Be Passionately In Love

That night, their brief separation made their reunion all the sweeter. Youthful recklessness led to astonishing results, with one thing after another torn apart. From then until Xu Zhi graduated from university, their "achievements" never reached that peak again. That day, they shamelessly carried on from dusk until the wee hours, but it was only that night when both of them truly lost control. After the madness, Chen Luzhou bathed Xu Zhi, waited until she fell asleep, then sat by the bed tucking her in. Leaning against the headboard, unable to sleep, he stared at the ceiling, his mind wandering through absurd and disjointed thoughts.

It wasn’t that he was worried about anything else—just the fear that if they were truly unlucky enough to create a life, no amount of beatings from Old Xu would compare to the harm it would cause the girl. No matter how far things went, once it was done, any attempt at remedy would be too little, too late. So he always took strict precautions, even during foreplay, never letting Xu Zhi take any medication.

But these things aren’t foolproof. Condoms only offer a 98% chance of contraception—no one knows if their girlfriend falls into the remaining 2%.

So, in this regard, Chen Luzhou later exercised restraint. Even though he rented an apartment off-campus during his sophomore year, Xu Zhi mostly stayed in the dorm, only visiting occasionally on weekends. On average, they met once or twice a month—abstaining entirely wasn’t realistic.

If not for fear of Xu Zhi overthinking, he would’ve sworn off intimacy until marriage.

Fortunately, by the time Xu Zhi graduated, everything remained safe and sound. For the first time, Chen Luzhou felt that fate had been somewhat kind to him.

He never considered himself lucky. From childhood onward, things had just been… like that. Before meeting Xu Zhi, any glory attached to him was bestowed by others. Abandoned as a child, he constantly sought to prove he was someone worthwhile, pushing himself to extremes in every aspect. All he wanted was, perhaps one day, if he achieved fame and success, to cross paths with his birth parents—to make them regret abandoning someone so exceptional. And then, without hesitation, he’d tell them: Don’t even think about it. I’ll never forgive you. Never.

Yet fate had never been kind to him. Every step fell outside his expectations—including Fu Yuqing’s appearance.

Because of Xu Zhi, he didn’t want to argue with Fu Yuqing, putting her in an impossible position.

He couldn’t even bring himself to hate Lian Hui. For him, she’d risked her life. In all the years the Chen family had taken him in, her care for him had never been insincere.

So when the truth came out, Chen Luzhou nearly broke. None of the scenarios or speeches he’d rehearsed were of any use—like throwing a punch into cotton. The one obsession he’d carried in his heart for so many years could only be swallowed silently. From childhood onward, fate had never once let him truly revel in satisfaction.

Until that summer after high school, when he met Xu Zhi.

Whether it was the Xu Zhi who, during their first meeting over barbecue, pulled out her phone without hesitation and said, I won’t let the police wrong you ; or the Xu Zhi who teased him in the cinema with Chen Luzhou, you can’t handle this ; or the Xu Zhi who celebrated his birthday by saying This gift is for six-year-old Chen Luzhou —

She was a girl who, in every way, knew exactly how to hit his sweet spot.Chen Luzhou believed he wasn’t actually lacking in love. Whether it was during his childhood at the welfare home or after being adopted by Chen Jishen, what he truly lacked was reciprocity.

Love without reciprocity was like black on a white dog, a rose in a manhole cover—to others, just an awkward, superfluous kind of romance.

But Xu Zhi? She let him indulge in it completely.

Having someone who understood his clumsy attempts at romance, who reciprocated his love down to the smallest detail—it was intoxicating.

Truly intoxicating.

Chen Luzhou thought with a headache.

So intoxicating that even when Xu Zhi called out another man’s name in her dreams, he found it thrilling.

And later, she really did call out a name.

Muffled, several times—Chen Luzhou heard it every time. He wanted to smother her with a pillow. After all this time together, she had never once called his name in her dreams.

Xu Zhi, mumbling in her sleep, eventually stirred awake, vaguely aware of what had happened. She tried to explain, “I think I’ve been too stressed lately—I keep talking in my sleep. Did I wake you?”

At the time, Chen Luzhou had an arm draped over his eyes, lying flat on the bed. Hearing her feeble, trembling excuse, he snorted. “Don’t worry, I don’t hit people. Exams are coming up—I’ll let you live a few more days.”

Xu Zhi jolted, shooting him a wary glance. “What did I say?”

His arm still lazily covering his eyes, he sighed dramatically, not in the mood to engage.

“You called out a man’s name.”

“No way.” Xu Zhi was instantly wide awake, propping herself up on the pillow to lean over and kiss him. “Was it you?”

Chen Luzhou turned his head away, refusing her touch. “Nope. Don’t kiss me. I’m mad.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Next time, I’ll record it so you can reflect properly. Maybe our relationship’s run its course.”

The next day, when Xu Zhi heard her own sleep-talking ramblings, she burst into laughter, collapsing against Chen Luzhou. “Oh my god, I. M. Pei? I thought it was someone else!”

Anyone studying architecture would recognize the name I. M. Pei—even Chen Luzhou, who wasn’t in the field, knew he designed Beijing’s Fragrant Hills Hotel.

Chen Luzhou turned off the recording, tossed his phone onto the coffee table, and yanked her into his arms, veins bulging in frustration, stark against his skin like mountain ridges disappearing into clear rivers.

There was a sharp, violent edge to it.

“Who else, huh? Who the hell else is there?”

Xu Zhi laughed, dodging. “No one, I swear! Chen Luzhou, I only love you—okay, okay, I was wrong. Stop messing around, I need to work on my drawings.”

“Draw my ass.”

Xu Zhi pinched his cheek, grinning so hard her face hurt. “How do I love you this much?”

“Love my ass.”

“Are you done yet?”

Finally, he laughed, squeezing her face as he murmured, “You know, sleeping next to you is exhausting. Not just the sleep-talking—you grind your teeth too. What’s wrong with you? Still grinding teeth in your twenties?”

“I do not.”

“You do.”

“Impossible. Chen Luzhou, if you don’t love me anymore, don’t force it—” Xu Zhi sprawled in his arms, tossing the words back at him shamelessly.

He looked down at her, smiling. “Fine. I’ll force myself to love you a little longer.”"Get lost," Xu Zhi retorted angrily, kicking him before standing up. "Seriously, no more fooling around. I need to work on my drawings—the senior on the project has been texting me nonstop. Oh, and the flowers I ordered online should arrive today. Check the delivery later. They’ll be coming every week from now on."

Chen Luzhou leaned back on the sofa with a grin, then closed the laptop on the coffee table and got ready to leave. He gestured casually toward the balcony. "Already taken care of."

"You’re heading out too? Don’t you have the afternoon free? Going to play basketball?"

"Need to drop by Professor Liu’s sandbox lab to submit a project. I’ll drive you first."

"Okay."

Chen Luzhou had bought a car during his senior year. Back then, Xu Zhi had been working on a few design projects outside campus with some seniors. It was early 2020 when the COVID-19 pandemic suddenly erupted—workers were laid off, universities closed early, and Beijing reported cases while Qingyi remained infection-free. That year, neither Chen Luzhou nor Xu Zhi went home, staying put for the New Year.

At the time, no one expected the pandemic to drag on until April or May. Many universities remained closed, switching to online classes for months. Xu Zhi, in her five-year architecture program, was still studying, while Chen Luzhou was about to graduate. But he had already secured a postgraduate spot under Professor Liu and joined his lab. Their graduation ceremony was canceled, and he never returned to campus afterward.

The two of them stayed in that apartment for nearly half a year. At first, they had to hide it from Old Xu, but as video calls became more frequent, he gradually caught on. Initially, he’d scold Chen Luzhou sternly over the phone, "You better know your damn limits." Chen Luzhou, of course, did—he took it all without argument. Eventually, Old Xu realized the one lacking restraint wasn’t Chen Luzhou. So, he started video-calling them every few nights. During that period, they’d study with a phone propped between them on the table, connected to Old Xu’s watchful gaze.

On screen, Old Xu’s stern face would occasionally bark with booming authority, "What are you doing?! Xu Zhi, focus on your books! Why are you always looking at Chen Luzhou?" He’d then peel an orange wedge and pop it into his mouth, adding smugly, "Look at Chen Luzhou—see how focused he is?"

Xu Zhi: "..."

The guy stifled a laugh, flipping a page of Banking and Monetary Theory with exaggerated seriousness, delivering a light jab, "Yeah, why do you keep looking at me?"

Xu Zhi muttered, "You’re such a pain. Who wears dress pants to study at home?"

He feigned innocence, "Hey now," as if she were the one making baseless accusations, barely holding back laughter. "Don’t even start. Yesterday, I told you not to throw all my sweatpants in the washer. If I had anything else to wear, I wouldn’t be in these."

Xu Zhi: "...Jerk."

Later, when work and classes resumed, the pandemic was under control but not yet eradicated. The world had changed—people now wore masks without fail. Xu Zhi spent those days shuttling between construction sites for her seniors’ projects, squeezing onto buses and subways every morning. Old Xu kept sending her news about infection clusters linked to Beijing’s public transport routes. The next month, Chen Luzhou drained his savings, borrowed money from Lian Hui, and bought a car—just so Xu Zhi wouldn’t have to risk the crowded buses again.

..."Wait, let me change my clothes." Chen Luzhou grabbed the car keys and headed toward the bedroom.

The two walked toward the door as usual, chatting idly along the way.

"How about we get a dog, Chen Jiaojiao?"

"Do you have time to walk it?"

"Don’t you have time to walk it?"

Chen Luzhou: "..."

Sunlight quietly spilled into the room, the day bright and full of spring vitality. The door closed gently behind them, the sound fading away—small but brimming with laughter. The future’s beautiful scenes seemed to be written in these fleeting words.

"Hey, I’m already helping you take care of the flowers, and now I have to walk a dog too. Should I go get a pet-raising license while I’m at it? Might as well raise a pig."

Who was he mocking? The girl pinched him. "Chen Luzhou, if you don’t love me anymore, don’t force it."

He winced and chuckled. "What kind? Not an Akita—I keep thinking of Xiao Ba." He paused, then added, "No to poodles either. They always hug people’s legs. Awkward when walking them."

The girl laughed. "A Bichon! You gave me a felted wool one—it’s so cute. I want a real one."

"Fine. On the way back, I’ll see if I can pick one up off the street."

Xu Zhi: "......?"