want to know?"

"Of course."

Yin Feng held her against his chest and said, "Some words, once spoken, mean we can't turn back. Someone will inevitably pay the price. Do you understand?"

You Mingxu remained silent for only a few seconds before saying, "If I want to hear it, I can bear the cost."

His fingers spread out, pressing against her face. The position made her somewhat uncomfortable, but he persisted.

He said, "Do you know what I was thinking that day on the mountain with Gu Tiancheng, the last time as You Yingjun, before I lost consciousness?"

"What?"

"I thought, as long as I could keep being with you, I'd trade anything for it. I was afraid I'd forget you, and even more afraid that after waking up, you wouldn't love me anymore. That was the most terrifying moment of my life, more frightening than those days in Guizhou. That feeling of helplessness carved itself deep into my heart like a knife."

You Mingxu's heart trembled. She hadn't known...

"I remembered everything," Yin Feng said. "I remembered how from the first moment I saw you, I felt an indescribable fondness. I remembered how careful I was every day, trying to please you. When you were happy, I was joyful; when you were upset, I felt anxious. If you showed even the slightest hint of caring for me, I'd be so happy I couldn't sleep at night. You kissed me, then pushed me away, lying that it was just a reward. I... heh, even though I knew you looked down on me, I still tried my hardest to earn another 'reward' from you..."

You Mingxu felt a pang of bitterness in her heart, her face flushing with shame. She whispered, "What, are you bringing up old grievances now?"

"We'll settle old scores later," he said. "I just want you to know that there was once a person who wasn't truly that foolish—he just loved you very humbly. You Mingxu, do you know how I felt when I remembered everything? It turns out that from so early on, I had already offered my sincere heart to you without hesitation. Whether you trampled on it, discarded it, or cherished it, I actually accepted it all willingly."

You Mingxu never expected to hear such words from him. For Yin Feng, with his pride, to admit these things... Her eyes reddened without her realizing it. And he said he wouldn't bring up old grievances—what was this if not old grievances?!

Unexpectedly, after a moment of silence, he said in a mocking tone, "I've heard of such feelings, but I never believed in them or witnessed them. How could I have imagined it would happen to me?"

You Mingxu's heart felt sore, yet she almost wanted to laugh mockingly. Instead, she said, "You make it sound so nice—are you trying to sweet-talk me? Who would believe that?"

"You don't believe me?" Yin Feng said. "Of course you don't. Because you'll never love me the way I love you."

You Mingxu retorted, "Nonsense. Keep spinning your tales."

He grabbed her hand and said, "Spinning tales? If even a single word is false, may the Punisher strike me dead tomorrow."

You Mingxu: "..."

He added, "You don't believe it because you're not a Paranoiac."

You Mingxu felt her heart tremble.

"Then are you?" she asked.Yin Feng smiled and said, "I haven't wanted to say this all these days, didn't want you to know I've regained my memories, because I never imagined how to control such feelings. But fortunately, during this time, I've slowly adapted and accepted it. You're forcing me to say it? You Mingxu, don't even think about turning back from now on."

You Mingxu asked, "Why can't I turn back?"

Yin Feng held her gently and said, "Do you know what I've been thinking about when I look at you and remember you during this time? I love you so much that even now, when I close my eyes, I can still feel the pain and helplessness from that day on the mountaintop. So if one day you fall for another man, I'll kill him. If one day you plan to leave me, I'll use every means to lock you away. And if one day you die before me, what can I do? I think suicide isn't so terrifying. Life is unpredictable, and so are people's hearts. Only this way can I ensure I have you completely."

You Mingxu was speechless. His words were calm yet insane, but she knew that behind his quiet and steady demeanor lay a stubborn and lonely Soul.

"Don't be like this," she said.

"It's already like this," he replied. "A Xu, are you scared? Do you want to retreat? You've always hoped I'd remember, but the old me didn't understand what such feelings meant and plunged right in. Now that I remember, I won't be like You Yingjun, asking for nothing in return. This is who I am—selfish, obsessive, and perhaps still childish. I once said that from now on, you are my desire. But it's more than that! When I was in the abyss, you were my only light. You pulled me out of the darkness, and having tasted your warmth and brightness, how could I ever let go? You must stay with me, only with me."

As soon as he finished speaking, his emotions seemed to surge, and he flipped over, pinning her beneath him.

But You Mingxu cupped his face in her hands and said, "What's this madness? Calm down. Listen to me, I'm not scared at all because I've long known what kind of person you truly are. That You Yingjun is the real you. You're not selfish or childish. You're a good person—kind, upright, brave, holding onto your beliefs through such hardship. Many people can't compare to you. You've just used many things to shield and protect yourself.

A Feng, we have a long life ahead. I don't want to leave you. I want to live well with you. Life is what we make of it. I know you're obsessive, but who in this world doesn't have some psychological issues? What's the big deal? No one will leave, no one will betray, no one will die. As long as you're sincere with me, I'll do everything in my power to stay by your side. Just like... when you were Yingjun, staying by me without any reason, okay?"

Yin Feng hung his head, not letting You Mingxu see his expression. For a man like him, baring his heart like this was undoubtedly a difficult thing.

Seeing him like this, You Mingxu's heart softened intensely. She said, "What do you want? Whatever you want, I'll give it to you." After a pause, she added, "Yin Feng, from now on, I'm yours. Whatever you want to do, I'll be with you."He slowly lowered his head, burying it in the hollow of her shoulder, and said, "So it wasn't just fondness, or dependence, or anything else. No one else would do—no one else in this world. You Mingxu, I only love you, worship you, I'm willing to die for you, as long as you love me. As long as you love me forever and always."

You Mingxu's tears fell instantly, and she choked out, "Okay."

You Mingxu felt as if a decadent yet gentle aura emanated from him, slowly engulfing her. She thought, he was right after all—once they had laid their hearts bare to each other, there truly was a sense of no turning back, of having no choice but to shatter and fall together into the vast abyss from then on.

But she was willing, always willing to stay by his side.

Later, he said, "A Xu, stay with me."

"Are you... really okay today?"

He replied hoarsely, "Yes. I, this Paranoiac, have been waiting for your comfort for a long, long time."

...

(Fade to black)