Xianglan sighed softly. She hadn't particularly liked Lin Dongxiu initially, but since they had begun coexisting peacefully, she gradually realized Lin Dongxiu wasn't fundamentally bad-hearted. Now that Lin Dongxiu was to marry Marquis Yongchang and become De Ge'er's official mother, Xianglan felt especially concerned and couldn't help offering extra advice. That temperament of Lin Dongxiu's... Xianglan shook her head. "Motherly kindness and filial piety" between her and De Ge'er was utterly impossible—if she could merely treat him well, people would already chant praises to Buddha.
While Xianglan was worrying, she suddenly heard Xia Gugu call her name and went over. Xia Gugu beckoned Xianglan to sit beside her, took her hand, and examined her carefully before smiling at Fangfei: "What a fine appearance, and remarkably well-educated too."
Fangfei smiled and said, "Indeed. I've heard from the Lin family's maids and matrons that the Eldest Master's Concubine is of excellent character."
Xia Gugu asked Xianglan, "How old were you when you entered the household?" Then inquired: "Were you born into the Lin family or purchased? Where are your parents? How old are you this year?"
Xianglan answered each question. When Xia Gugu learned Xianglan was born into servitude and had heard she once left the register before re-entering the Lin family, she sighed deeply and patted Xianglan's hand.
Meanwhile, Lin Jinlou called Lin Dongxiu outside. Standing at the doorway, he pulled the curtain open a crack and pointed at De Ge'er playing with a small wooden sword on the Arhat Bed: "This little fellow is Lao Yuan's heart and soul. Won't you go coax him? If you treat him well, Lao Yuan will certainly repay you generously." Saying this, he took out a "Everything as one wishes" Golden Pendant from his waist pouch and handed it to her: "Give this to De Ge'er to hang around his neck. Children all have mouths—Lao Yuan will surely hear of it."
Lin Dongxiu twisted her handkerchief reluctantly, but remembering Xianglan's earlier advice about "forming good karma" and "being willing to suffer losses," she finally entered the room and sat beside De Ge'er, speaking to him in gentle tones.
After playing with De Ge'er for a while, Lin Dongxiu left with Xia Gugu. Maids came in to clear the cups and tea sets. De Ge'er, having just recovered from illness and played energetically, was now exhausted. Xianglan ordered someone to bring a bowl of porridge, fed him herself, settled him in the Green Gauze Bed, and gave him a medicinal pill before having the nursemaid lull him to sleep.
Xianglan sat by the bed staring at his small face for a long time, her heart both tender and aching. Sometimes she felt her memories of her previous life had grown hazy—those days of flowery brocades, blazing fortunes, fine silks and delicacies, literary elegance—all seemed like a vanished dream without trace. But seeing De Ge'er today brought back scenes of competing with Jialian in hairpin flower grass fights, composing poetry and couplets. Xianglan's eyes secretly reddened as she whispered to herself: "Younger sister, why did you die after all? In this life we cannot even meet again." She lifted her head to gaze out the window at the slender emerald bamboo beyond. Over these past two or three years, she had tasted at least half of life's flavors—she had wallowed in self-pity, known tender affection, felt heartbroken despair. Later, when Lin Jinlou brought her to the capital, she once sat beneath the clear breeze, looking up at the bright moon, listening to nature's music, when suddenly her heart became utterly transparent.In truth, Heaven had not treated her unkindly. After enduring so many hardships, her life had indeed gradually improved. Originally, she was just a lowly maid whose life was as worthless as grass, unable to even control her own tears or smiles, suffering endless harsh treatment and bullying. Her parents lived in poverty at home, even having to carefully consider every needle and thread. Now, her entire family had been freed from their lowly status, bought property and land, and her father had become a respectable shop manager. Their household could even employ servants. Thinking of this, the humiliation and grievances she had endured in the past felt half as heavy. Moreover, she now lived a life of luxury in the Lin household, with every action and moment attended to by others. Lin Jinlou treated her much more gently than before. Though she still felt apprehensive, as if treading on thin ice, she was grateful—even if this life was not what she truly desired.
Since that was the case, she resolved to live with renewed spirit. Fate was fickle, and no one knew where it might push a person. The only thing she could do was wait quietly, strive to live, and make her days more bearable. Sometimes, she felt utterly hopeless, but she endured nonetheless. She knew that Jiang Xiyun was the daughter-in-law Qin Shi favored—an extremely clever and quick-witted girl. Perhaps in the future, after Lin Jinlou married her, she would win her husband’s heart and, out of jealousy, have Xianglan moved outside the estate?
Lost in her chaotic thoughts, Xianglan did not notice Lin Jinlou entering and standing behind her. He also looked at De Ge’er, frowning as he said, "What’s so interesting about this kid? If you like him so much, why don’t we have one of our own?"
Xianglan ignored him, her back turned as she tucked De Ge’er’s little blanket tighter. Lin Jinlou tugged her arm and said, "Alright, stop staring. Let’s go eat—I’m starving." He pulled Xianglan outside to the main room, where a kang table had already been set up on the heated brick bed, and the dishes had been served. Lin Jinlou instructed Xianglan to sit beside him on the inner side of the kang. After they washed their hands, Lin Jinlou ordered someone to bring a pot of wine. Tapping the cup in front of him, he said to Xianglan, "Aren’t you going to fill it for me?"
Xianglan picked up the pot and poured a cup for Lin Jinlou. He said, "Have a drink with me."
"I’ll substitute tea for wine."
"Last night, you told me you wanted to see De Ge’er, and today I brought him here. For that, it wouldn’t be right if you didn’t toast me, would it?"
"...Oh." Xianglan had no choice but to pour herself a cup and toast Lin Jinlou.
Lin Jinlou asked, "Do you like De Ge’er that much? Hmm?"
Xianglan lowered her eyelids and said, "I like all children. I like Yuan Ge’er too—has the Eldest Master forgotten?"
Lin Jinlou stroked his chin and said, "No, the way you look at De Ge’er is different, as if he were your own son... What connection do you have with the Shen family?"
Xianglan’s heart skipped a beat. She smiled and said, "What connection could I possibly have with the Shen family? If you hadn’t mentioned them, I wouldn’t even know such a family existed."
Lin Jinlou set down his chopsticks and fell silent, squinting at her sideways. Xianglan’s palms grew sweaty. She lowered her head and picked up a piece of tender bamboo shoot for Lin Jinlou, whispering, "This is tender—clearing heat and reducing fire." She stole a glance at him and saw him staring at her, his gaze startlingly sharp.
Xianglan had no choice but to bury herself in her meal. Suddenly, Lin Jinlou said, "Earlier, you spoke so knowledgeably about the zither, chess, calligraphy, and painting. Did your master, Dingyi Shitai, teach you all that?"
"...Mm."Lin Jinlou picked up his chopsticks again, ate the tender bamboo shoot, and said, "Then your master must be an extraordinary person. With all that you just said, guess what Fourth Cousin and the others were saying outside earlier? They said you were showing off your talents and putting on airs."
Xianglan was taken aback. In her eagerness to see De Ge'er, she had wanted to pour out everything she knew to him. Hearing Lin Jinlou's words, she smiled and said, "Then consider me showing off my talents."
Lin Jinlou pinched her cheek and said, "Tsk, sometimes I feel you're like a dough figurine, letting people knead you round and flat; other times, you're like a stinky stone, grating on people's teeth." He added another serving of food to Xianglan's bowl and said, "Actually, the words you spoke—those who understand will naturally understand, finding inspiration within; those who don't, even if you talk for a whole day, will still think it's long-winded and unpleasant. It's just like the 'realm' you mentioned. If the realm isn't there, no matter what you say, it's nonsense. Even if you show them the Orchid Pavilion Preface, they'd think it's scribbles."
Xianglan opened her bright eyes wide and looked at Lin Jinlou. Unable to hold back, she asked, "Then do you understand?" The moment the words left her mouth, she regretted it and quickly lowered her head, pretending to pour wine for Lin Jinlou to cover it up.
Lin Jinlou glared and said, "Nonsense! How could I not understand?" Seeing Xianglan's doubtful look, he grew somewhat annoyed, put down his chopsticks, and said, "The Old Master served as Chancellor of the Imperial Academy. Our household interacted with great scholars, and when I began my studies, it was the Imperial Tutor who taught me. The Six Arts were compulsory subjects—if you didn't learn them well, you'd get caned. I always scored top marks in every assessment."
Xianglan pursed her lips skeptically. Lin Jinlou said, "You don't believe me, do you? Sit tight later, and I'll paint a beauty for you to see." He paused, then added, "I heard from Fourth Sister that Madam Tan insulted you again today, and Fourth Cousin also subtly belittled you. Next time, don't be so meek. If anyone bullies you, fight back directly. I remember that little mouth of yours is quite sharp—like a knife when you're mad at me. Why do you turn mute with others?" As he spoke, he added another serving of food to Xianglan's bowl and said, "Lately, you've started reciting Buddhist scriptures again. Devotion is good, but don't make yourself like an old woman on her deathbed. Why do you love reading that stuff?"
Xianglan looked at Lin Jinlou and thought to herself, "You're the one full of greed, anger, ignorance, arrogance, and doubt—you're the one who should read Buddhist scriptures properly." Not daring to say it aloud, she replied, "Buddhist scriptures contain great wisdom. The Eldest Master should read them too."
"I don't have time for that."Xianglan said, "Life is filled with endless troubles and the suffering of unfulfilled desires. No one can escape birth, aging, sickness, and death. The silver, power, status, and love we desperately cling to—when you think about it—are nothing but an impermanent dream. In a past life, you might have been a master living in luxury, but in the next life, you could become a servant ordered about by others. A couple deeply in love in a past life might become strangers in this one. Sometimes I wonder how far life and death are from each other—they are merely a breath apart. How far is good from evil? Just a single thought. And the distance between ancient and modern times? Merely a topic for casual conversation. Sometimes, what we struggle so hard to hold onto, what torments us with life-and-death anguish, is really just a single thought. Yet, to awaken and let go is truly difficult. That is why we must study Buddhist scriptures and seek the great wisdom within them. When the mind becomes clear, even the most unsatisfactory matters in this world can be faced with equanimity."
Lin Jinlou looked at her, recalling how she had spoken eloquently that afternoon, unconsciously radiating brilliance. His heart felt as if it were stuffed full like a hot-water bottle—warm and heated, yet with an indescribable, uneasy sensation.
At that moment, as the lanterns were lit, Xianglan's face was bathed in the soft glow of candlelight. She did not look at him but gazed instead at a scroll of calligraphy and painting hanging on the wall, her eyes distant, as if she had truly glimpsed that elusive past life. This was a Xianglan Lin Jinlou had never seen before. He had witnessed her stubbornness, her tears, her silence, and her smiles, but he had never seen her with such melancholy expression and words tinged with the vicissitudes of life. He had never seen her so vulnerable.
He wanted to reach out, draw Xianglan into his embrace, and pat her back, but for some reason, his heart felt as if it held a seed about to break through the soil, rendering him unable to move.
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