Stepping through the courtyard gate, Hua Zhi paused briefly before taking a few more steps inward. She gracefully bowed before her mother. "Mother, I've returned."
Madam Zhu quickly helped her up and looked her over from head to toe. "You've lost weight, and your complexion isn't as good."
"Life outside isn't as comfortable as at home." Hua Zhi gave a slight curtsy toward the two women behind Madam Zhu. "Aunt He, Aunt Qin."
Neither dared accept her full courtesy, sidestepping to receive only half the gesture before hurriedly helping her up. The shorter Qin Yiniang repeatedly exclaimed about her weight loss while pulling her daughter forward to greet Hua Zhi.
Hua Zhi had only an average impression of this half-sister. Truth be told, aside from Berlin and Bojun—Fourth Uncle's son—she didn't have strong impressions of any other siblings in the household. Seeing the girl's obedient smile, she returned one in kind.
Her father had only these two concubines. Aunt He had been his chamber maid before becoming a concubine and had borne a son. She'd always been quiet, but after her son was exiled, she barely spoke a few words each day.
Qin Yiniang was a distant niece of Grandmother's. After Mother gave birth to Hua Zhi, she showed no signs of another pregnancy, so Grandmother arranged for Qin to join the main household as a secondary wife. She proved fruitful, bearing a son within a year and a daughter the following year. Hua Zhi had thought their branch would become lively, but Father delivered a direct blow—aside from visiting his children, he spent most of the year not staying in Qin Yiniang's quarters. Any arrogance she might have harbored dissipated during those months, and when Mother later gave birth to Berlin, Qin was completely subdued.
It wasn't particularly clever maneuvering, yet it effectively quelled potential conflicts. It was then that Hua Zhi realized her father wasn't just a scholar buried in books unaware of worldly matters. Indeed, when a man maintains his own integrity, how could there be so much underhanded scheming in the inner quarters?
Her hand was taken by a pair of soft, boneless ones as she heard her mother say, "I'd like to speak with Zhi Er alone. You may all return now—no need to wait on me here."
"Yes."
Mother and daughter returned to their rooms, where Hua Zhi personally served a bowl of Fleshy peach syrup to her mother. "Produce from the estate. Please try it."
"Is this what you made?" As she spoke, Madam Zhu took a bite, her eyes immediately lighting up. "Delicious."
"That's the one. I brought some back and will have a few jars delivered later."
"My daughter is so capable." Madam Zhu put down the bowl and stirred it absently, sighing deeply. "You don't know how worried I was when you said you wanted to take charge of the household. I may not claim to understand you completely, but I know your lazy nature—usually content to tend only to your own small domain, unwilling to manage anything beyond that. Managing a household is no easy task. You'd never been involved in such matters before, and with the Hua family in its current state, I feared you'd work hard without gaining appreciation."
Madam Zhu shook her head with a smile. "Yet you've performed better than any of us expected."
This was the first heart-to-heart conversation the mother and daughter had shared since the Hua family's troubles began. Hua Zhi felt surprised once again—she had expected to find her mother in tears...
"I've made you worry, Mother.""I have only you two children, who else would I worry about if not you?" Thinking of her husband so far away, Madam Zhu held back but couldn't stop her eyes from reddening. "Your father never looked down on me for being useless. Now that I think about it, it might have been better if he had. If he had disapproved, I would have naturally tried to change. As the eldest daughter-in-law of the Hua family, being so incompetent that I have to rely on you, a young girl, to manage the household—it's truly laughable if word got out."
"What's so laughable about it? Isn't my ability also a result of your upbringing?"
"Don't flatter me like that, it makes me feel ashamed." Madam Zhu chuckled softly, wiping her eyes. "I won't cry. I'll save my tears to drown your father when he returns. And don't worry about me. With you shielding us from the wind and rain, I dare not be anything but well."
"Mother..."
Madam Zhu held her hand and patted it. "Berlin has always listened to you. Teach him well—I won't interfere. The eldest legitimate son of the family must not be ruined under my care."
Hua Zhi understood then that her mother had seen and heard what happened earlier. Perhaps it was for the best. Berlin wasn't always in the inner quarters; what he didn't see or hear wouldn't occupy his heart or mind.
Madam Zhu suddenly smiled. "That time Berlin lied, you really frightened me. Usually, you dote on him more than anyone, yet you could be so stern in disciplining him. Strangely, Berlin still clings to you, seizing every chance to be by your side. I was worried back then that he might become distant from you."
Hua Zhi blinked. She had thought both her parents were kept in the dark about that incident.
"Your father doesn't know—I covered it up." Recalling that time and comparing it to the present, Madam Zhu's heart grew heavy, and her smile gradually faded.
"Mother, things will get better. Everything will be fine."
"And what about you? Will you be alright?" Madam Zhu tightly grasped her daughter's hand, her voice trembling as she whispered, "The engagement with the Shen Family has been called off. What will you do now?"
"Mother, you must believe in your daughter's capabilities. If I can hold up the entire Hua family, why would I fear not being able to live well on my own?"
"You know that's not what I mean."
Of course, Hua Zhi knew, but she was even more aware that it was definitely not the answer her mother wanted to hear. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Who knows what the future holds, right?"
"Tell me the truth. I know what you're thinking."
"Mother..."
"Tell me!"
Rarely so insistent, Madam Zhu stared at her. Hua Zhi looked back and spoke honestly, "Not having to serve a husband or in-laws, not having to deal with wives and concubines vying for favor—truthfully, I'm quite pleased."
"Every woman wishes to avoid such things, but have you considered the gossip you'll face if you never marry?"
Trembling, Madam Zhu wept silently, tears streaming down her face without a sound.
Hua Zhi gently wiped away the endless flow of tears, her tone soft but resolute. "You've always said I'm lazy. How many times have I gone out in all these years? Even if they gossip till their lips wear out, I won't hear it. When the time comes, I'll buy a small, elegant house, shut the door, and live however I please. Would anyone dare climb a ladder over the wall just to scold me?"
She smiled quietly and added, "If I weren't afraid of you crying or making it harder for the other Hua girls to find marriages, I would have refused when Grandmother arranged the engagement. As it is now, things have turned out just as I wished.""A lifetime is so long, how will you manage all alone? Your father and I will inevitably leave before you, and then you'll have no one to stand up for you."
"It's merely a few decades, they'll pass in the blink of an eye. You say I'm indolent, but have you seen me live poorly these years? I daresay no one has lived better than I have. Berlin grew up by my side, even if by then the Hua family men still haven't returned, if I entrust the family to his hands, would he let me suffer? If the Hua family men do return, even better - I am, after all, the one who guarded the household, having even delayed marriage for the Hua family. When I dutifully hand over control then, who would dare trouble me without fearing public condemnation? Mother, I've thought this through clearly - if anyone suffers, it won't be me. You needn't worry."
How could mere words ease a mother's worry? A mother worries for her child every day she lives. Yet Madam Zhu held back her tears, waiting until after lunch when she'd sent her daughter back to rest before burying herself in her quilt and weeping bitterly.
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