Shen Xihe nodded, gazing at him calmly.
For the first time, Xiao Huayong found himself unable to decipher someone's thoughts. He could only continue, "After returning to the capital, I found it dull. Everyone was within my control—except you. I wanted to watch you, understand you more, observe your aloofness, your cleverness, your wisdom. Unknowingly, I became deeply entangled, and when I realized it, I discovered I was willing to risk my life for you..."
When had Xiao Huayong determined that Shen Xihe was indispensable to him?
It was when he picked the Snow Lotus atop the snowy mountain. Initially, he thought she was merely a bit different, merely a bit likable. But when he had less than a fifty percent chance of returning unscathed yet still refused to give up the Tianshan Snow Lotus, he knew this woman had quietly seeped into his very bones and blood.
If before picking the Snow Lotus, he had been somewhat careless; then after the Snow Lotus, he was willing to give his all.
Shen Xihe was no fool. The Tianshan Snow Lotus had been delivered by Hua Fuhai's people. The Tianshan Snow Lotus... Thinking of his absence from the capital during that period, ostensibly due to the autumn grain robbery—yet with his connections, such a matter didn't require his personal involvement.
"The Tianshan Snow Lotus—you learned from Doctor Qi that I needed it, so you feigned illness as your own necessity." Previously, Shen Xihe hadn't understood medical principles and had questioned Sui Axi and Zhenzhu about Xiao Huayong's condition but never asked if he needed the Tianshan Snow Lotus.
It was only yesterday that she specifically inquired—his illness didn't require the Tianshan Snow Lotus at all. He had mobilized palace resources to search for it for her sake.
"Ordinary Snow Lotuses grow on high mountains, but this kind must be found atop snow peaks." Shen Xihe was no sheltered young lady ignorant of the world. She had never been to a snowy peak but had read travelogues describing such heights as difficult for ordinary people to reach, where breathing becomes labored.
Recalling their first encounter, he had been picking Fairy Ribbon on a high mountain. Such perilous places, it seemed, were places he dared to venture himself.
She lifted her head, her cool eyes fixed on his. "Your eyes—the poisoning that made you unable to distinguish colors—was because of this."
At this point, Xiao Huayong had no choice but to confess truthfully, "Youyou, ever since returning from picking the Snow Lotus, I wanted to be honest with you. But I knew your reservations, so I never dared to speak up. Last time when you discovered the chess piece, I hesitated, but cowardice made me conceal it as soon as I opened my mouth.
The day before yesterday, I learned of your keen sense of smell—how you can distinguish even the same spices with different ratios. I knew that if you saw that pair of bracelets, I would be completely exposed. I wanted to confess to you then, but thinking of how gently you treated me that day, I was afraid..."
He was the Crown Prince, one who bided his time and feared not even the emperor. Yet he was so terrified of her that he didn't dare speak a single truth, afraid that once she knew, she would turn away and never look at him again.
"The subsequent events, you already know them all." Xiao Huayong closed his eyes, like a death row inmate awaiting sentencing.
Shen Xihe watched him as a chilly wind swirled between them, lifting their black strands of hair to tangle in the air.
"Your Highness, Zhaoning thanks you for your repeated assistance. For your kindness, Zhaoning will spare no effort to repay." After a long silence, Shen Xihe's cool voice finally spoke. "Your sincere feelings, Zhaoning can only disappoint." For the sake of the future, I ask Your Highness to cooperate with Zhaoning in annulling the marriage."
"What did you say?" Xiao Huayong had long anticipated her reaction, but hearing it still felt like being pierced by ten thousand arrows."Your Highness, if we were to tie the knot as husband and wife, we would share a bed but harbor different dreams. Zhaoning would guard against you every moment," Shen Xihe spoke with a tranquility bordering on indifference. "Zhaoning does not wish to live with such exhaustion."
"Guard against me all day?" Xiao Huayong let out a sorrowful, low chuckle. "You ultimately do not trust me."
"No, at this moment, Zhaoning trusts you," Shen Xihe said. "Zhaoning is not a heartless person. Your Highness's sincerity, Zhaoning believes."
"If you trust me, why treat me this way?" Xiao Huayong's eyes reddened at the corners as he questioned her.
"Your Highness, is 'The Phoenix Seeks His Mate' moving?" Shen Xihe suddenly asked.
Xiao Huayong was slightly taken aback. Quick-witted as he was, he immediately understood her meaning, and his face paled once more.
Shen Xihe crossed her arms over her chest, her gaze fixed ahead. "The world only knows that 'The Phoenix Seeks His Mate' has been passed down through the ages, with many young men even playing it to win a beauty's favor. Yet they forget that the beautiful ending of 'The Phoenix Seeks His Mate' is the 'White Hair Lament'."
Could one compose such a sincere and profound zither piece as 'The Phoenix Seeks His Mate' without genuine feelings? But if that sincerity remained unchanged, why would there be a 'White Hair Lament'?
"I would never..." Xiao Huayong began to defend himself.
Shen Xihe gently shook her head. "Your Highness, it is not that I do not believe you could remain unchanged, but that I cannot afford to believe it. If I were merely myself, without family or ties, and without the Shen family behind me, I would surely dive into this river of love with you. Life is short—one should seek joy in the moment, without questioning cause and effect. I, too, wish to be a carefree person, but I am not entitled to that.
I was raised with the doting care of my father and brothers. They support me wholeheartedly. Did my father and brothers trust that Your Highness would remain unchanged in heart, no matter what happens in this life?
No, Your Highness. It is because I was willing to marry first that they, out of love for me, trusted my choice. But if one day Your Highness were to change, I would accept the consequences of my poor judgment—even if it meant dying without a whole body, it would be my own fault. But what of them?"
Xiao Huayong's eyes stung with a sharp ache. He stared fixedly at the slender figure he had longed for day and night. Despite his vast knowledge, his breadth of reading, and his eloquence, he could not find a single word to refute her.
"Your Highness, I was born in the northwest. The people there cherish and respect me because I am Father's daughter. Knowing that I am frail and cannot bear fright, my neighbors during the New Year are willing to forgo setting off firecrackers for my sake. There was even an old man who, in the midst of a quarrel with his wife, stopped the argument by saying, 'Your voice is so loud—what if it disturbs the princess?'
Can you understand how well they treat me? If one day, due to my misplaced affection, they were plunged into dire straits, forced back into a life of suffering and hardship, I would find no peace even in death."
Shen Xihe had never laid bare her thoughts so openly to anyone. Xiao Huayong was the first and only one, solely because of his genuine heart.
"So, opposing me is something you do not fear, is that it?" Xiao Huayong asked, using all his strength to keep his voice calm.
"Why do I wish to dissolve our engagement? First, I do not wish to deceive Your Highness. Second, I am grateful for Your Highness's sincere treatment at this moment. Third, I know I am no match for Your Highness," Shen Xihe said with a light, serene smile. "If I were to oppose Your Highness and one day be defeated, it would mean I had done my utmost. I would not have betrayed their love and expectations of me. I would have been true to myself, and I could face death with peace."But if I were to marry you and become your wife, the meaning would be vastly different. Guarding against you all day would waste all my time, and it would affect my father and brother's judgment. One day, because I am your wife, if the northwest were harmed by you, my father and brother's lifelong reputation would be destroyed in an instant.
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