Against the Current

By now the sky had brightened, though it remained overcast, and the wind gradually quieted.

Lin Jinlou lay unconscious in deep slumber, while Zhao Yuechan remained silent, occasionally coughing a few times.

Xianglan wrapped her cloak tighter and dozed fitfully until sudden shouts of battle from nearby jolted her awake. She scrambled to look around and saw government troops fighting at the mountain's foot. One group was retreating while engaged in combat, drawing closer to the reed marshes, while their pursuers pressed on relentlessly. Unable to distinguish friend from foe, Xianglan shivered and could only grip her crossbow tightly, standing guard beside Lin Jinlou.

Zhao Yuechan's face was filled with terror, her whole body trembling as she desperately retreated to conceal herself among the reeds.

Whoosh! Whoosh!

Arrows flew toward them but veered off course due to the wind, embedding themselves in the reed marshes instead. Startled, Xianglan quickly dropped to the ground, only to hear a scream behind her followed by a "splash," as if Zhao Yuechan had fallen into the water.

Fortunately, the intense fighting between the two sides meant no one noticed the commotion here.

Xianglan heard continuous splashing in the water, punctuated by faint cries for help. She hurried over and saw that the river surface had frozen, though the bank was not yet solid. Zhao Yuechan had broken through the thin ice and fallen into the river, clutching reeds on the bank with her right hand. Her face was as pale as gold leaf, her lips devoid of color, and she struggled frantically but couldn't pull herself ashore. A patch of blood spread in the water around her.

When Zhao Yuechan saw Xianglan, her face showed intense fear and pleading. Trembling, she stammered, "Help... save me... please..."

Without hesitation, Xianglan grabbed Zhao Yuechan's wrist and strained to pull her ashore. Cold and hungry, Xianglan had little strength left, but she gritted her teeth and mustered all her effort to drag Zhao Yuechan onto the bank. She then supported Zhao Yuechan's arms and dragged her further back before collapsing, gasping for breath as she stared up at the sky.

Zhao Yuechan's face was deathly pale, almost gray, and she too gasped for air. Soaked to the bone, she shivered violently as the cold wind hit her, curling into a ball. An arrow had pierced her left arm, and blood flowed freely.

Xianglan struggled to her feet and went to remove Zhao Yuechan's wet clothes. After managing to strip them off, with no dry garments to replace them, she took off her own cloak and wrapped it around Zhao Yuechan. She then sprinkled medicinal powder on the wound to stop the bleeding.

Both were utterly exhausted and lay collapsed on the ground, the sounds of battle growing faint in their ears.

After a long while, Zhao Yuechan struggled to sit up and said weakly to Xianglan, "Th-thank you... for saving me..."

Xianglan glanced at her sideways before turning her gaze back to the sky. "No need to thank me. I just couldn't live with my conscience if I didn't. Besides, though you are detestable, your grandfather was a man who valued righteousness over profit, cared for the suffering, and met tragedy for speaking the truth. I respect him, and saving you was mostly for his sake."

Zhao Yuechan gasped for breath, coughing a few times before trembling out, "You... a lowly servant... putting on the airs of those impoverished scholars..."

Xianglan turned to look at her. "Do you think being a master in this life makes you noble? Perhaps in the next life, you won't even compare to me."

Their eyes met for a moment before Zhao Yuechan suddenly produced a smile uglier than a cry. "Next life? Pah, we're going to die together in this one..."Xianglan sighed. She had never dreamed that in such a desperate situation, it would be the two of them sitting in silence together. It seemed all her misfortunes had originated from this woman. She had unwillingly resigned herself to a life of servitude and entered the mansion, only to be despised by Zhao Yuechan, becoming a maid who suffered bullying, scheming, and oppression at every turn. Then came Lin Jinlou's tyranny, Zhao Yuechan's hatred and brutal beatings, the near-disaster of being sold into a brothel, her father's imprisonment, her own powerlessness, and all the trials she endured in the Lin family. These past few years felt as long as a lifetime, yet looking back, it all seemed like an illusory bubble.

When Zhao Yuechan bullied her, she had often fantasized about exacting revenge. But now, she no longer cared about those grudges. Having narrowly escaped death last night and survived until now, she lacked the energy to hate anyone anymore. All she wanted was to live.

Before long, the sounds of fighting gradually faded. Xianglan peered out and saw a group of people chasing the defeated faction along the path to the small woods from the previous night. She finally breathed a sigh of relief. The sun had risen, the wind had died down, and it felt warmer than before.

Zhao Yuechan, who had been trembling uncontrollably earlier, now felt cold and stiff—a worrying sign. Xianglan moved her closer to Lin Jinlou and shared part of the blanket covering him with her. Glancing at Zhao Yuechan's face, once as radiant as peach blossoms but now ashen, Xianglan sighed and asked, "Why did you come here last night?"

"Pah! What else could it be?" Zhao Yuechan's eyes snapped open at the question, her pallid face suddenly contorted with venomous resentment, lending her a fleeting vitality amid her lifeless state. "That bastard Dai sweet-talked his way into my grandfather's favor and married me. At first, he treated me like a goddess, but as soon as my grandfather died, he changed completely—nothing I did was ever right. Thankfully, the servant attending him was my lover…"

Xianglan stared in stunned silence. Zhao Yuechan shot her a scornful glance and sneered, "Stop looking at me like that. Men can have three wives and four concubines—why shouldn't I? Dai Qing is an old man who spends his days carousing and showing off outside. Why shouldn't I find pleasure with handsome young men? Hmph! I originally wanted to find someone to rely on for life and live peacefully, but when you count them—Qian Wenze, Lin Jinlou, Dai Qing—not a single man is worth anything…"

Her expression filled with bitter hatred, she spat out venomously, "My lover tipped me off that that turtle-spawn planned to kill me to prove his loyalty to the Second Prince. May lightning strike that vile scum! Even if I become a ghost, my vengeful spirit will never let him go!" After cursing vehemently, she caught her breath and continued, "That Dai family bastard—since he showed no mercy, I felt no obligation to be righteous. I sent someone to find my elder brother, planning to flee last night with my family, taking Dai's possessions, and return to Jinling to my parents. With my grandfather gone, the Zhao family would collapse anyway. We could hide under assumed names—the gold and silver we took would be enough to live comfortably for generations. But somehow, word must have leaked out. Last night, Dai Rong sent men after us. They killed my brother and his entire family. Damn them! But he didn’t die well either—wounded and lying on the ground, someone stabbed him straight through the heart! Hahahaha! His cousin was killed by your people too! Hahahaha! How satisfying! How satisfying!"Zhao Yuechan laughed heartily as she spoke, with a touch of vindictive pleasure, occasionally cursing with venomous resentment. Gradually, her strength waned, and after two violent coughs, her breathing grew faint. Xianglan no longer wished to listen. Silently, she tugged the blanket tighter around Zhao Yuechan. She then turned her gaze to Lin Jinlou, who remained unconscious, his body burning with fever.

Weakly, Zhao Yuechan murmured, "I feel terrible all over... Am I going to die...?" The words she had just spoken seemed to have drained the last of her energy, making her appear as if she had aged over a decade in an instant. Like a flower that had bloomed to its end, her beauty lingered, yet she was withered and haggard, on the verge of fading away.

Xianglan shook her head and suddenly asked, "Was it worth it... for you to end up like this?"

Zhao Yuechan whispered, "What isn’t worth it?"

Xianglan avoided looking at her, instead hugging her knees and gazing up at the reeds swaying in the wind overhead. "In life, it’s not so much about fearing mistakes—who hasn’t made them? Though some errors are greater than others, as long as they don’t truly shatter the heavens, if you can contain the fallout and bring things to a close, there’s room for redemption. You can start over, change, and make amends. What’s truly frightening is giving up entirely and persisting in error to the very end. You harbor hatred and resentment in your heart, so you indulge your emotions, thinking it’s revenge and that it brings you satisfaction. But does it truly satisfy you? In your current state, does your heart truly feel at ease?"

"I too wished to live peacefully, but which of them ever allowed me stability? I..."

"In the end, it’s that you yourself were unwilling to endure. When you made mistakes, you should have borne the consequences. Instead, you refused to shoulder the burden, refused to change, and refused to endure the bitter outcomes. By causing turmoil, you only stumbled from one error to the next. Think about it—throughout your life, you’ve been willful and ruthless, wronging so many people."

Zhao Yuechan closed her eyes and said coldly, "And how many have you wronged?"

Xianglan wrapped her fox-fur coat tighter around herself. She rarely confided in others, but now she felt a strong urge to speak her mind. "Looking back on my life, the two people I’ve wronged the most are Song Ke, who treated me with immense kindness. Now that he’s in trouble, I cannot help him. Failing to repay his kindness weighs heavily on my conscience. The other is Fangsi... Fangsi was originally Song Ke’s personal maid, and she held feelings for him. Because Song Ke and I were fond of each other, she and I became like fire and water. At that time, my temper still had sharp edges, and after several disputes and conflicts with her, she, in a moment of folly driven by resentment, committed a mistake. For my sake, and out of anger at her causing trouble, Song Ke decided to dismiss her. She then ended her life with a white silk cord. Her mother spoke ill of me in front of Madam Song. To prove that this person had ill intentions from the start, I publicly exposed her for stealing valuable items from the household. Unexpectedly, it backfired, making Madam Song dislike me even more. Reflecting on it now, I was too harsh and rigid in my dealings with others, disregarding their dignity. In truth, some things are better seen through but not spoken aloud. By handling matters with a different approach or a roundabout way, a life might not have been needlessly lost. At the time, I didn’t think I was in the wrong—confronting hostility with direct retaliation seemed justified. But later, after entering the Lin family and experiencing setbacks, I found myself in a position similar to Fangsi’s, and I came to understand. Preserving someone’s dignity can indeed be a noble act. Now, when I think back, I truly regret it."Zhao Yuechan sneered coldly, "Oh, such kindness truly shames me to death. I really ought to call you 'Guanyin Bodhisattva'... Let me tell you, being such a do-gooder doesn't necessarily earn you good karma!" She opened her eyes and chuckled mockingly, "You probably won't be able to bear children in the future, isn't that right?"

Xianglan froze, turning to look at Zhao Yuechan.

Zhao Yuechan said, "Tsk tsk, you still don't know, do you? That scoundrel Dai Rong hooked up with the Lin family's Second Madam Tan. The sterilization pill was given by me to Dai Rong to pass to Madam Tan. As for how the Jiang sisters got involved later, I don't know, but the medicine definitely came from me." Her eyes flickered with hidden cruelty, her smile carrying a hint of triumph. "Well? Guanyin Bodhisattva, are you regretting saving me now? Anyway, I don't have long to live, so I don't care what you do to me. But I despise hypocrites like you the most!"

Xianglan looked at Zhao Yuechan for a long time, then shook her head. After a pause, she shook her head again and said softly, "I don't regret saving you. If it happened again, I would still save you. I genuinely pity you. You're selfish and loveless, believing that a life full of schemes and hostility is normal. You can't accept someone who would save and help you, repaying hatred with kindness, so you insist they must be hypocritical, and that such deeds bring no good reward. Actually, this world has both beauty and ugliness. Precisely because there's so much ugliness, beauty becomes purer and more precious. Some people choose to preserve beauty, letting go of what others value—whether at great sacrifice or deemed worthless by others... I've always thought it's worth it."

Zhao Yuechan was taken aback, gave a faint cold smile, and fell silent.

Xianglan went to check on Lin Jinlou's condition, reapplying medicine to his chest. She calculated that if he still hadn't woken by noon, she would shake him awake to feed him something. She also worried whether the battle had ended and if she should go out to seek help.

She glanced at Zhao Yuechan again and realized she had fainted. When Xianglan applied medicine to her wounds, Zhao Yuechan moaned twice and woke up. Xianglan sighed. Zhao Yuechan was a delicate noblewoman raised in deep chambers—how could she have endured such suffering? After being violated, injured, falling into an icy river, lacking clothing and food, she now didn't even tremble, her body stiff with cold. She was likely nearing her end.

Xianglan said, "Hold on a little longer. Wait a while longer. If no troops come, I'll go out to find someone to rescue us."

Zhao Yuechan shook her head. Her gaze was vacant as she turned to look at Lin Jinlou, then suddenly laughed sarcastically, "He... he probably won't make it either, right? I once gave him my whole heart, but later... Who would have thought... we'd end up dying together... Having him accompany me to the underworld—I'm not at a loss!"

Xianglan remained silent.

Zhao Yuechan suddenly said, "You... take the hairpin from my hair." Xianglan removed it—it was a gold filigree pearl hairpin with large, lustrous pearls. Zhao Yuechan said, "This hairpin is worth at least three hundred taels. If you survive, use it to handle my funeral affairs—a simple coffin, pick a burial spot, burn some paper money. At least I'll have a place to go after death... I don't want to become a wandering ghost... You can keep the remaining silver."

Xianglan smiled bitterly, "Alright. If I live, I will definitely come to bury you."Zhao Yuechan nodded and was about to close her eyes when she suddenly opened them again, her gaze unfocused, a tear welling up at the corner of her eye. She wept, "I don't want to die! I don't want to die!" A sudden vitality flushed her face, making her appear more spirited than before. Xianglan understood this was her final rally before death.

Zhao Yuechan squinted at Xianglan, murmuring, "I don't want to die..."

Xianglan touched her forehead and looked at her with pity.

Tears streamed down Zhao Yuechan's face as she said, "I didn't want to believe it before, but now I do—you really are a foolishly kind person..." She chuckled softly a few times. "You saved me four times, and now that I'm dying, I'll give you a grand gift. If you manage to survive, with this, even the entire Lin family might bow to you." As she spoke, she extended her hand, clutching her already damp undergarment, and smiled strangely, saying, "The grand gift is here."

Xianglan took the undergarment, looking at Zhao Yuechan with full confusion.

Suddenly, Zhao Yuechan grabbed Xianglan's hand, crying out with all her might, "I don't want to die! I don't want to die! All that happened before was my own fault!" She wailed a few times, then abruptly stopped, her eyes wide, mouth agape, unable to catch her breath. Her head tilted to the side, and she passed away, tears still clinging to her face.