Chapter 23: The Tide of Tumultuous Years (5)
Lin Yiyang took off his jacket and tossed it onto the coffee table, revealing a simple white short-sleeved shirt underneath.
He leaned in closer, noticing her flushed cheeks. When she shied away, he wanted to take her hand but held back.
The past few days had been warm, so he had switched to lighter clothing. But today, the temperature dropped unexpectedly, and he had to borrow a thicker coat from a classmate. He had planned to go home and change before heading out, but plans changed—she had come, and he rushed over in a hurry.
It was truly cold. Even now, his hands were still icy.
Lin Yiyang propped his elbow beside her face on the narrow sofa bed. The two of them sank into the cushions, pressed close. He lowered his head, hovering near the bridge of her nose and lips, his fingers gently holding her chin. He wanted to kiss her but didn’t.
Instead, he changed direction, pressing kisses to her chin and behind her ear.
When he saw her at Union Station today, Lin Yiyang knew he was completely done for.
Her worry and tenderness were crystal clear to him. The most dangerous thing was when someone who gives their all meets someone who reciprocates with equal sincerity. If I give you ten, you return ten. If I leave no room for retreat, neither will you.
He could roughly guess how he would treat Yin Guo in the future. If things went smoothly, without fights or breakups, it would be fine. But even if she ever looked down on him, even if she left him, even if she fell for someone else and ran off with them—he would still remember her.
Once he liked something, he couldn’t let go.
This was also the one thing about himself that he respected the most.
…
When he kissed her, Yin Guo still reacted like it was their first kiss—her breath uneven, her heartbeat heavy.
About long-distance relationships, one of her college roommates had been in one with her boyfriend, shuttling between Beijing and Sichuan, seeing each other every two or three months, dedicating every holiday to China’s railway system. According to her roommate, every time they reunited, they couldn’t bear to look away from each other for even a second, clinging tightly, unwilling to waste a single moment.
Because it was rare, every reunion felt like the first time.
Even kissing felt brand new, as if it had never happened before.
Now, they were the same.
Lin Yiyang held her, shifting her onto the soft cushions as he kissed her neck, forehead, ears, and hair. Soon, both of them were losing control—their breaths ragged, their gazes unsteady, everything in disarray.
"Wait a second…" she said, "I need to book a hotel first. Any later and there won’t be any rooms left."
Lin Yiyang’s warm breath enveloped her.
He murmured in her ear: Don’t book one.
Yin Guo’s mind buzzed, and she pushed his arm away with her elbow. The colorful little packets in the living room drawer flashed before her eyes, and she was terrified he might go grab one.
Lin Yiyang noticed her hesitation and discomfort. He had kissed her too intensely just now, making her misunderstand.
How could they possibly jump into bed right after breaking through that barrier? That would be absurd.
Lin Yiyang reached for the edge of the coffee table, sliding his hand across the surface until he found his phone. Then he shifted back, leaning against the wall, half-sitting, half-reclining, as if pulling Yin Guo into his embrace.
He typed a line in his notes app and showed it to her:
I won’t do anything. I just want to stay with you.
Her heart pounded, but she stayed silent.
To prove his innocence, Lin Yiyang thought about getting up to find a laptop so they could watch a movie together. But as he moved past her legs, his elbow accidentally bumped her calf. Yin Guo let out a small yelp and flinched away.Lin Yiyang noticed the injury on her knee. He sat back down, pulled her leg over, and rolled up her pant leg.
Sure enough, there was a bruise below her kneecap.
“I bumped it again on my way back from the bathroom,” she said. “That’s the second time. It wasn’t too bad when I first came in.”
Lin Yiyang silently got up and left.
From the first aid kit, he found a clean piece of white gauze, poured some ice cubes from the fridge into it, tied it into a small bundle, and pressed it against Yin Guo’s bruise.
The guy across the way had been observing Lin Yiyang’s movements the whole time. He wanted to get water but was afraid of disturbing them if he came into the kitchen.
Since the sliding door made a loud noise, the guy assumed Lin Yiyang opening it meant an “intermission,” so he casually strolled out to grab some water. What he saw outside was Lin Yiyang applying an ice pack to Yin Guo’s knee… His mind immediately conjured up countless wild scenarios.
Impressed, he thought to himself, Damn, bro, starting off with something that intense already?
…
While Lin Yiyang was rummaging through the kitchen for ointment, his roommate happily patted him on the shoulder. Communication between men was simple—especially when it came to matters of intimacy. A single glance was enough to convey everything in the most explicit way.
Lin Yiyang ignored him, found the ointment, took his own medicine, and tucked a throat lozenge between his teeth.
He returned to the room and locked the door.
“What did he say to you?” Yin Guo asked curiously, holding the small ice bundle in both hands.
Lin Yiyang smirked and typed on his phone to show her:
Asked what we’re having for breakfast.
No wonder they were roommates—they really were cut from the same cloth.
The ice was too cold, so she didn’t keep it on for long. It was just a bruise anyway, nothing serious.
After all that, Lin Yiyang had lost any lingering desire for intimacy.
He turned off the floor lamp.
Inside the room, the faint flicker of the scented candle’s flame swayed before he snuffed it out too.
Lin Yiyang grabbed a cushion to use as a pillow and draped his coat over himself. To make it easier for Yin Guo to get up in the middle of the night if she needed the bathroom, he took the inner side of the bed. As soon as he lay down, he turned his back to her, facing the wall.
It was his way of telling her: Sleep easy, I won’t do anything.
His eyes closed, he felt his coat being lifted and a blanket draped over his waist.
The bed shifted, but he stayed still.
Half a minute later, the girl behind him whispered, “Goodnight.”
He pretended to be asleep and didn’t respond.
Yin Guo quietly pulled the blanket up a little higher, trying to block the light from her phone. Unable to resist, she sent Zheng Yi a WeChat message.
Yin Guo: You there?
Zheng Yi: Yeah.
Yin Guo: I need to tell you something… I’m staying at Lin Yiyang’s place right now.
A second of silence, then suddenly, the entire room rang with the sound of an incoming voice call.
Yin Guo’s heart leapt into her throat as she quickly declined.
Yin Guo: He’s right behind me!!
Zheng Yi: A hookup?? Did you use protection??
Yin Guo: Not a hookup. I never updated you, but he’s been pursuing me.
Zheng Yi: ???
Yin Guo: And then, I came to see him, didn’t book a hotel, and just… stayed at his place…
Zheng Yi: ?????????
Zheng Yi: Damn.
Yin Guo pulled the blanket up even higher, guiltily shielding the light.
Yin Guo: I just wanted to tell you… I have a boyfriend now.
It felt like, after telling her best friend, this relationship had finally been acknowledged—brought into the light, out in the open. Otherwise, it had always felt like they were sneaking around, like they were in some undefined, ambiguous state of kissing and touching without clarity.Zheng Yi: If he's your official boyfriend, I advise you not to overthink it. Turn off your phone, throw back the covers, and just pounce. He's yours anyway—might as well make use of him. With men, as they get older, each opportunity truly counts—use it or lose it.
Yin Guo: ...Can you be serious?
Zheng Yi: Fine, serious talk—whatever you do, use protection.
Yin Guo: Goodbye.
Zheng Yi: Wait, wait! I literally ran out of the café and crouched on the sidewalk just to get a signal for this call. Get back here! You can’t sleep now!! If he’s trying to sleep with you this fast, he’s not serious!
Zheng Yi: The quicker a man sleeps with you, the more it proves he’s already imagined it a thousand times in his head. The easier it happens, the easier it ends—eternal rule.
Yin Guo: ...He didn’t sleep with me...
Zheng Yi: Kissing and touching? That’s nothing. Young guys, it’s expected—just another way to build intimacy.
Yin Guo: Goodbye.
She quietly pulled the blanket down from her face and set her phone on the edge of the coffee table.
Suddenly, a vibration brushed against the back of her hand—his phone. Her heart skipped. The man beside her didn’t stir. Guess he was deep asleep. She placed her own phone next to his.
In the dark, the two rectangular screens dimmed one after another.
Yin Guo woke again to the blare of an alarm.
Mumbling in her half-asleep state, she instinctively assumed the girl from the club was in the adjacent bed to her left. "What time did you set your alarm for? It’s way too early..."
No answer.
The alarm kept ringing.
She frowned, lips pressing into a small pout—the annoyed expression of someone rudely awakened.
She tugged at the blanket but couldn’t move it. A ticklish sensation brushed her nose.
Opening her eyes, the blurry shapes sharpened into focus—a plain white short-sleeved shirt, devoid of any text. Wasn’t that the same one Lin Yiyang had worn last night...?
Lin Yiyang silenced the alarm and realized the person beneath him was awake.
He’d just been jolted awake himself, rolling over to grab his phone, only to freeze at the sight of her. It took him a moment to remember—last night, without discussion, he’d kept her in his bed.
He studied the girl sharing his pillow, his voice rough as he asked, "Awake?"
It sounded like he’d chain-smoked all night. His throat was healing but still dry and sore.
Yin Guo stared at his Adam’s apple, then his stubbled jaw.
Was willpower weakest right after waking?
The atmosphere in the room felt heavier than last night—whether from the closed window, the lingering scent of candles, or the mingled warmth of their sleep-laden breaths.
The fabric of his shirt grazed her nose, tickling her, yet she didn’t think to push it away. "What time is it?"
"Seven," he answered near her forehead.
Lin Yiyang was above her, separated only by the blanket.
He knew his body’s desire was real this time—unrelated to the restraint in his mind. The physical craving for someone he liked had no right or wrong, only an honest reaction.
At first, Yin Guo was dazed. One second, two... Then realization hit, and she shifted her leg slightly to the left.
Great. Now it was even more obvious—no escape.
Her movement only made things worse, like striking a match near gunpowder.
A fire burned in Lin Yiyang’s eyes. Without a word, he sat up, leaning against the corner of the wall. "Sleep a little longer."He heard Yin Guo murmur an "Mm," and his own Adam's apple bobbed slightly. His right fingers twitched as he slowly pulled out the blanket trapped beneath him, making it easier for her to cover herself.
Yin Guo was pretending to sleep. He turned over, got out of bed, and left the room.
Lin Yiyang arrived at the supermarket right as it opened at eight, buying a new toothbrush and towel. Among the silver shelves, he picked out a small light-blue toothbrush from the hanging rows and matched it with a towel of the same color. Just before reaching the checkout, he spotted a pink Apple charging cable—it looked nice—so he grabbed one for her phone.
Back home, he boiled a pot of water to sterilize the toothbrush and towel.
His hands plunged into the scalding water, fishing out the softened towel. He wrung it dry, found a clean hanger, and hung it on the metal railing outside the bathroom.
Once everything was ready, he knocked on his own bedroom door. "When you're up, head to the bathroom. The toothbrush and towel are new."
A muffled response came from inside.
He stood there, staring at the door of the room he slept in every night. For the first time, he was on the outside while someone else—just waking up, unwashed, hungry—was inside. It felt surreal.
He remembered his younger brother calling him drunk on his wedding night, making an international long-distance plea: Find a home, bro.
...
The door slid open, and Yin Guo peeked out, immediately locking eyes with Lin Yiyang. His pupils held an unsettled intensity, and seeing her guilty expression only made it burn hotter.
His voice was rough. "What are you looking at?"
"Afraid your roommate might be here," she mumbled, scrambling for an excuse.
Under his gaze, Yin Guo grew increasingly flustered. "Move. Let me through."
Lin Yiyang didn’t budge.
He wanted to ask— Do you regret it?
Now that she’d seen the reality of his life—the side of a broke student, the unglamorous side—would she regret it?
He thought she deserved a choice, a decision made with full awareness. Even arranged marriages required exchanging family backgrounds and evaluations. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to ask.
When he stayed silent, Yin Guo, recalling their near-miss an hour earlier, forcefully pushed him aside and slipped past into the bathroom. The moment she stepped in, she poked her head back out. "Just show me how you usually live. No need for anything special."
Then she added, "No fancy meals or outings."
She was afraid he’d spend money on her.
Under her serious stare, Lin Yiyang smiled and nodded.
He wanted to show her his world, too.
After she freshened up, he took her on the subway for over ten stops. Less than five minutes after exiting, they reached a small red building—a youth hostel. The place was bustling with guests coming and going. He led her to the elevator in the northwest corner of the first floor.
He pressed the button for the basement.
When the doors opened again, the clatter of pool balls filled the air.
Half of the dozen or so tables were occupied. At the counter near the entrance, a dark-haired man wiping down a fridge glanced up and grinned at the sight of Lin Yiyang. "Yang-ge."
The call drew the attention of everyone in the room—except for two tables of foreign backpackers.
One after another, young men greeted him, voices overlapping— Yang-ge, Yang-ge.
Just like at the pool hall in New York, everyone here seemed to know him well.But there was a difference—it felt more like family than just buddies calling each other "bro." At the North City Club, everyone usually treated Meng Xiaodong the same way.
Lin Yiyang acknowledged the greetings from the crowd.
"Get some breakfast," he said, placing Yin Guo's cue on the counter. "Clear a table for your sister-in-law—Nine-ball."
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